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Really attracted to Muslim girls..should i just convert?

Im quite non-religious but i guess i can swing either way from non-religious to being agnostic. I've always been really into Muslim girls. Not just the ones in hijab etc. I think it's the forbidden, mysterious allure they give off especially asian and middle eastern girls. I have heaps of Muslim female friends who i have a respectful relationship with. I also have dated Muslim girls in the past but never worked out due to religious differences.

Now there is a Muslim girl i really like at uni. I do not know how religious she is all i know is that i really like her. She is Pakistani and her parents are strict but she isn't. Now we've been studying together for some time and i do accidentally brush into her and i notice she does the same to me. When I do it feels like electricity is shooting through me. We don't talk religion so i don't know how much of a role that plays in her life. Since we've been studying together we've also been doing better in class. Her parents have been really happy with her and totally trust her. Before it used to be group study now we just have extra study sessions where it's just her and me in the library. I know how important education is in Pakistani families and really it's the main reason her parents let her stay out late. Sometimes i can't focus on studying when i'm with her like I find her quite mesmerising and I feel like i could look into her eyes forever. Or that i could go on listening to her speak forever. At times i've felt the urge to get closer to her and kiss her but i've stopped myself of thoughts thinking nothing can happen. I don't want it to get in the way of our friendship and of uni. Many weekends we've spent at uni and in the library studying but just chatting about life. My family don't really care much about who i date so i know it won't be an issue for them.

She cares for me a lot and when i injured my leg and i was in hospital she came to visit me when she could. When her parents went to Pakistan due to a family issue and she had to stay behind due to exams i made sure i visited her regularly and as I am a good cook of asian food i made sure she was eating well, as she was quite stressed, and always made sure i had extra lunch with me in case she forgot to pack hers. It's like we have an unspoken relationship between friendship and bf/gf. I can't imagine my life without her in it. We've only known each other for a short time but i feel like my life has changed since i met her..she's made me think about things deeply and be less impulsive and she tells me i'm like the close friend she's always looked for.


I'd also like to take this forward and maybe ask her out to dinner. We did go for a picnic once just both of us and it was kind of surreal just me and her. At one time we were lying on the ground side by side looking up at the sky and for that one moment it felt like it was just the both of us and no one else. At that moment i really wished i had been born in a Pakistani family or it was possible somehow for us to get married without her risking her relationship with her family because of it.


Recently, she told me her parents are arranging her marriage to some guy from Pakistan who is coming to study. They were putting a lot of pressure on her. She wasn't happy about it and she was distressed about it so much so she was in tears and i wiped her tears and just held her. Seeing her in pain i felt hurt as well. I felt kind of helpless that there was nothing i could do to fix the situation without ruining her relationship with her parents. If i was a Pakistani or Muslim guy i could make her parents see we are better matched. But is it my fault that I am non-Pakistani and non-Muslim and that i'm in love with a Pakistani girl? She was also worried someone in her family had seen our emails to each other (totally innocent). I really wished i could take her away from this pressure and that I could be there for her.

Should i tell her about these feelings? Once we went on a picnic together and we haven't kissed or done anything like that but i feel there is this underlying sexual tension between us.I know if she began a relationship with me she'd have to lie to family and she'd have to go through many sacrifices to see me etc.
My background is not caucasian but is not Pakistani either. We both are in demanding courses but once we graduate we will be financially stable and i am working a few part time jobs so i know i can be there to support her if she gets disowned or her parents throw her out. At the same time she is part of a close-knit family and I don't want to ruin that.

What would be the best way to approach her and show my interest before it's too late? How do i find out if she would want a long term relationship with a non-Muslim? Muslim/Pakistani girls, would any of you be open to dating/marrying non-Muslims? I know it's not technically allowed. But how many of you would date/marry someone who is non-muslim or someone who converts for you even if they don't fully follow things but they love you a lot or if you were in the position of my friend? How do you get a Pakistani family to like you?I don't even know if conversion would be enough as her parents probably expect a Pakistani boy. Do others know of Muslim friends who have done this? Anyone dated a Muslim girl with advice?


Really appreciate some help with this.

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Reply 1
I think I would get more acceptance from her family if I was Caucasian. I am a guy of Sri lankan and Indian Christian background. I speak a number of languages including Urdu her native language. I have darker tanned skin compared to her family and my friends say this might be an issue.

