Results are out! Find what you need...fast. Get quick advice or join the chat
Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

re-add/make contact with ex bf?

Announcements Posted on
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Basically, i broke up with my boyfriend about 2-3weeks ago now. I dumped him and he did try contact me again to meet up but i decided not to because i didn't want to get back with him. then about 3 days ago he messaged me on facebook just saying "hey" and we just asked how each other were and what we were up to. then I deleted him because I thought it would be for the best, to help me get over him and stop looking at his profile to see what he's up to. But, I do miss him and starting to think maybe i should try contacting him? or at least letting him know that I didn't delete him to be harsh but because I still have feelings for him? but then he hasn't asked me why I've deleted him and hasn't even been in contact..so he might not have even noticed (DONT KNOW!)

    I was only with him for about 3months and decided to break up with him because i didn't think he was putting enough effort into the relationship to make it work. also, we kinda had communication issues and this led to us both getting mixed messages/confusion and still not knowing each other better..

    should i suggest getting to know him as a friend or just leave everything as it is?
    • 4 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I think just be honest with him. There is nothing worse than wondering 'what if'
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I'd say leave it. If you felt like that after only 3 months then it obviously wasn't right. When you're feeling like you're over the relationship, if you still want to explore being friends with him then that is the time to get in touch and make friends. But this sounds like pretty typical relationship break-up healing.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    The question is do you give a **** about his feelings. If the answer is yes it would be decent to say something like: Hey I don't want us to be in contact for awhile because it's too difficult.

    IMO one of the most horrible things a girl can do is the unexplained/unjustified silent treatment.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by blondyx)
    I think just be honest with him. There is nothing worse than wondering 'what if'
    I'm in two minds about it though. Like, part of me wants to just get over and move on because I just don't need all the mind games etcc. but then because I have feelings for him, I want to sort things out or at least see what he wants/feels because he never said. How could i do this?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by SuperCat007)
    I'd say leave it. If you felt like that after only 3 months then it obviously wasn't right. When you're feeling like you're over the relationship, if you still want to explore being friends with him then that is the time to get in touch and make friends. But this sounds like pretty typical relationship break-up healing.
    Yeah, I should do this. When I think about getting back with him etc, I worry i might end up even more hurt later because the relationship wasn't good at the start (when it needs the most effort IMO). I think I'm attached because he was my first proper boyfriend and I lost my v to him lol
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Auchtermuchty)
    The question is do you give a **** about his feelings. If the answer is yes it would be decent to say something like: Hey I don't want us to be in contact for awhile because it's too difficult.

    IMO one of the most horrible things a girl can do is the unexplained/unjustified silent treatment.
    Yeah I care about his feelings but he doesn't tell me what he feels.. even when i broke up i told him how I felt and he just accepted the break up without saying what he thought or felt
    • 4 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in two minds about it though. Like, part of me wants to just get over and move on because I just don't need all the mind games etcc. but then because I have feelings for him, I want to sort things out or at least see what he wants/feels because he never said. How could i do this?
    I know what you mean, it is tricky. I have experienced this a bit with a guy I was with at uni. I couldn't move on because of the same reason. I felt like I needed to make a proper go at it. If it was me, I would just message him and start of small talk and then meet up with him, go with the flow, and if he seems a bit interested still then explain you would like to give it another go but to do it properly this time. Or you could just jump the gun and ask him to meet up and talk or say over facebook or whatever you deleted him because you still have feelings for him and ou found it hard and then see if he says the same back
    • 18 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I think you should leave it, when somebody is not over you you need to cut ties, by keeping in contact you give them false hope, they will hang of your every single word and action in a hope they will get you back. If you have no intention of being with him cease contact till he has moved on becaue its really really not fair on his feelings you may also find that if you just want to be friends he doesnt, or if you still have feelings being close to him when he moves on/gets a new gf will hurt you. I think your ex is an ex for a reason and its best to leave them in your past
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Definitely leave it. If you're only thinking of getting back to him because he's your first bf etc then they are not good enough reasons to keep going with a bad relationship. It is really hard if it your first 'real' heart break but you'll be so much stronger for doing it. Just make sure you are consistent with what you do. Either cut him out until you feel better, no contact. Or keep in touch, but that will be much harder. You certainly can't cut him out, then get back in touch, then change your mind etc. It's not fair on either of you.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    OP, surely deleting him from facebook is a fairly unambiguous "do not contact me, I don't want anything to do with you", and you shouldn't therefore complain that upon your deleting him he doesn't get in touch?

    Seems that you obviously don't know what you want and you're being hot and cold with this guy - talking away, deleted off facebook, back in touch again etc etc. I'd leave it.
    • 1 follower
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, I should do this. When I think about getting back with him etc, I worry i might end up even more hurt later because the relationship wasn't good at the start (when it needs the most effort IMO). I think I'm attached because he was my first proper boyfriend and I lost my v to him lol
    I just have to comment on this, I completely disagree with the bit in bold. If you're having to work at a relationship that early on then it is not right. You only put more effort into your clothes and make up this early on, not in the actual relationship. You start working at a relationship after 1 year-18months as you're getting settled in and used to each other and your foibles. That's when you have to keep putting effort in to keep it new and exciting. Don't fool yourself into going out with guys who don't put any effort in and make you work hard for them, they aren't right for you and certainly don't deserve you.

Reply

Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. By joining you agree to our Ts and Cs, privacy policy and site rules

  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: June 29, 2012
New on TSR

The future of apprenticeships

Join the discussion in the apprenticeships hub!

Article updates
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.