[DANdeLion5]

We all used to be one big happy family. Or at least it appeared that way. Anyway we haven't spoken in three years. There mum can't bare to be in the same room, my mum is more concerned with looking "thin" around them and my dad hates them just as much as I do and says its going to be awkward being there and has said he isn't going. I don't want to go either but think it would be selfish not too since we're going for my nan not for my mum to parade her thinness around.
I just want to know how I should compose myself since anything I say or do normally results in some criticism from them. They are just naturally critical people - unhappy with there own lives so they take it out on people around them. I need to stay cool for just one evening as I'm going to Beijing the next day and would like to be calm for the flight.
Any tips?

[canŵio]

is the only problem you've got with them is that they're 'naturally critical'? if not, what's the actual problem?

it's good practise - when you go to work, you'll have to spend time with people you hate. it isn't really that hard, just do whatever you want, you don't have to talk to them.

if you go in with the attitude that they're all going to be horrible, then you'll make them act horrible by being hostile.

[funsongfactory]

What happened? It's difficult to give advice without knowing why things are so bad between you all.

[DANdeLion5]

(Original post by funsongfactory)
What happened? It's difficult to give advice without knowing why things are so bad between you all.

The reason why I haven't is because its really long to explain. In short - their mum always resented my mum growing up because my mum's dad was always around but there mum's dad wanted nothing to do with her. So she used it as a weapon to bully my mum and pretty much everyone around her and my mum just accepted it as she felt sorry for her and I think guilty too (even though of course it wasn't her fault).
So when me and my cousins were born - my aunt went on the dole so her kids never got to go on holiday like I did or do much of the things I was fortunate enough to do. I wasn't allowed to talk about my holiday or even suggest that I was having a good time EVER. As it was seen as boasting in my aunt's eyes but if they got anything new they were allowed to parade it round until they were bored.
As I got older their hostility towards me increased and they fell out with a lot of their friends because they always caused arguments, accused people of bullying them and were generally just bitchy - even towards my Nan and some of my other relatives including one who was brutally raped when she was younger.
We went on holiday to visit my granddad in the caribbean and all they did was bitch and fight and try to accuse me of doing things like sleeping around just to get me in trouble with my granddad but he knew that it was lies.
We had agreed to have our 18th's together as it would also be my cousins 21st - at the last minute they decided that they didn't want me involved but said I could still invite my friends (obviously just to make up the numbers) I didn't invite my friends but I did go. When I had my 18th birthday it was a friends only celebration - they felt left out and kicked up such a fuss about it - calling me all different names under the sun trying to make me feel like **** as they felt excluded. The following months consisted of them badmouthing me to my mum about anything - mainly lies or some twisted concoction of the truth. Eventually my mum had enough and stopped talking to them. Other family members took relevant sides, most of them including my nan, aunts and other cousins sided with me. My aunt blames me for everything and gives me a dirty disgusted look every time she sees me and sometimes leaves the room and makes a big show of it.

@canwio - I actually work for one of the best companies in the world where I get on with all the staff so I don't have this issue.

[funsongfactory]

(Original post by DANdeLion5)
The reason why I haven't is because its really long to explain. In short - their mum always resented my mum growing up because my mum's dad was always around but there mum's dad wanted nothing to do with her. So she used it as a weapon to bully my mum and pretty much everyone around her and my mum just accepted it as she felt sorry for her and I think guilty too (even though of course it wasn't her fault).
So when me and my cousins were born - my aunt went on the dole so her kids never got to go on holiday like I did or do much of the things I was fortunate enough to do. I wasn't allowed to talk about my holiday or even suggest that I was having a good time EVER. As it was seen as boasting in my aunt's eyes but if they got anything new they were allowed to parade it round until they were bored.
As I got older their hostility towards me increased and they fell out with a lot of their friends because they always caused arguments, accused people of bullying them and were generally just bitchy - even towards my Nan and some of my other relatives including one who was brutally raped when she was younger.
We went on holiday to visit my granddad in the caribbean and all they did was bitch and fight and try to accuse me of doing things like sleeping around just to get me in trouble with my granddad but he knew that it was lies.
We had agreed to have our 18th's together as it would also be my cousins 21st - at the last minute they decided that they didn't want me involved but said I could still invite my friends (obviously just to make up the numbers) I didn't invite my friends but I did go. When I had my 18th birthday it was a friends only celebration - they felt left out and kicked up such a fuss about it - calling me all different names under the sun trying to make me feel like **** as they felt excluded. The following months consisted of them badmouthing me to my mum about anything - mainly lies or some twisted concoction of the truth. Eventually my mum had enough and stopped talking to them. Other family members took relevant sides, most of them including my nan, aunts and other cousins sided with me. My aunt blames me for everything and gives me a dirty disgusted look every time she sees me and sometimes leaves the room and makes a big show of it.

@canwio - I actually work for one of the best companies in the world where I get on with all the staff so I don't have this issue.

Eurgh, I'm sorry you have to deal with that OP! If I were you I would just completely ignore them at the party, it's the best way to ensure there's no argument or people getting upset and ruining it for your nan.

[Dmon1Unlimited]

This kind of stuff pisses me off since my family are similar....

You could try to arrange a get together just before your nans birthday to sort this **** out once and for all... No lies, no bitch fits, no bull****, tell them to not spread lies about you sleeping around (if you haven't etc), bring up every single issue, and sort it out one at a time

Get all this crap sorted so that your nan can celebrate her birthday with people who don't wont to kill each other

[DANdeLion5]

(Original post by Dmon1Unlimited)
This kind of stuff pisses me off since my family are similar....

You could try to arrange a get together just before your nans birthday to sort this **** out once and for all... No lies, no bitch fits, no bull****, tell them to not spread lies about you sleeping around (if you haven't etc), bring up every single issue, and sort it out one at a time

Get all this crap sorted so that your nan can celebrate her birthday with people who don't wont to kill each other

Great idea. If only life were as simple as that. There are just too many wounds in this family.

[funsongfactory]

(Original post by Dmon1Unlimited)
This kind of stuff pisses me off since my family are similar....

You could try to arrange a get together just before your nans birthday to sort this **** out once and for all... No lies, no bitch fits, no bull****, tell them to not spread lies about you sleeping around (if you haven't etc), bring up every single issue, and sort it out one at a time

Get all this crap sorted so that your nan can celebrate her birthday with people who don't wont to kill each other

It sounds like the aunt and cousins would turn it into a massive fight though?

[WizzleKidd]

Basically, they are a$s holes?
You just gotta act like you don't notice them. It would be awkward but do your best.