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Why are guys not interested?

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    First of all, I'm not particularly attractive, average at best. (I know you're all thinking, well that's your answer then but it's not). I'm 17 and all around me are these relationships. Everyone's had their awkward teenage romances and now they're getting more serious. Sex is the norm and no big deal, everyone does it.

    I haven't even had friends that are guys to be honest, let alone even held a guy's hand. It's pathetic and it's making me feel alienated from all of my friends and classmates. How can I give advice to my best friend crying over a guy who used her when I've never even been anywhere near a relationship with a guy?

    I'm one of those quiet girls who always do well academically, looking at all of the guys claiming to love those kind of girls it's just not true. Shyness must be such a turn off and there's nothing I can do about it. At first I thought my looks were the reason I wasn't getting a boyfriend, but in the politest way possible I know people that people consider unattractive, ugly even, and they're all in relationships so looks is not a factor. I have a nice body and get compliments on it by friends. I'm a nice person, I'm always polite.

    I just don't know what's turning every single guy off. I have friends who are probably on par with me looks wise and they get whistles in the streets all the time (not saying that's the kinda attention I want but you know what I mean) whereas I get nothing.

    What am I doing wrong?

    DISCLAIMER: I'm not saying unattractive people don't deserve relationships. I can see how that could be misinterpreted. I just know the answers would have been 'it's coz ur ugly' so I needed to justify that.
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    Ok.

    Shyness itself isn't much of a turn off in girls, not as much as it is in guys. But it comes with problems;

    - You aren't actually putting yourself 'out there' much.
    - You fade into the background.
    - People reflect each others demeanours a lot. If you look like you don't want to talk, people won't want to talk. If you look comfortable socially, people will be more comfortable to talk to you.
    - It's often hard to get a real feel for someone's personality and feelings when they won't open up.
    - Guys might think you'll turn them down from the very start.

    You say "there's nothing you can do", but that's bull****. Every single guy that is successful with women has to overcome this problem at some point in their life. You have the choice to stay shy, or you can also become confident. Shyness isn't an innate trait. It's a learned behaviour. One that can be altered and changed. Throughout your life you learned that shyness is the best option for you, based on your experiences. You can change that. Introversion is not the same as shyness.

    As for how, there's plenty of self-improvement books/articles out there. But for me, there's three big tips that can work wonders;

    - Get regular exercise. The recommended amount is 30 minutes a day. To me that's a little low. Aim for 4-5 hours a week.
    - Constantly push your comfort zone. Always be striving to overcome another one of your fears. You need to identify these yourself, and why they came about. If you're scared of talking to guys, start taking every opportunity you can to talk to them. Cashiers, guys in class, in the queue at lunch, whatever. It doesn't matter if you're even remotely attracted to them. Just break that fear.
    - Practice good grooming and style. If you feel your hair is a mess, try something new. Clear up your skin. Lose/gain weight. Etc. If you feel you're at your best, you'll be much more confident out and about. At the very least you'll feel like you're making progress. This is much more encouraging than feeling like you're stuck in a rut.
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    Well maybe you should try approaching guys or just trying to be more talkative. Also maybe the other girls have something you don't they dress better are more friendly maybe are more sexy a random person can't tell you. Just have faith that you will find someone and be more proactive.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    First of all, I'm not particularly attractive, average at best. (I know you're all thinking, well that's your answer then but it's not). I'm 17 and all around me are these relationships. Everyone's had their awkward teenage romances and now they're getting more serious. Sex is the norm and no big deal, everyone does it.

    I haven't even had friends that are guys to be honest, let alone even held a guy's hand. It's pathetic and it's making me feel alienated from all of my friends and classmates. How can I give advice to my best friend crying over a guy who used her when I've never even been anywhere near a relationship with a guy?

    I'm one of those quiet girls who always do well academically, looking at all of the guys claiming to love those kind of girls it's just not true. Shyness must be such a turn off and there's nothing I can do about it. At first I thought my looks were the reason I wasn't getting a boyfriend, but in the politest way possible I know people that people consider unattractive, ugly even, and they're all in relationships so looks is not a factor. I have a nice body and get compliments on it by friends. I'm a nice person, I'm always polite.

    I just don't know what's turning every single guy off. I have friends who are probably on par with me looks wise and they get whistles in the streets all the time (not saying that's the kinda attention I want but you know what I mean) whereas I get nothing.

    What am I doing wrong?

    DISCLAIMER: I'm not saying unattractive people don't deserve relationships. I can see how that could be misinterpreted. I just know the answers would have been 'it's coz ur ugly' so I needed to justify that.
    I know this may sound cliched and unbelievable, but I am a guy who falls in love with personality not looks! Obviously there has to be something there, but I'm never overly attracted to the "pretty" ones; personality never changes, you will still be in love with them even when their face begins to wrinkle...!