Tl dr: non Muslim guy likes Pakistani Muslim girl but does he have a chance if he doesn't convert or converts?
Reply 2

Hiya I'm Pakistani Muslim girl and I can totally understand what ur going through. Pm me and I can help u out hopefully:smile:
Reply 3
Original post by GFQ

Hiya I'm Pakistani Muslim girl and I can totally understand what ur going through. Pm me and I can help u out hopefully:smile:


Thanks for offering to help. I'm new here but how do u send a PM?
Original post by GFQ

Hiya I'm Pakistani Muslim girl and I can totally understand what ur going through. Pm me and I can help u out hopefully:smile:


Why not just post here so everyone can see what you have to say. It's anonymous anyway :biggrin:.
It strikes me that taking up a religion that you don't believe in for the sake of someone you fancy is a recipe for unhappiness in the long run. Even if the reasons for your attraction weren't pretty flimsy (that's not to say there's anything wrong with that, but wanting someone due to "forbidden, mysterious allure" isn't a recipe for anything long term) you'd still end up resenting your partner in the longer term for requiring you to take part in a religion you don't have any attachment to.
Reply 6
I don't think you need to convert to be with a female of the Muslim religion or from the Middle East. I'm sure if that right girl felt the same about you, relationship will form regardless of religion. You'd be building a relationship on fake pretences which isn't a recipe for success, she either loves you for who you are and what you stand for, or she doesn't.
No don't convert.

Just give it a shot, many hijab-wearing girls would become flexible if they liked you.
Reply 8
Original post by christojlk
Thanks for offering to help. I'm new here but how do u send a PM?


Even if you convert just to marry her, you'll have other issues, one is that you choose Islam for her so your'll always be in doubt which will cause problems in the future.
South Asian families are very cultural despite being Muslim, and will overlook many aspects of Islam such as racism...........so are quite racist of having future family members from other countries as well as their own kind based on how dark their skin are.
Then there's your own family, who may hate you for such an action.
Hi, Im muslim myself but I am going to give an unbiased opinion as ever. Ive lived in 2 western countries and been to the middle east quite a lot, speaking from experience.

She might have feelings for you, and is likely to be in a position for long term marriage but not have considered it in your case because you are not religious. Whether or not she is in a position to be flexible about her religion, it doesn't matter, you will ruin her relationship with her family, the beliefs she grew up with, etc. forever, whether you like it or not. And you seem to be the most kind person also considering her feelings and her position within her family, I must admire that. But there is nothing you can do about it.

The reason she didn't like the other Asian guy is probably because she has grown up here and sees how different it is not to be in an arranged marriage, she might not even know this guy and is not willing to take that commitment.

If you are willing to take your relationship forward, and you want to have everything you mentioned to come true, you're going to have to convert to make her family (as a minimum) happy and trust me, whether you are pakistani or not, converting should mean the world to them and they should accept you if they truly understand the meaning of Islam. However, you got to be serious about whatever you do, converting is not just putting the status on yourself, it is about truly believing in the idea, otherwise there is no point.

So go around, speak to people in a mosque (speak to an Imam, trust me they are 10000x more approachable than you think, you can go there and speak in confidentiality and talk about your problem) and once you see how peacefully they are willing to help you and give advice, and you absolutely understand what Islam is and you are willing to convert, then you can take a step and talk to her about it.

I realise things can work out differently, this is as close as you might get. Many Asians here are Muslim, but might not take their religion seriously, and prioritize their background over the religion as a choice of their daughter's future partner. For all you can do to help, is converting, think about it thoroughly and know that whether she might perceive this as positive or negative, you are truly convinced you want to be a Muslim before you commit, and soon you will realize, it's the best thing you have done and you will be able to see how badly portrayed this religion is in the media.

Good luck. Peace out. Willing to follow this thread to further answer anything.
Reply 10
if you convert you should be a beleiver you can't just convert for her.even if you do it will never work out in the future youll have alot of issues later on and you will want to convert back and bla bla bla. how about you read about the religion maybe youd like it?i mean if you like muslim girls maybe its islam that attracts you?try to read a little bit into it.
Reply 11
"Recently, she told me her parents are arranging her marriage to some guy from Pakistan who is coming to study"
violation of human rights
Reply 12
Original post by christojlk
Thanks for offering to help. I'm new here but how do u send a PM?


Loool click on my name and it will direct you to my profile and then pm
Original post by LeonP
"Recently, she told me her parents are arranging her marriage to some guy from Pakistan who is coming to study"
violation of human rights


You're confusing arranged marriages with forced marriages
People are either telling you to convert for her or not convert for her. Now i'm not going to tell you what to do. But what I am going to say is if I was in your situation. I would try to be logical about this situation as well as sensitive.

First off before I do anything drastic I'll take time to see how much she really likes me and how much I really like her. Usually when we 'first' start liking someone we think very stupid and willing to do anything but it isn't the case after a few months or so. Its just a chemical rush which makes us sometimes stupid.

If she really likes me and I really like her, I will investigate into seeing her behaviour, does she change after leaving her house is she pretty much the same, what's her family like, cousins and brothers and stuff. If she's a very logical and kind person and comes from a open minded family not necessarily open minded in terms of clothing and dating I mean as in kind, her parents don't stalk their children, don't make racist remarks things like that. If she comes from an ok family who think its ok for their daughter to go outside and trust them and are communicative towards other ethnic and cultural people from the community then I would take the next step.

