[Anonymous]

I have heard of it happening at universities such as Aberdeen and Aberystwyth, not so much traditional red-bricks. A friend of mine had bullying occur in her halls where there would be one person who wanted to dominate the entire flat and be the life and soul of the party, any objections and the victim would be victimized and bullied. This poor girl happened to be from quite a wealthy family so didn't really fit in with her flat. She had other friends who went to boarding school outside of her flat, but within it, it was traumatic for her. The girls would throw jam and objects, yelling, screaming and roaring outside her bedroom door. She reported it, but the Halls Manager said that she should be the one to move, regardless of how much possessions she had with her or if she had anyone to help her move. She was really nervous with anxiety and depression after this - Couldn't study, didn't get out of bed till after mid-day, didn't want to socialise, and didn't eventually do well in her degree.

Another incidence occurred with a friend in Aberystwyth University. She lived in a flat which happened to have a 53 year old mature student placed into it. This woman always wanted to hang out and fit in with the younger students, rather than be independent. She wanted to dominate the flat, control people, cause arguments and then intervene with inception so she would be praised for calming and resolving the arguments. The woman would hold parties and knock on everybody's door invited them into the kitchen, but not on the victimized students door leaving her sat alone suffering inside. Regardless of this mature student being older or not, if you happen to unfortunately have a bossy boots and wannabe boss in your flat, this is where the trouble begins because these people crave popularity. The victim had no where to move because Aberystwyth has an Accommodation Crisis occuring so there were no replacement rooms quoted by the Accommodation Office. The student also had problems with staff members when she challenged/questioned lecturers on material that wasn't understood, she was told off, yelled at, lecturers spoke nastily and raised their voices at her. She ended up dumbing down and being mousey quiet, not herself. The more she flourished, the more she was put-down. Therefore, she wasn't allowed to flourish. The university took her Tuition Fee but the Undergraduate Office didn't even fit her on the timetable for classes that she had registered for. When she enquired, she was told, 'Sorry, nothing we can do.' These missing classes weren't even replaced or subsituted for her. She also experienced psychiatric trauma from this experience and was prescribed medication to help, became anti-social from the flat incidenct as well as needing help to get through things in daily life from all the yelling, segregating and voice raising that happened in the university. She described it similar to being emotionally abused. She ended up dropping out and failing her degree.

In both scenarios, people happened to be jealous, inferior, not particularly nice, had bullying tendencies and then targeted the victim for their differences, even though university is suppose to help students flourish, be themselves, unique, individual and have independence.

[cid]

Hmm girls seem to get it tough and be the main culprits here.


Sometimes its just about being a bigger bastard than them, no one likes a wrecking bar to the face first thing in the morning.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I have heard of it happening at universities such as Aberdeen and Aberystwyth, not so much traditional red-bricks. A friend of mine had bullying occur in her halls where there would be one person who wanted to dominate the entire flat and be the life and soul of the party, any objections and the victim would be victimized and bullied. This poor girl happened to be from quite a wealthy family so didn't really fit in with her flat. She had other friends who went to boarding school outside of her flat, but within it, it was traumatic for her. The girls would throw jam and objects, yelling, screaming and roaring outside her bedroom door. She reported it, but the Halls Manager said that she should be the one to move, regardless of how much possessions she had with her or if she had anyone to help her move. She was really nervous with anxiety and depression after this - Couldn't study, didn't get out of bed till after mid-day, didn't want to socialise, and didn't eventually do well in her degree.

