[Anonymous]

I was in town today, and had to get a bus with a load of drunk men. It scares me how I am nothing like them, I look physically different, have different mannerisms, sound different etc.

In work I have to constantly put up with girls discussing how men are "dirty, lazy, smelly, idiots, have no care about their appearance, have it easy" etc. I felt like interrupting them and saying they weren't true but I know I'd only get an "yeh, but you aren't a real man" or "yes, but you are different". I realised then that they were speaking the truth. I am in a tiny minority and not the same as other men at all.

I'm definitely what people would consider "sensitive", I'm probably best described as a hippy seen as I feel strongly about the environment, societal injustices, helping the community. I'm very concerned about my appearance (looking "different" only worsens the isolation), which usually gets you called "metrosexual" or feminine.

On the bus these drunk men were shouting at each other, boasting about how they beat someone up, actually grunting at each other at times. These are not just chavs though, I saw similar behaviour today from a group of drunk suited professionals (just exchange fighting for business boasts).

It does affect me. Today for instance I went to some public toilets, and seeing a group of men entering, I had to question which one I belonged in. I feel like a fraud, like other men are an entirely different species. I've always felt like this, I never felt comfortable in male or female groups in school. I just don't fit in. Sure I could identify as genderqueer or proceed in getting a sexchange, but this would only make matters worse (making you stick out even more).

I don't think I can live in this society anymore, and I fear I'd have the same problems everywhere in the world.

[WilliamsQI]

Yes I feel like this, everyone apart from some friends of mine, everyone in this dam town is completely different than me. Plus people think Iam gay but Iam not, just cause I do not talk about beating people or smoking, drinking, ectra. I feel like I don't belonge at all. People remained me all the time in ways, mainly my voice, because apparently I sound posh. You see I moved Schools and homes 9 years ago and well the two places are very different so some really make an effort to tell me that "You where not even born here!" Or "Go back to your home town", gets me down but I just Rember that we are moving back there in 2 years, but what keeps me going are people I share intrestes with.

So I suggest you try and find people that are like you, there are people like use you know, besides my friends just say "we are 21st century men" think of it as a positive thing. Join a social group that have intrests but in the unlikely situation there is no one where you live, and that it is economically viable move to somewhere where you will fit in.

[A Cat]

sheeeeeiit.. what's wrong with being different? At least you're closer to being yourself and happy with it than most people here with their distorted perceptions of life. Don't look at other people to get a sense of where you are.

[WilliamsQI]

(Original post by Samrout)
sheeeeeiit.. what's wrong with being different? At least you're closer to being yourself and happy with it than most people here with their distorted perceptions of life. Don't look at other people to get a sense of where you are.

Yes that is a really good point, you are correct. Just be how you want to be but it is anoying because some people don't except people for who they are but then again they may not be true to them selves.

[MangoFreak]

Why on earth would you be bothered by the fact that you don't enjoy violence?

I love being different; it can be hard dealing with everyone else finding me "strange", but see my sig

[gagaslilmonsteruk]

There's 3 billion guys in the world - not everyone's gonna conform to the same group. You just gotta keep looking - you'll find your clique. It's the same with girls though too.

[xlizzlebizzlex]

Just curious....How old are you?

I think you sound fantastic. Not everyone are like those men and there are many people who don't like that sort of man. Those girls sound like the sort of girls who only date men like the ones you described and then moan about how all men are crap when really they are constantly going for the wrong men. I find men like that utterly repulsive and don't really want anything to do with them to be honest. I think, deep down, you don't want to be anything like them either.

Now what can you do to fix this? I think your best bet is to find like-minded individuals. You sound like a very caring empathetic person and, if you haven't already, I think you would love volunteering for something you are passionate about. By doing this you will be meeting like-minded individuals and hopefully realise not everyone are like the people you describe.

I hope you become happy with who you are. The world needs people like you. I am sure you make a great friend, and will make/do make a fantastic boyfriend to a lucky person. You appear to be empathetic, unconfrontational, with a concern for the welfare of your fellow human. These are traits I personally value very highly in people and I am sure I am not the only one.

Once you accept who you are, and love yourself for the fantastic person you are, you will stop feeling intimidated and alienated by such people and will find your place in the world.

[Freak Out]

You're not alone. MANY guys are like this.

[Ham22]

it sounds like you live in a **** hole. theres your problem.

[Happydude]

Those things you described, they aren't men. It may be a bit of an old-fashioned view, but there are certain things you need to do to be a man in my eyes. Be responsible. Well-mannered. Polite to women. In the last 30 years we've been inundated with a swarm of man-children exactly as you described. Don't worry though. There is a core of actual men left and you sound like one of them!

Even being able to see that the way they act and carry themselves is wrong makes you more of a man than any of them

[Also Known As]

Please don't feel bad because you don't live up to some false ideal of how "real men" are supposed to be. People are different, some men are brutes others are the most sensitive souls you'll ever meet. It's the same for girls, not all girls focus on fashion & looks, some care about sports or school or whatever.

Try and meet some new people, or move to a different area if you get the opportunity, you sound like a great person you just need to find your place.

Though if these feelings persist, please don't take any drastic actions, I suggest you see a therapist.

[C.Moon]

You sound like exactly the kind of guy I would date. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. Looking/acting/ having different interests to everybody else is lonely and actually quite exhausting. I first started creating my 'own identity' if you will, when I was about ten years old and there have been so many times where I've just gotten so sick of being lonely and different that I wanted to change and fit in. However at 18 years old now I'm so glad I never became 'normal'. You are your own person - you are not alone and you should not change. Be yourself and learn to love and accept yourself for who you are.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[A Cat]

(Original post by WilliamsQI)
Yes that is a really good point, you are correct. Just be how you want to be but it is anoying because some people don't except people for who they are but then again they may not be true to them selves.

what needs to be further recognised is that other people's acceptance doesn't really matter, only your own. Which is why we like those who don't pander to others' petty demands, like being a ... 'lad'.

[Indian_Prince]

no one fits in.... you are who you are, make that heard, dont put up with it if you cant ignore it but dont keep it in, just enjoy life and im sure there are groups just like you, you're just too young and havent found them yet....

[OSharp]

Why do you want to conform to a rowdy stereotype, I certainly wouldn't Identify with that group and It would never bother me, they certainly don't represent the majority either, just the ones who should the loudest.

[AspiringGenius]

this is exactly how I feel. Are you at university? Perhaps there are some friends to be made of people who care about the same things you do