[DickDastardly]

its obviously easier said than done but one of the main things to focus on in dealing with these types of times in your life is to change your outlook from that of a pessimist to that of an optimist.

if you approach every new situation with optimism, whether that situation be academic or social, then you will eventually get what you want (as long as you put effort in too)l.

this will all result in you becoming happier

sources: past experience of depression (which i got out of by being positive every day and making absolutely tons of effort to make things work for me)

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Awesomeosaurus)
Only done my first year

same !

(Original post by Jammyandjuicy)
I know u probably don't think it now but there are a lot of people in the same position as you. I had the same problem I worked really hard always and ended up with no friends at uni or at home. I would say ask yourself what your options would be if you stayed or left university, if you want u can message me and talk about it.

I have nothing at home, no friends left at all. I don't have a very good family relationship either. I've basically dedicated a lot of time to my work, and i'm doing okay, and had a successful year. But i dont like certain aspects of university and i dont have any real friends there either. It's a shame i used to be quite popular.

[geetar]

I don't know about your specific problems (join a uni society, to make friends), but...yes, life is ****.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by DickDastardly)
its obviously easier said than done but one of the main things to focus on in dealing with these types of times in your life is to change your outlook from that of a pessimist to that of an optimist.

if you approach every new situation with optimism, whether that situation be academic or social, then you will eventually get what you want (as long as you put effort in too)l.

this will all result in you becoming happier

sources: past experience of depression (which i got out of by being positive every day and making absolutely tons of effort to make things work for me)

I do agree i am quite pessimistic, although i used to be a lot worse. I want to be more possitive and happier with myself and my work and try to be more sociable.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Jammyandjuicy)
Exactly the same aa me. It's good u enjoy some aspects though, id say if ur doing well stick with it and easier said than done try hard to make friends. In the end I reapplied for a new uni as I became so depressed I decided it was a better option but like I sed I would stick with it if I were u

I do feel it is the University that is the issue. I am at a good university for my course. I dont want to go to a University lesser, but i know i wouldnt be able to transfer to one of a similar level or better. I know that's stupid but ive worked hard to get in and don't want it to go to waste.

[Jammyandjuicy]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I do feel it is the University that is the issue. I am at a good university for my course. I dont want to go to a University lesser, but i know i wouldnt be able to transfer to one of a similar level or better. I know that's stupid but ive worked hard to get in and don't want it to go to waste.

That sounds complex, easier see than done as I see earlier but try to make friends at any opportunity possible. I find it keeps my mind off dark thoughts and harming by trying to make friends but also working hard does as well, I suppose it depends on the person but a good balance of both will probably help u

[Skeppy]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Basically, i dont enjoy uni as much as everyone else seems to. I used to love working, and doing my work to the point of obssession, but since being at uni they try and create a standard mould of student to churn out and i hate it. I'm completely not what they want (not sure why they gave me an offer really). I don't want to stay at home, i have no friends and im a bit of an outcast in my family. I just feel super low, i've battled with self harming for about 7 years and i feel like if i start again itll just get worse. Not really sure what im after, maybe just a talk? i dont know. rant.

You have no real problems

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC Wildfire S A510e

[Chillywilly93]

(Original post by InnerTemple)
Life is what you make of it. At any point in your life, there will always be something bothering you. It is how you handle these bothers which dictate how you cope in life.

Watch this, it is only 2minutes 22 seconds:


Remember: Don't think of life as just a journey with a goal at the end, see life as a musical piece - enjoy the whole composition and sing and dance the whole way through.

south park guys are so so awesome!!

i loved that, thank you

[Anonymous]

What I say goes against most people's advice, but I don't think it's right in every case to suggest to someone who is unhappy that they should go and make friends.
When I was at uni I hated it so much -my course was okay (reasonably interesting) and wasn't too difficult (it was challenging but not beyond my capabilities) but I was uninspired and couldn't see the point of anything in life anymore. I didn't hate uni itself - I just hated it because it was a part of life and I didn't understand life at all/the point of it. I was treated for depression (medication) but it didn't help.

