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Petrified about future because of poor social life

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Applying to Uni? Let Universities come to you. Click here to get your perfect place 20-10-2014
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    #1

    I think it's safe to say my social life is pretty much non-existent at the moment. I talk to some people online occassionally, but that doesn't really feel socially fulfilling. But, I understand it's better than nothing.

    I think the main problem is my current social group. They alienate me a lot, and I always feel inferior to them, mainly because I know nothing about football and that's all they talk about. They often go out without me on nights out or just days out to the cinema and stuff, and then publicise it all over Facebook or whatever, which causes my low self-esteem to deteriorate further.

    I don't really have many other friends, and those that I have barely speak to me and never want to meet up even though I ask them frequently. All this has caused me to become very lonely, depressed and scared.

    I'm hoping to make friends next year at university, but with my low self-esteem and bad social history I can easily just see things repeating themselves, causing me to be in a similar but worse situation. As the prospect of me making friends next term is what's preventing me from breaking down at the moment. I'm really really scared.

    I have a few questions:

    - Am I likely to ever make decent friends?
    - Is it possible to live happily without a social life?
    - How can I stop myself from getting down about it all?

    Please help.
    #2

    University is a brand new start. Forget how people have treated you before. You haven't met the right people yet but university is your chance.

    Grab your opportunities and throw yourself into social life at uni. I don't see why it should be a problem as long as you're not apathetic or anything about it.
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    you've already created a thread about this

    you're not into football so don't play along.

    wait until you get to uni you CAN revitalise your social life.

    although keep holding this negative attitude and I can guarantee you won't make any worthwhile friendships. It'll become a self--fulfilling prophecy.

    do something constructive/fun this summer to improve your social skills, give you more confidence and give you more to talk about when meeting people- maybe travelling or something?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think it's safe to say my social life is pretty much non-existent at the moment. I talk to some people online occassionally, but that doesn't really feel socially fulfilling. But, I understand it's better than nothing.

    I think the main problem is my current social group. They alienate me a lot, and I always feel inferior to them, mainly because I know nothing about football and that's all they talk about. They often go out without me on nights out or just days out to the cinema and stuff, and then publicise it all over Facebook or whatever, which causes my low self-esteem to deteriorate further.

    I don't really have many other friends, and those that I have barely speak to me and never want to meet up even though I ask them frequently. All this has caused me to become very lonely, depressed and scared.

    I'm hoping to make friends next year at university, but with my low self-esteem and bad social history I can easily just see things repeating themselves, causing me to be in a similar but worse situation. As the prospect of me making friends next term is what's preventing me from breaking down at the moment. I'm really really scared.

    I have a few questions:

    - Am I likely to ever make decent friends?
    - Is it possible to live happily without a social life?
    - How can I stop myself from getting down about it all?

    Please help.
    Buddy cheer up !! At your uni you will meet so many people and you will make lots friends. Tbh my social life is also NON existence but it doesnt really bother me. Most of time I just play PC games to kill my time(thats probably why). just got my hands on Skyrim and Starcraft 2 OMG these two games are amazing.
    Sometimes my friends do ask me whether if i want to hit the bar or cinema, normally I wouldn't go apart from someones birthday or some other special events.


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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    well your username tells us you have no social life
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    (Original post by pseudonymegg)
    well your username tells us you have no social life
    Me ?


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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    Your friends publicise going to the cinema/nights out all over Facebook?

    LAME.
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    I had a pretty terrible social life after leaving school, and around that time I decided to join a club (an aikido club). Turned out to be one of the best things I've done - it's given me a social life parallel to the changing friendships of college, university and work; something constant that I've made some great (and expected lifelong) friendships through.

    So that'd be my advice - find something appealing in your local area and join it for a while. Try a few things out, and who knows, you might find something you enjoy with people you'll become friends with for years. It's definitely worth it I think.
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    Ah this sounds familiar you have to remember that you will not get along with everyone in life, and with some you will share many interests whilst with others you won't.
    Once you get to university you will meet others who may be anxious about making new
    friends at university
    , and that there are societies that shall make it easier to make friends with similar interests other than football Freshers week shall consist of nothing more than meeting new people everyday, including course mates.

