[Anonymous]

I'm really struggling. I get no joy out of life. My moods fluctuate between a lows of crushing inconsequence to a neutral medium. I started feeling like this when I was 15. I assumed it was adolescence. I am now 22 and I still feel like this and I'm starting to get sick of it.

I have tried to get the most out of life, in the hope it would suddenly reveal the 'meaning of life' to me.

(I know some of the things I write here will probably make a lot of people unsympathetic towards me, like "what have you got to be sad about" but that's the whole point. So I'm really sorry for sounding ungrateful, I'm just trying to be honest.)

I have applied myself at uni, I thought that would give my life meaning.
I'm getting a first in all my modules. I have achieved high positions in extra-curriculars and societies, I have learnt a second language to a decent standard (post A-level). I have a network of friends. I've read classic fiction. I have developed a fairly robust CV and got a good job. I am quite politically active, and volunteer and campaign a lot. I've raised money for charity. Still nothing.

I have won scholarships and spent a year living in one of the most incredible cities halfway across the globe and found myself crying myself to sleep at night. At one point I hooked up with a musician who I have had been a fan of several years (met him at an after-party, think Reading/Leeds festival headliner) and it still didn't feel like it was really happening to me, just like it was a daydream or something. I have been in car crashes and just felt bored waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

I've been in relationships and spent time with best friends, they say things and everyone laughs but no spontaneous laughter comes out of me, I fake it by laughing at the appropriate moments, but I could quite easily just stare at them with a straight, humourless face. I could quite easily go through sex without making a noise and just staring at the wall like I'm not there. I'm just faking it.

Please don't mistake this for being ungrateful. Please recognise that I'm trying so hard to have fun and live well, I haven't sat around and waited for life to come to me, I've gone out there and seized every opportunity. I'm sure many people would love to have had the opportunities that I've had. If I could share those experiences then I gladly would, you'd enjoy them more than I did. I recognize I am lucky, I just don't feel any emotional response to it and that upsets me.

But nothing's happening. What am I supposed to do. It's been nearly 8 years of this. I'm tired, when does it start to get fun?

I just feel like "what's the point" all the time. People have suggested anti-depressants but taking pills won't imbue life with meaning. It's just chemically distracting and covering up the symptoms without tackling the cause. There's no meaning to life. There's no point in doing anything, none of it matters.

Anyway if you read all of that, thank you. I don't really know what I expect you to say to me. I imagine if you clicked on this it's likely because you feel the same way. I don't think there is a solution to this. I feel like once you've asked yourself that question "What's the point" then that's it. It's the final question. You can't answer it.

[BananaSkins]

I totally understand how you feel (at least judging from what you've written here). To be honest, it sounds very much like you've got depression. I know you probably don't want to go to the doctors because they can't suddenly give you a purpose in life, but do it anyway! Go to the doctors. They don't just pump you full of antidepressants, there are alternatives that might really change your perspective on life and allow you to enjoy it, like you obviously want to. Let them have their say, then you can decide whether you want to go any further with the medical route or not.
I hope you do find some meaning and enjoyment in your life.

[Alexandra's Box]

I don't really have any practical advice but I read your whole post and will just say that I'm thinking of you and hope you can get better with the right support. Try phonelines like the Samaritans or similar if you don't want to face a GP or councillor just yet. You've done a lot with your life and need to feel happy, relaxed and proud of it all!

[bytail]

Let me ask you something: have you focussed on things such as getting a good degree because it made you happy/was what you wanted to do, or because it's what you thought you were supposed to do/what other people expected you to do?

I can totally relate to not feeling like anything has a purpose - but maybe you're just approaching things in the wrong way. Instead of focussing on things that you think are important because other people say they are, focus on the things which make you happy. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how many people you've slept with, how much money you earn, or how well-read you are if you don't enjoy any of it

On the other hand, it could be that you're suffering from some form of psychological disorder. Although taking pills won't magically change your outlook on life, they might help you find things more enjoyable. It's something worth talking to your GP about Talking therapy could also be really useful for you as it would allow you to sort through your ideas about life and work out what you want to do.

