Revert? He wasn't a muslim before....(Original post by Goldust94)
Hiya, i don't know whether you've resolved this issue already.. but i thought i'd give you a few bits of advice and my opinion on the issue?
Firstly, as a muslim girl isn't allowed in her religion to marry someone of a non-muslim background unless he reverts before the marriage, but even if you were to revert to a muslim.. it should be according to your own intentions. Your intentions should be based on the fact that you want to learn more about the religion and you want to convert for your ownself, not so you can be with someone or marry them, because then that defeats the object of reverting.
But other then that, I'd say express your feelings.. but don't rush into anything, because she may feel pressurised if she has the same feelings, and doesn't want to hurt her family yet can't hide her feelings either.
Really attracted to Muslim girls..should i just convert?
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Muslims CAN marry to non-Muslims but that non-Muslim must atleast belong to another religion or have a belief in the existence of god. Unfortunately from what I know about pakistani people, they don't like their kids to marry someone who isn't a pakistani (some accept arabs), so it will be hard for you to get in with her family (i may be wrong as im arab and not pakistani). regardless the best thing you can do is to announce your feelings to the girl, if she accepts and reciprocates them then you should go speak with her family, maybe they wont be as bad as you think, you could go to them and confess about your feelings for their daughter, the biggest thing they will be worried about is about the upbringing of their grandchildren and whether they'll be raised in islam, you could try to reassure them that they'll be raised up as muslims and also ask them to teach you about their religion. maybe it would work out if they find out how keen you are to give it a shot. it's best if you do this as soon as possible.
P.S. if they agree to teach you about our religion and you dont believe in its teachings and not understands its beliefs then you shouldn't convert for her, it probably won't work out for you and you will have to live a life as someone else and who isnt truly you and you wont be happy. Also a liar will get caught at the end of the day so there wont be a point in pretending you are a believer.
Just research the religion & then see whether it has enough evidence for you to believe in it or not. Don't just convert/(revert) for the sake of it
What happened in the end my friend ?
"It's just her and me in the library" LMAO.
(Original post by christojlk)
I think I would get more acceptance from her family if I was Caucasian. I am a guy of Sri lankan and Indian Christian background. I speak a number of languages including Urdu her native language. I have darker tanned skin compared to her family and my friends say this might be an issue.
Tl dr: non Muslim guy likes Pakistani Muslim girl but does he have a chance if he doesn't convert or converts?
Here's an example (note - not all are like this) : My brother (still at uni) grew up with Hindu and Christian beliefs but he's never been religious (we are Mauritian but mostly of South Indian/European ancestry). He recently cut us all off because my mum was unhappy with his decision to convert for a Pakistani muslim girl he'd been dating a few months. She was able to deal with the changes in him but told him that although he is free to date whoever he likes and he will always remain her beloved son, she did not want to assume the responsibility of hiding the girl in her home/going against the girl's parents or change her own beliefs. The girl's parents are very strict and were very unhappy with my brother dating her. Her father could not tolerate it at all and had already branded my brother an infidel and I think she'll be in a lot of trouble over summer so she wanted to stay at our family's house. So now my brother is cut off from his family and the poor girl is in big trouble with her own. Kind of one big mess but no one's at fault here really. It's just tough when people of two different religions or cultures become involved. The long-term situation is often of the star-crossed lovers kind. It can be more effort than it's worth. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.
You might even resent her later, despite it being your own decision. You should also take the girl's relationship with her family into consideration. Is it really fair to put her through all this? She might get into **** with her family as they clearly already have other plans for her - the arranged marriage (unless this is against her will). She might be forced to break ties with her family if they are against it. Converting might be your only option if this girl is truly serious about her religion and has no intention of converting to your religion. You have to think of your future together. What about when you marry her later on and have children together? It's very likely that she'll prefer to raise the children with her religion and values. And unless you both agree to that, it'll be a recipe for disaster.
Personally, I don't believe you should ever convert to win a crush over. As another poster has already mentioned, you should only convert if your values and beliefs match with the religion and you truly, wholeheartedly believe in it. Maybe do some research to see if your heart is really in it. If you realise (after researching) that Islam is for you, go ahead and convert. If those are your true beliefs, even your family should not have the right to intefere.
One question I have is would this girl be willing to convert for you if the roles were reversed and your own family was religious and strict? Changing such an important part of your own identity and core values for one person who may not have earned it is dangerous. Sorry for the mini-essay hun but I hope it helps a bit.
All the best. x
Edit: Just realised OP's post was from 2012. Either way, I enjoyed venting and this post might provide some future help to someone else.
