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Help! I think my best friend knows I'm self harming!

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    Right, it all started about a year ago when I self harmed for the first time /: I only did it once but I did it on my arm (I know its a stupid place) and my best friend saw, she flipped! Completely! I mean she screamed and she shouted and cried.. But she promised not to tell anyone.

    But then a few months ago some things happened which tipped me over the edge and it started again. This time I was smarter and I did it on the top of my leg. Some people can't understand why people self harm at all.. If not that I want to die or anything like that, but when people feel so much emotional pain it feels good to have physical pain to focus on instead, it also helps me feel in control over something! Well it is for me anyway.

    Anyway, about a week ago my friend started trying to pressure me into wearing shorts, I obviously need to refuse but I think it made.her suspicious.. Now she keeps trying to get me to go swimming! And I mean she'll talk about it everyday and she keeps giving.me these looks like she knows what I'm hiding! I'm scared and I think I'm running out of excuses! But I know I cant tell her because I can't deal with that hurt look on her face or her telling my parents! I don't know what to do!! Help!
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    (Original post by chelseas96)
    I was smarter
    I don't know if i'd call it that.
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    To avoid your friend's repeated invitations, I'd suggest trying to think of one major excuse which means you couldn't go swimming for a while.

    More important is your self harming. It sounds like you feel dependant on the pain, so try something which hurts, but without using a knife or making yourself bleed. Some alternatives are squeezing ice, flicking yourself with an elastic band, or holding your arm or leg under a hot tap. It sounds stupid, but believe me it helps.

    And good luck
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    Believe me, you'll end up regretting those marks you have, since self-harming sometimes ends up into self-mutilation and gets worse n worse.

    Really advise you to take up martial arts or anything else, and to stop self-harming.

    You only make yourself feel worse in the end, because it's like your body is nothing, and you deserve (of course u don't) to be harmed.

    There are other ways you can feel control, like feeling confident after taking self-defense classes or something.
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    I get that I should stop but a) its not as easy as that and b) even if I stopped id still have all the scars! And that's what I'm thinking but what lie could I possibly come up with? /:
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    I'd be honest with your friend. Try to explain to her why you do it. Although it is "destructive" behaviour, you need to explain to your friend that it is a coping mechanism used to bring yourself back into reality, rather than focusing on your thoughts. Although she is likely to get upset, it's important for you to be able to talk to friends when your having a crisis. Also, get her to read this, as it may be helpful for her (and you) to understand about self harming:

    http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnose...ions/self-harm

    I don't know if you have already, but it's important to talk to your GP about this, and he can refer you to your local community mental health team to get further support.
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    (Original post by chelseas96)
    I get that I should stop but a) its not as easy as that and b) even if I stopped id still have all the scars! And that's what I'm thinking but what lie could I possibly come up with? /:
    a) Try what I suggested to stop, it's worked for a few people

    b) You can get make up to hide the scars when you wear shorts, and there are plenty of explanations for scars on legs, like walking through brambles, sports, or (I use) stretch marks as an explanation.

    And the excuse could be illness, you can't afford to go, or your membership expired
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    I think you need to talk to your friend about it. If she's suspicious she'll be worried about you, and it may help you to have someone to confide in. You're making light of it in your posts but self-harming is serious and you need help. It would be best for you to tell someone you trust, face to face, and maybe get some professional help too. If she's a good friend she won't be judging you for it - she'll worry about you, care about you and want to help you to recover, and if you really don't want your parents to know, hopefully you can trust her not to go behind your back. I really hope you can recover OP, but you need to tell someone about it. :hugs:
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    I really can't tell anyone, I feel way to ashamed. I can cope with it anyway its nothing life threatening! Lol :P But I will take your advise about the swimming! Ill tell her my membership has expired Thanks for all the help you guys! *hugs*
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    Try and do something to take you mind of it when you feel like you are going to self harm. I would write upside down with my left hand as it takes a lot of concentration to do that.
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    I'm sorry about your dilemma. It can be a horrible thing to go through. It can be quite habitual and is something serious that needs to looked at.

    A few things that helped me when I was in a similar position, first of remove all knives that you have. One thing that I done was buy glue and apply some to your skin when your feeling emotional pain and let it dry and slowly pick it off, it works really well as a distraction method and at the same time causes you no harm. It's like picking at scabs and did really help me. Also seek out help for yourself I know it can be tough, but your doctor will not judge you. They will do what they can to help you, whether it's medication or seeing a psychiatrist. Trust me this is a habit that you want to disappear before it gets out of control. Seek help. Please.

