Results are out! Find what you need...fast. Get quick advice or join the chat
Hey there Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

why do Asians have lot of self hate when it comes to dating ?

Announcements Posted on
Applying to Uni? Let Universities come to you. Click here to get your perfect place 20-10-2014
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I've noticed a lot of Asians seem to have sort of self hate or prejudice when it comes to dating their own race. I don't believe people should date their own race because of tradition and all that but isn't it just as bad to completely reject an entire race especially if it's your own race. Non Asian people are way more open minded and never outwardly reject a race yet you get people here on tsr and in real life who are Asians but want nothing to do with other Asians. This is particularly the case for Indians for some reason.

    Why would someone do that? How many of the Asians here are against dating people of their background. Why be against an entire race because of maybe some bad events/interactions you had in the past. All individuals are different..yes even freshies.
    Both guys and girls do it as a guy I've noticed it more from girls . If you approach an Asian girl who is against dating Asian guys you get an immediate no with no explanation. I have never found that to happen with a Caucasian Girl

    I realise Asian guys get really stereotyped but we're not all culture bound and dependent as previous generations. Some of us believe in things being equal, don't judge on sex before marriage and typically have the beliefs of any regular guy. Some if us are just like other guys but are rejected because we're assumed to be traditional and regressive, how is this fair? Shouldn't we at least get a chance?

    This post misuses the anonymous function. Before posting anonymously, please read the H&R guidelines - http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/wiki...ips_Guidelines
    • 18 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I noticed it way more with guys. I'm an asian girl and I don't have racial preferences. (sri-lankan btw )
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Like a lot of Asian girls I have a definite "would my parents be cool with this" idea in my mind when it comes to boys - but it's weird, 'cos it's not like it has any effect on who I fancy! I do think it's really exciting when the answer is "no, no they would not" But equally, if it's someone they would like - that's even better!
    • 57 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    Maybe because they feel 'forced' to date someone of the same race as them, meaning they have no other option to date who they like??
    • 4 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by darkxangel)
    I noticed it way more with guys. I'm an asian girl and I don't have racial preferences. (sri-lankan btw )
    yeh i agree guys are worse. It's so sad the number of threads here which are like "how do i get white girls to like me" and do white girls like asian guys.
    Sri Lankan girls are awesome. Jacqueline is pretty cool as is MIA
    • 18 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by brownchocolateice)
    yeh i agree guys are worse. It's so sad the number of threads here which are like "how do i get white girls to like me" and do white girls like asian guys.
    Sri Lankan girls are awesome. Jacqueline is pretty cool as is MIA
    yh, but if they are genuinely more attracted to them then fair enough.

    I look like neither of them, but thanks! apparently i look indian or "muslim". :rolleyes:
    • 4 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by carolvision)
    Like a lot of Asian girls I have a definite "would my parents be cool with this" idea in my mind when it comes to boys - but it's weird, 'cos it's not like it has any effect on who I fancy! I do think it's really exciting when the answer is "no, no they would not" But equally, if it's someone they would like - that's even better!
    Being an asian boy myself, I don't think asian girls should limit themselves or settle. If they find a non asian guy who unconditionally loves them and is overall a great partner then they should choose him over the asian guy who is undesirable. I think parents generally will come around. Well they should. If i had a daughter i would tell her that.

    I think ,like op says, taht to rule someone out because they're asian and remind you of your parents strict values or whatever is slightly unfair. There's lots of awesome asian guys who are open minded, good looking, reliable, loyal, and would make good partners. I mean non-asian girls generally disregard us cos of cultural differences and then if asian girls did the same, who would we have? I think asian guys are worse to be honest and i do feel they unnecessarily make asian girls compromise things.


    I agree its definitely exciting to have a forbidden relationship. Hmm...don't know what the solution is..maybe they can role play an exciting character. Or maybe turn bad boy so parents show some disapproval. But i think it's sweet when guys work for a girl's family's approval.

    out of curiosity, what type of asian girl are you..like background wise
    • 4 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by darkxangel)
    yh, but if they are genuinely more attracted to them then fair enough.

    I look like neither of them, but thanks! apparently i look indian or "muslim". :rolleyes:
    That's true. There should be no issues if they're genuinely attracted. It's just when you point blank refuse to date someone of a particular race. Even preferences are ok. It's ok if asian girls/guys prefer to date whites/orientals etc but why say i'm not attracted to any asians or i would never date an asian. You never know even if someone is not attracted to asians you might one day find your soul mate in an asian body. So why close that option?

    I'm sure you have a unique look still awesome nonetheless its not that bad a thing to look Indian :P How can one look Muslim? Muslims come in all races. You must be so exotic that they can't figure out where you're from.
    i look pretty indian with brown skin and all...but this elderly lady at work said she could guess my ethnicity and said i looked italian. :lolwut: not that i minded
    • 18 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by brownchocolateice)
    That's true. There should be no issues if they're genuinely attracted. It's just when you point blank refuse to date someone of a particular race. Even preferences are ok. It's ok if asian girls/guys prefer to date whites/orientals etc but why say i'm not attracted to any asians or i would never date an asian. You never know even if someone is not attracted to asians you might one day find your soul mate in an asian body. So why close that option?