[Jon of the North]

You sound exactly like me. It's exasperating, isn't it?

[bownessie]

I was like this for quite a while... I am still not perfect, but I am a lot better now. You really do sound depressed and there are two things you can try and do: go to a gp or try and ride it out.

Going to the gp is probably the easier way of going about it, they'll give you a form to fill out and then will give you anti-ds and (normally) they really do help settle your mood.

Or you can try and deal with it yourself. I decided to do this as I was adamant that I was not going to have mood enhancing drugs. You've had it for a long time and I think that makes doing this a less advisable option, but if you ask yourself the questions like: is there anything making you feel particularly down? Is it obligation to other people, stuff that has happened in your past etc. etc.?

For me there were a few problems. The first was I'd suffered some abuse from a family member and the second was I felt like I needed to compensate by living the life other people wanted me to lead. Eventually I just got over the abuse and started leading my own path more and stuff has got better.

The thing is when you are depressed, that is often how you are going to feel: that life is meaningless. I did all the time. But now I've sort of moved on I don't worry about it so much any more. The thing is that being happier means you don't worry about life so much because happiness sort of gives your life a bit more meaning. I know you think anti-ds would be a "chemical distraction", but just think about it: you talk about being tireed. I know how feeling that tiredness is and it feels like it will never end. If you do have that "chemical distraction" for a while, it might give you mind a time to rest and actually "reset" in a way. Just volunteering and working hard to pretend it isn't there is never going to solve this problem. It is something like any other health issue that is best dealt with by taking it on head on.

Trust me, you deserve to be happy and dealing with depression is very, very difficult, but life gets better. If you get help you'll realise that even though you say "I'm not depressed, I'm just fealing nihilistic" or whatever, it really probably is depression. I'm sure there are lots of people who are ready to support you and just keep thinking you deserve to be happy.

PM me if you need a chat

[Dobrzynski]

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.

[polerina]

I understand how you feel. I really do and I wish I knew the answer. Just know that you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by BananaSkins)
I totally understand how you feel (at least judging from what you've written here). To be honest, it sounds very much like you've got depression. I know you probably don't want to go to the doctors because they can't suddenly give you a purpose in life, but do it anyway! Go to the doctors. They don't just pump you full of antidepressants, there are alternatives that might really change your perspective on life and allow you to enjoy it, like you obviously want to. Let them have their say, then you can decide whether you want to go any further with the medical route or not.
I hope you do find some meaning and enjoyment in your life.

Thank you for your reply. I don't like it when people post threads like these asking for help and don't bother taking the time to reply to everyone. I don't really believe in depression. I think what I'm feeling is logical. When you think about it, I mean really think about it, why would any of the above things make you happy anyway? Happiness seems like an arbitrary emotion, it has no logical basis. I really don't want to go down the medical route, I really am opposed to taking any medication to artificially alter my moods. I want to feel a genuine, organic happiness, not just cover up the problem by drugging myself. I don't know whether doctors will be happy with me saying that, and I don't want to waste their time with a consultation if they suggest "well we have medications" and I strongly refuse any medication, then they'll be like "well what else do you expect us to do? tell you the meaning of life? because we don't know it either". You know?

(Original post by Alexandra's Box)
I don't really have any practical advice but I read your whole post and will just say that I'm thinking of you and hope you can get better with the right support. Try phonelines like the Samaritans or similar if you don't want to face a GP or councillor just yet. You've done a lot with your life and need to feel happy, relaxed and proud of it all!

Thanks for your support

(Original post by bytail)
Let me ask you something: have you focussed on things such as getting a good degree because it made you happy/was what you wanted to do, or because it's what you thought you were supposed to do/what other people expected you to do?

I can totally relate to not feeling like anything has a purpose - but maybe you're just approaching things in the wrong way. Instead of focussing on things that you think are important because other people say they are, focus on the things which make you happy. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how many people you've slept with, how much money you earn, or how well-read you are if you don't enjoy any of it

On the other hand, it could be that you're suffering from some form of psychological disorder. Although taking pills won't magically change your outlook on life, they might help you find things more enjoyable. It's something worth talking to your GP about Talking therapy could also be really useful for you as it would allow you to sort through your ideas about life and work out what you want to do.

