[Anonymous]

My Mum is embarrassed of me and it's getting me done. I'm the eldest and only daughter to her and I have 3 younger brothers.

I'm the shy, socially awkward type; I stay in my room on the computer a lot of the time and only go out a few times a month which is how I like it. She's embarrassed of that - "why don't you go out more?". I've never had a boyfriend and whenever I speak to her about university plans she'll go "oh you need to go to university to meet your future husband". Her friends have daughters my age and she's always speaking about their 'wonderful, caring' boyfriends.

I got 1 A*, 2 Bs and the rest As at GCSE and when people asks she says I got all As and A*s. She doesn't care about the results, she only cares that she can put them on facebook to brag to her friends. I got AABC in unit 1 of AS and she didn't put anything up because she obviously doesn't think it's good enough despite the fact that most people got Us.

She praises my brothers all the time. Two of them are failing school but she constantly brags to me about them: "They're so popular at school", "The teacher says he has a good sense of humour", "He'll have loads of girlfriends when he reaches secondary school", "He could be a model". They behave badly and constantly tell her to 'f- off' and create loads of mess. I clean my room all the time, tidy downstairs at least once a week and cook dinner for my brother once a week yet I'm an embarrassment.

I've admitted to her that I hate college and I don't fit in and we seem to come to some understanding. Then the next day she'll be asking "why don't you want to go to parties?", "don't you ever want to go out?" It's so frustrating.

Sometimes I'll go downstairs with my hair curly instead of straight and she'll pull a digusted face and go 'I don't like your hair'. She's a size 22 and I'm a 12 and she tells me I need to 'stop eating all the crap' because I'm 'getting fat'. I was ordering clothes online the other day and she said I should get something in a size 16 when all my clothes are 10-12. She never says I look nice, not even on my prom day.

When I was 16 I didn't know what a-levels to take. Her answer was to get pregnant.

Any advice? I'm getting sick of this.

[DANdeLion5]

Oh dear - sounds like my mum.
I don't know why women do this to their daughters.
I personally think its partly jealousy and also a pathetic attempt to correct their own mistakes through you.
I have two brothers and my mum brags about them endlessly to anyone who will hear it. I admit my younger brother is a brainbox but thats because my parents fussed over him and pushed him relentlessly. My older brother doesn't really live up to much but that doesn't stop my mum turning a blind eye to his bad behaviour despite him now being 28.
She also lied about my older brothers A-Levels, saying he got a B in Latin when actually he got an E.
She would never encourage me to get pregnant though as she had my brother at 16. But she is always whining about me not having a boyfriend - and if I get one she asks more questions than I'm comfortable. She complains when I go out and she complains when I don't. If I put on or lose weight she makes the biggest fuss about it.
She constantly compares me to whoever she can think of in order to put me down.
Her excuse is that its tough love and that she doesn't really mean it.
I just think some women are a bit delusional and emotionally scarred and its much easier to take it out on their daughters as women are more receptive to these behaviours.
After many years of challenging her and her foolishness, I am truly beyond caring. Unfortunately you cannot do anything as this is fundamental to who she is. I have however found that ignoring her, or at least pretending to be unaffected by what she says and does has significantly decreased these behaviours.
The main reason for her behaving like this is because she is too preoccupied with what other people/ the outside world think of her and is too selfish to realise the effects it is having on her children.

[Piko_Piko]

(Original post by Anonymous)
My Mum is embarrassed of me and it's getting me done. I'm the eldest and only daughter to her and I have 3 younger brothers.

I'm the shy, socially awkward type; I stay in my room on the computer a lot of the time and only go out a few times a month which is how I like it. She's embarrassed of that - "why don't you go out more?". I've never had a boyfriend and whenever I speak to her about university plans she'll go "oh you need to go to university to meet your future husband". Her friends have daughters my age and she's always speaking about their 'wonderful, caring' boyfriends.

I got 1 A*, 2 Bs and the rest As at GCSE and when people asks she says I got all As and A*s. She doesn't care about the results, she only cares that she can put them on facebook to brag to her friends. I got AABC in unit 1 of AS and she didn't put anything up because she obviously doesn't think it's good enough despite the fact that most people got Us.

She praises my brothers all the time. Two of them are failing school but she constantly brags to me about them: "They're so popular at school", "The teacher says he has a good sense of humour", "He'll have loads of girlfriends when he reaches secondary school", "He could be a model". They behave badly and constantly tell her to 'f- off' and create loads of mess. I clean my room all the time, tidy downstairs at least once a week and cook dinner for my brother once a week yet I'm an embarrassment.

I've admitted to her that I hate college and I don't fit in and we seem to come to some understanding. Then the next day she'll be asking "why don't you want to go to parties?", "don't you ever want to go out?" It's so frustrating.

Sometimes I'll go downstairs with my hair curly instead of straight and she'll pull a digusted face and go 'I don't like your hair'. She's a size 22 and I'm a 12 and she tells me I need to 'stop eating all the crap' because I'm 'getting fat'. I was ordering clothes online the other day and she said I should get something in a size 16 when all my clothes are 10-12. She never says I look nice, not even on my prom day.

When I was 16 I didn't know what a-levels to take. Her answer was to get pregnant.

Any advice? I'm getting sick of this.

