[sharp910sh]

I don't understand my gf. she seems mad. well basically we live to together, been living together for one year. i have one more year left she just graduated. she lives about 1.5 hours away by train. anyway while i was on holiday she comes out and tells me she doesnt want to live with me anymore for the following reasons:

1. she cant afford it as she doesnt have a job and has no idea what to do with hert life- i said get a job in the town where we live, she got a good degree result. she can find a job. but she didnt look during her final year, with an excuse saying she didnt know what to do. she has told me she wants to get a job where she lives 1.5 hours away. why? she hasnt given an answer

2. our relationship is bad- i dont think so yes its not good aways but rather than trying to sort it out she just cries for no reason. she said time apart will be good. she did say she wants to do a pgce next year so we wont be live together for at least 2 year. she doesnt understand this. i said next year i shall be busy with uni, final year for me. i wont have time to come see you every week end, nor will you want to come here and watch me work. it makes sense to live together sort out our problems not just push it to one side for two years. I told her we can sort it out. tbh we have never discussed her problems. she just complains. when i try to explain she says why you telling me things. why you telling me what to do. you have no common sense.

I have also noticed she doesnt like staying here, i am free. rather than making plans with me she goes off with her friends. she tells me why do we do things, i tell her because a your never here and b you are always with your friends. she went on holiday and loads of men flirted with her. i said i didnt like it. if it was vice versa you would kill me. she was basically leading them on. about 4 men asked her for sex and what not. i wasnt happy when she came back.

furthermore i wasnt happy and she told me she cant go on holiday and i need to save for the rent when i finish uni. so i was like ok. thats alright. 2 weeks later she books two holidays with her friends. so im confused. shes like they asked me to go. well why did you say you cant go with me. so i was annoyed when she cam back. then she bragged about men flirting for her asking her to have sex.

So what do i do? I like her a lot. i am wasting my time. ive been with her nearly 3 years now. what i think will happen she will go live at home, we will basically never see each other than thats it. she will have her men, ill have nothing...

Reading this it seems like i should just dump her. find a better woman. im 23 she is 21.

[Lucia.]

Why did you move in together so young?

I guess a frank conversation is on the cards.

[sharp910sh]

(Original post by Lucia.)
Why did you move in together so young?

I guess a frank conversation is on the cards.

seemed like the right move. she basically stayed at mine for a year. seems like the best option. i was cautions, but if she is staying at my place everyday why not live together.

[strawberry]

Living together isn't the same as one going over all the time, even if they stay the night often.

[Lucia.]

Hm you have to respect her wish to have some time apart and move into her own place. You think it's better to be around her all the time to sort out the issues, but you're being naive about that. Sometimes you need time to apart to get some head space. She wants you to understand that. She wants to do a PGCE. You should be supportive of her career ambitions. You say that she's crying for no reason. Well maybe she feels that you don't understand why she's upset. Have you asked her?

At the same time, it seems like she wants to enjoy the single life. And the holiday stuff seems a bit iffy to me, as you said. Have you been intimate recently? Have you spent enough quality time together? She could be telling you about the other guys to try and spur you into action.

[sharp910sh]

(Original post by strawberry)
Living together isn't the same as one going over all the time, even if they stay the night often.

She literally lived at my place. I got kicked out as the landlord said she cant stay there. But yes its different still. What is funny is it was her idea, i didnt want to. now its switched. she doesnt want to i want to. how time change eh.

[sharp910sh]

(Original post by Lucia.)
Hm you have to respect her wish to have some time apart and move into her own place. You think it's better to be around her all the time to sort out the issues, but you're being naive about that. Sometimes you need time to apart to get some head space. She wants you to understand that. She wants to do a PGCE. You should be supportive of her career ambitions. You say that she's crying for no reason. Well maybe she feels that you don't understand why she's upset. Have you asked her?

At the same time, it seems like she wants to enjoy the single life. And the holiday stuff seems a bit iffy to me, as you said. Have you been intimate recently? Have you spent enough quality time together? She could be telling you about the other guys to try and spur you into action.

Tbh she doesnt know what she wants to do in life. We have discussed it a lot. but when i try to ask he she says, "no i dont want to walk about it". Even today she says that. i am not sure if she even wants to do a pgce.

