[az08]

So nearly 4 years ago I met a girl in UK. She lives on other side of world. It was like love at first site, instant chemistry. She went back after her holiday and we stayed in touch. After 2 months I asked her to become my girlfriend.

For the next 2 years, we saw each other every 6 months or so, between 2 weeks and 3 months. We were then on a break for a year, then back together for 6 months, then finished again.

I last saw her a month ago, where she said she loved me, but that after all this time of us stil not being together for good, she wanted to cut off all contact to let us both meet other people to make sure we did want to be together for life and then make the move for good.

I have literally just now found out she has been playing me all along - all the times I was here and she was there she was literally going out and getting with guys left right and center. Not like a one-off but regularly. Its just the way she is. I now understand that.

For all this time I had always stayed true to her, and believed she was staying true too. I had given her my heart. That heart is now broken.

This is the worst possible break up I could have imagined...to find out the girl you have been with has been sleeping around.

Help

[pinkmonkey3]

It must feel like you've wasted all that time on someone who merely messed you around.

You haven't done anything wrong, she has. And you will someone more trustworthy etc.

Now just focus on yourself, don't contact her at all; try and keep busy. Replace her with some hobby/job/something you've always wanted to do.

[2ndClass]

Were you ever in an official relationship?

[qua]

Getting over a break-up is always hard, especially after finding out we've been deceived, lied to, or cheated on.

The first thing you should do, and should do immediately, is cut all ties and go No Contact with her, at least for a while. You need time to yourself, to grieve, to cope with your anger, to heal. Which does not only mean not calling/texting/writing her, but also reducing all possibilities to contact her - like deleting her number from your phone, blocking her on FB etc. Not doing that will only tempt you into writing her after a while.

It is very very important for you to release your feelings, by doing whatever helps you do so. Crying, talking to friends/family members, keeping a journal... You need to get these feelings out in order to be able to cope.

Also, concentrate on yourself, and do whatever makes you feel good about yourself. Meet people, exercise, look for a new project, go on a holiday, learn how to play the violin... organise your days and keep busy, it will help you feeling less depressed. Also, don't neglect yourself.

Once you've coped, once the wounds have healed a little, you could try to contact her again to word your feelings to her, to get closure. But give it time.

[az08]

(Original post by 2ndClass)
Were you ever in an official relationship?

What? Yes we very much were, as official as you can get.



Thanks pinkmonkey3. I do very much feel like it has been wasted. But more betrayed that she did this, and then would come on skype after a night out and tell me she loves me, basically putting all the thoughts I had that she MIGHT be doing something, in the ground. I believed her

[az08]

(Original post by qua)
Getting over a break-up is always hard, especially after finding out we've been deceived, lied to, or cheated on.

The first thing you should do, and should do immediately, is cut all ties and go No Contact with her, at least for a while. You need time to yourself, to grieve, to cope with your anger, to heal. Which does not only mean not calling/texting/writing her, but also reducing all possibilities to contact her - like deleting her number from your phone, blocking her on FB etc. Not doing that will only tempt you into writing her after a while.

It is very very important for you to release your feelings, by doing whatever helps you do so. Crying, talking to friends/family members, keeping a journal... You need to get these feelings out in order to be able to cope.

Also, concentrate on yourself, and do whatever makes you feel good about yourself. Meet people, exercise, look for a new project, go on a holiday, learn how to play the violin... organise your days and keep busy, it will help you feeling less depressed. Also, don't neglect yourself.

Once you've coped, once the wounds have healed a little, you could try to contact her again to word your feelings to her, to get closure. But give it time.

I dont think I can wait to get that closure, I need to talk to her now, to hear it from her, from her mouth to tell me its the truth.

Can you believe I am actually in Italy right now as I found out some guy whisked her away here, and I came to try to find her, basically to try to win her back. I didnt know about the whole past until literally a couple of hours ago, from a friend that stayed in her country with her family for a while (while we were bf and gf still) as he was her sisters boyfriend, so he saw/heard a lot of this stuff. I lost contact with him so I only just found out now.

Yep im a sucker for love. I thought we had love and even came her to try to show that. I feel like such an idiot.

[Studentus-anonymous]

haha troll.

[az08]

(Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
haha troll.

i wish, its all true

[Potential Trigger]

(Original post by az08)
I dont think I can wait to get that closure, I need to talk to her now, to hear it from her, from her mouth to tell me its the truth.

Can you believe I am actually in Italy right now as I found out some guy whisked her away here, and I came to try to find her, basically to try to win her back. I didnt know about the whole past until literally a couple of hours ago, from a friend that stayed in her country with her family for a while (while we were bf and gf still) as he was her sisters boyfriend, so he saw/heard a lot of this stuff. I lost contact with him so I only just found out now.

Yep im a sucker for love. I thought we had love and even came her to try to show that. I feel like such an idiot.