I am totally and completely doing it because it's what I think I'm supposed to be doing. Nothing makes me happy. If I just did "the things I want to do" then I would just be staring at a blank wall in silence. There's no desires or hopes or aspirations inside me, no burning desire to do anything. Just silence. I mean, the things I've listed in my beginning post was after I said to myself "right I need to do something with my life". Before then I'd stare at my wall for hours. I didn't get out of bed for four days once. Just stared at the ceiling, waiting for some kind of impetus or compulsion to get out of bed to strike me, and nothing happened for four days until I eventually had to get up to eat something because I was going to throw up from hunger pangs.

(Original post by Jon of the North)
You sound exactly like me. It's exasperating, isn't it?

Mmm, ironically the teary frustration of exasperation is the strongest emotion I've felt in a while now.

(Original post by bownessie)
I was like this for quite a while... I am still not perfect, but I am a lot better now. You really do sound depressed and there are two things you can try and do: go to a gp or try and ride it out.

Going to the gp is probably the easier way of going about it, they'll give you a form to fill out and then will give you anti-ds and (normally) they really do help settle your mood.

Or you can try and deal with it yourself. I decided to do this as I was adamant that I was not going to have mood enhancing drugs. You've had it for a long time and I think that makes doing this a less advisable option, but if you ask yourself the questions like: is there anything making you feel particularly down? Is it obligation to other people, stuff that has happened in your past etc. etc.?

For me there were a few problems. The first was I'd suffered some abuse from a family member and the second was I felt like I needed to compensate by living the life other people wanted me to lead. Eventually I just got over the abuse and started leading my own path more and stuff has got better.

The thing is when you are depressed, that is often how you are going to feel: that life is meaningless. I did all the time. But now I've sort of moved on I don't worry about it so much any more. The thing is that being happier means you don't worry about life so much because happiness sort of gives your life a bit more meaning. I know you think anti-ds would be a "chemical distraction", but just think about it: you talk about being tireed. I know how feeling that tiredness is and it feels like it will never end. If you do have that "chemical distraction" for a while, it might give you mind a time to rest and actually "reset" in a way. Just volunteering and working hard to pretend it isn't there is never going to solve this problem. It is something like any other health issue that is best dealt with by taking it on head on.

Trust me, you deserve to be happy and dealing with depression is very, very difficult, but life gets better. If you get help you'll realise that even though you say "I'm not depressed, I'm just fealing nihilistic" or whatever, it really probably is depression. I'm sure there are lots of people who are ready to support you and just keep thinking you deserve to be happy.

PM me if you need a chat

Thank you for your support. I really feel quite uncomfortable taking any kind of medication. as I said above to another user, I think that what I'm feeling is logical. I don't think there's anything wrong with my physiology or the biochemistry in my brain. I think I'm just being rational and there genuinely is nothing to be happy about in this world. If I started taking anti-depressants then I wouldn't feel able to think clearly and assess how I'm really feeling anymore. The thing I want the most is a genuine happiness, and I don't have a genuine happiness now, but if I take a medication then I certainly will extinguish ANY possibility of feeling anything genuine at all, that doesn't seem like a step in the right direction for me.

(Original post by Dobrzynski)
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.

Haha interesting. You been listening to the step up podcasts recently by any chance?

(Original post by polerina)
I understand how you feel. I really do and I wish I knew the answer. Just know that you are not alone.

Thanks for your support.

[bytail]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I am totally and completely doing it because it's what I think I'm supposed to be doing. Nothing makes me happy. If I just did "the things I want to do" then I would just be staring at a blank wall in silence. There's no desires or hopes or aspirations inside me, no burning desire to do anything. Just silence. I mean, the things I've listed in my beginning post was after I said to myself "right I need to do something with my life". Before then I'd stare at my wall for hours. I didn't get out of bed for four days once. Just stared at the ceiling, waiting for some kind of impetus or compulsion to get out of bed to strike me, and nothing happened for four days until I eventually had to get up to eat something because I was going to throw up from hunger pangs.

