[GoldyEl]

So I'm trying to get some books published, but I don't know whether or not my writing is good or whether people will enjoy reading what I've written. Whether it's the content that isn't good or my writing style I don't know, so let me know what you think with ideas of how I can improve!
Thank you

(here is a link to one story beginning)

http://alwayslovetowrite.wordpress.c...06/30/penalty/

Thanks again

[the bear]

it flows along nicely; this kind of historical romance is very popular.

maybe some of the names are not quite right...Jer for instance ?

[GoldyEl]

Thank you! I'll make some changes

[Dunc1]

Quite interesting content wise, I think that some of the sentence structure is a little bit off and that makes it less fluid reading.

[GoldyEl]

Ok thanks - how do you think I can improve it? Is it a certain structure that I keep messing up or something else?

[Miraclefish]

Are you looking for advice on improving your writing style (or indeed zeroing in on what your own style is), or on how to attract the attention of potential publishers and editors?

I can certainly try to help with either, but it depends what you're after

[Johnmatthews]

My advice. Practice makes perfect.

[GoldyEl]

I was mainly looking for advice on improving and looking for people's opinions on my writing And thank you anyway - I'll keep practicing.

[Artymess]

(Original post by GoldyEl)
I was mainly looking for advice on improving and looking for people's opinions on my writing And thank you anyway - I'll keep practicing.

While your content is interesting and well paced, something about your writing style feels a tad clunky - I think it may be that you use 'and' an awful lot. Also maybe cut down on contractions. Just taken a snippet to rewrite to maybe suggest a difference in style.

The dogs weren’t fooled by my attempts and they gave up their chase of Smoke, who they knew they’d never catch, and instead stood beneath my tree howling. I looked up as the pounding of hooves drew closer and I tried to jump from tree to tree, but I wasn’t as agile as I used to be so I almost lost my footing.

The dogs were not fooled by my deception. They ceased chasing Smoke, who they knew could not be caught, and instead stood beneath my tree. They howled as the dull pounding of hooves drew closer. I tried to escape, attempting to jump to a neighbouring tree, but lost my footing. I was not as agile as I used to be.

[trudy13]

I agree with a few people above, I think you need to work on the style of your writing to make it flow easier, I got a bit confused at some points. And Artymess' edit above is good example of how you could improve