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Kittens *Warning* Contains Kittens

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    (Original post by carnationlilyrose)
    Thinking about using some of the world class poetry here for wider reading with my sixth form next year. Can I have some on the subject of love and/or World War 1, please?
    My kitten's name is Fluffy
    He murdered an arch-duke
    Which started all the fighting
    It makes me want to puke.

    --

    If i should stroke thee,
    Think only this
    That's there's some corner of your fur
    That is for ever scratched. There shall be
    In that rich pelt, a richer wealth concealed
    When I take you to the taxidermist.
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    (Original post by johnnyavfc)
    My kittens name is fluffy
    I am Korean
    Therefore I shall put it in an oven
    then cook it and eat it.
    :lol: Damn you beat me to it, I was going to post something like this.
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    (Original post by carnationlilyrose)
    Thinking about using some of the world class poetry here for wider reading with my sixth form next year. Can I have some on the subject of love and/or World War 1, please?
    How about a clerihew? On love?

    Carnation Lily Rose,
    Was a teacher as it goes.
    She was too full of scruples
    To fall in love with her pupils.
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    I took my kitten to a doctor
    the doctor turned him into a helicopter

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    (Original post by Good bloke)
    An activist Serbian, Princip,
    Attacked an Archduke on a road trip.
    His bomb didn’t work;
    He continued to lurk;
    His pistol was loaded; he let rip!
    Well, I'm very impressed that you stepped up to the plate. But.... No kittens!
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    (Original post by Dunc1)
    My kitten's name is Fluffy
    He murdered an arch-duke
    Which started all the fighting
    It makes me want to puke.

    --

    If i should stroke thee,
    Think only this
    That's there's some corner of your fur
    That is for ever scratched. There shall be
    In that rich pelt, a richer wealth concealed
    When I take you to the taxidermist.
    You, sir, have a gift. Allow me to put you in an anthology for A2 use.
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    (Original post by Good bloke)
    How about a clerihew? On love?

    Carnation Lily Rose,
    Was a teacher as it goes.
    She was too full of scruples
    To fall in love with her pupils.
    I most certainly am. Definitely worthy of study alongside the greatest literary minds.
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    My sadistic side came out when I read that one about Koreans.

    I had a little kitten,
    She took a **** on my bed.
    I wasn't angry, oh no!
    So I let her fall asleep on my leg.

    The very same little kitty,
    had a poo again.
    Luckily it wasn't in the same place,
    This time it was in the den!
    I was a little angry with my kitten,
    So I gave her a flick in the face.
    That should teach her not to poo in my space!

    My little kitten,
    Thought it would be fun to poo.
    But this time,
    It was all over my ****ing shoe.

    You'd think I let it go, let her of the hook.
    But this time, my kitty was out of luck.
    I put a knife through her eyes and skinned her alive!
    I cooked her up and ripped her apart,
    and fed her to my duck.


    WARNING:
    I actually quite like the company of kittens.
  9. Offline

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    This thread lacks pics... :mad2:
  10. Offline

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    (Original post by Dmon1Unlimited)
    This thread lacks pics... :mad2:
    That is both true and a disadvantage. However, we don't want to turn it into reddit.
  11. Offline

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    (Original post by johnnyavfc)
    My kittens name is fluffy
    I am Korean
    Therefore I shall put it in an oven
    then cook it and eat it.
    your rhythm could be better. how about,

    My kittens cute and fluffy,
    I'm of Korean nationality.
    One evening when i was hungry,
    i toasted that fluffy kitty.
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    (Original post by AWittierName)
    your rhythm could be better. how about,

    My kittens cute and fluffy,
    I'm of Korean nationality.
    One evening when i was hungry,
    i toasted that fluffy kitty.
    10/10 well done.
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    The cat walked stiffly round a leg of the table with tail on high.

    -- Mkgnao!

    -- O, there you are, Mr Bloom said, turning from the fire.

    The cat mewed in answer and stalked again stiffly round a leg of the table, mewing. Just how she stalks over my writingtable. Prr. Scratch my head. Prr.

    Mr Bloom watched curiously, kindly, the lithe black form. Clean to see: the gloss of her sleek hide, the white button under the butt of her tail, the green flashing eyes. He bent down to her, his hands on his knees.

    -- Milk for the pussens, he said.

    -- Mrkgnao! the cat cried.

    They call them stupid. They understand what we say better than we understand them. She understands all she wants to. Vindictive too. Cruel. Her nature. Curious mice never squeal. Seem to like it. Wonder what I look like to her. Height of a tower? No, she can jump me.

    -- Afraid of the chickens she is, he said mockingly. Afraid of the chookchooks. I never saw such a stupid pussens as the pussens.

    -- Mrkrgnao! the cat said loudly.

    She blinked up out of her avid shameclosing eyes, mewing plaintively and long, showing him her milkwhite teeth. He watched the dark eyeslits narrowing with greed till her eyes were green stones. Then he went to the dresser, took the jug Hanlon's milkman had just filled for him, poured warmbubbled milk on a saucer and set it slowly on the floor.