I didn't make any friends at uni because initially I tried societies/sports clubs precisely because that is what people suggested I should do in order to become happy but I found it completely exhausting pretending to be happy/sociable towards people when inside I just wanted to curl up under my duvet and be left alone. It wasn't their fault - I knew it was me - I just needed time alone to deal with it, without putting on a brave face to friends. So I stopped trying to make friends - so then there would be no one who I had to pretend to. Lectures/tutorials are so easy to attend without speaking to anyone - no one bats an eyelid. I didn't act 'anti-social' - I didn't purposefully avoid people e.g. if someone made small talk I would engage in a friendly way. But I didn't initiate any friendships.
I stopped pressurizing myself to proactively make friends and to do things that society expects. I finished uni this year and got 2:1. That's what I primarily went to uni for -my degree. I got what I went for. In order to save myself from completely losing the plot I moved home with my family who were incredibly supportive and I focused on getting my degree. Some people might think it's sad etc but it was my way of coping at that point in my life - and I felt relived at not having friendships at uni. At that point it would have hurt more to have friends.

Some times in life you have to listen to you own needs - in those 2/3 years I needed to find myself and I couldn't do that by pretending to be someone I wasn't just to make friends. So basically, there is no 'right' way to go through uni. I have about 3 people on facebook that I know from uni - we're not 'friends', more like aquaintences - we never went drinking together or hung out in the student union etc. They are people that I had a few conversations with (from halls and my course) and we got on well, but they weren't friendships that I made an effort to establish by attending a society and having small talk. I didn't sit with them in lectures everyday etc - I just passed them by in my department/the library/halls every so often and had a nice chat once in a while. So yeah, don't feel like you have to be a certain way, have a certain 'uni life', certain group of friends etc.

Now I feel ready to make friends because I've worked though a lot of issues. I know who I am because I had the time to come to realize myself alone. It just so happens that I wasn't ready for friendships in the last 3 years which also coincided with my university life. I was a teenager/early twenty's - I was having an identity crisis and needed to be alone and figure myself out. I was lucky really that I was in uni because if I was in employment I would have been forced to be much more sociable. You have the liberty at uni to be whoever, and you don't have to conform to anything if you feel uncomfortable.

I know that my depression/identity crisis may not be relevant to your situation at all but there my be something in there that you can relate to.
I'm in a really good place (compared to a year ago!), mentally, and have been since finishing uni. I needed those 3 years to find myself - people do that in different ways - I happened do it by reflecting on myself alone. I don't need people to feel sorry for me at not having friends during uni because I needed it to be that way - now I'm ready to make friends. You can't force yourself to be anything that you're not, just give yourself space and time, be patient with yourself, and remind yourself that you are worth the effort to find yourself.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by 123maz)
i diagree its very easy, but you have to spot fake people from real people. that's the hard bit.

Actually, for some people, who have social anxiety, like me, its the hardest thing in the world!

[DickDastardly]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I do agree i am quite pessimistic, although i used to be a lot worse. I want to be more possitive and happier with myself and my work and try to be more sociable.

thats a great initial step.

to further progress now, you need to act on your desires which is the hardest part

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
What I say goes against most people's advice, but I don't think it's right in every case to suggest to someone who is unhappy that they should go and make friends.
When I was at uni I hated it so much -my course was okay (reasonably interesting) and wasn't too difficult (it was challenging but not beyond my capabilities) but I was uninspired and couldn't see the point of anything in life anymore. I didn't hate uni itself - I just hated it because it was a part of life and I didn't understand life at all/the point of it. I was treated for depression (medication) but it didn't help.