This is going to hit you hard for a while. It's going to take some time but you need to find a way to distract yourself. Take an interest in one of your past hobbies, meet your mates more, talk to new girls. It's not a case of going on the rebound, but to realise that she is not the only one out there. Try to block out the memories you had with her and think of how she lied to you. You deserve better.

[Ambry]

One thing you should remember about this- She was NOT the person you thought she was.

This must have hurt you really bad. I have been in this situation. You seem like a good, honest person who truly loved this girl. But you should remember this girl lied to you and was not honest. You felt this was a real, good relationship and she treated the distance as an excuse to play you and get with other people. Not good.

Be thankful it was 4 years and not 6 or 7 with this girl. It is a lot of time but its time you can get back and you can learn from this experience. You may feel broken, mistrustful, used and betrayed. you might feel like she is all you will ever think about. But please, trust me even if you don't believe this now. You will get over her. It will get better. It might take time. But you will be able to get on with your life.

Every bad life experience you learn from, and you will learn a lot from this. You will get a girl who you deserve, who loves you deeply and trusts you and wouldn't hurt you like this. You have so much to look forward to.

I believe distancing yourself from this girl will be the best thing to move forward from this terrible break up. It will hurt but in the long run it will be better than trying to remain friends because you will just remember her more and think about her more.

Go out with friends, take time to recover, focus on more rewarding pursuits and hobbies. I know it is really hard, I have been in positions like yours and it absolutely sucks. But it will get better, I promise

[Giraffe12]

I don't have any advice to offer but I just wanted to say I'm really sorry can't comprehend how bad you must feel , I hope you get over her and move on to better things xxxxx

[Pitt1988]

Duuuuude. All I can do is be completely honest, while it's not nice that you found these things out, but man up. You went to Italy to go find her? You need to get angry once in a while, not just pine after her when she did all that.

Move on, man.

[Golden_Boy786]

Phhffft!

Get over it!



This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[misst911]

Harsh, but always a risk with that kind of relationship I suppose. Just don't let it affect future relationships, move on.

[SillyMilly]

It is the worst possible feeling when you finally realise that the person you loved was a fake and that they were not the person you thought they were, but you need to realise this. The likelyhood is that there were signs of her cheating maybe being distant, not texting or vice versa being overly clingy (guilt), soppy but you chose to ignore these sings becuase you loved her. Dont worry I did it too im quite relaxed in relationships, i have a phobia of l-o-v-e- word but when my ex started being overly affectionate and soppy iknew he was guilty about something but i ignored it becuase i didnt want to believe it.


You have to realise that she was a mistake but take the positives out of the relationship, yes she cheated and it hurts but yourr never going to be strung along, used again becuase you will be more wary, you will not take what people say at face value. Ultimately you will become a stronger person. People kept telling me to get over him to snap out of him im better of without him and i dindt believe them i just couldnt do it, its only a fair few months later that im finally finally over him becuase i realised he was dragging me down in life i focused so much on him i missed out on a year of living my life you will realise too that you wasted all that time on her, so now is the time to start doing the things you could of done but didnt becuase you were more focused on her

[rizisap]

Are you, like, 12?

You asked a girl out who lived on the other side of the world? What on earth possessed you to do that?

Hate to break it to you bro, but you never were in a proper relationship. You were, at worst, a past time and at best, an option.

Accept it, learn from it, move on with life. There's probably about 10 million date-able women in the uk, and some of them will probably want to date you.

[Golden_Boy786]

(Original post by rizisap)
Are you, like, 12?

You asked a girl out who lived on the other side of the world? What on earth possessed you to do that?

Hate to break it to you bro, but you never were in a proper relationship. You were, at worst, a past time and at best, an option.

Accept it, learn from it, move on with life. There's probably about 10 million date-able women in the uk, and some of them will probably want to date you.

I couldn't have put it any better. Totally agree.

I mean being with someone for a few months and then moving away again. That's not really gonna work.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Rosie1422]

Any relationship where both people say they are exclusive, no matter the distance, is a 'proper' relationship. Why is it when you hear about people waiting for their Army partners to finish service, that's heroic, yet any other long-distance relationship is 'not going to work'?

Even in a normal distance relationship there is a risk of cheating, it happens all the time, not just in long-distance relationships.

What I find worse than someone happening to love someone who lives elsewhere, is people who seem to to treat partners like they do things ie when one doesn't work, just find another. People are not the same, and they're not replaceable. I wonder if the people who say things like "find someone closer" realise that by that logic, THEIR partners might as well be with someone else who is equally 'dateable' because obviously nothing makes anyone special. Sure, there are other people out there and you will find love again, but a different love (in this case, a better, more faithful love).

Just because a relationship is long-distance and doesn't work out doesn't mean anyone should come in with tact that's tantamount to telling someone whose dog has just died to go buy another dog and get over it.