Another incidence occurred with a friend in Aberystwyth University. She lived in a flat which happened to have a 53 year old mature student placed into it. This woman always wanted to hang out and fit in with the younger students, rather than be independent. She wanted to dominate the flat, control people, cause arguments and then intervene with inception so she would be praised for calming and resolving the arguments. The woman would hold parties and knock on everybody's door invited them into the kitchen, but not on the victimized students door leaving her sat alone suffering inside. Regardless of this mature student being older or not, if you happen to unfortunately have a bossy boots and wannabe boss in your flat, this is where the trouble begins because these people crave popularity. The victim had no where to move because Aberystwyth has an Accommodation Crisis occuring so there were no replacement rooms quoted by the Accommodation Office. The student also had problems with staff members when she challenged/questioned lecturers on material that wasn't understood, she was told off, yelled at, lecturers spoke nastily and raised their voices at her. She ended up dumbing down and being mousey quiet, not herself. The more she flourished, the more she was put-down. Therefore, she wasn't allowed to flourish. The university took her Tuition Fee but the Undergraduate Office didn't even fit her on the timetable for classes that she had registered for. When she enquired, she was told, 'Sorry, nothing we can do.' These missing classes weren't even replaced or subsituted for her. She also experienced psychiatric trauma from this experience and was prescribed medication to help, became anti-social from the flat incidenct as well as needing help to get through things in daily life from all the yelling, segregating and voice raising that happened in the university. She described it similar to being emotionally abused. She ended up dropping out and failing her degree.

In both scenarios, people happened to be jealous, inferior, not particularly nice, had bullying tendencies and then targeted the victim for their differences, even though university is suppose to help students flourish, be themselves, unique, individual and have independence.

Actually I spent last year at Aberystwyth and they're really effective of moving people around if they have trouble with their flatmates. I know of several people who were put into new flats for the most simple of reasons. Not saying your friend didn't have a horrible time but it's not true that she couldn't have moved into somewhere else.

There's a bit of a clique problem at Aber though it has to be said.

[Quick-use]

(Original post by Anonymous)
This thread is making me sad. Be strong people - don't let the bullying get to you.

Sorry I didn't mean to give you a negative rep. Instead I meant to give you a positive one for your kind and inspiring words. Thank you!

[willbee]

I think bullying is only a problem at uni if you have to work with people in certain subjects or if you live with a group of people and they turn against you.

It makes me feel awful to read what it did to you all though, I have tbh in Freshers' I was horrible to a few people. It was mainly because I could feel everyone sizing each other up and I had decided that I wouldn't be the outsider or weirdo, I wasn't going to take **** from anyone and so I made sure they all knew it, but in the end it led to this big confrontation where the lads (who I had immediately assumed to be the bullying type) had this massive go at me in the kitchen about being nasty to people. The weird thing is that the whole time they were trying to forge these good guy images of themselves, they kept inadvertently slagging off the people they were supposed to be standing up for. (They ended up separating themselves from everyone else in the "popular crowd" clique, and everyone else became friends and hung out and celebrated Xmas together) Then they spent the rest of the year being openly rude to me, and I spent the year knowing I deserved it. The strangest thing though is that the people I had been mean to quickly befriended me (I'd been horrid to both of them: one I had fallen out with because of his militant atheism and the awful way he kept speaking to theists, the other because he was just nervous, and a bit awkward and boring, and I saw myself in him a lot and wanted to point out the differences between us so he could be the awkward kid who doesn't get invited out instead of me.)

I got a lot of **** from a lot of people in high school and I developed this persona where I'd be outrageous so I could control when people were laughing at me, and so that when I got **** from people I deserved it and I could attribute it to an "act" that wasn't really me.

Unfortunately, a lot of people who have been bullied or picked on or made fun of something by people who are more socially accepted than them, will be quicker to wield that power on others when they become or feel socially accepted themselves. It is almost like trying to confirm that you're socially accepted, because you can be mean to people and nobody cares. We often get "highs" from "putting someone in their place" or feeling as if we are better than somebody else. It can inflate self-esteem (which is something I have always struggled with), and can make us feel good about ourselves, even though the things we are doing are not good.

Bullying is a lot more complex than TV and Movies and even campaigns against bullying lead us to believe.

The problem is that in our heads we never think of ourselves as the bully. I didn't see the effect I was having on people until it was pointed out to me. It's like in Movies when the bully is humiliated in front of the whole school and it's meant to teach them a lesson and it's okay because they deserved it.

But that's what is completely false. There are always two sides to every story, but nobody deserves being humiliated by other people, or being insulted or pushed about.

I'm really sorry for the ways in which you all were treated.

