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how can I make my parents understand what I want to do?

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    I plan to do graduate entry medicine, 2015 start, after doing a medical sciences degree. My loan is the smallest amount possible as my parents earn just over the limit to receive more. I'm going to Leeds so the accommodation costs more than my loan as accommodation seems to be expensive there. Because of this, my parents have agreed to help me out with food and stuff by giving me £30 a week whilst I'm at uni. Throughout a levels I have applied for many jobs but have got none and cannot work this summer so this will be my only income.

    The thing is that, whilst I accepte I need there help and I'm grateful for it, I don't want to live of their money. It seems unfair since they worked so hard saving it up. I did plan to get a job so that I could save up and hoped that with this I could pay all living costs when I do GEM. I know I'd have to get a loan for tuition costs.

    I've explained this to my mum and she says that if I get a job she's not helping me anymore and I have to fund GEM myself. My parents don't want me to be a doctor so I'm not sure if this is a factor or not. They've agreed to pay all of my twin sisters open uni fees, travel costs etc and all the stuff she gets for living at home. Additionally, she has to get a job? This seems lime they're making her earn money and preventing me from saving any!

    I realise this is confusing but I just need some advice. I don't want to lie to my mum (there's not really much point she finds out everything!) but at the same time medicine is the only career I see myself doing. My parents both settled.for.jobs they don't enjoy because it was easy. Surely they don't want me to be miserable all my life too? Although I wouldn't hate working in medical sciences I would always be angry with myself.

    Any advice?

    Thanks
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    I'm sorry, it's difficult to follow what exactly you are saying in that post. So, you can either get a job and live off that money during the GEM or get £30 a week and live off that instead? If that's the case, then get a job. Even if it was just 10 hours a week, that would be approximately double what you would get from your parents, plus you wouldn't be relying on them.

    What I do not fully understand is why they are mutually exclusive? Why will your parents only support you if you don't have a job? Now, I'm guessing the answer to this is that, as they don't want you to do medicine, they feel they will only help you if they must, i.e. if you had no job and literally couldn't survive.

    To be honest, I wouldn't worry about it - first get on the course, prove to your parents that this isn't a pipe dream and that you are determined to become a doctor. They will then support you regardless of your job situation. If they don't, well that's just plain poor parenting.
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    (Original post by maskofsanity)
    I'm sorry, it's difficult to follow what exactly you are saying in that post. So, you can either get a job and live off that money during the GEM or get £30 a week and live off that instead? If that's the case, then get a job. Even if it was just 10 hours a week, that would be approximately double what you would get from your parents, plus you wouldn't be relying on them.

    What I do not fully understand is why they are mutually exclusive? Why will your parents only support you if you don't have a job? Now, I'm guessing the answer to this is that, as they don't want you to do medicine, they feel they will only help you if they must, i.e. if you had no job and literally couldn't survive.

    To be honest, I wouldn't worry about it - first get on the course, prove to your parents that this isn't a pipe dream and that you are determined to become a doctor. They will then support you regardless of your job situation. If they don't, well that's just plain poor parenting.

    Sorry I know.confusing. I mean that for my medsci degree I will get £30 a week but will lose that if I get a job. I wanted a job to save up for GEM since I'll be getting no help at all for that.
    I'm not sure why they don't want me to be a doctor, they refuse to answer, but they know it's all I've ever wanted to do. In infant school we were asked what we wanted to be and I said a doctor! I kind of understand that, from their point of view, I won't be doing medicine so don't need to save up, but they can't just expect me to live off nothing or to spend all my time working whilst going through medical school.

    Sorry again, I know I'm being ridiculously confusing. I'm not entirely sure of.the situation either!
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    (Original post by WanaBdoctor)
    Sorry I know.confusing. I mean that for my medsci degree I will get £30 a week but will lose that if I get a job. I wanted a job to save up for GEM since I'll be getting no help at all for that.
    I'm not sure why they don't want me to be a doctor, they refuse to answer, but they know it's all I've ever wanted to do. In infant school we were asked what we wanted to be and I said a doctor! I kind of understand that, from their point of view, I won't be doing medicine so don't need to save up, but they can't just expect me to live off nothing or to spend all my time working whilst going through medical school.

