[Anonymous]

Anon because she's on here etc..

As it says in the title... I was with this girl for the past 3.5 years... we were each other's firsts.. we had everything and we were completely in love. I trusted her completely. And she had never given me any reason to doubt her loyalty over the whole relationship...

She just got back from nearly 2 months in Africa. It was something she really wanted to do and while i missed her like hell I fully supported her because I never wanted to stop her doing anything.. she returns... we're both so happy but i can tell something's wrong.. she finally told me she'd cheated on me with this other volunteer while in Africa... not just once. But on three separate occasions. The whole thing. No protection used. It's killed me inside... the first time she did it was less that two weeks after i'd said good bye to her.. when I spent all the money i had planning and giving her the best birthday I could...

The stupid thing is I still love her... she was drunk every time and while that's no excuse I can't help but believe her when she says it meant nothing... I'm just in so much pain right now, I'm hardly eating a thing and only getting a handful of hours sleep a night.. I desperately need advice... Should I take her back? she really wants me and is disgusted with herself and says she will do anything... or would taking her back make me a complete idiot... do I deserve better...?

thank you..

[ShredMaster]

You deserve better. Period. If you take her back, you are weak.

[ct2k7]

You deserve better - don't take her back.

If it meant nothing, then why do it in the first place?

[Jakeh]

Lots of people on this site will say dump her move on, and most of them would be right.

It's a hard position to be in to be honest, I never experienced that, she just sexted rather than actually went through with it and I managed to look past it. Realistically we can only give you advice based on our own experiences and really you need to weigh it up yourself, we don't know your relationship.

You have to consider if you will truly be able to look past this, couples can and do get past these mountains and go on to have a great relationship, others can't and its down to you on how you deal with it. She's messed up and of course shes desperate to keep you and do anything but don't let this blinker your decision. You need to evaluate, is she the girl for you? Many people (including myself) fall for the "first" girl because the sex etc and don't want to be alone. But you won't be alone forever if you do move on, but it's truly down to you.

If you can look past this and believe she's the one for you (for the long term), then keep at it, but it's hard work trust me. If you really can't, just cut the chords there. Don't string this on for another few years and then look back and see you haven't gotten over it and you've wasted another 2-3 years.

[TruetoMyself]

Ouch can imagine its gonna be quite painful. Pm me mate.

[fuzznbass]

If it meant nothing then why did she cheat 3 times ? that's the million dollar question. Imo, don't take her back.

[Staceycake]

You won't ever get the trust back. Move on and find somebody worth it.

Also, if she's on this site, she's gonna come across this and realise it's about her anyway

[Classical Liberal]

2 weeks away. Not really very impressive.

I can sympathize with people who cheat when they do not see their partners for a couple plus months. But 2 weeks. ehhhhh.

You can just imagine how tempting it is though. Her spending all her time with this guy and not having you around to satisfy her.

[pinkmonkey3]

Honestly, if it was once, then maybe, just maybe you could look past it. But 3 times? Three times she couldn't remember if she had a boyfriend or not? Three times she lacked enough will power to stop herself? Do you really want to be with someone like this?

[Alpharius]

I've been there. You think everything is going rosey, then BAM! She's cheated on you.

"It was nothing!" is a **** excuse. In fact, it isn't an excuse, its bull****. Drunk or not, whats to say she won't do it again the next time she's drunk?

I feel for you kid, it's horrible. However, she has to learn that it is unacceptable to do what she has done.

When it happened to me, it was accompanied via a text saying we were over. She tried to get back with me a couple of months later, we'll suffice to say I left her in no doubt I'd moved on (hard as it was at first).

You say you still love her, I get that. However, can you ever fully trust her again? If you can, and you genuinely think it was just a terrible mistake (I don't think that, once maybe, three times? No) then by all means take her back. I'm all for working on a relationship, but in my eyes cheating is one step too far. I would not take her back. If you let her off this time, she'll realise you're a softie, and she can walk all over you.

If you take her back, and she cheats on you again, don't say I didn't tell you so. I say that because most people don't listen to advice given here, they get cheated on again and they come back, butt-hurt declaring that "all guys/girls are the same..." Don't be one of them.

[Millie228]

They slept together 3 times. That is 3 times she broke your trust. If it was a drunken 'slip' (which is not okay either, btw), it wouldn't have happened 3 times!

I am, like many people, against cheating on every level. There is always a moment "I can give into this or I can resist it", I'm not sure when your gf's moment was, but I bet you there was one. She chose to go through with it. And not just once. It wasn't an ONS, it was an affair. And less than two weeks after you said good-bye - she didn't even have time to get lonely.

