[azocarbo]

(Original post by tooti)
Yes, if I believed I had not consented I could have gone to the police and reported it as rape.

Nothing to stop you changing you mind tomorrow and deciding you were raped. Had you done this a day or two after the incident your boyfriend could have had a case on his hands

[tooti]

(Original post by azocarbo)
Nothing to stop you changing you mind tomorrow and deciding you were raped. Had you done this a day or two after the incident your boyfriend could have had a case on his hands

No, from what my friends told me I was completely aware of what I was doing at the time, I was walking and talking before & after (it was at a party - classy girl) so I do not believe I was unable to consent.

I wonder if people would say 'you were raped' if I didn't tell this lovely story in the context of this thread ...

[azocarbo]

(Original post by tooti)
No, from what my friends told me I was completely aware of what I was doing at the time, I was walking and talking before & after (it was at a party - classy girl) so I do not believe I was unable to consent.

I wonder if people would say 'you were raped' if I didn't tell this lovely story in the context of this thread ...

But is that enough proof? Who's to say? Not me :/

Had you just gone into the room with him, not to be seen again, regardless of the fact he's your boyfriend (I guess it doesn't really make a difference?) would there be ground for rape... Certainly a grey area and the apparent "low conviction rate" mentioned earlier in this thread makes me wonder how many rapes really do go unpunished?!

[tooti]

(Original post by azocarbo)
But is that enough proof? Who's to say? Not me :/

Had you just gone into the room with him, not to be seen again, regardless of the fact he's your boyfriend (I guess it doesn't really make a difference?) would there be ground for rape... Certainly a grey area and the apparent "low conviction rate" mentioned earlier in this thread makes me wonder how many rapes really do go unpunished?!

Well I do, so I don't appreciate people telling me I was raped. I understand that there is a grey area, I did mention that early on in the thread. I'm just trying to make the point that although it is mostly legal to have sex with a drunk person, they might wake up, not remember a thing and think that they did not consent, and then whoever slept with them might get in a lot of trouble. On the other hand, the drunk person might think they did consent so there is no problem for the person who slept with them, so I was just trying to answer the op's question.

I wonder if I made a thread about my situation, would I have people telling me I was raped and to go to the police? Or people being outraged and telling me not to ruin a man's life by making rape allegations

[fudgesundae]

(Original post by tooti)
No, from what my friends told me I was completely aware of what I was doing at the time, I was walking and talking before & after (it was at a party - classy girl) so I do not believe I was unable to consent.

I wonder if people would say 'you were raped' if I didn't tell this lovely story in the context of this thread ...

A lot of men get convicted of rape for having sex with girls in the state you described. Being with your boyfriend it is different, but a lot of rape cases come about from a girl waking up in the state you were in, not remembering the night before, panicking and then going to the police. You don't have to be completely passed out to be raped, you can still be walking and talking but be drunk enough to not give legal consent.

[tooti]

(Original post by fudgesundae)
A lot of men get convicted of rape for having sex with girls in the state you described. Being with your boyfriend it is different, but a lot of rape cases come about from a girl waking up in the state you were in, not remembering the night before, panicking and then going to the police.

Yeah I understand that not every situation is the same, and the fact that it was my boyfriend does influence me more. I just think its too simple to say that every man who has sex with a drunk woman is a rapist (technically not what the other poster was saying). There are grey areas everywhere and I have not denied this once.

But I think once I have explained why I do not believe I was raped it is completely wrong to insist that I was.

[fudgesundae]

(Original post by tooti)
Yeah I understand that not every situation is the same, and the fact that it was my boyfriend does influence me more. I just think its too simple to say that every man who has sex with a drunk woman is a rapist (technically not what the other poster was saying). There are grey areas everywhere and I have not denied this once.

Completely agree, of course it is wrong to say that.

But I think once I have explained why I do not believe I was raped it is completely wrong to insist that I was.

He may have been trying to point out that had you gone to the police (completely hypothetically of course), you could have had a case for being raped. Of course because it was your boyfriend and you trusted him, you wouldn't have done that. But like I said, in an identical situation, with the only difference being you slept with someone you didn't really know rather than your boyfriend, you could have panicked and gone to the police. I'm not saying that you would have, but so many girls have done so and ruined men's lives by doing so.

[tooti]

(Original post by fudgesundae)
He may have been trying to point out that had you gone to the police (completely hypothetically of course), you could have had a case for being raped. Of course because it was your boyfriend and you trusted him, you wouldn't have done that. But like I said, in an identical situation, with the only difference being you slept with someone you didn't really know rather than your boyfriend, you could have panicked and gone to the police. I'm not saying that you would have, but so many girls have done so and ruined men's lives by doing so.

I understand that too, but he could have put it in much better terms, I agree that with a different person I might not have seen it that way, but as far as i'm concerned I was not raped and to tell me I was is an insult to me, my ex boyfriend and people who have genuinely been raped. Thats the issue I have with what he was saying.

[crocker710]

(Original post by tooti)
x

Consent cannot be given retrospectively. You either consented to the act at the time or didn't. The fact that you cannot remember the act let alone the consent shows that you were not in a fit state to have consensual sex. It's irrespective of who the male was, a random person you met in a bar, a FB, a boyfriend or a husband. The act doesn't discriminate between the relationship of the victim and attacker. The way you've become irate throughout this thread suggests that deep down you know this to be true.

(Original post by marcusfox)
x

You're rapidly becoming one of my favourite posters on here, well done for putting up with this for over 100 posts.

Would +1 again but need to rate other members first.

[Anon420]

I do often wonder why the majority of the british population need to go out and get so drunk just to kiss or talk to somebody. More often than not leading to a sleazy one night stand. Which I'd question if they actually enjoy it or even remember it, not to mention the massive hang over people get due to drinking too much alcohol.

"Headaches result from dehydration because the body's organs try to make up for their own water loss by stealing water from the brain, causing the brain to decrease in size and pull on the membranes that connect the brain to the skull, resulting in pain. " http://science.howstuffworks.com/env.../hangover2.htm

I enjoy going out and socializing with friends, I'll usually have one or two jack daniels and cokes and then continue the rest of the night just drinking coke. I enjoy being sober and laugh at all the drunken people, but laughing in a facepalm kind of way But then again I don't go out seeking a one night stand, I go out to spend the 1st hour with my friends whilst they're still coherent.

[sugar-n-spice]

(Original post by fudgesundae)
A lot of men get convicted of rape for having sex with girls in the state you described. Being with your boyfriend it is different, but a lot of rape cases come about from a girl waking up in the state you were in, not remembering the night before, panicking and then going to the police. You don't have to be completely passed out to be raped, you can still be walking and talking but be drunk enough to not give legal consent.

This isn't true. Her boyfriend does not have the right to presume consent because they are in a relationship she still has to give it and be mentally capable of giving it, even a husband can be convicted of rape.

[poiuy]

if it feels rapey, that's because it is!

[fudgesundae]

(Original post by sugar-n-spice)
This isn't true. Her boyfriend does not have the right to presume consent because they are in a relationship she still has to give it and be mentally capable of giving it, even a husband can be convicted of rape.

I mean it is different in that she trusts him and knows that (hopefully) he wouldn't have done anything to harm or take advantage of her. Legally yes, she wasn't (by the sound of it) able to consent.