[Anonymous]

Hi all. A guy I was seeing a while ago ended things which felt sudden to me. I have been with some crappy guys but this guy seemed the most genuine and nice, and he made effort with me, was interesting he was just down to earth and funny and understanding.. I thought we were doing ok as he said he liked me but then it turns out he just see's me as a good friend.. but we haven't spoken since he said that. It all just makes it worse because I have little closure and don't really understand it.

It has been a while now and at first i just cried but now I just feel anxious. Its ok in the day when I am busy but when I allow myself to think I get that anxious empty feeling that I can't shake off. I am also really worried bcause I don't know how I can trust a potentional partner again and I don't even want to let myself because I am worried I will get hurt/messed around or lied to and not even know it because I trusted them. I have recently joined a dating site because I feel like I need to flirt and have someone seem interested in me everyday. I don't know what I can do about this feeling like I'm not good enough

[Anonymous]

Anyone?

[Climbontoyourseahorse]

It's crazy how even just one rejection can leave us feeling like this, but what you need to remember is that this feeling is completely unjustified. This was just one guy, and you've probably heard this one before but there are guys out there for whom you are more than adequate. When you say that you were seeing this guy, did it have a sexual element (kissing, sex etc) or was it more like hanging out but with a sense of there being a bit of chemistry there? I'm guessing you meant the former and that he gave you pretty undeniable signs of being interested. It might be that he thought he liked you in a romantic way but then suddenly realised that he didn't and told you as soon as possible, and whilst that might hurt, he wouldn't have been in the wrong. But if he knew all along that he wasn't interested and was convincing you otherwise so he could bask in your attention, then it sounds like he's the one with the problem here, not you. It's natural to want closure and to hear their side of the story, but you're going to have to create your own closure. He probably couldn't pin-point a reason why he doesn't feel or no longer feels attracted to you. Think about it, there are probably many guys you've known and rejected but think are great, attractive people - but you just don't feel that spark with them. Maybe that was his case with you. He's told you how he sees you, and so that is closure. At least he was straight with you rather than disappearing off the face of the earth or giving you some reason to think that maybe you still have a chance.

[Apple-Pi]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi all. A guy I was seeing a while ago ended things which felt sudden to me. I have been with some crappy guys but this guy seemed the most genuine and nice, and he made effort with me, was interesting he was just down to earth and funny and understanding.. I thought we were doing ok as he said he liked me but then it turns out he just see's me as a good friend.. but we haven't spoken since he said that. It all just makes it worse because I have little closure and don't really understand it.

It has been a while now and at first i just cried but now I just feel anxious. Its ok in the day when I am busy but when I allow myself to think I get that anxious empty feeling that I can't shake off. I am also really worried bcause I don't know how I can trust a potentional partner again and I don't even want to let myself because I am worried I will get hurt/messed around or lied to and not even know it because I trusted them. I have recently joined a dating site because I feel like I need to flirt and have someone seem interested in me everyday. I don't know what I can do about this feeling like I'm not good enough

I'm in the same situation. Except I broke up with my boyfriend of a year today It was perfect and he sounds exactly like your guy. We're literally the most perfect couple. However, my parents are totally against him and I didn't want to upset my parents.
My advice to you would be to try and remember all the bad things he's ever done. There has to be something! It sort of puts you off him. It's working for me.
I know how it feels.. You want to contact him and speak to him but you can't because it'd probably make it worse..
About the dating site.. don't do that. You'll find someone
Think positive. Hope I helped.

[SillyMilly]

Rejection is the most difficult thing to deal with, whereas they guy may have just not been looking for a girlfriend/ didnt want to risk your friendships its sososo hard to understand that when youve been rejected.