Edit: can't believe what I've just read about Aber. But the whole not letting people move out cos of the accommodation crisis isn't true. They did help people move out, but it took a little longer than it might have done at a city uni. The uni is also really good for counselling students, because for some reason the area has a very high suicide rate (I blame it on drunk students and a pier and a sea that is unexpectedly easy to drown in). That said, I do know of other instances of bullying, but I struggle to think it is exclusively an issue at Aberystwyth. But I know if I had been placed on the floor below or above me then I wouldn't have made any friends at all, and would have faced a hipster clique below and a sports clique above.

I think a lot of people go to the really far away unis to re-invent themselves. And as I have said above, I think people who have been picked on are eager to pick on others when they get the chance, as if to prove themselves as cool or something.

[DalePie]

(Original post by KatieCruel)
From reading some of these stories I think the lesson here is to not just be friends with a load of bitchy girls.

I've always thought that the biggest barrier to female equality was actually women themselves. In my working life I have witnessed women:

• Passing over each other for promotion
• Getting other women fired
• Excluding certain women from groups
• Using sexuality to get male managers to favour them

It's weird, and as a gay guy I have loads of female friends and love them to bits. The way they sometimes treat each other is often horribly child like though

As for university, not been yet! There was one guy in my Access course who was very introverted though! He never mentioned it but I think he was bullied alot in school.

During the Access year though he did come out of his shell a little. I think once he realised he was safe and surrounded by a pretty caring bunch of mature students he relaxed alot! I hope he gets more of the same in university next year!

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I was bullied by my flatmates in first year, they decided they didn't like me and were quite nasty. I was bullied all the time from primary school and until high school so it doesn't surprise me anymore. I'm always nice/normal to people but a lot of them just don't seem to like me.
I've got several mental health conditions now and I think the bullying is one of the main reasons for my bad anxiety. I have Borderline Personality Disorder which has different causes but I think if I had never been bullied life would be so much easier for me. Making friends and socialising is almost impossible now. I wish people weren't so horrible.

Have ever had therapy?

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Has anyone been bullied so badly at University that they have developed a mental health condition, a disability or psychiatric injury?

I've not been bullied at university (I am not at university yet), but I was abused so badly by my family and bullied so badly in primary school and in the first three years of secondary school (until I moved schools) that I developed depression as well as other issues - paranoia, suicidalality, OCD, low self esteem, poor self image and all in all an extremely negative way of thinking.

(Original post by jim100)
It makes me sad I have lost faith in human nature and even sadder that I do not know if I really want to live in such a society and considerating to move abroad.

Same here, I have little faith in humanity.

[h-g-1]

Bullying happens everywhere regardless of age. It just so happens that it feels different when you're older and people can justify it by pretending it's just constructive criticism or something like that.

I was bullied in primary school (which is a long time before university) but I can certainly see how that affected me in secondary school where I was horrible to people first, just in case. The thing that helped me was actually finding a good group of friends that brought out the best in me. This is the best way to counteract the negativity from bullies. And at university, you have more people to be friends with that you need to just focus on others.

Even at university, I can see how bullying can happen. The important thing is to know where you can turn for help whether it be counsellors or the process to move halls etc. Stay strong and don't let these sorts of people get away with being the way they are either just for amusement or because it makes them feel better!

[rita33]

this is kinda making me anxious now...but aren't there many clubs and societies we could join to meet new friends?

[h-g-1]

(Original post by rita33)
this is kinda making me anxious now...but aren't there many clubs and societies we could join to meet new friends?

Don't get anxious. No need to fret. University is an amazing experience. Yes there are tons of clubs and societies to join, never mind your lecture and tutorial groups. Bullying is just another way of having to deal with difficult people and that can/will happen throughout your life.

[jim100]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I've not been bullied at university (I am not at university yet), but I was abused so badly by my family and bullied so badly in primary school and in the first three years of secondary school (until I moved schools) that I developed depression as well as other issues - paranoia, suicidalality, OCD, low self esteem, poor self image and all in all an extremely negative way of thinking.



Same here, I have little faith in humanity.