    I hope this advice was helpful


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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    Its honestly nothing major! Its just a few scratches that's all! But ill try the glue thing out, I doubt it will work as I've tried lots of similar things to no success! But Thankyou
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    Sounds like your friend isnt really the best person to deal with someone who self harms.

    You could try the butterflies? What you do is draw a butterfly on yourself and write the name of someone who loves you in it when you want to self harm. Im sure google will explain it better than me if you are interested.

    And dw, the scars fade after a while. I had an uncountable amount all over my body, stopped for almost 11 months now and i only have about 5 left.

    As for excuses not to do stuff, just say you dont enjoy it.
    You could always wear clear tights with your shorts aswell, say you would get too cold if you didnt.

    I hope you manage to stop xxx
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    That's right she isn't, she just over exaggerats everything and makes everything into a big deal And as for the scars I kinda like them, they remind me what I've been through I suppose
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    I used to self harm when I got angry, I used to scratch the tops of my arms until they bled and it felt so good to let all of my anger out, so I understand what you are feeling. I've managed to stop now, what I do is get pieces of fabric (old socks, tops, those fabric samples for curtains) and I rip them. It does help, but it's still hard to stop getting back into my old habits, but it's all about willpower.
    If they are only scratches, they will heal pretty quickly. Don't let her pressure you into wearing shorts or going swimming if you don't feel comfortable! You do not need that. But please, get help, or at least try another method of letting out your feelings. I hope I've helped :borat:
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    Self harming can become an addiction so everyone who has simply posted "Just stop" its not as easy as that. When stress and depression builds up just like an alcoholic will turn to a bottle an a drug addict to a needle a self harmer will turn to a blade.

    The best option you have OP is not to figure ways of hiding your scars, other than to figure why you do these things. Triggers can cause a person to do it, speak to someone please or these "scratches" will soon become more and more deep.

    Good Luck ever need to talk just message me.
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    (Original post by ALazyThracian)
    Self harming can become an addiction so everyone who has simply posted "Just stop" its not as easy as that. When stress and depression builds up just like an alcoholic will turn to a bottle an a drug addict to a needle a self harmer will turn to a blade.

    The best option you have OP is not to figure ways of hiding your scars, other than to figure why you do these things. Triggers can cause a person to do it, speak to someone please or these "scratches" will soon become more and more deep.

    Good Luck ever need to talk just message me.
    This. Self harming is addictive, so for a lot of people to 'just stop' isn't an option.
    OP, please look around for someone that you trust and can talk things through with. If you don't feel you have that person, feel free to message me, or even keep a diary- it helps get your emotions out and can you look at when you self harm and try and stop using that. Check out distraction techniques online, too.
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    You could say something like you just can't afford to go? Or don't have a swimming costume?

    But the best thing to do would be to tell her, and your parents. I know it's frightening to do and the last thing you want, but trust me it's the best step towards stopping. I was bulimic (which is basically a form a self-harm really) and I kept it a secret for so so long, but one day I just manned up and told my sister. I was scared as hell to do it, but she was much more supportive than I thought she'd be and it put me on the road to recovery - I'm now recovered from bulimia & telling someone was the best thing I did. Getting out your thoughts and feelings is the best way to start to deal with them. So, please, I know it's scary - but just try and tell somebody! She's your friend, so you should be able to trust her and she should be supportive - same with your family. Trust me, keeping your problems to yourself will only make them worse.
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    Misattribution of the problem a few times in this thread:

    1. The problem is not that your friend might find out, it's that you self harm. This is not a social judgment by moi; the clues in the name 'self harm'. It harms you. It's not good. Get help.

    2. The problem is also not that you have scars; it's that you felt the need to give yourself them in the first place and now don't know how to adjust your relationship with your friend as a result. Get help.

    When you're ready, confide in your friend. As you must have noticed, it's not going to be possible to hide it indefinitely, and the sooner you can get through whatever reason you're self-harming and be open with your friend(s) about it, the better it is for you, and your relationship with your friends.


    TSR doesn't have some magical answer for what you can do. Any suggestion we proffer to get out of your swimming is just a delay; at some point the excuses will run out, or people will start asking questions behind your back... Addictions have to be broken, but unless you start now, you'll just continue harming and hiding it from your friends, putting it off until another time. See a doctor, a nurse, your priest/vicar/imam/etc. if it helps, but don't continue pretending that TSR will somehow have a way to magic everything better with your friend :sad:
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    I've tried a diary but my mum found it! That wasn't good! But thanks for all the other advise! /: But ive sorted put my problem! I told her I had to save my money for a new bike and now she's said she's going to stop hassaling me Thankyou guys But I think ill keep this to myself for a little while

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Updated: July 18, 2012
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