I have depression, and I don't logically see anything wrong with the way I perceive the world either I agree, there isn't much to feel happy about. I don't have much inclination to do things. But from my point of view, I figure that giving therapy/AD's a go has to be worth a try, because otherwise I'll end up killing myself.

It doesn't have to be big things. Personally, one thing that brings me some level of contentment is going out dog-walking. No idea what it is about it that appeals to me, but when I have the energy to get out of the house, I enjoy doing it. Is there anything like that for you? Even having a good laugh with a group of friends, or something? I know the positives don't outweigh the negatives, but if you can find even 1 positive, it might help.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by bytail)
I have depression, and I don't logically see anything wrong with the way I perceive the world either I agree, there isn't much to feel happy about. I don't have much inclination to do things. But from my point of view, I figure that giving therapy/AD's a go has to be worth a try, because otherwise I'll end up killing myself.

It doesn't have to be big things. Personally, one thing that brings me some level of contentment is going out dog-walking. No idea what it is about it that appeals to me, but when I have the energy to get out of the house, I enjoy doing it. Is there anything like that for you? Even having a good laugh with a group of friends, or something? I know the positives don't outweigh the negatives, but if you can find even 1 positive, it might help.

Not really. I like listening to music, but that's only very rarely if I'm in the right mood for it. Mostly it's just sound waves entering my ear and no lasting ringing or echo of emotion coming from it, might as well be listening to a washing machine.

As soon as the 'pleasurable' activity stops then I'm immediately back to neutral again. There's no lasting feelings afterwards. I don't look back on it and feel any positive emotion via memory. Literally the very instant I stop doing the activity it's as if I never did it in the first place.

I will try therapy but I really don't understand what a therapist could possibly tell me that would make me snap out of it suddenly. The only thing that would stop me feeling this way is if they gave me a meaning to being alive and I doubt they'll do that (!). Just keep telling me to keep trying new things as if I haven't already been trying that. I'm gunna be a really awkward patient. I don't have any conflicts in my life, I don't have any traumatic events in my childhood or unhealthy relations with family members, I am not engaging in any dangerous or unhealthy behaviours as a result of my emotions. I'm not under stress or any intense pressures. I really don't understand what they're going to be able to do for me.

[Dinnes]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm really struggling. I get no joy out of life. My moods fluctuate between a lows of crushing inconsequence to a neutral medium. I started feeling like this when I was 15. I assumed it was adolescence. I am now 22 and I still feel like this and I'm starting to get sick of it.

I have tried to get the most out of life, in the hope it would suddenly reveal the 'meaning of life' to me.

(I know some of the things I write here will probably make a lot of people unsympathetic towards me, like "what have you got to be sad about" but that's the whole point. So I'm really sorry for sounding ungrateful, I'm just trying to be honest.)

I have applied myself at uni, I thought that would give my life meaning.
I'm getting a first in all my modules. I have achieved high positions in extra-curriculars and societies, I have learnt a second language to a decent standard (post A-level). I have a network of friends. I've read classic fiction. I have developed a fairly robust CV and got a good job. I am quite politically active, and volunteer and campaign a lot. I've raised money for charity. Still nothing.

I have won scholarships and spent a year living in one of the most incredible cities halfway across the globe and found myself crying myself to sleep at night. At one point I hooked up with a musician who I have had been a fan of several years (met him at an after-party, think Reading/Leeds festival headliner) and it still didn't feel like it was really happening to me, just like it was a daydream or something. I have been in car crashes and just felt bored waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

I've been in relationships and spent time with best friends, they say things and everyone laughs but no spontaneous laughter comes out of me, I fake it by laughing at the appropriate moments, but I could quite easily just stare at them with a straight, humourless face. I could quite easily go through sex without making a noise and just staring at the wall like I'm not there. I'm just faking it.