Very overweight, low educational ambitions for her children, thinks a women's worth is measured by how much she gets with the opposite sex....she sounds like a chav. You can't really reason with them.

[trudy13]

I feel really bad for you I'm lucky my mother is really encouraging! But I have a friend in a similar situation, her mother is always putting her down. Have you tried to speak to your mother about how you feel? Maybe she doesn't realise how much it affects you? If you have spoken to her and she has continued to treat you like crap then have you thought about speaking to another family member? I'm sure that at least someone in your family will be disgusted to know that she makes you feel like that! Good luck xx

[smd4std]

sounds like average mom
now gtfo

[Donald Duck]

She seems just really insecure of herself. Also remember life is a long game, being popular in school is fun, but what matters more is your success over the next 10 years.

I know I'm probably lying, but I'd like to say I wouldn't worry and just get on with my life. You seem to do well, and boy/girl relationships are a lot easier at university. Also disliking college doesn't mean you'll dislike university at all.

good luck

[onda]

oh lord, may god save you from this terrible mum.

[smd4std]

yes you should call child support and also try get her sent to jail. she totally sounds like a total bitch and nothing like most mothers, she obviously doesnt want u to do better in school because she keeps telling u to try harder and she definitely doesnt want u to eat food so she can hog it all to herself.
just call the police or something

sarcasm

[Cherriesxo]

If you don't like it I suggest you consider moving out. I'm in a similar situation, though my family are very supportive and I love them, I can't wait to move out. There's too much stuff at home which puts me down. It's not their fault, but it can't be helped either. Good luck

[canŵio]

Sounds like my mum!

my mum is always trying to find ways of putting me (and other people) down, she's clearly insecure herself and takes it out on me - she says horrible things about everything i do - i didn't get very good AS results so she told me i'll just get a crap job and i'm a waste of money... then i got 100% in one of my A2 biology modules (which i was obviously pretty chuffed with) and she just said things like 'nobody likes a goody-goody' or 'well it's about time'.

i'm now on a gap year and working at great ormond street hospital (which is pretty amazing experience) because i think i might want to do nursing or medicine after my biology degree. she just says 'why don't you get a proper job'.

and when i talk about leaving for uni in september, she just says 'why can't you leave now and go and live with your boyfriend, or doesn't he want you?' me and my boyfriend have a really strong relationship and she's always undermining it, i think because her and my dad haven't loved each other for a good 10 years and she's jealous.

[laura1234]

Your mum should be pleased that your one of those people who chooses not to go out and get drunk or get bogged down with a boyfriend while your studying. When you leave and go to uni hopefully things will be better because you aren't going to be seeing her as much. Do things that make you happy, don't do things to please her and she'll understand one day

[Anonymous]

I sympathise completely. I have just the one brother, so if she loves him so much, I'll let him take care of her when she's old. Payback's a bitch.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by smd4std)
yes you should call child support and also try get her sent to jail. she totally sounds like a total bitch and nothing like most mothers, she obviously doesnt want u to do better in school because she keeps telling u to try harder and she definitely doesnt want u to eat food so she can hog it all to herself.
just call the police or something

sarcasm

I don't think you completely understood the post...

[robo donkey]

She's probably insecure about you going a better route than she did and she's probably not embarrassed about you, but your brothers, which is why she's always making excuses for them and not you, as you're clearly doing well

[Seek Help]

Go out more? get some friends? have a relationship? gosh its not always about school/college work and staying indoors all day.. you need to live life to the fullest, whats life without having fun eh you probably have the same routine everyday which is frustrating mhm maybe wake up shower breakfast computer tills maybe clean up dinner then more computer then sleep its not a good habit tbh.. everyone in my college are living it up partying heck even the nerds are getting laid i saw this guy with a calculater in his shirt pocket pull a dank girl at a house party the otherday... JUST GO OUT ITS ****ING SUMMER.

Why the neg rep, we all know its true.

[Chuck Norris]

RUN

[TheHyacinthGirl]

My mam's embarrassed of me because of the way I dress :\

[QwertyG]

tell her to jog on and you are embarrassed for her

[Andicate]

Aww unlucky. But I think the best you can do in this situation is play her game. Think of it as a sitcom. Banter with her, subtly annoy her, but all as a joke and in the end: smile it all off.

Remember that as long as you have good grades - which you do, you'll have endless opportunities to success and eventually you'll move away from your mum and live a happy life!

[Salgoud]

(Original post by Seek Help)
Go out more? get some friends? have a relationship? gosh its not always about school/college work and staying indoors all day.. you need to live life to the fullest, whats life without having fun eh you probably have the same routine everyday which is frustrating mhm maybe wake up shower breakfast computer tills maybe clean up dinner then more computer then sleep its not a good habit tbh.. everyone in my college are living it up partying heck even the nerds are getting laid i saw this guy with a calculater in his shirt pocket pull a dank girl at a house party the otherday... JUST GO OUT ITS ****ING SUMMER.

Why the neg rep, we all know its true.

We're all different, and her version of living life to the fullest is clearly different to yours. At her age I spent most of my time at home as well - reading, studying, gaming, whatever. I enjoyed it then, and certainly don't regret it now. So how about you take your bullying "jock" BS and jog on.

OP: You'll be out of there soon, and hopefully once you're away your mum will get a bit of perspective and come around to reality. Until then, stay focused on achieving your goals and don't let her get to you.