[Pride]

(Original post by hopingtobeadentist)
There are lot's of reasons why they aren't able to get married. For example if 2 people are from different religions, everyone would go against or maybe they'd be too young for example 18 years old, may want to get a job first etc.

so they'd wait in each of those scenarios right?

[hopingtobeadentist]

(Original post by Pride)
so they'd wait in each of those scenarios right?

They'd have to wait for years. And I'm sure you wouldn't know how that feels unless if you've been in that place yourself. I don't think most people would wait years to have sex. If they love each other enough, they'd trust each other to not break up and stay committed

[Converse Rocker]

(Original post by hopingtobeadentist)
I don't think most people would wait years to have sex.

You underestimate how strong some people's religious beliefs are. It's unlikely a couple would have to wait for years anyway.

[abc101]

(Original post by hopingtobeadentist)
In most religions, people are only allowed to have sex when they are married. For example in Christianity, Islam and Judaism.

Here is my justification:

Firstly, define "marriage"?

Generally, you are married with someone by signing a piece of paper (legally), religion-wise, the imam, priest or a religious leader like that says some quotes from the holy book and then your married.

For me, personally, marriage isn't about a piece of paper or emotive words from holy books, it's about love and commitment. Imagine it, an arranged marriage is a marriage but if the couple don't love each other then it isn't exactly "marriage". If someone is completely in love with someone and committed to them for the rest of their lives regardless of what their future holds, then they should be allowed to make love, because in a way they are MARRIED but from the heart. Also, I don't see a reason why a paper, Imam or Preist should decide if a couple is married.

People who love each other shouldn't be threatened that they will get sins for making love, as long as they are in love and committed, no one should stop them.

You don't need a piece of paper to be married, you need love.

By the way, people should have religious freedom and thus the ability to ignore the many nonsensical commands contained within any given religion. And it is complete nonsense to say that somebody should have sex only when they are married but marriage is marriage - complete with all manner of legal implications and you do need the "piece of paper" to be married but you certainly don't need it to validate your love as your feelings exist quite independent of the permission of the state.

What you said about arranged marriage is interesting, and a good point. I am completely against arranged marriages, and think it is totally demeaning to the act of sex to say that's it's perfectly fine for a two people who hardly know each other and haven't been in a relationship to have sex on their wedding night and a terrible sin for a couple who love each other and are committed to each other to have sex in their relationship.

However, I disagree that marriage is just 'a piece of paper'. It's a solemn, formal, commitment that should carry a lot of weight.

[tazarooni89]

(Original post by hopingtobeadentist)
For me, personally, marriage isn't about a piece of paper or emotive words from holy books, it's about love and commitment.

Yes, marriage is about committment. But the point is, most religions won't consider you to be entirely committed unless you can prove it, by signing the paper. One of the effects of being legally married in front of witnesses is that it makes it much more difficult and disincentivised for you to leave, unless you really have to. Whereas if you're simply "in a relationship", it takes about 2 seconds to just say "we're over" and end it, just because you got bored, or because someone else caught your eye.

The assumption is that a person who claims to be genuinely committed should be able to put their money where their mouth is. Why would they be unwilling to sign the paper, insisting on remaining in a relationship that is easy to end, unless they expect there's a decent chance they will be ending it at some point? The way I see it, the whole point of relationships before marriage is because you want to be with the person for now, but you're not really sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with them, and therefore don't want to commit yourself to it by signing the paper.

[practice is key]

lol people follow religion because they want to get closer to god and go to heaven. you can't bend devine scripture to your own opinions and suggestions. there is no point even following religion if you want to be a so called moderately religous as promoted in the media. your are either religiuos or none religous its black and white same as heaven or hell there is no place in between.

this is freindly advice

[Caribbeantwist]

Religion ignorance.....


It's their choice end of.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[K the Failure]

You're arguing for personal freedom in systems which are inherently defined by the restriction of personal freedom.

Right.

[kaboon-supreme]

(Original post by alexandraa)
Religion ignorance.....


It's their choice end of.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

how on earth is it ignorance to say 'wait until you are married to to have sex'.
i think you might be either a sex freak or just an idiot

[Converse Rocker]

(Original post by kaboon-supreme)
how on earth is it ignorance to say 'wait until you are married to to have sex'.
i think you might be either a sex freak or just an idiot

Well, a couple will normally be together a good few years before getting married. There will of course be sexual urges, which are totally natural, but a religious person may choose to repress this and wait until marriage.

I'm sure it doesn't bother many religious people, but you could call it ignorance from the viewpoint that there's not any natural reason for doing so, it just comes from religion. I fail to see any reason for people opposing pre-marital sex, other than their religion may forbid it.

[K.ChosenOne]

Marriage isn't just a piece of paper, it's a legally binding contract and declaration of love that you have for your partner in front of God, family, friends ect.

I see sex as an emotional action and not purely physical. Two bodies together as one. When you have sex with someone, they take some part of you. If you only have sex with the person you're going to marry or are married to, then that person has a part of you that belongs to them and nobody else.

[Caribbeantwist]

(Original post by kaboon-supreme)
how on earth is it ignorance to say 'wait until you are married to to have sex'.
i think you might be either a sex freak or just an idiot

You've got the wrong end of the stick I'm afraid. I am an active Christian and I'm basically referring to ignorant people questioning the Bible or any other religious views. Most Christians in my church or any other religion probably aren't bothered by the sex after marriage rule.


What I'm saying is some people can be very ignorant towards religious views. You aren't forced into a religion, you decide to follow it, that is accepting and understanding the views of that religon. So most Christians aren't bothered and I'm failing to understand why other people are bothered by this view so much!

