[bethany-x-]

Ive been with my boyfriend since the beginning of uni, so about 10 months now and its got pretty serious. He's been such a lovely boyfriend all this time. I love his family and he loves mine and we get on well with each other's friends. But it all started to change a couple of months ago when he started going to house music raves with the boys from our group of friends at uni. He's never really been into raves and all of a sudden he's been so influenced by this group of lads and wants to impress them. He did MDMA one night and then went out with the boys again on another night and did it again. I've always told him I don't like drugs and that my ex boyfriend did drugs (which is why we broke up and Sam knows that) but he still did MDMA anyway. We fell out over it and I told him if he ever does drugs again then I'll lose respect for him.

But then I went to ibiza for 2 weeks this summer with my girlfriends, and when I got back it all changed. He's going on another house night this week with his friends and told me he's doing ecstacy and he did cocaine a few weeks back.. and it just made me feel so upset again. I said to him that I've already told him I don't feel comfortable with him doing drugs, and he said that he let me go to Ibiza ''selfishly'' without considering him, so I should let him do what he wants and do drugs every now and then....

He explained to me that it's not like he does it all the time and he just does it on ''big nights out'' with all of his friends together, which is true, he doesn't do it every week.. but I still don't like the fact he's done it a few times and he wants to have more 'house music' nights out when we go back to uni in September, which will obviously mean he'll be doing drugs more often then!

I asked him what if I'm there on a night out when everyone is doing drugs, what would he do? He said that he wouldnt do it if I was there, but that he'd want to and that he would have a **** night if he was the only one of the boys not doing ecstacy.... So basically even if he didn't take drugs when I'm there with him on a night out, he'll act like hes having a **** night in a strop and make me feel guilty! I can't win

I just feel so angry because I'm such an easy- going girlfriend and don't care what he does with his life, as long as he's not stupid and doesn't do drugs! So I told him that I feel so disrespected that he just doesn't care how I feel about it and is still planning on doing ecstacy anyway, that I think we need a break from our relationship. In reply, he turned it on me and said that it shows him I clearly don't care about our relationship because I can ''so easily switch off'' and say I want a break. When thats not the case! I just dont want to be with a boyfriend who does drugs.. end of.

I said to him he can go out on Friday and do drugs and see if it was all worth losing his girlfriend because I wont be here after waiting for him.. I just feel like he's chosing drugs over me.. Surely if he cared enough about me, he just wouldn't do drugs?

Am I being too narrow minded or am I being fair? Please help

[Wilfred Little]

(Original post by bethany-x-)
.

If you already discussed this and one of your boundaries was not to do drugs and he's done them then yeah you have a reason to be annoyed. The Ibiza thing doesn't hold weight for me, he'd be raving whether or not you went there in my opinion.

Saying that, if you drink alcohol yourself (I assume you do since you went to Ibiza), then you have no right to tell him not to do "drugs" as alcohol is a hard drug itself. If you don't, ignore this bit.

But if you said you won't tolerate something, then you tolerate it, he'll lose respect for you so you might want to seriously reconsider this relationship.

[llessur123]

You shouldn't end a relationship based on one of their lifestyle activities unless it has changed the person you initially got into a relationship with. Has he changed into someone you dislike? If he hasn't then it's stupid - like someone said, alcohol is a drug too. If the drugs have changed him, then maybe it's time to end it.

I always base my choices on that. If they are the same person that I liked at the start then it's fine, if they are different but I like the new them then that's fine too, if they have changed into someone I no longer know or like then there is no point. It simplifies things a lot. Don't let the idea of drugs break something that was fine, although if you're not enjoying the relationship anymore just leave it.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[sekret]

I think the main point is OP said to her BF that she thoroughly disliked them and it was the cause of her previous relationship breaking down. So it's hardly a gf telling him what to do. She hasn't once told him he can't do them has she?

My personal preference is a strong dislike towards drugs but that's my choice. If you started going out with someone who was good looking and then they became **** ugly, would you feel as though you had to stay with them, cos becoming fat and ugly wouldn't make them a bad person.. But you would most likely have a different view on them, potentially a relationship ending change

[AlmostChicGeek]

OP I don't think you are being unreasonable, ecstasy and coke are illegal, and if it makes you feel uncomfortable you shouldn't have to put up with it.

He knows how you feel about it, he knows that's why you broke up with your last boyfriend. If you are unhappy with it, do what you think is best for you, if that is leaving him then do it.

It shouldn't come as a surprise to him as he knows you have had issues with boyfriends as users in the past.

And sure you may drink alcohol, but a) that is a legal drug and b) I'm sure if your boyfriend had some serious issues with it you would try and chat to them about it and come to some kind of compromise about it.

You wouldn't make him feel guilty about being honest with you, and you would want to get to a place where you can both support each other.

I'm by no means saying you should force him to change - you can't, and that would be wrong. However don't feel obligated to say in a relationship you aren't happy in, don't let him guilt you into staying if that isn't what you want.

You have gone through something like this before it seems, and you ended it, why shouldn't you end this relationship if you aren't happy?

[fredscarecrow]

It basically comes down to if its a deal breaker for you. It certainly would be for me. Drugs are a tetchy issue and people on here will call you all sorts of names because youre so against them...but at the end of the day if this is how you feel about them, absolutely notjing is going to change that.
Your.bf isnt going to change his.mind though by the sound of it. A break could work, but will you trust him if he saus hes stopped.doing it? At least now hes telling you when he does rhe drugs. I knownyouce explained how you feel to him but i thik tou meed to really express how portant this is to you - but if you choose to walk away know you are totally justified in doing so. Even taking away the moral sode of drugs, hes participating in an illegl activity and youre perfectly within your righta to walk away from rhat because of tjw consequences that could have on you and.your life
.