I've seen people forgive each other and move on happily. But to be perfectly honest, I am slightly more likely to believe in it when a man has had a slip up, rather than a woman. That's probably going to seem sexist or unfair to some, and I couldn't care less. Men separate sex and feelings better than women do, which means that when a man says "it meant nothing", he may actually mean it (doesn't mean he should be forgiven, obviously). Research can tell us that women cheat when they're unhappy in relationships, men can cheat even when they're happy (craving for sexual variety). This is reflected in statistics as well - men forgive women for cheating much less often than women forgive men. The humiliation factor is part of it - if a man suspects he didn't please her in bed, he might very well be right.
I know a couple of girls who have cheated on bfs. Apart from being sluts, they were also unhappy and eventually ended the relationship.

I know statstics and research aren't what you need to hear, I'm just using it as a back up for my opinion: she doesn't deserve a second chance. I'm afraid if you take her back you'll be stuck in a relationship with a girl who takes you for granted and doesn't respect you - she doesn't respect you now, and she won't ever if you forgive her - it shows weakness. I wouldn't surprised if she ends it eventually if you take her back. Furthermore, you dumping her is the only way she'll face reality and (hopefully) not treat others the way she's treated you.
3 1/2 years is just past the honeymoon phase. This is where it shows if you are more than just lovers and if your relationship can last. She's already proven that it can't.

[R4INBOW]

Dump dis hoe.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[TheInformer]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Anon because she's on here etc..

I never really understand why you'd make this anon when if she reads it she is obviously going to understand that it's about her... it's pretty specific.

Anyways, if she cheated that would be it for me; I'd delete/block her number and never speak to her again. There are plenty of girls out there.

[FrostyLemon]

No excuse. Get rid.

[Alpharius]

(Original post by Millie228)
They slept together 3 times. That is 3 times she broke your trust. If it was a drunken 'slip' (which is not okay either, btw), it wouldn't have happened 3 times!

I am, like many people, against cheating on every level. There is always a moment "I can give into this or I can resist it", I'm not sure when your gf's moment was, but I bet you there was one. She chose to go through with it. And not just once. It wasn't an ONS, it was an affair. And less than two weeks after you said good-bye - she didn't even have time to get lonely.

I've seen people forgive each other and move on happily. But to be perfectly honest, I am slightly more likely to believe in it when a man has had a slip up, rather than a woman. That's probably going to seem sexist or unfair to some, and I couldn't care less. Men separate sex and feelings better than women do, which means that when a man says "it meant nothing", he may actually mean it (doesn't mean he should be forgiven, obviously). Research can tell us that women cheat when they're unhappy in relationships, men can cheat even when they're happy (craving for sexual variety). This is reflected in statistics as well - men forgive women for cheating much less often than women forgive men. The humiliation factor is part of it - if a man suspects he didn't please her in bed, he might very well be right.
I know a couple of girls who have cheated on bfs. Apart from being sluts, they were also unhappy and eventually ended the relationship.

I know statstics and research aren't what you need to hear, I'm just using it as a back up for my opinion: she doesn't deserve a second chance. I'm afraid if you take her back you'll be stuck in a relationship with a girl who takes you for granted and doesn't respect you - she doesn't respect you now, and she won't ever if you forgive her - it shows weakness. I wouldn't surprised if she ends it eventually if you take her back. Furthermore, you dumping her is the only way she'll face reality and (hopefully) not treat others the way she's treated you.
3 1/2 years is just past the honeymoon phase. This is where it shows if you are more than just lovers and if your relationship can last. She's already proven that it can't.

I'd rep this, but I'd rather quote it and say its spot on.

The bolded is exactly what I meant when I said that she needs to learn that what she has done is unacceptable. Sometimes the best lessons are served up cold.

[Aylish]

dump her shes not worth your time and effort

[DancinBallerina]

Agree with the majority - dump, and move on.

[Foo.mp3]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I spent all the money i had planning and giving her the best birthday I could

A lesson learnt perhaps.. sporadic thoughtful gifts are one thing..

(Original post by Anonymous)
it meant nothing

..and that makes it better!? What's clear is that you mean nothing, ok she was out in Africa but girls can control themselves much more easily in the drunk and randy stakes!

(Original post by Anonymous)
says she will do anything

Evidently.. without protection too, for me that's the limit

I'd like to think I'd have it in my heart to take a girl I loved and had been with for years back if she slipped up once (with protection), but she had a guy jizz in her multiple times.. forget that hoe

(Original post by Anonymous)
do I deserve better...?

Yup

[BLineDisaster]

I wouldn't take her back. Personally I couldn't have sex again with a girl who had unprotected sex with another man during the course of our relationship. (Previous relationships don't bother me, its just the fact that she did it while you are her sexual partner).

Ironically my ex did that to me, unknown to my knowledge until her best friend told me after we had split up.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9300

[SpicyStrawberry]

Get rid of her, being drunk is no excuse. She should have learnt to control herself.