I didn't make any friends at uni because initially I tried societies/sports clubs precisely because that is what people suggested I should do in order to become happy but I found it completely exhausting pretending to be happy/sociable towards people when inside I just wanted to curl up under my duvet and be left alone. It wasn't their fault - I knew it was me - I just needed time alone to deal with it, without putting on a brave face to friends. So I stopped trying to make friends - so then there would be no one who I had to pretend to. Lectures/tutorials are so easy to attend without speaking to anyone - no one bats an eyelid. I didn't act 'anti-social' - I didn't purposefully avoid people e.g. if someone made small talk I would engage in a friendly way. But I didn't initiate any friendships.
I stopped pressurizing myself to proactively make friends and to do things that society expects. I finished uni this year and got 2:1. That's what I primarily went to uni for -my degree. I got what I went for. In order to save myself from completely losing the plot I moved home with my family who were incredibly supportive and I focused on getting my degree. Some people might think it's sad etc but it was my way of coping at that point in my life - and I felt relived at not having friendships at uni. At that point it would have hurt more to have friends.

Some times in life you have to listen to you own needs - in those 2/3 years I needed to find myself and I couldn't do that by pretending to be someone I wasn't just to make friends. So basically, there is no 'right' way to go through uni. I have about 3 people on facebook that I know from uni - we're not 'friends', more like aquaintences - we never went drinking together or hung out in the student union etc. They are people that I had a few conversations with (from halls and my course) and we got on well, but they weren't friendships that I made an effort to establish by attending a society and having small talk. I didn't sit with them in lectures everyday etc - I just passed them by in my department/the library/halls every so often and had a nice chat once in a while. So yeah, don't feel like you have to be a certain way, have a certain 'uni life', certain group of friends etc.

Now I feel ready to make friends because I've worked though a lot of issues. I know who I am because I had the time to come to realize myself alone. It just so happens that I wasn't ready for friendships in the last 3 years which also coincided with my university life. I was a teenager/early twenty's - I was having an identity crisis and needed to be alone and figure myself out. I was lucky really that I was in uni because if I was in employment I would have been forced to be much more sociable. You have the liberty at uni to be whoever, and you don't have to conform to anything if you feel uncomfortable.

I know that my depression/identity crisis may not be relevant to your situation at all but there my be something in there that you can relate to.
I'm in a really good place (compared to a year ago!), mentally, and have been since finishing uni. I needed those 3 years to find myself - people do that in different ways - I happened do it by reflecting on myself alone. I don't need people to feel sorry for me at not having friends during uni because I needed it to be that way - now I'm ready to make friends. You can't force yourself to be anything that you're not, just give yourself space and time, be patient with yourself, and remind yourself that you are worth the effort to find yourself.

Good post and I wish I had the mindset you had at uni. I'm sure its virtually impossible for people who haven't experienced mental problems or who are are extroverted to understand it, as for the vast majority of students its all about the 'student experience', having loads of mates, going out all the time, getting drunk all the time etc. But for some (like myself) its just not like that and no offence to the people who offered the advice, but believe me 'just get some more friends' is certainly not necessarily good advice as for some people, for example those with social anxiety which I have, doing that is a lot more difficult to do than the normal person and I really did try in the first year to make an effort and go out with people, meet new people but ultimately I was largely unsuccessful as I just can't seem to connect with others like the normal student does and seeing everyone seemingly make friends instantly early on it was very frustrating for me.

I really wish I could have taken the advice of "So yeah, don't feel like you have to be a certain way, have a certain 'uni life', certain group of friends etc." 2 years ago before I started because ever since I got to uni, I've been desiring a certain 'uni life' and the fact I haven't got it and never really had, feels **** and its because of the pressure that I feel society, my few friends (who are always nagging me to 'widen my friends circle' or go out more) and the media puts on me to have the wild student lifestyle, I feel like a failure and a freak for not having it, when in reality, I'm paying all this money to get a degree and my course is important to me, not to piss about for 3 years doing things I don't really want to do, but of course most people will call me a square or boring for thinking like this and that's the problem.