I would research into her religion and her beliefs. If its logical and is something which inspires me and I fall in love with that religion and its teachings I would wait and keep researching, finding things out from various people, finding out the original teachings of that religion. I won't necessarily research and look into this religion for the sake of ok i'm going to convert anyways, if I feel it's not for me and it doesn't have much logic in it, I wont. I will not think of that girl and convert. I'll only and i say it again 'only' convert for the sake of the religion and myself.

If lets say I don't feel like this religion is for me after doing alot of research into this religion, I will tell the girl that I cannot and i'm sorry unless you can help me to understand it otherwise I will not convert just so that I can marry you as much as I like you I know if I convert just to marry you it may cause problems in the future. If you can accept me after learning of this then thats great if you cannot then unfortunetly we are not able to get married.

If lets say after this immense research I feel its the perfect religion for me and its logical I will convert but only after doing 'immense' research and understanding. After I have converted I would wait about a year before I would marry or ask her parents to marry her. In that time I would try to get close to her family without them knowing I know their daughter, e.g. through mosque, from their brothers and cousins and father and make them like me and get to know me and get to know them. Break any barriers and then when I feel they trust me and they feel I am a great role model and loving caring understanding helpful etc and I trust them I would ask them politely and modestly that I am looking for a wife and I feel that their daughter is a great inspiration and a reflection of some of the great female role models in islam as a wife and mother and friend e.g. Mary, aisha (pbot) etc and I would like to ask her hand in marriage. And see what they say.

Mate if you think you can take this journey then I think it's best to pray to god. You might or you might not believe in his existence but for once try to pray, but not just once but continously and I'm sure he knows whats best for you. He knows when you think something is bad for you but infact it is good for you and when you think something is good for you he knows that infact it is bad for you. So ask him for his help and ask him what is best for you and ask for his help to achieve that.
Original post by on_a_leave
People are either telling you to convert for her or not convert for her. Now i'm not going to tell you what to do. But what I am going to say is if I was in your situation. I would try to be logical about this situation as well as sensitive.

First off before I do anything drastic I'll take time to see how much she really likes me and how much I really like her. Usually when we 'first' start liking someone we think very stupid and willing to do anything but it isn't the case after a few months or so. Its just a chemical rush which makes us sometimes stupid.

If she really likes me and I really like her, I will investigate into seeing her behaviour, does she change after leaving her house is she pretty much the same, what's her family like, cousins and brothers and stuff. If she's a very logical and kind person and comes from a open minded family not necessarily open minded in terms of clothing and dating I mean as in kind, her parents don't stalk their children, don't make racist remarks things like that. If she comes from an ok family who think its ok for their daughter to go outside and trust them and are communicative towards other ethnic and cultural people from the community then I would take the next step.

I would research into her religion and her beliefs. If its logical and is something which inspires me and I fall in love with that religion and its teachings I would wait and keep researching, finding things out from various people, finding out the original teachings of that religion. I won't necessarily research and look into this religion for the sake of ok i'm going to convert anyways, if I feel it's not for me and it doesn't have much logic in it, I wont. I will not think of that girl and convert. I'll only and i say it again 'only' convert for the sake of the religion and myself.

If lets say I don't feel like this religion is for me after doing alot of research into this religion, I will tell the girl that I cannot and i'm sorry unless you can help me to understand it otherwise I will not convert just so that I can marry you as much as I like you I know if I convert just to marry you it may cause problems in the future. If you can accept me after learning of this then thats great if you cannot then unfortunetly we are not able to get married.

If lets say after this immense research I feel its the perfect religion for me and its logical I will convert but only after doing 'immense' research and understanding. After I have converted I would wait about a year before I would marry or ask her parents to marry her. In that time I would try to get close to her family without them knowing I know their daughter, e.g. through mosque, from their brothers and cousins and father and make them like me and get to know me and get to know them. Break any barriers and then when I feel they trust me and they feel I am a great role model and loving caring understanding helpful etc and I trust them I would ask them politely and modestly that I am looking for a wife and I feel that their daughter is a great inspiration and a reflection of some of the great female role models in islam as a wife and mother and friend e.g. Mary, aisha (pbot) etc and I would like to ask her hand in marriage. And see what they say.

Mate if you think you can take this journey then I think it's best to pray to god. You might or you might not believe in his existence but for once try to pray, but not just once but continously and I'm sure he knows whats best for you. He knows when you think something is bad for you but infact it is good for you and when you think something is good for you he knows that infact it is bad for you. So ask him for his help and ask him what is best for you and ask for his help to achieve that.


