How do you cope with grief?
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How do you cope with grief?Hi all,
My best friend has just lost her mum in a freak accident, from which they haven't yet recovered the body. I know she's finding it so hard, and i'm trying to be there for her the best I can. I know thousands of people go through this, but I never expected it to happen so close to home. It hurts so much seeing her like this
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Re: How do you cope with grief?That's awful! Condolences to her family.
I cry and cry and cry and cry. It's the only thing I feel I can do when I lose somebody close. Just be there for her and do whatever she needs you do, be whatever she needs you to be whether this is a shoulder to cry on or a rock. -
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Re: How do you cope with grief?I'll be crazzy emotional, then I'll be numb, I think it's a sort of self-protection thing because after the numbness wears off or something triggers that mental block I have to break, I just keep hurting inside, crying non-stop, wanting to hurt myself etc and then I go back to feeling nothing again. I just can't deal with feelings like that all at once, I think it'd destroy me. Sometimes I talk to my boyfriend about it, but I don't think it makes it any easier for me, I'm really not sure. Not everyone does like to talk about it when they loose someone, so if she doesn't feel like it, don't try to force her to if she doesn't want to or feel ready to.
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Re: How do you cope with grief?My mates mum died during our second year of Uni, all we could do was all be there for him when he needed us and supported him the whole time and I think that's all you can do. Just be there for them to talk to at any hour, any time etc, even if it doesn't feel like you're making a difference they do appreciate it and it does help.
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Re: How do you cope with grief?I find the best way to cope with grief is to imagine your are the person who has lost their life. Would you want those who you love to be miserable for the rest of their life? No.
From your perspective I would just offer all the support you can to your friend. Do not feel guilty that it was her mother and not your's that was killed. It was neither of you two's responsibility. Try to prevent your friend from thinking that it was somehow her or her family's fault that this happened and that they are being punished for something. This sort of thing could have happened to anyone.
I really feel for you and especially your friend and her family and hope you can emerge stronger
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Re: How do you cope with grief?im so sorry to hear this ! D:
as everyone has all ready stated , being there for her, talking to her about memories of her mum, going through photos, letting her cry, cooking food, going for walks maybe suggest buying an animal thst she can stroke , e.g. cats, guinea pigs , rabbits etc hugging her all the time, watch movies together,brushing her hair.
wheter she is religoius or not reading bibleqoutes on this issues can be quite comforting e.g. http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow....s-about-death/ or http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow....ipture-quotes/ maybe ask your parents
i really hope this may be of use to you!! xx -
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Re: How do you cope with grief?Do what I always do, be incredibly sad for around 1-2 hours and then go on a cleaning frenzy until my house is spotless and a tonne of old junk is gone and then move on.
But to be honest the pain is never really gone it just sort of gets pushed to the back of your mind. -
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Re: How do you cope with grief?Consume bacon.
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Kummerspeck
Except I cycle like a mad **** to make sure I don't put on weight.
My poor legs.Last edited by Aspiringlawstudent; 12-07-2012 at 07:19. -
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Re: How do you cope with grief?(Original post by robo donkey)
My mates mum died during our second year of Uni, all we could do was all be there for him when he needed us and supported him the whole time and I think that's all you can do. Just be there for them to talk to at any hour, any time etc, even if it doesn't feel like you're making a difference they do appreciate it and it does help.
(Original post by Inverse)
I sleep, sleep all day if I have to.
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Re: How do you cope with grief?I literally just cry for what feels like a solid week.
However, I hate feeling fussed over, and prefer to be alone when doing so. Let your friend know that you're always there for her, but do understand if she initially pushes you away. -
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Re: How do you cope with grief?Thank you for all your advice. I remember when I suffered a family bereavement, I wanted to be alone, but it's so hard to tell whether she does or not, she doesn't quite know what to do! I went and sat with her yesterday, made a few phone calls for her, cooked her some dinner etc, and today we've actually got our prom; she knows her mum was so looking forward to it so she's going to try and give it a go. I think it's the waiting for her body that's the worst bit .. she's completely in limbo and she can't help but still hold that little bit of hope :/
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Re: How do you cope with grief?Diving incident .. she's still classed as missing at sea but it's been 48 hours now.(Original post by Guy Secretan)
What was the accident? -
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Re: How do you cope with grief?(Original post by Surfing_the_shine)
im so sorry to hear this ! D:
as everyone has all ready stated , being there for her, talking to her about memories of her mum, going through photos, letting her cry, cooking food, going for walks maybe suggest buying an animal thst she can stroke , e.g. cats, guinea pigs , rabbits etc hugging her all the time, watch movies together,brushing her hair.
wheter she is religoius or not reading bibleqoutes on this issues can be quite comforting e.g. http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow....s-about-death/ or http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow....ipture-quotes/ maybe ask your parents
i really hope this may be of use to you!! xx
may i ask why i got negative ratings for this? i'm trying to provide support so if i have offened anyone or done something wrong tell me so i know what it is -
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Re: How do you cope with grief?Get on with life eventually. Just be there for her. Get her slowly back into her daily routine. This will take time. I recently lost my brother and it took me 3 months. It takes time. She will never forget but time heals most pain.
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Re: How do you cope with grief?You sound like you are a great friend, so that will be a huge help to your friend already.(Original post by EllaBella<3)
Thank you for all your advice. I remember when I suffered a family bereavement, I wanted to be alone, but it's so hard to tell whether she does or not, she doesn't quite know what to do! I went and sat with her yesterday, made a few phone calls for her, cooked her some dinner etc, and today we've actually got our prom; she knows her mum was so looking forward to it so she's going to try and give it a go. I think it's the waiting for her body that's the worst bit .. she's completely in limbo and she can't help but still hold that little bit of hope :/
I think you're right in that she probably doesn't have a clue what to do at the moment, or what she wants, but what you're doing sounds like what my best friend did when my mum died and she was amazing. We cried together the night my mum died, she cooked for us, she wrote me a lovely card, she texted me lots every day, we went out to do normal things together, etc. She said at the time that she felt bad because she couldn't be more helpful, but just having her there was enough.
Doing normal things can be very helpful, the distraction and the focus on something, almost pretending it hasn't happened. But at other times she may want to just talk about her mum, about what's happened, about how she's feeling etc. I know sometimes people aren't sure whether to mention it or not for fear of upsetting the person, but personally it helped me when other people mentioned it first (even now) because I have 'permission' to talk about it without worrying like I'm making them feel awkward.
One of the things I loved was when my best friend used to text etc to say she'd been thinking of my mum, or mentioned something about my mum (like the way she said or did something), so if there's anything that reminds you in particular of her mum, that might be nice if you think your friend would like that.
The other thing is, often after a few months people start to mention it less (understandably) - things are moving on for most people, and life goes on. And that was one of the most difficult times for me, around the 3-6 month mark probably, but even now still after 10 months, I still have times when I need to cry or talk, so she will need people there to remember then too.
Apologies for the length of this post, if there's anything I can say to help you can always PM. x