Please don't mistake this for being ungrateful. Please recognise that I'm trying so hard to have fun and live well, I haven't sat around and waited for life to come to me, I've gone out there and seized every opportunity. I'm sure many people would love to have had the opportunities that I've had. If I could share those experiences then I gladly would, you'd enjoy them more than I did. I recognize I am lucky, I just don't feel any emotional response to it and that upsets me.

But nothing's happening. What am I supposed to do. It's been nearly 8 years of this. I'm tired, when does it start to get fun?

I just feel like "what's the point" all the time. People have suggested anti-depressants but taking pills won't imbue life with meaning. It's just chemically distracting and covering up the symptoms without tackling the cause. There's no meaning to life. There's no point in doing anything, none of it matters.

Anyway if you read all of that, thank you. I don't really know what I expect you to say to me. I imagine if you clicked on this it's likely because you feel the same way. I don't think there is a solution to this. I feel like once you've asked yourself that question "What's the point" then that's it. It's the final question. You can't answer it.

I did read all that, and I think it's beautiful, inspiring even, that you've done so much stuff to occupy yourself and make the most of life. Instead of giving up you've been proactive and I really respect you for that.

If you think it might be actual depression, just go and see a doctor, not necessarily so you can get pills, just even so you can talk to him about how you feel. With regards to any kind of medication, even though it won't make everything seem rosy it'll make your body at least feel better. That will at least make it easier to feel good about stuff as you won't have as much physical baggage if anything.

Apparently going for a walk is really effective. I've been lucky not to be in your situation but when I've been down at all, I either go for a walk, listen to music, or get nostalgic; I recently ended up playing all the video games I used to play as a kid, then went for a walk - ended up in 'zen mode' and felt awesome about everything. I know that it won't solve your problem but if it can make me feel awesome then I'd like to think it can make you feel better.

I'm still just, astounded at how you approached this. You could so easily have just gone '**** it', and actually that you're making the most of stuff is just beautiful. For me at least even though I don't know if there is an end to life, I know that even if there isn't it's still worth making the most of the means of it.

If I had your determination I'd be a lucky man. And sorry if this all sounds saccharin, I'm just really inspired by it.


Dan x

[Rarar]

I'm not quite sure on what to say...but I was in a similar position a few months ago. My depression was much shorter though (it was a few months off and on). I also felt worthless because of my sexuality. I felt exasperated with life and felt as if there was no point in continuing.

But there is.

It feels as if there's no end to this constant circle of dullness; as if it'll carry on forever.

It won't.

Just hold tight.

It's hard, I know, but things do and will get better. It might seem like a forever dark journey, but there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Life does have a meaning. I'll liken it to a metaphor I once read in a book - the meaning of life is like a diamond in a dungheap. For some people, the diamond will be at the very top, so they'll be able to see it easily. For others, such as yourself, they have to dig deep and hard for the diamond.

Believe me. The diamond is worth the wait.

To quote a Katy Perry song:

"'Cause I know you're out there,
And you're, you're looking for me, oh.
It's a crazy idea that you were made perfectly for me
You'll see."

I realise that the quote is more centered around finding your true love, but it applies in this case, too. Your purpose in life is out there, you just have to keep hunting.

As mentioned, try seeing a doctor. Tell them everything you wrote, and they'll be able to help.

I wish you the best, and I hope that you find your diamond!

[Kallah]

i kind of understand what you are going through,, its like as if i have yet to discover the true meaning of my existence and im on a continual search for happiness and a greater meaning.

[BananaSkins]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for your reply. I don't like it when people post threads like these asking for help and don't bother taking the time to reply to everyone. I don't really believe in depression. I think what I'm feeling is logical. When you think about it, I mean really think about it, why would any of the above things make you happy anyway? Happiness seems like an arbitrary emotion, it has no logical basis. I really don't want to go down the medical route, I really am opposed to taking any medication to artificially alter my moods. I want to feel a genuine, organic happiness, not just cover up the problem by drugging myself. I don't know whether doctors will be happy with me saying that, and I don't want to waste their time with a consultation if they suggest "well we have medications" and I strongly refuse any medication, then they'll be like "well what else do you expect us to do? tell you the meaning of life? because we don't know it either". You know?