[G-man89]

You're not being narrow minded. The first few posters are being narrow minded. Considering your previous relationship broke down over drugs and your current boyfriend knows this, I'd say you're doing the right thing. You've given him the ultimatum, just wait and see what/who he picks. He's an idiot if he decides that he HAS to have drugs to enjoy a night out with his "friends" over you.

[DotComBoom]

If you feel it's worth the effort and you feel you're caring enough then I would say stick it out and try to get him off drugs.

[King Kebab]

I think that you should just let him do what he wants regarding the drugs issue. As long as he loves you, I don't see what the problem is.

[.Scout.]

It sounds as if your boyfriend wont stop taking drugs even if you keep telling him how much you don't like it. He sounds SO easily led by his friends that he will continue to take them just to fit in with the lads.

You just need to weigh up how much the drug taking bothers you and whether you would want to lose your boyfriend over it. Knowing that you broke up with your previous boyfriend because of a similar issue, he should know that you really dont tolerate this behaviour. But it just seems like he doesn't give a damn.

From a purely selfish standpoint, you need to think about yourself. You've already had one breakup over drugs, do you really want to go through the same kind of break up again? The longer you stay in this relationship, the more hurt you are going to get as realistically, your current bf wont be stopping th drugs any time soon. Don't put yourself through the pain and the hurt.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by G-man89)
You're not being narrow minded. The first few posters are being narrow minded. Considering your previous relationship broke down over drugs and your current boyfriend knows this, I'd say you're doing the right thing. You've given him the ultimatum, just wait and see what/who he picks. He's an idiot if he decides that he HAS to have drugs to enjoy a night out with his "friends" over you.

This. It would say something about his character, which put me off equally, if not more.

[forgetamine]

Don't know why my post got deleted, anyway I was saying you are being selfish, you won't let him have fun. Would you have a go at him if he got drunk occasionally? MDMA is supposed to be less harmful than alcohol. As long as he's not a hard core addict and doesn't change completely, what's the big deal? Let him do what he enjoys, it's not like he's doing it to piss you off, he just wants to have some fun. It doesn't sound to me like you really love him.

[sekret]

(Original post by forgetamine)
Don't know why my post got deleted, anyway I was saying you are being selfish, you won't let him have fun. Would you have a go at him if he got drunk occasionally? MDMA is supposed to be less harmful than alcohol. As long as he's not a hard core addict and doesn't change completely, what's the big deal? Let him do what he enjoys, it's not like he's doing it to piss you off, he just wants to have some fun. It doesn't sound to me like you really love him.

The difference being alcohol is legal and drugs aren't..? I wouldn't really want to be associated with a drug abuser who could end up put in prison. But obviously that appeals to you

[Ben_LiveYourDreams]

(Original post by sekret)
The difference being alcohol is legal and drugs aren't..? I wouldn't really want to be associated with a drug abuser who could end up put in prison. But obviously that appeals to you

What is your understanding of the law in regards to drugs?
Which law is it that could sentance the girlfriend of an occassional MDMA user to a prison sentance?

Just to clear things up, it is not against the law to take drugs. It is against the law to possess and supply drugs.

It is also not against the law to be the girlfriend of someone who takes mdma at house raves.

People who take mdma in a house rave ( where often over 50% of the crowd will consuming class a's) are not really what the police are looking for.





This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[gagaslilmonsteruk]

Show him the door, now!

[MORPHEUS24-7]

If he realises that you said to him that you don't agree with drugs, and he blatantly ignores it and continues. I can't blame you for feeling like you do. maybe offer an ultimatum? Again if you are that serious with him then it really depends on how you feel and how much he is willing


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Bollo's Lovechild]

(Original post by forgetamine)
Don't know why my post got deleted, anyway I was saying you are being selfish, you won't let him have fun. Would you have a go at him if he got drunk occasionally? MDMA is supposed to be less harmful than alcohol. As long as he's not a hard core addict and doesn't change completely, what's the big deal? Let him do what he enjoys, it's not like he's doing it to piss you off, he just wants to have some fun. It doesn't sound to me like you really love him.

I agree with this post, though I'm struggling to take it seriously, given that your name resembles 'Ketamine', somewhat.

OP, is he in serious danger of being caught using them? To be honest I think it is an issue if it caused a previous split and I think it may be a bit selfish if he's not treating you anymore, rather spending his cash on drugs. But bear in mind that he's probably in no danger by the sounds of it and neither are you

[Wilfred Little]

(Original post by Anonymous)
This. It would say something about his character, which put me off equally, if not more.

Do you drink?

(Original post by forgetamine)
Don't know why my post got deleted, anyway I was saying you are being selfish, you won't let him have fun. Would you have a go at him if he got drunk occasionally? MDMA is supposed to be less harmful than alcohol. As long as he's not a hard core addict and doesn't change completely, what's the big deal? Let him do what he enjoys, it's not like he's doing it to piss you off, he just wants to have some fun. It doesn't sound to me like you really love him.

It is. I don't understand anti-drugs people who drink. One's legal the other isn't and the legal one is more dangerous.

Hypocrisy ftw.

[forgetamine]

(Original post by sekret)
The difference being alcohol is legal and drugs aren't..? I wouldn't really want to be associated with a drug abuser who could end up put in prison. But obviously that appeals to you

Legal, illegal, whatever... As long as he only gets it for himself and doesn't deal it he won't go to prison lol.

[TheGoat]

TL;DR, forgive me..

You should really get rid of him. If he can't drop the stupid drugs for his girlfriend then he doesn't deserve to have one. And you obviously don't deserve to have to put up with his nonsense.