So no I'm not a "sex freak" or an "idiot"

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[kaboon-supreme]

(Original post by alexandraa)
You've got the wrong end of the stick I'm afraid. I am an active Christian and I'm basically referring to ignorant people questioning the Bible or any other religious views. Most Christians in my church or any other religion probably aren't bothered by the sex after marriage rule.


What I'm saying is some people can be very ignorant towards religious views. You aren't forced into a religion, you decide to follow it, that is accepting and understanding the views of that religon. So most Christians aren't bothered and I'm failing to understand why other people are bothered by this view so much!

So no I'm not a "sex freak" or an "idiot"

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

i do apologize as i thought you were merely saying religions or people who believe insex after marriage rule are ignorant.......

[RowingGoose]

I agree OP. I'm afraid you're going to get a lot of annoyed religious people commenting on here tho!

Tbh, I just leave people to it. If they want to wait to have sex, so be it, but they're missing out!!

Also, I don't agree when people say it's just marriage that shows commitment because people can still commit when in a non-married relationship, they move in, have kids and live happy lives, they don't need a written contract to stay together. I know quite a few people who have been together for 10, 20 30 years without marriage. Declaration of love doesn't have to happen through marriage, it can happen through the small day to day acts. And marriage can be broken! People can cheat, be aggressive or just fall out of love. There's point staying in a marriage when it's not working, regardless of what you think God thinks or what your religion says.

[hopingtobeadentist]

(Original post by tazarooni89)
Yes, marriage is about committment. But the point is, most religions won't consider you to be entirely committed unless you can prove it, by signing the paper. One of the effects of being legally married in front of witnesses is that it makes it much more difficult and disincentivised for you to leave, unless you really have to. Whereas if you're simply "in a relationship", it takes about 2 seconds to just say "we're over" and end it, just because you got bored, or because someone else caught your eye.

The assumption is that a person who claims to be genuinely committed should be able to put their money where their mouth is. Why would they be unwilling to sign the paper, insisting on remaining in a relationship that is easy to end, unless they expect there's a decent chance they will be ending it at some point? The way I see it, the whole point of relationships before marriage is because you want to be with the person for now, but you're not really sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with them, and therefore don't want to commit yourself to it by signing the paper.

But for me personally, I do want to marry the guy and be with him forever, but until then, why should marriage prevent us from making love?

[hopingtobeadentist]

(Original post by Little Wolf Taima)
On one side of the coin, aggressively enforcing this kind of religious law can make a child grow up thinking that all sex is bad if you don't reiterate that once you have found the right person you can get freaky all night every night.
I never had 'the talk' and was very sexually repressed. Had my own madonna/whore complex. My parents would freak if they found out I now have a boyfriend (I'm 19) and my mother already told me it'd break my dad's heart if I'm not a virgin. This made me feel like a worthless whore. There's another point, any sexual contact you have before marriage might not be consensual, so are you heinous for 'letting it happen'? Like in this scene where the girl is raped (3:36), the family hear about it and are horrified (5:27 onwards) and then she's taken to an abusive convent for having done nothing wrong?!!!!



Buaving been exposed to things sexually far too young (abuse) and dealing with the emotional immaturity of sexually mature people (thus their damaging effects) I can TOTALLY SEE WHY abstinence before marriage is encouraged. Sure you may not make it, but it would be a help to think twice I've been hurt far too much, watched peoples' lives get screwed up, their body image being screwed up, the number of STDs etc.

I know you think religion is a killjoy, i am a very liberal christian (I'm a pot-smoking bisexual) but I totally understand the value religion places on purity. Not just for yourself but for your lover. I wasn't a virgin when I met my virgin boyfriend but I do feel kind of special to be his first and glad that he never experienced the sexual 'trauma' I did. And he can't miss what he never had XD

What's your sexual 'trauma'?

[hopingtobeadentist]

(Original post by RowingGoose)
I agree OP. I'm afraid you're going to get a lot of annoyed religious people commenting on here tho!

Tbh, I just leave people to it. If they want to wait to have sex, so be it, but they're missing out!!

Also, I don't agree when people say it's just marriage that shows commitment because people can still commit when in a non-married relationship, they move in, have kids and live happy lives, they don't need a written contract to stay together. I know quite a few people who have been together for 10, 20 30 years without marriage. Declaration of love doesn't have to happen through marriage, it can happen through the small day to day acts. And marriage can be broken! People can cheat, be aggressive or just fall out of love. There's point staying in a marriage when it's not working, regardless of what you think God thinks or what your religion says.

You took all the words right out of my mouth

[hopingtobeadentist]

(Original post by Converse Rocker)
You underestimate how strong some people's religious beliefs are. It's unlikely a couple would have to wait for years anyway.

I know people who have been in a relationship for 20, 10 and 30 years without getting married and at the end they did. As I said before there are lot's of things that could be preventing them from getting married. For example, their age and they could be from different religions that they're parents don't agree to.

[Prepare-Yourself]

You must be one of those internet trolls, who actually looks like a troll.

[hopingtobeadentist]

(Original post by abc101)
What you said about arranged marriage is interesting, and a good point. I am completely against arranged marriages, and think it is totally demeaning to the act of sex to say that's it's perfectly fine for a two people who hardly know each other and haven't been in a relationship to have sex on their wedding night and a terrible sin for a couple who love each other and are committed to each other to have sex in their relationship.

However, I disagree that marriage is just 'a piece of paper'. It's a solemn, formal, commitment that should carry a lot of weight.

Yes exactly my point! That's so good that I would actually use it on my thread. But yeah marriage is really important but the point I'm trying to get across is that marriage shouldn't prevent a couple from making love because there can be several reasons preventing them from getting married. For example, age and they may not be from the same religion/culture etc.