[natt__dd]

Hello,

I've recently found out that I'm pregnant. I haven't gone in for a scan yet but I'm guessing I am roughly 6 weeks. I deferred my 2nd year at Manchester uni due to personal problems and am due to re-start in September.

I'm so confused, the thought of abortion makes me feel sick, all I can imagine is what the child could possibly be.

I've only been with my boyfriend for 6 months after being friends for roughly a year. He's a great guy, very caring and has said he will support me no matter what.

The problem with having a child is that financially we're ****ed... He's a window cleaner (earning around 12,000 a year) and I'm currently unemployed.

I was simply wondering if anyone knows of anyone or has finished their degree while pregnant/with child. Also, has anyone had an abortion? I'm so stuck for what to do. I haven't really had many people to talk to. My boyfriend's a bit stuck at the moment and he's still up in Manchester while I'm down south... I'm feeling really alone and anxious.

Thanks for reading, I wasn't sure what to write... I just remembered I had a Student Room account and thought someone might be able to help.

I also posted this in the relationship forum... not sure where to put it!

[butter_god]

If I was in your shoes, I'd get the abortion. Even though I'm not an avid supporter of it, every child deserves to be in a family equipped to handle his/her needs.

Get your education.

Edit:
Why the negs- this is my opinion from personal experience. There is no right or wrong answer but in MY opinion an abortion would fair to the child due to the financial circumstance. How long can you live off the state before you need another kid to pay the bills because you can't find a job? And the cycle continues.

[Tudball]

Why not consider adoption if you're not financially suited to support a child?

Given your concerns about abortion, I'd worry that you'd come to regret it. It's just speculation, of course. Just don't make the decision lightly.

[timeforchange]

I'm sorry that you have to make such a difficult decision. Only you can decide. I'd check what support your uni can provide and how supportive your parents will be, and if you decide to keep the baby, maybe consider transferring to a uni close to home.

[natt__dd]

Thank you for your replies.

I have greatly considered adoption but unfortunately I don't think I'd be able to cope. I understand it's a beautiful thing to do but I have always really wanted a child. I feel if I were to put it up for adoption I would be obsessed with thoughts of what it might be like, I doubt I'd be at ease.

If I know I can work extremely hard and manage university and the child, I would go for it... but I am not so sure I have the mental capability.

[M1011]

(Original post by natt__dd)
I deferred my 2nd year at Manchester uni due to personal problems and am due to re-start in September.

I hear this so often. Can you please clarify what on earth are these 'personal problems' that people keep deferring university for? Lets face it, university is sod all work compared to a job, so it's beyond me why so many people quote 'personal problems'. OK if you're really ill or something I can understand, but other then that? I just don't see what kind of 'personal problem' goes away because you decide to sit at home for a year?

Sorry to go off topic, not really directed at you so much as at people with 'personal problems' in general.

[natt__dd]

(Original post by M1011)
I hear this so often. Can you please clarify what on earth are these 'personal problems' that people keep deferring university for? Lets face it, university is sod all work compared to a job, so it's beyond me why so many people quote 'personal problems'. OK if you're really ill or something I can understand, but other then that? I just don't see what kind of 'personal problem' goes away because you decide to sit at home for a year?

Sorry to go off topic, not really directed at you so much as at people with 'personal problems' in general.

I'm not sure why this is relevant? Personal problem means that I'm not willing to discuss what I went through in order for me to defer.

I understand you're not directing this specifically at me but c'mon mate, get a life.

[Darth Stewie]

(Original post by natt__dd)
Hello,

I've recently found out that I'm pregnant. I haven't gone in for a scan yet but I'm guessing I am roughly 6 weeks. I deferred my 2nd year at Manchester uni due to personal problems and am due to re-start in September.

I'm so confused, the thought of abortion makes me feel sick, all I can imagine is what the child could possibly be.

I've only been with my boyfriend for 6 months after being friends for roughly a year. He's a great guy, very caring and has said he will support me no matter what.

The problem with having a child is that financially we're ****ed... He's a window cleaner (earning around 12,000 a year) and I'm currently unemployed.

I was simply wondering if anyone knows of anyone or has finished their degree while pregnant/with child. Also, has anyone had an abortion? I'm so stuck for what to do. I haven't really had many people to talk to. My boyfriend's a bit stuck at the moment and he's still up in Manchester while I'm down south... I'm feeling really alone and anxious.