Amen! :smile:

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9100
You could point out to her that being forced to marry someone over here is legally considered abuse/violation of human rights?
Reply 17
Maybe you should convert if you really like her ...
dont u think she can convert for you >?
Original post by christojlk
Im quite non-religious but i guess i can swing either way from non-religious to being agnostic. I've always been really into Muslim girls. Not just the ones in hijab etc. I think it's the forbidden, mysterious allure they give off especially asian and middle eastern girls. I have heaps of Muslim female friends who i have a respectful relationship with. I also have dated Muslim girls in the past but never worked out due to religious differences.

Now there is a Muslim girl i really like at uni. I do not know how religious she is all i know is that i really like her. She is Pakistani and her parents are strict but she isn't. Now we've been studying together for some time and i do accidentally brush into her and i notice she does the same to me. When I do it feels like electricity is shooting through me. We don't talk religion so i don't know how much of a role that plays in her life. Since we've been studying together we've also been doing better in class. Her parents have been really happy with her and totally trust her. Before it used to be group study now we just have extra study sessions where it's just her and me in the library. I know how important education is in Pakistani families and really it's the main reason her parents let her stay out late. Sometimes i can't focus on studying when i'm with her like I find her quite mesmerising and I feel like i could look into her eyes forever. Or that i could go on listening to her speak forever. At times i've felt the urge to get closer to her and kiss her but i've stopped myself of thoughts thinking nothing can happen. I don't want it to get in the way of our friendship and of uni. Many weekends we've spent at uni and in the library studying but just chatting about life. My family don't really care much about who i date so i know it won't be an issue for them.

She cares for me a lot and when i injured my leg and i was in hospital she came to visit me when she could. When her parents went to Pakistan due to a family issue and she had to stay behind due to exams i made sure i visited her regularly and as I am a good cook of asian food i made sure she was eating well, as she was quite stressed, and always made sure i had extra lunch with me in case she forgot to pack hers. It's like we have an unspoken relationship between friendship and bf/gf. I can't imagine my life without her in it. We've only known each other for a short time but i feel like my life has changed since i met her..she's made me think about things deeply and be less impulsive and she tells me i'm like the close friend she's always looked for.


I'd also like to take this forward and maybe ask her out to dinner. We did go for a picnic once just both of us and it was kind of surreal just me and her. At one time we were lying on the ground side by side looking up at the sky and for that one moment it felt like it was just the both of us and no one else. At that moment i really wished i had been born in a Pakistani family or it was possible somehow for us to get married without her risking her relationship with her family because of it.


Recently, she told me her parents are arranging her marriage to some guy from Pakistan who is coming to study. They were putting a lot of pressure on her. She wasn't happy about it and she was distressed about it so much so she was in tears and i wiped her tears and just held her. Seeing her in pain i felt hurt as well. I felt kind of helpless that there was nothing i could do to fix the situation without ruining her relationship with her parents. If i was a Pakistani or Muslim guy i could make her parents see we are better matched. But is it my fault that I am non-Pakistani and non-Muslim and that i'm in love with a Pakistani girl? She was also worried someone in her family had seen our emails to each other (totally innocent). I really wished i could take her away from this pressure and that I could be there for her.

Should i tell her about these feelings? Once we went on a picnic together and we haven't kissed or done anything like that but i feel there is this underlying sexual tension between us.I know if she began a relationship with me she'd have to lie to family and she'd have to go through many sacrifices to see me etc.
My background is not caucasian but is not Pakistani either. We both are in demanding courses but once we graduate we will be financially stable and i am working a few part time jobs so i know i can be there to support her if she gets disowned or her parents throw her out. At the same time she is part of a close-knit family and I don't want to ruin that.

What would be the best way to approach her and show my interest before it's too late? How do i find out if she would want a long term relationship with a non-Muslim? Muslim/Pakistani girls, would any of you be open to dating/marrying non-Muslims? I know it's not technically allowed. But how many of you would date/marry someone who is non-muslim or someone who converts for you even if they don't fully follow things but they love you a lot or if you were in the position of my friend? How do you get a Pakistani family to like you?I don't even know if conversion would be enough as her parents probably expect a Pakistani boy. Do others know of Muslim friends who have done this? Anyone dated a Muslim girl with advice?


Really appreciate some help with this.


I can't be bothered to read all that. But hey, if you want to be a muslim and dress up in skirts and all sorts of freaky **** then have fun. Just remember, it will be your duty to be a miserable ****er, and to use your holiday leave to harass normal people walking down the street with extremist propoganda in birmingham. PS - I thought muslim women didnt spread their legs before marriage... So what's the point?
Original post by GFQ

Hiya I'm Pakistani Muslim girl and I can totally understand what ur going through. Pm me and I can help u out hopefully:smile:


Have you got any photos? If your drop dead gorgeous I might need to talk to you about converting.

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