    So yes, you will make friends! You just have to remain optimistic and enjoy the rather grey summer:daydreaming:

    If you are genuinely feeling depressed it might be a good idea to visit your GP and see if they could help, they may make arrangements to see a practitioner to help alleviate any social anxiety you may be experiencing.

    Hope it helps
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    Hey! I would recommend reading How to win friends and influence people. Its mainly written for a business perspective but it has some good tips in order to forge friendships. It helped me a lot when I felt like you are. You will probably make lots of friends at uni, but, like another poster said, a negative attitude won't get you anywhere. I spent a year thinking negatively about myself and feeling sorry for myself and got nowhere. The moment I forced myself to think positively and be interested in other people I actually made loads of friends...more than I ever imagined! If your friends are interested in football....get into football. Or try and take an active interest in it. If thats not you then find your own hobbies and interests. I think you need to build on who you are as a person to get some more self confidence.

    I think you'll be fine :-)
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    I think that the responses which see university as a panacea are a little myopic in that I read several threads a week on TSR about people who don't have any friends at university.

    That said if you make the effort to make friends then there's no reason why you shouldn't, and it is much easier to do so at uni.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think it's safe to say my social life is pretty much non-existent at the moment. I talk to some people online occassionally, but that doesn't really feel socially fulfilling. But, I understand it's better than nothing.

    I think the main problem is my current social group. They alienate me a lot, and I always feel inferior to them, mainly because I know nothing about football and that's all they talk about. They often go out without me on nights out or just days out to the cinema and stuff, and then publicise it all over Facebook or whatever, which causes my low self-esteem to deteriorate further.

    I don't really have many other friends, and those that I have barely speak to me and never want to meet up even though I ask them frequently. All this has caused me to become very lonely, depressed and scared.

    I'm hoping to make friends next year at university, but with my low self-esteem and bad social history I can easily just see things repeating themselves, causing me to be in a similar but worse situation. As the prospect of me making friends next term is what's preventing me from breaking down at the moment. I'm really really scared.

    I have a few questions:

    - Am I likely to ever make decent friends?
    - Is it possible to live happily without a social life?
    - How can I stop myself from getting down about it all?

    Please help.
    Man don't beat yourself about it! you will make decent friends, especially at uni where there are a lot of people you come into contact with, and you are bound to find someone with the same interests as you.
    To be honest, in exam season my social is non existent as well so alot of people are like you. One thing to remember when you get to uni is to try and initiate a conversation with other people they dont know your history so they wont judge you! you have less to be worried about, AND ALWAYS SMILE, dont be the grumpy loner in the corner.

    I would suggest a hobby, or spending more time with family. Also dont go on facebook or maybe unsubscribe to the people that are lame and announce their whole life on FB.

    P.s one good friend is all you need.
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    (Original post by xiyangliu)
    Me ?


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    no, the guy who started the thread
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    what happens if you despise people?
    #3

    This is quite like how I feel at the moment.

    I just broke up with my boyfriend who I got together with quite quickly after I moved to a new area so our mutual friends are innumerate.

    Feel like I don't really have an independent friend group, because, well, I don't!
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    I felt a bit like you a couple of years ago. Increasingly didn't like my friends. Luckily (with hindsight) I fell out with them quite seriously, which forced me to find some better ones. I also joined some choirs and an orchestra (which are really good socially btw). So yeah, you'll be fine. Uni will be a great chance to meet new people.

    If you have the shyness disease as I do, positive thinking genuinely helps. The fact that your friends treat you badly doesn't make you look bad, it reflects poorly on them. It might help to write down the 'Platonic conception' of yourself - the kind of person you want to be. Once you start pretending to be that happy, outgoing person, you increasingly turn into him/her, in my experience. After all, there are loads of really lovely people out there, and a lot of them are pretty nervous about making friends too. Hobbies are great for breaking the ice, as has been said.

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