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Ex keeps scaring off any potential partners.

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    My ex of 7 years was very abusive and violent towards me.
    I managed to get out of the relationship about 8 months ago but he is constantly gets in the way of me forming and new relationships.

    I've been seeing and texting a guy recently and i explained the situation with the ex and he seams to be supportive but i cant help thinking he will get fed up of it.

    He turns up unannounced and demands to me see me.
    Rings me and texts me constantly asking 'how could i do this to him'?
    I've changed my mobile number recently and he got hold of my new one somehow.

    I know that if i completely ignore him he turns up at my house, my parents house of questions my friends.
    I went to the police about him a while ago but they basically said I should just ignore him and theres nothing they can do until he actually threatens me.
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    Block his number from your phone. It can be done, i think you can ring your phone company to do it.

    Have you actually told him to get lost? Tell your parents not to answer the door to him, and ask your friends not to answer questions about you because it's making things really uncomfortable with you. If they then choose to answer questions, then...
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    Just tell him you will ring the police he should be gone soon then
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    Go to the police again. Don't let them fob you off, keep pestering them until something is done. What he's doing is harrassment. The police may not be able to prosecute him or arrest him, but they could certainly have a talk with him and give him a verbal warning.

    Every time he turns up uninvited at your / your parents / friends house, call the non-emergency police (the kind who deal with anti social behaviour etc, NOT 999) - this way, they'll start to build up a picture of what he's actually doing. Go to the police station again, and ask someone to have a word with him. Explain your concerns, and that he has been abusive and violent in the past. Tell them you need them to do something, and don't take no for an answer. He shouldn't be getting away with this kind of behaviour!


    Edited to say: also, contact your mobile phone service provider and have his number blocked. Then you can keep your number and he won't be able to get through (although it doesn't stop him getting a new number, unfortunately).

    Just do not engage. If he calls, don't answer. If he texts, don't delete (keep them and show them to police) but ignore. If he turns up at a house, lock the doors, close the curtains / move to a room he can't see into and call the non-emergency police. Do not interact with him in any way. Keep records of any correspondance (texts, call logs, make a diary of when he turns up etc).

    Sorry I know this is a thread about dating and getting him to stop scaring off your new boyfriends and I've gone a bit further, but you really need to stop his behaviour and get him out of your life in all areas!
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    Keep a diary of every time he contacts you and take it to the police so they know the full extent of it, i'm sure there is something they can do even if they just visit him to sort of scare him off. Don't give up you shouldn't have to deal with this.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I went to the police about him a while ago but they basically said I should just ignore him and theres nothing they can do until he actually threatens me.
    Rubbish.

    The police can act now. Keep a record of all the times he contacts or attempts to contact you. Record the time, date and what happened. Ensure that he is aware that you do not want him contacting you.

    Every time he contacts or attempts to contact you, report it to the police - on the non emergency number (101).

    The police will usually speak to him informally first - usually over the phone. They will remind him that you want to be left alone and warn him that further action could be taken against him.

    If he carries on, the police will then visit him. He will be warned and advised that he should not contact you. At this stage, he will usually be asked to sign a document which informs him of the complaint made against him and confirms the advice he has received from the police.

    Hopefully, contact will then stop. If it doesn't, the next step for he police would be to arrest him and consider charging him.

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Updated: July 6, 2012
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