Thanks for reading, I wasn't sure what to write... I just remembered I had a Student Room account and thought someone might be able to help.

I also posted this in the relationship forum... not sure where to put it!

I can't really give you any advice on the abortion front as that is something you have to decide for yourself.

As for attending university there are a number of financial schemes designed for students who have young children such as a childcare grant (which can be nearly £150 a week if you have one child and are from a poorer background) and you would also probably be entitled to the parents learning allowance (which gives you a fixed amount towards the cost of course materials) both of which are non repayable.

How are you in regards to accommodation? Have you found somewhere that would be suitable for you and your child? Manchester University do offer creche facilities although probably not free they are usually quite affordable so finding someone to look after your child will not be a massive problem.

[M1011]

(Original post by natt__dd)
I'm not sure why this is relevant? Personal problem means that I'm not willing to discuss what I went through in order for me to defer.

I understand you're not directing this specifically at me but c'mon mate, get a life.

You don't see how recent 'personal problems' could be relevant to whether you choose to have a baby or not? Admittedly not my main reason for asking (more curiosity), but still, surely relevant?

Also I find it quite offensive that you're telling me to get a life, but given the nature of this thread I'll leave it be.

[natt__dd]

(Original post by Darth Stewie)
I can't really give you any advice on the abortion front as that is something you have to decide for yourself.

As for attending university there are a number of financial schemes designed for students who have young children such as a childcare grant (which can be nearly £150 a week if you have one child and are from a poorer background) and you would also probably be entitled to the parents learning allowance (which gives you a fixed amount towards the cost of course materials) both of which are non repayable.

How are you in regards to accommodation? Have you found somewhere that would be suitable for you and your child? Manchester University do offer creche facilities although probably not free they are usually quite affordable so finding someone to look after your child will not be a massive problem.

Thanks for your reply. I am not aware of these financial schemes, I will have to look into them. Thanks for letting me know.

I would move to Salford, nearer to my boyfriend where you can rent a 1/2 bedroom flat for around £400 a month. Couldn't believe how cheap it is, it would be double that round my end! I would imagine my parents and boyfriend would both help towards rent as well.

[natt__dd]

(Original post by M1011)
You don't see how recent 'personal problems' could be relevant to whether you choose to have a baby or not? Admittedly not my main reason for asking (more curiosity), but still, surely relevant?

Also I find it quite offensive that you're telling me to get a life, but given the nature of this thread I'll leave it be.

I know, I felt the urge to be offensive on purpose! I must admit I am not normally a rude person but under these circumstances I did not appreciate your reply. I found it unnecessary. If you here it all the time, surely it would be tactful to ask someone else. Not some girl asking for advice on her current pregnancy!

Regarding your first point in this message, my recent 'personal problems' would not affect the baby in any way.

Apologies for offending you.

[Darth Stewie]

(Original post by natt__dd)
Thanks for your reply. I am not aware of these financial schemes, I will have to look into them. Thanks for letting me know.

I would move to Salford, nearer to my boyfriend where you can rent a 1/2 bedroom flat for around £400 a month. Couldn't believe how cheap it is, it would be double that round my end! I would imagine my parents and boyfriend would both help towards rent as well.

Np

The best thing to do is contact the university themselves, they will have staff who can advise you on exactly what the government support will give you and will probably be able to assist you in applying as well as providing info on their facilities. Defo look into them though as the childcare grant alone could probably pay for your rent and i would imagine getting the financial side sorted out would be a big weight off your mind.

As for the actual studying and having a child aspect it certainly is doable especially since you sound like you have a lot of support from your boyfriend and family which will help to ease the stress. Keep in mind that university courses are very structured so you will be able to plan ahead in regards to not letting your motherly duties interfere too much with your studies and if there are any problems I'm sure your lecturers will be willing to be a bit flexible due to your circumstances.

[vedderfan94]

I'm just waiting for the views of religious believers on abortion now I'd say have an abortion, get an education and then have kids when you are financially stable.

[Sally <3 Howl]

I think there are some people in the pregnancy and parenting society who have had children while studying. They'll probably be able to help you more.

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...599755&page=46

[OU Student]

Can you go part time? You may also be entitled to benefits, such as child benefit and tax credits.

[flown_muse]

The only thing is, if you're pregnant now, you would be due to give birth April/May time, which would be right at the end of the year, exam period? Unless it's different from Scotland?