I have tried to talk to her, but she doesnt want me to. she just swears and tell me to f off. like one time, we went to a restaurant, she was parking. so i said why no park nearer there are spaces. she ends up crying and shouting saying "DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO, I DO AS I PLEASE!!" So we went home. I have found she loves to tell me what to do, but if i even say anything to her, she tells me no.

I have found she doesn't like to talk to me about things. I mean i kept asking her do you want to live together and what not. she said "NO I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, NO." everything she doesnt like to talk about, but she talks to her friends. I mean its last minute, she said she had been thinking about leaving for a while. so why didnt she say. at least give me some time to find a place.

Yes we do, have sex and what not. but she is never here. then she complains its not good. but then she says it was good. I want to spend quality time together but she is out with her friends. she doesnt ask me to do stuff, and when i ask her she says she cant plan ahead. she is an intelligent girl. or maybe not.

I agree , i think when she went on holiday all this men liked her. I think she wants to be single. but she says she doesnt. she wants to be 1. 5 hours away. which i dont think will do anything. i shall see her much much less. i barely see her as it is these days.

[strawberry]

I sense that she feels that the relationship is suddenly too fast for her because she suddenly realized that there are all these other things that she wants to do with her life. Maybe this is a way for her to push you away without making herself feel too guilty about it.

[sharp910sh]

(Original post by strawberry)
I sense that she feels that the relationship is suddenly too fast for her because she suddenly realized that there are all these other things that she wants to do with her life. Maybe this is a way for her to push you away without making herself feel too guilty about it.

Yes, I would rather she told me straight. You can't have half a relationship. The thing is she can't make her mind her. Before dicussing it with me she asks everyone else. She asked her mum and her friends. But it has nothing to do with them.

I shall try convince her. When I see her on Sunday. As I see its the end of it. But she doesn't want that.

I mean yes, some people have long distance relationships 100s of miles apart. but they dont live together than move apart. Seems like we two one step forward 2 steps backward. But she cant see it.

I think if she says no its done. No other man in england will want her. her loss. The only men who look at her are men on holiday, as they want something quick. I fancy her, i love her but hey its has to be mutual.

[sharp910sh]

waste of space she is

[sharp910sh]

All her friends dont like me for some strange reason. They have told her not to leave with me. As per usual she listens to them. Jesus cant find anywhere to live what will i do?

[dgeorge]

(Original post by sharp910sh)
Tbh she doesnt know what she wants to do in life. We have discussed it a lot. but when i try to ask he she says, "no i dont want to walk about it". Even today she says that. i am not sure if she even wants to do a pgce.

I have tried to talk to her, but she doesnt want me to. she just swears and tell me to f off. like one time, we went to a restaurant, she was parking. so i said why no park nearer there are spaces. she ends up crying and shouting saying "DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO, I DO AS I PLEASE!!" So we went home. I have found she loves to tell me what to do, but if i even say anything to her, she tells me no.

I have found she doesn't like to talk to me about things. I mean i kept asking her do you want to live together and what not. she said "NO I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, NO." everything she doesnt like to talk about, but she talks to her friends. I mean its last minute, she said she had been thinking about leaving for a while. so why didnt she say. at least give me some time to find a place.

Yes we do, have sex and what not. but she is never here. then she complains its not good. but then she says it was good. I want to spend quality time together but she is out with her friends. she doesnt ask me to do stuff, and when i ask her she says she cant plan ahead. she is an intelligent girl. or maybe not.

I agree , i think when she went on holiday all this men liked her. I think she wants to be single. but she says she doesnt. she wants to be 1. 5 hours away. which i dont think will do anything. i shall see her much much less. i barely see her as it is these days.

She feels that you're smothering her, and is probably seriously considering the least painful way of exiting the relationship. The fact that she doesn't want to talk means she KNOWS that she's being unreasonable. You should lay all your cards on the table, and tell her that you NEED communication, that you'd like to fix what's going on between you two, but she is making it impossible to do so. You may also want to consider (and tell her) that you may as well end the relationship

[sharp910sh]

(Original post by dgeorge)
She feels that you're smothering her, and is probably seriously considering the least painful way of exiting the relationship. The fact that she doesn't want to talk means she KNOWS that she's being unreasonable. You should lay all your cards on the table, and tell her that you NEED communication, that you'd like to fix what's going on between you two, but she is making it impossible to do so. You may also want to consider (and tell her) that you may as well end the relationship

I have tried to speak to her, she says i am not listening. She is not listening to a word i am saying. I think I shall end it.