When my ex left me I was th exact same I was fine when I was with my friens or busy but as soon as I was alone, I felt physically sick, clammy , hot I had that sinking feeling in my tummy and my brain just non stop went into overdrive, you vecome obsessive over him and where it went wrong., The only way to stop this is to change your mindset, its bloody hard but you need to think of him as a learning curve, this lady at work once found me in tears over my ex the day he dumped me and she said to me 'You have to kiss lots of frogs before you find your prince' I know it sounds SO cheesy but its so true, we all go through this pain I bet if you asked your mum she would tell you about a boyfriend that hurt her, but look we all come out fine at the end, it makes you a better person and a stronger person.


I like you didnt trust men at all infact there are about 1 or 2 guys I actually trust and open up to the rest I dont trust, you will however know when yo meet the right person becuase you will be able to trust him.


Time is the only healer do not rush this you will get over it when you are ready, its like your grieving for somebody youve lost,

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
It's crazy how even just one rejection can leave us feeling like this, but what you need to remember is that this feeling is completely unjustified. This was just one guy, and you've probably heard this one before but there are guys out there for whom you are more than adequate. When you say that you were seeing this guy, did it have a sexual element (kissing, sex etc) or was it more like hanging out but with a sense of there being a bit of chemistry there? I'm guessing you meant the former and that he gave you pretty undeniable signs of being interested. It might be that he thought he liked you in a romantic way but then suddenly realised that he didn't and told you as soon as possible, and whilst that might hurt, he wouldn't have been in the wrong. But if he knew all along that he wasn't interested and was convincing you otherwise so he could bask in your attention, then it sounds like he's the one with the problem here, not you. It's natural to want closure and to hear their side of the story, but you're going to have to create your own closure. He probably couldn't pin-point a reason why he doesn't feel or no longer feels attracted to you. Think about it, there are probably many guys you've known and rejected but think are great, attractive people - but you just don't feel that spark with them. Maybe that was his case with you. He's told you how he sees you, and so that is closure. At least he was straight with you rather than disappearing off the face of the earth or giving you some reason to think that maybe you still have a chance.

Thanks for the indepth response. We kissed but that was all. He had said he regretted sleeping with the last few girlfriends he had because they didn't mean as much as when he was in a long term relationship :/ so I didn't think it was weird we hadn't slept together as I thought he didn't want to rush things like he used to. Well he had said he liked me as more than a friend and we spoke alot and said he looked forward to seeing me and complimented my looks and personality eg. being easy to talk to, genuinly nice and down to earth and interesting etc. I feel like I lack closure because he said about only seeing me as a friend over the space of a few text messages and said a few contradictory things and hasn't been in contact since. He has had 3 relationships, and 2 of them he said he rushed into and only lasted 2 months or so because he wasn't that interested in them after getting to know them better.
I don't know why I am so hurt tbh... I just always feel like it was my fault in these situations like if I was better or something then it wouldn't happen.

[.Heather.]

(Original post by SillyMilly)
Rejection is the most difficult thing to deal with, whereas they guy may have just not been looking for a girlfriend/ didnt want to risk your friendships its sososo hard to understand that when youve been rejected.


When my ex left me I was th exact same I was fine when I was with my friens or busy but as soon as I was alone, I felt physically sick, clammy , hot I had that sinking feeling in my tummy and my brain just non stop went into overdrive, you vecome obsessive over him and where it went wrong., The only way to stop this is to change your mindset, its bloody hard but you need to think of him as a learning curve, this lady at work once found me in tears over my ex the day he dumped me and she said to me 'You have to kiss lots of frogs before you find your prince' I know it sounds SO cheesy but its so true, we all go through this pain I bet if you asked your mum she would tell you about a boyfriend that hurt her, but look we all come out fine at the end, it makes you a better person and a stronger person.


I like you didnt trust men at all infact there are about 1 or 2 guys I actually trust and open up to the rest I dont trust, you will however know when yo meet the right person becuase you will be able to trust him.


Time is the only healer do not rush this you will get over it when you are ready, its like your grieving for somebody youve lost,

I think this is good advice and I'm going through exactly the same thing right now OP, so you're not alone. It's really hard and it just takes time, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by SillyMilly)
Rejection is the most difficult thing to deal with, whereas they guy may have just not been looking for a girlfriend/ didnt want to risk your friendships its sososo hard to understand that when youve been rejected.


