Please read this poem I wrote in five minutes and tell me what you think.
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Please read this poem I wrote in five minutes and tell me what you think.How I would love to wander along a silver plain.
With fragile footsteps crushed against a still, stony grain.
Time passes, so slowly along these racing, rolling hills.
But quickly I am wasting my last, lonely thrills.
I remember those long drives of complete mystery.
But now they are bound in volumes of history.
And all that can be published now is solitary, so solitary.
Unguided, poisoned, misled and stumbling, mumbling misery.
How I miss our platinum days.
How I yearn for our golden, eternal ways. -
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Re: Please read this poem I wrote in five minutes and tell me what you think.(Original post by Powersymphonia)
How I would love to wander along a silver plain.
With fragile footsteps crushed against a still, stony grain.
Time passes, so slowly along these racing, rolling hills.
But quickly I am wasting my last, lonely thrills.
I remember those long drives of complete mystery.
But now they are bound in volumes of history.
And all that can be published now is solitary, so solitary.
Unguided, poisoned, misled and stumbling, mumbling misery.
How I miss our platinum days.
How I yearn for our golden, eternal ways.
Same for me,I liked it
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Re: Please read this poem I wrote in five minutes and tell me what you think.Not really my cup of tea. Too many adjectives make it seem very whimsy. It almost seems you like you use longer words to keep the rhythm the same, which looks like it should be 13 syllables per line but is stretched/weakened a few times. I like the rhyming couplets but it doesn't really work for the way I say "solitary" and "misery".
For five minutes it is a good poem. Reminds me of William Blake. What were you thinking about when you wrote it? Seems very melancholic. -
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Re: Please read this poem I wrote in five minutes and tell me what you think.(Original post by Powersymphonia)
How I would love to wander along a silver plain.
With fragile footsteps crushed against a still, stony grain.
Time passes, so slowly along these racing, rolling hills.
But quickly I am wasting my last, lonely thrills.
I remember those long drives of complete mystery.
But now they are bound in volumes of history.
And all that can be published now is solitary, so solitary.
Unguided, poisoned, misled and stumbling, mumbling misery.
How I miss our platinum days.
How I yearn for our golden, eternal ways.
I enjoyed this...it would make a good "pop" song; it reminds me of Don McLean
