[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I had the exact same problem as you OP. I really didn't know what to believe. I could see no logical reason for being against sex before marriage, but on the other hand my upbringing made me think it would be a very wrong thing to do.

Last year, I started going out with my boyfriend, who is white British. After going out for about 5 months, I was completely in love with him and we decided to have sex. I felt a bit guilty at the time, thinking about what my parents would say. But a year on, we're still happily together and I don't regret it at all.

Exactly!!!!
That is exactly how I feel!
I have been trying to really logically break down why I feel the why I do and I can't find a proper reason! But yet I know I would still feel guilty...

I'm really happy for you that you're still happily together

Do you mind me asking how old you are?

[Anonymous]

(Original post by mir0rb)
I'm not Indian but I agree with the whole no sex before marriage thing. Or, at least, no sex before you would be willing to bring up a child. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I personally don't want to lose it until I'm well over teenage years. That said, however, I wouldn't judge anybody for losing it earlier.

Virginity is a very personal thing. You shouldn't feel bad for losing it if you felt ready.

Same! I don't think this would be right for me. But I would feel guilty making a guy wait that long, and I don't even know if any guys would be willing to wait years.

[Anonymous]

Just to say first off, i'm not Indian I'm a Christian, but I agree with everyone saying that you need to decide for yourself not what your parents have said about other people or what your boyfriend wants you to do. I was with my ex-boyfriend for three years and I didn't have sex with him - it didn't feel right and I definitely wasn't ready, and he respected that (despite having slept with two girls before me). However, after splitting with him I met my current boyfriend and relatively soon after (a few months!) I decided to sleep with him because it felt 100% right and having been with my ex-boyfriend and knowing what it felt like to not be ready etc I knew I was making this decision for myself. Don't rush your decision, just do what YOU believe is right. Don't let anyone force you into doing something you don't want to do either.

[rdk]

(Original post by mir0rb)
I am from a Christian English background though my parents are by no means devote Christians. Really, it's not my religion that makes me believe this, I think it's just how I naturally feel on these subjects. :-)

That's cool. I naturally feel like that as well but being a guy people see me as a weirdo that i think that. I have Christian friends who think the same so these views aren't as uncommon as we think. I think i'd feel more comfortable having it in marriage/when im in a strong relationship with a gf that was headed towards marriage. I know i'd question myself if i did it for any other reason. But i don't judge people who do it before marriage. everyone has thier own views on these things.


I had this situation happen to me which actually cemented these views. My ex-gf who is Indian like myself said she wanted to wait till marriage. I was totally cool with that and we still had intimate moments for 1.5 years then i found out she was cheating on me with her white ex bf who she said she wanted to sleep with over me because i was not as good looking, was not as good in our intimate moments and i didn't have attractive features like he did and so she dumped me. Then later this yr, after her relationnship broke down, she is starting to try and get my attention and says she likes me that i was romantic and she loved the intimate moments we shared. Total opposite of what she said previously. She wanted to go further than we did before.

By waiting for the right girl in a way im protecting myself from shallow behaviour like that. No girl is gonna get a piece of me till they commit to me

They can look but they can't touch

[rdk]

OP, ultimately it's your choice. If you want to do it, make sure it's with someone you love and someone who will be there for you (as you mentioned you wanted it to be with a guy who will be there for you).

I waited for my gf for a couple of years and any guy who cares will wait. If not they are not worth it.

[jam277]

I feel marriage is a piece of paper in all honesty. If you're having sex with the right person then why should it matter.

[Lucia.]

If you're dating someone and you don't feel like sexing them, and you manage to hold that off for a long time, then clearly there isn't enough sexual chemistry.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I am not in any way religious but I am Indian.
My family has always been incredibly scathing of those in relationships (e.g. cousins) who have had sex before marriage.
I'm having trouble differentiating my views, from the views I have almost been told to have. Does anyone else have this problem?

I think, I just want to wait until I am sure that he is the one I will be spending the rest of my life with, whenever that is.

I don't really know what I actually think... sorry if this is confusing.

Other Indian girls, what are you planning to do?

Hey, I'm an Indian girl

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with sex before marriage. Obviously we're not brought up to think that way.
When I fall in love & trust a guy so much that I want to give myself to him, then that is when I will take that step in a relationship.

[abc101]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I had the exact same problem as you OP. I really didn't know what to believe. I could see no logical reason for being against sex before marriage, but on the other hand my upbringing made me think it would be a very wrong thing to do.

Last year, I started going out with my boyfriend, who is white British. After going out for about 5 months, I was completely in love with him and we decided to have sex. I felt a bit guilty at the time, thinking about what my parents would say. But a year on, we're still happily together and I don't regret it at all.

Same here. Not Indian though. I'd always thought having sex before marriage was a terribly bad thing to do - and then once I started being sexual with someone (although I still haven't had sex yet), I realised the actuality is so different from the way you think about things when you haven't had those experiences with someone, and I started to feel more comfortable with the idea of having sex before marriage, or at least not completely opposed to it. It would have to be with someone I loved who loved me, when I felt we could go the distance. I still see lots of good reasons for waiting until marriage, and that's what I may do, but I also think knowing someone sexually before you think about marrying them is hugely important and I'd definitely have to be sexual in some way with someone to be in a serious relationship. Basically in my opinion, I don't see anything wrong with having sex outside marriage, if you love each other and it means something - my only real qualm is that I still think I want to only share complete intimacy with one man, that's the only reason I'd hold back.

[abc101]

(Original post by Lucia.)
If you're dating someone and you don't feel like sexing them, and you manage to hold that off for a long time, then clearly there isn't enough sexual chemistry.

Being able to hold back from having sex doesn't mean you don't feel like having sex with that person. Believe me, sexual chemistry can be right through the roof and you can be desperate to have sex with someone but still refrain!

[Lucia.]

(Original post by abc101)
Being able to hold back from having sex doesn't mean you don't feel like having sex with that person. Believe me, sexual chemistry can be right through the roof and you can be desperate to have sex with someone but still refrain!

I agree with you but I was thinking of people who hold back for years. I mean most people could not manage that.