    -- Gurrhr! she cried, running to lap.

    He watched the bristles shining wirily in the weak light as she tipped three times and licked lightly. Wonder is it true if you clip them they can't mouse after. Why? They shine in the dark, perhaps, the tips. Or kind of feelers in the dark, perhaps.

    He listened to her licking lap. Ham and eggs, no. No good eggs with this drouth. Want pure fresh water. Thursday: not a good day either for a mutton kidney at Buckley's. Fried with butter, a shake of pepper. Better a pork kidney at Dlugacz's. While the kettle is boiling. She lapped slower, then licking the saucer clean. Why are their tongues so rough? To lap better, all porous holes. Nothing she can eat? He glanced round him. No.
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    My kitten's name is Fluffy
    She lives up to her name
    She sheds all her
    Soft auburn fur
    And it drives me insane
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    (Original post by carnationlilyrose)
    Well, I'm very impressed that you stepped up to the plate. But.... No kittens!
    Your life is now complete:

    A poem of love that’s well-written,
    Evoking the state of one smitten
    With love for his girl,
    His mind in a whirl,
    Is never complete if sans kitten.
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    (Original post by memomemootoo)
    I took my kitten to a doctor
    the doctor turned him into a helicopter

    Memoo please undergo zygosis with me

    :bear:
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    (Original post by geetar)
    The cat walked stiffly round a leg of the table with tail on high.

    -- Mkgnao!

    -- O, there you are, Mr Bloom said, turning from the fire.

    The cat mewed in answer and stalked again stiffly round a leg of the table, mewing. Just how sh
    e stalks over my writingtable. Prr. Scratch my head. Prr.

    Mr Bloom watched curiously, kindly, the lithe black form. Clean to see: the gloss of her sleek hide, the white button under the butt of her tail, the green flashing eyes. He bent down to her, his hands on his knees.

    -- Milk for the pussens, he said.

    -- Mrkgnao! the cat cried.

    They call them stupid. They understand what we say better than we understand them. She understands all she wants to. Vindictive too. Cruel. Her nature. Curious mice never squeal. Seem to like it. Wonder what I look like to her. Height of a tower? No, she can jump me.

    -- Afraid of the chickens she is, he said mockingly. Afraid of the chookchooks. I never saw such a stupid pussens as the pussens.

    -- Mrkrgnao! the cat said loudly.

    She blinked up out of her avid shameclosing eyes, mewing plaintively and long, showing him her milkwhite teeth. He watched the dark eyeslits narrowing with greed till her eyes were green stones. Then he went to the dresser, took the jug Hanlon's milkman had just filled for him, poured warmbubbled milk on a saucer and set it slowly on the floor.

    -- Gurrhr! she cried, running to lap.

    He watched the bristles shining wirily in the weak light as she tipped three times and licked lightly. Wonder is it true if you clip them they can't mouse after. Why? They shine in the dark, perhaps, the tips. Or kind of feelers in the dark, perhaps.

    He listened to her licking lap. Ham and eggs, no. No good eggs with this drouth. Want pure fresh water. Thursday: not a good day either for a mutton kidney at Buckley's. Fried with butter, a shake of pepper. Better a pork kidney at Dlugacz's. While the kettle is boiling. She lapped slower, then licking the saucer clean. Why are their tongues so rough? To lap better, all porous holes. Nothing she can eat? He glanced round him. No.
    Stephen Dedalus logged in to the coruscatingtrollembracingatheist icalmrfryworshipping website which the chaps at Clongowes called TSR the serpent' realm or maybe steamchuffing Telford Steam Railway
    and noticed that a thread was leading theseuslike into the minatory tory labourrinse and the threadwascalled kittens

    eheu eheu asperges aspergers asparagus gusset kittens indeed and while Mr Dedalus fils was on the interwebtsrlooking he bumped into L Boom judean kidneyfan and spouse of Molly oliveskinned Gibraltarrose and Dedalusfils did enquire of this Boom did you ever hear such nonsense about kittens in your life ? And L Boom admitted that this kittenstuff was nolimetangere O Molly please clear those pottedshrimpimpscraps from our marital before we clamber over the area railings and woebetide any kittens lurking below
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    (Original post by Good bloke)
    Your life is now complete:

    A poem of love that’s well-written,
    Evoking the state of one smitten
    With love for his girl,
    His mind in a whirl,
    Is never complete if sans kitten.
    My life is indeed complete.
  19. Offline

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    (Original post by the bear)
    Memoo please undergo zygosis with me

    :bear:
    sorry bear, my ovum has other plans
    it's being preserved in stainless steel cans
    by a hipster who wears ray bans

    :hoppy:
  20. Offline

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    (Original post by memomemootoo)
    sorry bear, my ovum has other plans
    it's being preserved in stainless steel cans
    by a hipster who wears ray bans

    :hoppy:
    Ova schmova

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