Hmm, I'm not sure what to say now. I don't want to insist that you have depression, but I do find that when I'm down, I think in a different way to when I'm ok. And when I'm down, it feels like I'm thinking completely logically and no matter how I rack my brains, I can't think of a positive thing in life or any kind of meaning. But on the occasions that I feel ok, I again feel that I'm thinking logically, but I feel that there is meaning in life - or at least if there isn't, that it doesn't really matter. I'm rambling now but I guess I'm just trying to say that if I can undergo those changes in perspective in the time it takes for me to go from feeling bad to feeling ok, then maybe your perspective can change too, with some help..?

I understand that you don't want to be drugged up, but I'd still recommend seeing a doctor/therapist. They won't be exasperated when you tell them you don't want medication - they'll just send you down the counselling route instead, and even though you may think that that can't help you, give it a try anyway. They may just be able to help you

[Venomilys]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for your reply. I don't like it when people post threads like these asking for help and don't bother taking the time to reply to everyone. I don't really believe in depression. I think what I'm feeling is logical. When you think about it, I mean really think about it, why would any of the above things make you happy anyway? Happiness seems like an arbitrary emotion, it has no logical basis.

I would just like to say:

don't think about it then. Seriously, you are a human being and you should not question such things. Happiness probably is an illusion, it has no real purpose or logical base. What you should do in the future is just go with the flow and not think "Why does this make me happy?".

[ESPORTIVA]

Try a potent dose of salvia, trust me its an incredible experience, i know it may sound silly. You may not look at the world the same way again....

[bytail]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Not really. I like listening to music, but that's only very rarely if I'm in the right mood for it. Mostly it's just sound waves entering my ear and no lasting ringing or echo of emotion coming from it, might as well be listening to a washing machine.

As soon as the 'pleasurable' activity stops then I'm immediately back to neutral again. There's no lasting feelings afterwards. I don't look back on it and feel any positive emotion via memory. Literally the very instant I stop doing the activity it's as if I never did it in the first place.

I will try therapy but I really don't understand what a therapist could possibly tell me that would make me snap out of it suddenly. The only thing that would stop me feeling this way is if they gave me a meaning to being alive and I doubt they'll do that (!). Just keep telling me to keep trying new things as if I haven't already been trying that. I'm gunna be a really awkward patient. I don't have any conflicts in my life, I don't have any traumatic events in my childhood or unhealthy relations with family members, I am not engaging in any dangerous or unhealthy behaviours as a result of my emotions. I'm not under stress or any intense pressures. I really don't understand what they're going to be able to do for me.

Do you feel distant, or as if you're not quite 'all there'? Like you're just experiencing a dream?

It's not a case of 'snapping out of it', unfortunately it'll probably be a long-term thing. Not all emotional problems are caused by traumatic experiences; some people are triggered by stress, it happens to others for no apparent reason. It doesn't invalidate the way you're feeling, and it doesn't mean you can't be helped. If you're in a negative frame of mind then it's easy to think "what's the point?", whereas in a more positive frame of mind you might think "there's no point, isn't that great?" It's all about perspective.

[MancBoy]

Whatever you're going through there's always someone who is there for you. I feel you...

[Jorddds]

It sounds like 1 of 2 things:

1) You still havnt found that something youre looking for in life. You are academically on top form so its clearly nothing related that way. Maybe its something much simpler, maybe you desire more thrills and excitement for example. Try travelling or organising some key fun events. Carry on searching. Life has lots to offer and perhaps you just havnt grabbed exactly what YOU WANT out of it yet.

OR

2) All these great things in your life have happened and you havnt properly sat down and processed it all. Maybe your have lived life in top gear and you havnt had much time just to relax and live in the moment and enjoy what each day brings rather than constantly setting new goals and feeling the need to achieve new things. A suggestion could be to stop planning and see what journey you adventure upon by taking what random opportunies come YOUR way.