    I'm sure you have a unique look still awesome nonetheless its not that bad a thing to look Indian :P How can one look Muslim? Muslims come in all races. You must be so exotic that they can't figure out where you're from.
    i look pretty indian with brown skin and all...but this elderly lady at work said she could guess my ethnicity and said i looked italian. :lolwut: not that i minded
    agreed!

    My mum told me it's because i have a turkish face (well a dark one). It's mostly because i'm much lighter than people from my country but still brown, it throws them off. :rolleyes: Most white guess that i'm indian, which is fine .

    pic?
    • 142 followers
    Online

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by brownchocolateice)
    That's true. There should be no issues if they're genuinely attracted. It's just when you point blank refuse to date someone of a particular race. Even preferences are ok. It's ok if asian girls/guys prefer to date whites/orientals etc but why say i'm not attracted to any asians or i would never date an asian. You never know even if someone is not attracted to asians you might one day find your soul mate in an asian body. So why close that option?

    I'm sure you have a unique look still awesome nonetheless its not that bad a thing to look Indian :P How can one look Muslim? Muslims come in all races. You must be so exotic that they can't figure out where you're from.
    i look pretty indian with brown skin and all...but this elderly lady at work said she could guess my ethnicity and said i looked italian. :lolwut: not that i minded
    If someone says they don't find Asians physically attractive or whatever I think they mean in general they have never experienced anyone attractive in their eyes. It's more to do with what they look like than race imo :yy:
    • 4 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by darkxangel)
    agreed!

    My mum told me it's because i have a turkish face (well a dark one). It's mostly because i'm much lighter than people from my country but still brown, it throws them off. :rolleyes: Most white guess that i'm indian, which is fine .

    pic?
    how does one post a pic? :P Or should i send you a personal signed version of it :P
    u might be disappointed with the pic..im no Italian/Greek adonis but i do have some similarities like a defined jaw line, chiselled chin/facial features and flowing locks, which some do find attractive...along with my obviously good, dark asian looks. joking about that. not big headed at all.
    I really don't know what that lady was thinking to be honest. im dark brown..kind of the colour of sunset/twilight and usually people guess im Indian/Sri Lankan..i dont mind like 3/4 of my real life friends are sri lankan anyway.
    I do like brown/darker coloured girls better
    also i find as asians we get complimented on our warm brown eyes and on our long eyelashes..even guys get that. I got that once when i went to the optometerist..she said i had lovely long lashes.
    haha let me know if you still want to see lol
    • 18 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by brownchocolateice)
    how does one post a pic? :P Or should i send you a personal signed version of it :P
    u might be disappointed with the pic..im no Italian/Greek adonis but i do have some similarities like a defined jaw line, chiselled chin/facial features and flowing locks, which some do find attractive...along with my obviously good, dark asian looks. joking about that. not big headed at all.
    I really don't know what that lady was thinking to be honest. im dark brown..kind of the colour of sunset/twilight and usually people guess im Indian/Sri Lankan..i dont mind like 3/4 of my real life friends are sri lankan anyway.
    I do like brown/darker coloured girls better
    also i find as asians we get complimented on our warm brown eyes and on our long eyelashes..even guys get that. I got that once when i went to the optometerist..she said i had lovely long lashes.
    haha let me know if you still want to see lol
    yes i do. I thought i was the only one who likes brown skin.
    • 4 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by darkxangel)
    yes i do. I thought i was the only one who likes brown skin.
    ok must figure out how to post pics lol. u might be the only asian girl who likes brown skin Well maybe there are a few more. I've found that some asian girls have a preference for lighter skin guys, white girls and even oriental girls prefer brown or dark skin. It could just be opposites attract. I don't blame asian girls though some asian guys are worse when it comes to skin colour. It's pretty sad. I used to get comments on my skin but im happy with the way it is

    Like threads like this have some interesting views.


    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...&page=3&page=3

    there was this guy who posted saying fully integreted asians would be more attracted to europeans and the thread starter felt asian girls not dating white guys were missing out. I don't get that type of stuff.

    i do think some asian guys act too pricey and possessive and i can understand why girls would not be attracted to that. There's nothing wrong with asian girls or guys preferring white partners but keeping an open mind is important..even if its just to your own race.
    • 0 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    I'm half white & half asian. When I started becoming interested in girls, I preffered white girls (mainly blondes) and assumed that my first girlfriend would be non-asian as I wasn't really interested in asian girls.

    However at uni at met an awesome british asian girl who changed my opinion.

