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Am I being unreasonable?

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    Basically we collected the keys to our new uni house a few days ago. All 4 of us were there for the day but it was just meant to be me and my girl housemate staying over for the night. The girl is my best friend and I was looking forward to spending time with her in our new house.

    However, she decided to stay over at another uni house (with 6 people sleeping there) leaving me alone in our new house for the night. It's as though she was choosing them over me and I get the feeling she only wants to spend time with me when it suits her best. This isn't the first time this has happened either. I asked if she wanted to meet up in London recently but she said she was busy cos she decided to see another friend.

    Maybe I'm overreacting here but it seems as though she's got me on a pedestal. Am I being unreasonable here?
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    Tbh, you're just two friends and unless there's more, I don't think you can look that far into it. When faced with an offer of spending the night with one person or with 6 others, normally people would go for the latter as it's more fun and as a friend, I guess she figured that you didn't mind too much as it wasn't like a serious planned out night that you had together, just casual.
    As for the London thing, if she had already made some sort of plan with another friend, it makes sense that she would stick to it. Maybe she just is closer to the other friend than you.

    Tbh, I wouldn't think that much into it. It's clear that she sees you as a friend and I guess as it's just that, she may feel like she doesn't owe you anything. If it bothers you so much and you want to hang out more, maybe make a point of suggesting hanging out with her a bit more or organising a house outing and then chatting a bit more with her so that she's aware that you're fun to hang out with.

    Also, some people are naturally like that with regards to hanging out with people when it suits them best - if that's the case and you don't really fancy that, then just don't make yourself so readily available so that if she wants to hang with you, she knows that it's not really something to easily back out of.
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    (Original post by For The Love Of Giraffe)
    Tbh, you're just two friends and unless there's more, I don't think you can look that far into it. When faced with an offer of spending the night with one person or with 6 others, normally people would go for the latter as it's more fun and as a friend, I guess she figured that you didn't mind too much as it wasn't like a serious planned out night that you had together, just casual.
    As for the London thing, if she had already made some sort of plan with another friend, it makes sense that she would stick to it. Maybe she just is closer to the other friend than you.

    Tbh, I wouldn't think that much into it. It's clear that she sees you as a friend and I guess as it's just that, she may feel like she doesn't owe you anything. If it bothers you so much and you want to hang out more, maybe make a point of suggesting hanging out with her a bit more or organising a house outing and then chatting a bit more with her so that she's aware that you're fun to hang out with.

    Also, some people are naturally like that with regards to hanging out with people when it suits them best - if that's the case and you don't really fancy that, then just don't make yourself so readily available so that if she wants to hang with you, she knows that it's not really something to easily back out of.
    I suppose maybe I was just a bit annoyed about having to spend the night alone. She seemed really excited about the idea of having a new house so I thought it would be cool do something on our first night there. I don't mix very well with the people in the other house and wouldn't have felt comfortable being there.

    And I suppose inwardly I'd like there to be more between us but it's not going to happen cos she doesn't feel the same way back
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I suppose maybe I was just a bit annoyed about having to spend the night alone. She seemed really excited about the idea of having a new house so I thought it would be cool do something on our first night there. I don't mix very well with the people in the other house and wouldn't have felt comfortable being there.

    And I suppose inwardly I'd like there to be more between us but it's not going to happen cos she doesn't feel the same way back
    Awwww, well don't think like that - you never know! Well you'll be living together soon and as she'll get to spend more time with you, maybe she'll realise that you casually just like chilling with her and not a large group you're uncomfortable with and that could help At the moment, maybe she just doesn't know you well enough to commit herself to plans with you, but the closer you grow through being around each other, the better it may be...
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    I think ultimately she probably thinks that you're maybe getting a little too close for comfort so she probably wants a little bit of space to avoid things developing and maybe thats why she didn't want to be alone with you in a house all night...

    I'm sure it's nothing personal, she's probably just worried that if anything was to happen between the two of you then it would be awkward considering you've just committed to living with each other for another year (?). She's kinda doing you a favour in that respect because I'm sure you wouldn't want the awkwardness either.

    It's definitely not unreasonable that you feel hurt by this though. There's nothing more annoying than having a 'best' friend who seems to put other people before you, have little regard for your feelings and generally make you feel crappy.

    Overall.. I suspect that she's been picking up on the fact that you'd like there to be more between you and she's backing off a little so maybe if you take a step back and try to be conscious of any subconscious flirting then you'll be able to resume the friendship.
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    (Original post by littleone271)
    I think ultimately she probably thinks that you're maybe getting a little too close for comfort so she probably wants a little bit of space to avoid things developing and maybe thats why she didn't want to be alone with you in a house all night...

    I'm sure it's nothing personal, she's probably just worried that if anything was to happen between the two of you then it would be awkward considering you've just committed to living with each other for another year (?). She's kinda doing you a favour in that respect because I'm sure you wouldn't want the awkwardness either.

    It's definitely not unreasonable that you feel hurt by this though. There's nothing more annoying than having a 'best' friend who seems to put other people before you, have little regard for your feelings and generally make you feel crappy.

    Overall.. I suspect that she's been picking up on the fact that you'd like there to be more between you and she's backing off a little so maybe if you take a step back and try to be conscious of any subconscious flirting then you'll be able to resume the friendship.
    This sounds right to me! I think it's definitely right for me to take it a step back for a while. I've tried this in the past but whenever I have limited our contact, she sends me a cute text or something and I go straight back to her. I don't know if I'm satisfied just being her friend. Hoping she doesn't get a boyfriend though next year cos in the small house environment, I'm pretty sure I'd be dead jealous.

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Updated: July 4, 2012
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