    Sorry again, I know I'm being ridiculously confusing. I'm not entirely sure of.the situation either!
    Around how much do you think you might earn per week if you got a job?
    Does this outweigh the £30?
    To do something horrible economist's thing: can you put a 'price' on each hour of work you do, and work out the optimal number of hours to work in terms of money?

    My parents give me £20pw and I think it's awesome because my graduation debt will be less than it otherwise was. (Though one of my mentees spends over £20pw on just chicken apparently :lolwut: so I guess it depends on your spending habits).

    Actually my mum is gutted that I don't want to be a doctor ... funny old world :rolleyes:

    (Original post by maskofsanity)
    oats
    :hi:
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    (Original post by placenta medicae talpae)
    Around how much do you think you might earn per week if you got a job?
    Does this outweigh the £30?
    To do something horrible economist's thing: can you put a 'price' on each hour of work you do, and work out the optimal number of hours to work in terms of money?

    My parents give me £20pw and I think it's awesome because my graduation debt will be less than it otherwise was. (Though one of my mentees spends over £20pw on just chicken apparently :lolwut: so I guess it depends on your spending habits).

    Actually my mum is gutted that I don't want to be a doctor ... funny old world :rolleyes:



    :hi:
    I'm planning to sign up to a tutoring scheme that pays £10 an hour so I could earn about £60 a week from that. If I worked 8 hours every saturday at minimum wage I could earn roughly £40 I think unless I've got minimum wage wrong. So maybe I should get a job and save up as much as possible? I could live off £20 a week with the exception of when I have to get my prescriptions. So I'd be saving roughly £300 a month maybe. The issue is that the tutoring isn't guaranteed work and I have no experience so it'd be hard getting a job. But I could.work full time during holidays maybe and use my time off to.get medical work experience.

    Wow he must like chicken!

    Swap mums?
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    If you are so adamant that you want to be a doctor, why don't you have a gap year, earn lots of money and apply to start undergraduate medicine in 2013? You could arrange voluntary work/work experience between now and October 15th, the closing date for UCAS.
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    (Original post by WanaBdoctor)
    I'm planning to sign up to a tutoring scheme that pays £10 an hour so I could earn about £60 a week from that. If I worked 8 hours every saturday at minimum wage I could earn roughly £40 I think unless I've got minimum wage wrong. So maybe I should get a job and save up as much as possible? I could live off £20 a week with the exception of when I have to get my prescriptions. So I'd be saving roughly £300 a month maybe. The issue is that the tutoring isn't guaranteed work and I have no experience so it'd be hard getting a job. But I could.work full time during holidays maybe and use my time off to.get medical work experience.
    It's actually pretty hard to get full time work for the holidays, particularly when you think that winter and spring vacations are only like 4 weeks long, and you'll probably need 1 week off to regain your sanity after tearing your face out working so hard during term time.
    You'll also have to be looking for jobs constantly, and during term time too.

    To be honest, my outlook on the whole job during uni thing is to work hard academically and pile the debt on now, and to pay it all off later.
    It's a bit harder to take that view though if tuition fees are so much higher (and assumedly rent and cost of living will incr. too, but that might be more of a psychological thing once you account for inflation :dontknow:) and if you're doing a much longer course, like medicine.

    Swap mums?
    Ahaha
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    Just realised that you did apply for medicine this year. You clearly have reasons for not wanting to reapply. However, GEM is going to be even more competitive than ever, given the new fee increase, so may be worth reconsidering?
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    (Original post by WanaBdoctor)
    I plan to do graduate entry medicine, 2015 start, after doing a medical sciences degree. My loan is the smallest amount possible as my parents earn just over the limit to receive more. I'm going to Leeds so the accommodation costs more than my loan as accommodation seems to be expensive there. Because of this, my parents have agreed to help me out with food and stuff by giving me £30 a week whilst I'm at uni. Throughout a levels I have applied for many jobs but have got none and cannot work this summer so this will be my only income.