    I'm not sure why I initially ruled out asian girls...
    • 4 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by darkxangel)
    yes i do. I thought i was the only one who likes brown skin.



    Brown skin is beautiful so def nothing not to like When i think brown i think tasty things like chocolate ..

    i hope this photo exchange of browness will be both ways only if comfortable of course
    • 4 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    If someone says they don't find Asians physically attractive or whatever I think they mean in general they have never experienced anyone attractive in their eyes. It's more to do with what they look like than race imo :yy:
    I saw your thread..and i dunno how guys can not find asian girls attractive. Girls from all races have beautiful features. Asian girls have lot of variety in appearance and basically you can find all looks in asia. If you haven't found asian girls attractive you've met a limited number or perhaps you need to broaden your definition of attraction..
    • 4 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tizz)
    I'm half white & half asian. When I started becoming interested in girls, I preffered white girls (mainly blondes) and assumed that my first girlfriend would be non-asian as I wasn't really interested in asian girls.

    However at uni at met an awesome british asian girl who changed my opinion.

    I'm not sure why I initially ruled out asian girls...
    Good on you for broadening your view of attraction and being open to date different races. It's ok to have preferences. Seems like most asian guys and girls here do but i don't get ruling out an entire race.

    Although i guess your interests also dictate who you're interested in. If you have an interest in asian culture, music dance etc maybe you'll be drawn to asian girls but not necessarily because non-asians can find asian things appealing as they do. Famous examples being yoga, meditation and the kama sutra prob lol.
    • 18 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by brownchocolateice)
    ok must figure out how to post pics lol. u might be the only asian girl who likes brown skin Well maybe there are a few more. I've found that some asian girls have a preference for lighter skin guys, white girls and even oriental girls prefer brown or dark skin. It could just be opposites attract. I don't blame asian girls though some asian guys are worse when it comes to skin colour. It's pretty sad. I used to get comments on my skin but im happy with the way it is

    Like threads like this have some interesting views.


    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...&page=3&page=3

    there was this guy who posted saying fully integreted asians would be more attracted to europeans and the thread starter felt asian girls not dating white guys were missing out. I don't get that type of stuff.

    i do think some asian guys act too pricey and possessive and i can understand why girls would not be attracted to that. There's nothing wrong with asian girls or guys preferring white partners but keeping an open mind is important..even if its just to your own race.
    what's not to like about golden or chocolate brown skin.


    -lol i don't care about race, but the individual. That thread is stupid. but tbh i've seen way more asian guys that discriminate.

    Have you figured out how to post a pic yet?
    • 4 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by darkxangel)
    what's not to like about golden or chocolate brown skin.


    -lol i don't care about race, but the individual. That thread is stupid. but tbh i've seen way more asian guys that discriminate.

    Have you figured out how to post a pic yet?
    Nice pics i should find some more similar pics. YOu need to give me advice. I read some other thread and you had some really awesome photos there. But i definitely agree when i think of brown skin i think smooth melting chocolate colours. I agree with you that more guys discriminate..i think thats pretty stupid. thread was stupid but i remembered it cos i posted on it ages ago.

    Everyone is different and best to think of people as individuals.

    Not yet figured it out ..im just a slow asian guy. I think i'm waiting for a beautiful chocolate flavoured asian girl with warm brown eyes and silky black hair to help me figure it out. Perhaps you can help me.
    sorry the above is slightly cheesy but going along with the chocolaye theme.
    So this photo should it have a dark background, or be in a well lit area or have mood lighting? T shirt, polo shirt, button up, suit or asian wear or a scottish kilt or jeans-3/4, full or skinny jeans, shorts, trousers etxc ....too many combinations of type of photo and im not good at making decisions.
    • 18 followers
    Offline

    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by brownchocolateice)
    Nice pics i should find some more similar pics. YOu need to give me advice. I read some other thread and you had some really awesome photos there. But i definitely agree when i think of brown skin i think smooth melting chocolate colours. I agree with you that more guys discriminate..i think thats pretty stupid. thread was stupid but i remembered it cos i posted on it ages ago.

    Everyone is different and best to think of people as individuals.

    Not yet figured it out ..im just a slow asian guy. I think i'm waiting for a beautiful chocolate flavoured asian girl with warm brown eyes and silky black hair to help me figure it out. Perhaps you can help me.
    sorry the above is slightly cheesy but going along with the chocolaye theme.
    So this photo should it have a dark background, or be in a well lit area or have mood lighting? T shirt, polo shirt, button up, suit or asian wear or a scotish kilt ....too many combinations of type of photo and im not good at making decisions.
    well lit area. T shirt is fine, i'm not good with picking clothes for guys.

    ohh but my hair is closer to dark brown than black. how old are you?

Reply

Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. By joining you agree to our Ts and Cs, privacy policy and site rules

  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: July 10, 2012
New on TSR
Article updates
Reputation gems:
You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.