When my ex left me I was th exact same I was fine when I was with my friens or busy but as soon as I was alone, I felt physically sick, clammy , hot I had that sinking feeling in my tummy and my brain just non stop went into overdrive, you vecome obsessive over him and where it went wrong., The only way to stop this is to change your mindset, its bloody hard but you need to think of him as a learning curve, this lady at work once found me in tears over my ex the day he dumped me and she said to me 'You have to kiss lots of frogs before you find your prince' I know it sounds SO cheesy but its so true, we all go through this pain I bet if you asked your mum she would tell you about a boyfriend that hurt her, but look we all come out fine at the end, it makes you a better person and a stronger person.


I like you didnt trust men at all infact there are about 1 or 2 guys I actually trust and open up to the rest I dont trust, you will however know when yo meet the right person becuase you will be able to trust him.


Time is the only healer do not rush this you will get over it when you are ready, its like your grieving for somebody youve lost,

Does the trust really come back? Everytime a relationship ends I just feel worse and trust people less. My last boyfriends were bad but this last guy I dated I trusted and then it turns out he didnt like me in that way ever or did and then chnged his mind.. out of my life completely. I don't know if I even want to believe what people say anymore

[SillyMilly]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Does the trust really come back? Everytime a relationship ends I just feel worse and trust people less. My last boyfriends were bad but this last guy I dated I trusted and then it turns out he didnt like me in that way ever or did and then chnged his mind.. out of my life completely. I don't know if I even want to believe what people say anymore

It does come back to an extent although I truly believe that its sorta become less naive in some respects you could say I fully trusted my ex when he went for parties and stayed round his best femal friends house, or you could say I wastotally naive and stupid, I wouldnt stand for that now, same as when he text girls in front of me i thought it was just friendly becuase i 'trusted him' now if a guy did that constantly I would tell him i thought he was being rude. Its made me grow as a person I guess its a cynical approach but you learn to judge people a hell of alot more, for me it means if i can see the sings say of a cheat, I would step away straight away so i couldnt get hurt, not hang around to I fall in love with him and he leaves me. Ive noticed with the current guy im with that I 'trust' him but I dont take what he says at face value I dont hang of his everysingle word. So yes I have trust issues but I dont let this show, im just far more wary ./ I expect nothing from him, if he is nice then yay if he's a a**** then i wont care as ive not expected anything. Its very very hard but this is the only way i could move on with my life and sorta trust guys again

[Anonymous]

(Original post by SillyMilly)
It does come back to an extent although I truly believe that its sorta become less naive in some respects you could say I fully trusted my ex when he went for parties and stayed round his best femal friends house, or you could say I wastotally naive and stupid, I wouldnt stand for that now, same as when he text girls in front of me i thought it was just friendly becuase i 'trusted him' now if a guy did that constantly I would tell him i thought he was being rude. Its made me grow as a person I guess its a cynical approach but you learn to judge people a hell of alot more, for me it means if i can see the sings say of a cheat, I would step away straight away so i couldnt get hurt, not hang around to I fall in love with him and he leaves me. Ive noticed with the current guy im with that I 'trust' him but I dont take what he says at face value I dont hang of his everysingle word. So yes I have trust issues but I dont let this show, im just far more wary ./ I expect nothing from him, if he is nice then yay if he's a a**** then i wont care as ive not expected anything. Its very very hard but this is the only way i could move on with my life and sorta trust guys again

Well that seems like a good way to think about. Not to expect anything but being happy in the moment. My problem is once or twice I have been dumped because of my trust issues but I believe I was being disrespected by them :/ I don't think I can really tell the difference betwen 'signs' and paranoia anymore which worries me. I'm getting worried aswell that I have relationship issues aswell as I really like a guy and Im happy but then when I get in a relationship with them I just feel annoyed/anxious about the slightest thing