I know bulllying happens everywhere but I just do not feel comfortable living in the UK. I do not feel secure and somewhat intimidated by the people here that I cannot be myself. I would love to go a place where I would not be judged and feel free to express myself. I just do not feel part of society here which is sad as I have to offer

It has taken me a long time to realise that I belong elsewhere. I am trying to move but everywhere the economies around the world are going through tough times. I would love to move to Singapre that is the dream but need some luck

[Oh I Really Don't Care]

(Original post by Anonymous)
At my first university, I fell out with my friendship group over some small thing and afterwards they were so nasty to me. They called me names in the street and told other people about what an evil person I apparently was, leading to loads more people calling me names. They told people in my classes that I was a horrible person and after that no one would sit by me or talk to me. We had agreed to live together in second year and had signed the contract on a house which they forced me to pull out of so I lost my deposit and had no where to live. They sent me death threats and told me people were going to kill me over the thing we fell out about. I was so scared I used to sleep with a knife under my pillow.

I developed depression and psychosis, probably due to the stress. I dropped out of that university because I was so terrified of seeing these people ever again. It's now 4 years later and I still have a lot of trouble trusting people. I went to another university after that one but I didn't make a single friend as I was so messed up from the first experience so I spent 3 years totally alone which was so horrible. I still have depression and psychosis, I'm on prescription drugs to manage them and getting talk therapy over the next few months, I can't trust people, I can't do social situations, I'm still scared of these people finding me and killing me.

Christ ... please feel free to talk privately if you ever want, that sounds so intense.

[kalika_amz]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I had a pretty hard time in my first year. I got put into an all girl flat and unluckily the girls who I were put with were really bitchy. I was the only asian girl in the flat and most of them were northerners and had never had any non-white friends before. They used to ignore me a lot and just blank me. I got so upset with it in the end and switched flats, moved to a great corridor and met some really nice new people. I'd never ever had problems making friends before living in the South East. I kind of regret going to a northern uni now, I definitely think it's easier for minorities down south.

Which university did you go to?

[Gallabay]

(Original post by DalePie)
I've always thought that the biggest barrier to female equality was actually women themselves. In my working life I have witnessed women:

• Passing over each other for promotion
• Getting other women fired
• Excluding certain women from groups
• Using sexuality to get male managers to favour them

It's weird, and as a gay guy I have loads of female friends and love them to bits. The way they sometimes treat each other is often horribly child like though

As for university, not been yet! There was one guy in my Access course who was very introverted though! He never mentioned it but I think he was bullied alot in school.

During the Access year though he did come out of his shell a little. I think once he realised he was safe and surrounded by a pretty caring bunch of mature students he relaxed alot! I hope he gets more of the same in university next year!

I have to be honest, my time at Uni has really highlighted to me the fact that women are prepared to do the worst things to each other, and that an awful lot of them are fairly emotionally immature and unable to cope with the realities of life. Not all of them mind you, I have some wonderful female friends, but more than I thought I would find.

Aside from that, I was bullied at school, and had a pretty rough 1st term of Uni for various reasons. The way I dealt with it? Arrogance, keeping a firm grip on my emotions and sarcasm. Not a winning trio of things there, Ill be the first to admit. I seem to have managed a balance at Uni where Im easy going, so easy to like, whilst also giving the impression that I would make it my personal business to ruin the lives of those who cross me. No idea how like, but there you go. Works, I suppose. Still not entirely certain why I seem to be so well liked, when in reality, Im not a very nice person.

[TheUbermensche]

Most universities in the UK have great welfare systems and you should talk to a chaplain asap if you do have any problems.

If the university does not have an adequate welfare system to deal with such issues, complain to the board and something should be done about; make sure something is done about it!

[Anonymous]

York university is the worst for bullying. There are some truly hideous characters. A friend of mine was bullied and developed psychosis because of the trauma. The university denied it of course. I think it's due to the poor management at the university - there is a culture of bullying amongst the staff and this effectively spreads to the students.

[Final Fantasy]

No, not university, just through high school. If I see them again, the only thing that would prevent me from doing something to them is the law.