    The thing is that, whilst I accepte I need there help and I'm grateful for it, I don't want to live of their money. It seems unfair since they worked so hard saving it up. I did plan to get a job so that I could save up and hoped that with this I could pay all living costs when I do GEM. I know I'd have to get a loan for tuition costs.

    I've explained this to my mum and she says that if I get a job she's not helping me anymore and I have to fund GEM myself. My parents don't want me to be a doctor so I'm not sure if this is a factor or not. They've agreed to pay all of my twin sisters open uni fees, travel costs etc and all the stuff she gets for living at home. Additionally, she has to get a job? This seems lime they're making her earn money and preventing me from saving any!

    I realise this is confusing but I just need some advice. I don't want to lie to my mum (there's not really much point she finds out everything!) but at the same time medicine is the only career I see myself doing. My parents both settled.for.jobs they don't enjoy because it was easy. Surely they don't want me to be miserable all my life too? Although I wouldn't hate working in medical sciences I would always be angry with myself.

    Any advice?

    Thanks
    Its impossible to understand your parents logic if they are willing to support one child whether or not they are working and not the other. Goodness knows what their reasons are. It sounds to me as if they are deliberately trying to discourage you from working. This may be because they think you won't cope with both working and your degree whereas they think your sister will. As most parents do things out of love one way or another they may also think that your ambitions are going to lead to heartbreak for you and are trying to be quietly discouraging just in case.

    From your point of view the real question is not whether you will lose the money they give but whether you can earn and therefore save money over the £30 amount.

    Does your university offer a scheme where you can be a student rep. at open days and in local schools etc? Often this is flexible work and pays quite well.

    Good luck with your ambitions.

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    (Original post by Supportive mum)
    If you are so adamant that you want to be a doctor, why don't you have a gap year, earn lots of money and apply to start undergraduate medicine in 2013? You could arrange voluntary work/work experience between now and October 15th, the closing date for UCAS.
    Just realised that you did apply for medicine this year. You clearly have reasons for not wanting to reapply. However, GEM is going to be even more competitive than ever, given the new fee increase, so may be worth reconsidering?
    I know that I am not going to get three As and my sixth form won't allow me back next year to resit. The local college requires you to do 3 A levels so I cant resit there without being there full time which would prevent me getting much work experience. Plus, I need some independence. I'm very quiet and shy and I think this came across in my interview, which is why I didn't get an offer.

    I know GEM is competitive but the places have to go to.someone so why can't it be me? I've started my ps and practicing ukcat and gamsat. I researching into the 9 unis that I'm considering. I know entry requirements may change but I can at least learn about the uni and think about open days. I have a list of places to ask for.work.experience/ voluntary work, depending on whether I go to my firm or.insurance. I think I'm capable of being a doctor and I know if I'm prepared I'll get in. I just need to throw myself in the deep end to.overcome my shyness first!
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    (Original post by WanaBdoctor)
    I know that I am not going to get three As and my sixth form won't allow me back next year to resit. The local college requires you to do 3 A levels so I cant resit there without being there full time which would prevent me getting much work experience. Plus, I need some independence. I'm very quiet and shy and I think this came across in my interview, which is why I didn't get an offer.

    I know GEM is competitive but the places have to go to.someone so why can't it be me? I've started my ps and practicing ukcat and gamsat. I researching into the 9 unis that I'm considering. I know entry requirements may change but I can at least learn about the uni and think about open days. I have a list of places to ask for.work.experience/ voluntary work, depending on whether I go to my firm or.insurance. I think I'm capable of being a doctor and I know if I'm prepared I'll get in. I just need to throw myself in the deep end to.overcome my shyness first!
    Indeed.....it could be you! Follow your dream....that's what I tell my 'kids'.
    Good luck with it. I have 2 nephews who did GEM (neither of them knew they wanted to do medicine at 17) and both feel that 18 would have been too young to start anyway.

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