[Anonymous]

There's something that's been playing on my mind and I really don't understand it..

For 2 years I was best mates with this guy. I actually ended up crushing on him badly and then I fell in love, and yes I'm also a guy. It's only this past year I've managed to overcome this which I did by slowly and delicately ending out friendship and cutting off contact over time (not in a malicious way, just gradual) and now I'm much happier because obviously he was straight despite me being absolutely convinced he wasn't..

We've only had like 2-3 conversations in year 12 because we have new friends and I did tried to distance myself from him. But when all our friends were in lessons we just sat down and spoke for an hour. He has a whole new group of friends, his family is really well off, he's out every weekend and he has a great life that I'm jealous of.

But he told me he's been depressed (obviously this could have only have been this year) and that he's even tried to kill himself. After convincing myself I was completely wrong and that he's straight now I'm starting to question it again. He has a great life and I see no reason why he'd be depressed? I do however remember feeling a little suicidal and depressed when coming to terms with being a homo (I still hate being one) and this is the only thing I can think of? Even if this is the case, I always felt like he's under pressure from his lad-like friends and cousin, and his little brother and parents so I doubt he'd ever "come out"

I also notice that he's really introverted when it comes to gay jokes. For example when straight people hug and make gay jokes he'll say "that's disgusting" or "get away from mee" which I can also relate to.

I don't really know what to say. I don't want to straight up confront him about everything because it'll be extremely random and weird.

[AJ Smiley]

I think you should tell him everything about you liking him and stuff. I also think you should be there for him AS A FRIEND, he clearly needs one right now ans obviously trusts you if he told you the way he'd been feeling. He could be depressed about other things, it doesn't make him gay. Just tell him if he ever needs someone to talk to, you're there and leave it there.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by AJ Smiley)
I think you should tell him everything about you liking him and stuff. I also think you should be there for him AS A FRIEND, he clearly needs one right now ans obviously trusts you if he told you the way he'd been feeling. He could be depressed about other things, it doesn't make him gay. Just tell him if he ever needs someone to talk to, you're there and leave it there.

Oh no I couldn't do that. I have family and family friends in my school and my parents are very homophobic so I don't want to come out until I get to University atleast. I also don't want to lose my guy friends, the outed gays in my school all hang around with girls..

Well he told me these things about 1-2 months ago but I've only recently been thinking about it. I know him, and have known him well for 2 years to the extent we saw eachother ever day or would be on Skype/PS3 talking to eachother and I really can't think of any reason why he'd be depressed or feel that low

[AJ Smiley]

That's ok I suppose, it's your decision what you tell people. I still think you should talk to him, just ask him if he's doing any better now. I think even though it must have hurt a lot to get over him, you should still be there for him as a friend as he clearly trusts you a lot.

There doesn't actually really need to be a particular reason for a person to fall into depression. It's usually a combination of things, mostly just from worrying too much about stuff and being insecure. I hope it works out

[Anonymous]

As AJ said, your friend must trust you deeply to tell you those things. None of my 'friends' know that I was incredibly depressed a few years ago because I just don't feel I can talk to them about that. Please, support your friend because it sounds like you could be the only one who knows. It won't be easy, I tell you that now; so either be there for him or not at all. That sounds harsh but trying to deal with his condition if you don't think you can handle it could become emotionally draining for you and then both of you would be in the same situation. Also, don't hesitate to ask him to consider counselling, as for some people it is easier to talk about certain things with someone they do not know. Don't feel like you have failed if he takes up this option; you have succeeded if it ultimately helps him recover and he will thank you for it in time. It might also be the most appropriate option if he feels suicidal again as counsellors are specially trained to handle people in that situation. I would also personally advise you not to confess anything about your crush on him, yet; it may raise all sorts of feelings for him which could potentially worsen his current state. However, I would totally encourage you to tell him in time, when he is feeling better and you are more comfortable with your own sexuality. Best of luck with everything, hang in there

[emerset]

I couldn't tell you, I know I got extreme when I had a sort of epiphany that I didn't really believe in a god.

I think in these situations people have to decide things out for themselves. You can always let him know he can call you up to go bowling or anything if he ever wants to, but mostly in my opinion, friends and people that have known someone for awhile cannot help someone out of a depression. They need a new perspective and an awakening from within, kind of.

But I'm no psycho-analyst.

[jeery83]

(Original post by Anonymous)
He has a great life and I see no reason why he'd be depressed? I do however remember feeling a little suicidal and depressed when coming to terms with being a homo (I still hate being one) and this is the only thing I can think of?

You say that you can't think of any other reason for his suicide attemps, but you are projecting with the gay thing. Just because he tried to kill himself it doesn't mean he's gay; or if he is gay, it doesn't mean he tried to kill himself because of it. People commit suicide for lots of reasons, sadly.

I'm not sure why you don't like being gay, but I hope you can learn to be happy with yourself.

[d123]

It takes a lot of trust to tell someone you're suicidal.

However, I really think you've got it wrong. 'He has a great life and I see no reason why he'd be depressed'. There's a couple of things wrong with this. Firstly, you can't always tell from the outside how great someone's life is. Secondly, you don't always need a reason to be depressed; it can be a chemical imbalance or something that can strike anyone, regardless of how outwardly good their life might seem.

Maybe he is gay, maybe he isn't.

[Mrx123]

i actually stopped a friend of mine from jumpin off a cliff outside of our town, since then he's gotten married and is very happy

[Anonymous]

(Original post by d123)
It takes a lot of trust to tell someone you're suicidal.

However, I really think you've got it wrong. 'He has a great life and I see no reason why he'd be depressed'. There's a couple of things wrong with this. Firstly, you can't always tell from the outside how great someone's life is. Secondly, you don't always need a reason to be depressed; it can be a chemical imbalance or something that can strike anyone, regardless of how outwardly good their life might seem.

Indeed. I've attempted suicide (or would have done if I hadn't been stopped) and there wasn't a reason for it.