(Original post by christojlk)
Im quite non-religious but i guess i can swing either way from non-religious to being agnostic. I've always been really into Muslim girls. Not just the ones in hijab etc. I think it's the forbidden, mysterious allure they give off especially asian and middle eastern girls. I have heaps of Muslim female friends who i have a respectful relationship with. I also have dated Muslim girls in the past but never worked out due to religious differences.
Now there is a Muslim girl i really like at uni. I do not know how religious she is all i know is that i really like her. She is Pakistani and her parents are strict but she isn't. Now we've been studying together for some time and i do accidentally brush into her and i notice she does the same to me. When I do it feels like electricity is shooting through me. We don't talk religion so i don't know how much of a role that plays in her life. Since we've been studying together we've also been doing better in class. Her parents have been really happy with her and totally trust her. Before it used to be group study now we just have extra study sessions where it's just her and me in the library. I know how important education is in Pakistani families and really it's the main reason her parents let her stay out late. Sometimes i can't focus on studying when i'm with her like I find her quite mesmerising and I feel like i could look into her eyes forever. Or that i could go on listening to her speak forever. At times i've felt the urge to get closer to her and kiss her but i've stopped myself of thoughts thinking nothing can happen. I don't want it to get in the way of our friendship and of uni. Many weekends we've spent at uni and in the library studying but just chatting about life. My family don't really care much about who i date so i know it won't be an issue for them.
She cares for me a lot and when i injured my leg and i was in hospital she came to visit me when she could. When her parents went to Pakistan due to a family issue and she had to stay behind due to exams i made sure i visited her regularly and as I am a good cook of asian food i made sure she was eating well, as she was quite stressed, and always made sure i had extra lunch with me in case she forgot to pack hers. It's like we have an unspoken relationship between friendship and bf/gf. I can't imagine my life without her in it. We've only known each other for a short time but i feel like my life has changed since i met her..she's made me think about things deeply and be less impulsive and she tells me i'm like the close friend she's always looked for.
I'd also like to take this forward and maybe ask her out to dinner. We did go for a picnic once just both of us and it was kind of surreal just me and her. At one time we were lying on the ground side by side looking up at the sky and for that one moment it felt like it was just the both of us and no one else. At that moment i really wished i had been born in a Pakistani family or it was possible somehow for us to get married without her risking her relationship with her family because of it.
Recently, she told me her parents are arranging her marriage to some guy from Pakistan who is coming to study. They were putting a lot of pressure on her. She wasn't happy about it and she was distressed about it so much so she was in tears and i wiped her tears and just held her. Seeing her in pain i felt hurt as well. I felt kind of helpless that there was nothing i could do to fix the situation without ruining her relationship with her parents. If i was a Pakistani or Muslim guy i could make her parents see we are better matched. But is it my fault that I am non-Pakistani and non-Muslim and that i'm in love with a Pakistani girl? She was also worried someone in her family had seen our emails to each other (totally innocent). I really wished i could take her away from this pressure and that I could be there for her.
Should i tell her about these feelings? Once we went on a picnic together and we haven't kissed or done anything like that but i feel there is this underlying sexual tension between us.I know if she began a relationship with me she'd have to lie to family and she'd have to go through many sacrifices to see me etc.
My background is not caucasian but is not Pakistani either. We both are in demanding courses but once we graduate we will be financially stable and i am working a few part time jobs so i know i can be there to support her if she gets disowned or her parents throw her out. At the same time she is part of a close-knit family and I don't want to ruin that.
What would be the best way to approach her and show my interest before it's too late? How do i find out if she would want a long term relationship with a non-Muslim? Muslim/Pakistani girls, would any of you be open to dating/marrying non-Muslims? I know it's not technically allowed. But how many of you would date/marry someone who is non-muslim or someone who converts for you even if they don't fully follow things but they love you a lot or if you were in the position of my friend? How do you get a Pakistani family to like you?I don't even know if conversion would be enough as her parents probably expect a Pakistani boy. Do others know of Muslim friends who have done this? Anyone dated a Muslim girl with advice?
Really appreciate some help with this.
Being a pakistani and a muslim, i can tell you that my parents would probably be open to me marrying a convert but not a non-muslim. But every family is different however Pakistanis in the west are more accepting so i suggest you try and talk to her, make sure she agrees and stuff then formally meet her parents, make it clear that NOTHING happened between you two (just so they trust you) and that you really like her and would be willing to even convert, make them see good points about you
Oh and one thing about pakistani dads, they love guys that share same interests as them lol so maybe find out what he likes (probably cricket tbh) and maybe add that into your conversation with her parents
If you need any more information, lmk hahah
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It seems ludicrous to me to convert to a religion in order to get a 'forbidden' woman with no spiritual motivation at all. Do it if you want but you will probably resent your wife long term.
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