[Anonymous]

I don't really want to go into too many specifics - basically, my friend and I have been through a lot of very rough patches in our friendship for the past couple of years. And when I say rough, I mean seriously rough - its been enough to make me seriously consider walking away from her. The issue now is, shes a changed person, she's more like the friend she was when we first met and actually became friends - this change is due to some lifestyle changes shes made, shes stopped hanging out with some wrong people etc.

All these rough patches I've mentioned - I had previously forgiven her for them. But recently some more things came to light about the incidents, that have made me upset and angry all over again... and even though shes changed for the better now, I can't help but get times when I remember and get upset all over again. I try to mostly keep her from seeing I feel like this because I dont want it to affect our friendship anymore, but its been happening more and more recently. What do I do? I really want to forgive, but I guess I'm just not ready to let go of what happened/what she did. How exactly do you go about forgiving someone?? And should I talk to her about it again?

[JessaminePoppy]

Whether you bring up all the bad stuff that you can't seem to forget or not depends a lot on your friend. How is she going to deal with it ? And do you think that it will really help you to forgive? I you think she'll be willing to explain herself in a way that will make you feel better about the situation then give it a go.

I don't know you or your friend but from the information you have volunteered, a safe move would to talk about these new discoveries with a neutral acquaintance, just to get them off your chest. If your friend has genuinely changed for the better reminding her of the mistakes of the past might not be a good idea.

(In my head you're a snowman and she's a carrot that got rolled in flour, then the melted water of your friendship washed it off her.)

It's your call dude, but even if you make a mistake, if she's your friend, you'll be able to forgive and and accept her, creepy dangerous past and all.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by JessaminePoppy)
Whether you bring up all the bad stuff that you can't seem to forget or not depends a lot on your friend. How is she going to deal with it ? And do you think that it will really help you to forgive? I you think she'll be willing to explain herself in a way that will make you feel better about the situation then give it a go.

I don't know you or your friend but from the information you have volunteered, a safe move would to talk about these new discoveries with a neutral acquaintance, just to get them off your chest. If your friend has genuinely changed for the better reminding her of the mistakes of the past might not be a good idea.

(In my head you're a snowman and she's a carrot that got rolled in flour, then the melted water of your friendship washed it off her.)

It's your call dude, but even if you make a mistake, if she's your friend, you'll be able to forgive and and accept her, creepy dangerous past and all.

We havent talked about it since she initially told me the new details about the stuff that happened, but to be honest I'm not sure whats left to be said about it. I don't really know what the effect would be of bringing it up again, but I'm pretty sure there isnt any new explanation she could give that would make me forgive her more readily.

But maybe if I talk to her about it again, I'll stop feeling so upset so often.. I dont know. Maybe I just need to give it time

I'm not too keen on the neutral acquaintance sitting in on the conversation thing - I find it incredibly hard to talk about emotional stuff as it is!

[JessaminePoppy]

Hm.

How bad is it? Do you suddenly remember those things whenever, like whilst you're watching television or talking to someone else? Is it stopping you from sleeping? She might realise that something is up and if she wants to help, that would be ideal.

If you think it's possible that these feelings will gradually fade, you might find it best to let sleeping ugly things lie.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by JessaminePoppy)
Hm.

How bad is it? Do you suddenly remember those things whenever, like whilst you're watching television or talking to someone else? Is it stopping you from sleeping? She might realise that something is up and if she wants to help, that would be ideal.

If you think it's possible that these feelings will gradually fade, you might find it best to let sleeping ugly things lie.

Well its all still quite fresh in my head, I find myself thinking about it whenever I'm in a bad mood, or yeah sometimes its completely random too. I wouldn't say it's stopping me from sleeping, but I have definitely spent a few nights thinking about it, you know, when you're waiting to fall asleep etc.

Well the thing is she wouldn't realise, not really, because we're obviously on summer holidays at the moment so hardly see each other. I'll be seeing her next week but I don't really know whether to bring it up, if I happen to be thinking about it on the day, or to just leave it.

I guess. I've never been too happy leaving things unsaid lol, find it better (usually) to have things out in the open, but in this case like I said, I really don't know if theres anything left to say..

[JessaminePoppy]

Only you can know, choupette.

If you think you can get through it without it spoiling your friendship, go for it. If she's your friend, she wouldn't want you miserable. If bringing it up again isn't going to make you feel better then it's pointless.

Plus, look at it this way, you're stressing yourself out over the fact that you're stressing yourself out about some bad stuff your friend did. You have more options than you think.

[bellazz]

if she really is ur best mate then u ought to forgive her.

Forgiveness is just like faith. u have to keep reviving it. - Mason Cooley-

REVIVE ur forgiveness attribute and be frnds with her once again like old days.

BEST of luck!

[steveproxy]

Forgive but never forget because I am the type of person that won't let the same mistake happen twice meanwhile I am not a hateful person thus I am a forgiving person.