This will be one of the hardest decisions of your life, and I feel for you.

If you were going to have the child, it'd be best if you did uni so you could try and get the best job possible.

In your position, I would have an abortion. But then, I'm biased because I would never have a child.

Also, your personal reasons, and you saying you don't know if you can cope mentally, either way having an abortion or having a kid will affect you mentally.

Best of luck.

[AverageExcellence]

(Original post by natt__dd)
Hello,

I've recently found out that I'm pregnant. I haven't gone in for a scan yet but I'm guessing I am roughly 6 weeks. I deferred my 2nd year at Manchester uni due to personal problems and am due to re-start in September.

I'm so confused, the thought of abortion makes me feel sick, all I can imagine is what the child could possibly be.

I've only been with my boyfriend for 6 months after being friends for roughly a year. He's a great guy, very caring and has said he will support me no matter what.

The problem with having a child is that financially we're ****ed... He's a window cleaner (earning around 12,000 a year) and I'm currently unemployed.

I was simply wondering if anyone knows of anyone or has finished their degree while pregnant/with child. Also, has anyone had an abortion? I'm so stuck for what to do. I haven't really had many people to talk to. My boyfriend's a bit stuck at the moment and he's still up in Manchester while I'm down south... I'm feeling really alone and anxious.

Thanks for reading, I wasn't sure what to write... I just remembered I had a Student Room account and thought someone might be able to help.

I also posted this in the relationship forum... not sure where to put it!

Thanks for sharing. Speaking from a third person view, my brothers girl friend recently had an abortion. People that flippantly suggest it are quite naive to the impacts such a move has. If you truly feel that you want to have the baby i wont lie, it will be a massive stress on you and you would most likely have no choice but to take a large amount of time out. Most universities support this and would allow you to pick up your degree at a later date or allow you to convert to part time. It would be very difficult financially, but life isn't about money and careers, I mean ask any mother in the world if they would effectively sell their child for material gain and im sure you'd know the answer.

But in terms of the abortion, you've got to tell yourself, can you provide your baby with a stable and loving home? Is your relationship serious and long term? do both of you want to inherit the incredibly difficult path ahead? Is there a possiblility that a family member is in a position to bare some of the burden with child care whilst you finish uni?

These are all things you must consider. Good luck i wish you all the best

[sammy-lou]

The fact that your're unsure about having an abortion now would sort of suggest that it's likely to be something you'd regret if you do go through with it. I know it's a horrible, impossible situation to be in, but the way I think of it is that you're never going to regret having and keeping your child, because you'll love it. But you're much more likely to regret having an abortion.

No one can really tell you what to do unfortunately; we don't know you and every situation is unique. Talk to your family, friends and boyfriend, get their perspectives and advice, but remember it is ultimately your decision.

Do your research as well, find out what help you can get (financially/emotionally from state/family and friends).

Good luck

[Drunk Punx]

(Original post by AverageExcellence)
Thanks for sharing. Speaking from a third person view, my brothers girl friend recently had an abortion. People that flippantly suggest it are quite naive to the impacts such a move has.

And people who post such things like this are also quite naive. There's no objective way to look at it; how someone will feel after an abortion is entirely down to the individual.

I know someone who had one once and severely regretted it. I also know someone who has had at least 3 because "safe sex" simply isn't in her vocabulary (using abortion as a means of contraceptive is ****ed up and I in no way condone it).
Equally as, I know someone who didn't have an abortion, had the kid, and immediately regretted it because she had to drop out of Uni.
Likewise, I know someone who had a kid, got on with their Uni work, and passed with flying colours.

You can't say to people that "an abortion is no biggie, have one!" just as you can't say to people "OMG you'll be traumatised for life if you have one!"

It effects different people in different ways and the decision should be made by the couple (though the ratio should be in favour of the mother as it's her that has to have the procedure, not the father).

[Anonymous]

I have had an abortion and it was horrible i wont lie but it seemed the best thing to do given my financial situation, studies, work etc i wasn't ready. I do still think about it would it of been a boy or a girl, i know he or she would be turning 1 this august so I do think about it but i know it was the best decision for me, although horrific at the time.

Its a decision only you can make for yourself really, as people have mentioned there are grants etc to help you out if you do decide to keep the baby, either way i REALLY wish you luck! with your studies, your decision and everything else! xx