    Which leads me onto my next point: Do not change. If you pretend to be something and someone you're not then it may get you a boyfriend but you'll be uncomfortable being that person and he'll be frustrated that he fell in love with a fake girl. Believe it or not, every guy
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    values trust and honesty. Just be yourself, play the long game, and keep the faith. By being yourself, when it does happen it will be something very special. On the other hand, if in 5 years time nothing has happened then come and find me, I like the way your mind works. :P x

    P.s. Don't feel bad about being very academic, personally I find that attractive and would only ever date an intellectual girl.
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    (Original post by Spencer42)
    values trust and honesty. Just be yourself, play the long game, and keep the faith. By being yourself, when it does happen it will be something very special. On the other hand, if in 5 years time nothing has happened then come and find me, I like the way your mind works. :P x

    P.s. Don't feel bad about being very academic, personally I find that attractive and would only ever date an intellectual girl.
    I'm not the OP, but this makes me . Better to have brains, than no brains, right?
    #2

    I honestly think a lot more people are in the same boat than you realise, even around you.
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    I think you're over exaggerating. I bet guys do approach you but because you are not attracted to them you ignore it. A lot of girls who moan about being single do this.
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    (Original post by DancinBallerina)
    I'm not the OP, but this makes me . Better to have brains, than no brains, right?
    Good! Indeed it is, intelligent girls are so much better; they understand my jokes, they're fine to bounce things off, you can have intellectual debates, and when it does get serious they know exactly what to say and when! So many girls just blurt out everything you've ever done wrong and storm out, but I love a girl who understands situations, and is always willing to sit and discuss any issues.
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    (Original post by Aisha~~)
    You aren't actually putting yourself 'out there' much.
    This times a million.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by foolscap)
    This times a million.
    So how do I out myself out there?
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    I prefer shy/cute girls to be fair.
    But saying that, you need to do something to get noticed, let's say go to a party and obviously the booze will make you more comfortable with boys.
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    Guys tend to approach girls more than girls approach guys. That's inevitable.

    But, girls have to ok these approaches. When a guy you like is checking you out you have to look at him and smile, or touch your hair. If you have cockblocking friends you have to disarm them.

    That being said, what do you mean when you say you're polite? When a guy compliments you (a major come on) how do you respond?
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Nepene)
    Guys tend to approach girls more than girls approach guys. That's inevitable.

    But, girls have to ok these approaches. When a guy you like is checking you out you have to look at him and smile, or touch your hair. If you have cockblocking friends you have to disarm them.

    That being said, what do you mean when you say you're polite? When a guy compliments you (a major come on) how do you respond?
    I'm never in situations where guys 'check me out' to be honest. I go to college and then when I meet up with friends it's usually shopping, cinema or round eachother's houses.

    I've never been complimented by a guy.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So how do I out myself out there?
    I like your type
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm never in situations where guys 'check me out' to be honest. I go to college and then when I meet up with friends it's usually shopping, cinema or round eachother's houses.

    I've never been complimented by a guy.
    When you said "I have a nice body and get compliments on it by friends. I'm a nice person, I'm always polite." I assumed you also meant guy friends. Girl friends have silly ideas about what is pretty on a woman.

    So you have cockblocking girlfriends around you at all times who will scare off guys.

    College is well known as a fertile pickup ground. Cinema and shopping, less so.

    Have you never seen a guy looking at you during a lecture? That's the sort of thing I mean. A warm smile invites him in
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Nepene)
    When you said "I have a nice body and get compliments on it by friends. I'm a nice person, I'm always polite." I assumed you also meant guy friends. Girl friends have silly ideas about what is pretty on a woman.

    So you have cockblocking girlfriends around you at all times who will scare off guys.

    College is well known as a fertile pickup ground. Cinema and shopping, less so.

    Have you never seen a guy looking at you during a lecture? That's the sort of thing I mean. A warm smile invites him in
    No I only have girl friends. At college I'm always on my own so I don't have any 'cockblocking girlfriends' around me haha. I've had guys looking at me but I've always assumed they were looking for the clock or were looking at something else.
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    I don't think you should succumb to the seemingly conventional behaviour of being in loads of relationships. On the plus side, shy girls are quite fit; makes you want to work hard to get to know someone.
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    (Original post by jamboogy)
    I don't think you should succumb to the seemingly conventional behaviour of being in loads of relationships. On the plus side, shy girls are quite fit; makes you want to work hard to get to know someone.
    This doesn't make any sense.. unless you meant.. mysterious or you find them alluring? I'm a little lost.
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    (Original post by Spontogical)
    This doesn't make any sense.. unless you meant.. mysterious or you find them alluring? I'm a little lost.
    Hmm... I guess you could say it's an alluring trait of a girl. Well that's just my opinion anyway.

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Updated: July 6, 2012
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