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How can I help mum before it is too late?

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    For as long as I can remember, my mum has been overweight. I have been on many diets in my life and at the start of all of them, she has said that she has wanted to lose weight, however she hasn't dieted or changed her diet to be more healthy. Lately, since starting to run ad really improve my diet and fitness, I have really started to worry about her weight and lifestyle; the other night we had a massive spag bol (that was far too big to finish) and then she still had two packets of crisps. She does this most nights with either crisps or a bar of chocolate.
    In addition she drinks a lot on weekend nights of usually 3 large whiskys which can't be helping at all. She doesn't do much exercise apart from walking to work, walking the dog or doing some housework.
    She does have a lot of stress at work currently and trouble with soliiters due to my Aunt's death but this problem has been going on longer than that.
    What can I do to help her? How can I tell her about my worries without offending her? I have already lost my dad and so I don't want to lose my mum as well.
    Thanks for helping.
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    If she already walks the dog, you should go with her each time and go on progressively longer walks Is there a sport you could both play? Tennis is always good! It doesn't have to be too competitive but even a little knock about will help
    Have you told her you're worried?


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    Just tell her, I don't think she would take offense if you show that you genuinely are worried about her health. Tell her you think it's time the two of you started being healthy and you can go to the supermarket together and pick of healthy food and plan out meals properly to ensure she doesn't overeat. Go jogging together as well, or use those fitness DVDs together - some can be really good. Alternatively you can join a gym together.
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    (Original post by TheBambiHeart)
    If she already walks the dog, you should go with her each time and go on progressively longer walks Is there a sport you could both play? Tennis is always good! It doesn't have to be too competitive but even a little knock about will help
    Have you told her you're worried?
    She usually walks the dog when I am at school or getting ready for school and other days I do the walking to give her a break. We never usually go together and when I do suggest it, she always complains about her bad knee (which I why I do walk the dog a lot). At our holiday park though, she does tend to do more walks with me so I can try that since the holidays are nearly here.
    I have never known my mum to play sport but perhaps I could try to at least get her involved with the Wii... it is really hard as she is quite set in her ways if you know what I mean =/
    Thanks for the advice though
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    (Original post by TheBambiHeart)
    Have you told her you're worried?
    (Original post by txo)
    Just tell her, I don't think she would take offense if you show that you genuinely are worried about her health.
    Sorry, didn't get much time online last night to finish my replies.

    I don't think she knows I'm worried. I've just not had the guts to express my fears about it all. We have never really had a good relationship until recently and even then, we get into arguesments easily. My mum is easily upset about things and I think that is why it has been hard to tell her.

    (Original post by txo)
    Tell her you think it's time the two of you started being healthy and you can go to the supermarket together and pick of healthy food and plan out meals properly to ensure she doesn't overeat. Go jogging together as well, or use those fitness DVDs together - some can be really good. Alternatively you can join a gym together.
    I doubt she's join a gym, mainly down to the cost. I could try getting a fitness DVD. There were a few a while back that I was tempted to get so I could try it.
    As a temporary measure, until we do go shopping, I've hidden numerous bags of crisps and chocolate bars in places in the fridge and porch that can never be accessed.
    Desperate situations call for desperate measures.
    At the moment, I'm not sure if she could jog without collapsing as she has trouble doing a fast walk alone. Perhaps I could encourage her to do some jogging after she has lost some weight to make it easier?
    Also, as I am now a health-conscoius freak who only eats to satisfy my running needs as such, I do have more influence on dinners and food we get in the supermarket so maybe I can push the health fods even more.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry, didn't get much time online last night to finish my replies.

    I don't think she knows I'm worried. I've just not had the guts to express my fears about it all. We have never really had a good relationship until recently and even then, we get into arguesments easily. My mum is easily upset about things and I think that is why it has been hard to tell her.


    I doubt she's join a gym, mainly down to the cost. I could try getting a fitness DVD. There were a few a while back that I was tempted to get so I could try it.
    As a temporary measure, until we do go shopping, I've hidden numerous bags of crisps and chocolate bars in places in the fridge and porch that can never be accessed.
    Desperate situations call for desperate measures.
    At the moment, I'm not sure if she could jog without collapsing as she has trouble doing a fast walk alone. Perhaps I could encourage her to do some jogging after she has lost some weight to make it easier?
    Also, as I am now a health-conscoius freak who only eats to satisfy my running needs as such, I do have more influence on dinners and food we get in the supermarket so maybe I can push the health fods even more.
    It is a bit of a touchy subject but find a way to tell her so that it won't hurt her feelings much. Maybe just say something along "mum you know how I'm trying to get fit and healthy lately? I think you should join me so we get get healthier together, we can encourage eachother".

    Have a look on amazon for DVDs and read the reviews as it will give you a better idea of what is good. There are also games you can get for the wii to get her moving like Zumba Fitness. My aunt started taking Zumba classes about a year ago actually and she said it really works (obviously not straight away) and they cost around £5 per session. She can't lose weight if she doesn't exercise but when jogging she could go really slow or she could start this scheme: http://www.nhs.uk/LiveWell/c25k/Pages/couch-to-5k.aspx

    Ask her to see her doctor about what exercise she can do.

    Good luck!
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    It is a difficult one, but she is probably feeling quite self conscious especially since you've been getting fitter and healthier. I would mention it in passing, but not make a thing of it because I can imagine she is perfectly aware but is choosing to ignore it or is in denial about it. Maybe just keep pestering her about walking and wanting to spend more time with her whilst you're on your holidays etc, try to open up that 'mum instinct'. Or start cooking yourself and say that you really want to get good before you go to uni/you have been reading about some really nice recipes and want to try them. It's more effort on your part, but maybe you could get her into it without her really noticing that you have.

    I know how you feel I am in a similar boat, although my worries are that my mum doesn't eat proper meals unless I'm around because she 'can't see the point in cooking for one' and I'm off to uni (hopefully) in September.

    Just don't make her feel like she is inadequate or that you are putting your nose in things in which it doesn't belong. My ex had a similar thing with his mum and he didn't broach it very well and instead she ate more and was always nasty to him and sarcastic every time she did.
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    Sadly, very few people are motivated by anything but their own desire to get fitter.

    If they lack this desire and willpower, most people won't really make any change to their diet or the amount of exercise they get even if the people they supposedly love are worrying about them.
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    (Original post by SuperCat007)
    It is a difficult one, but she is probably feeling quite self conscious especially since you've been getting fitter and healthier. I would mention it in passing, but not make a thing of it because I can imagine she is perfectly aware but is choosing to ignore it or is in denial about it. Maybe just keep pestering her about walking and wanting to spend more time with her whilst you're on your holidays etc, try to open up that 'mum instinct'. Or start cooking yourself and say that you really want to get good before you go to uni/you have been reading about some really nice recipes and want to try them. It's more effort on your part, but maybe you could get her into it without her really noticing that you have.

    I know how you feel I am in a similar boat, although my worries are that my mum doesn't eat proper meals unless I'm around because she 'can't see the point in cooking for one' and I'm off to uni (hopefully) in September.

    Just don't make her feel like she is inadequate or that you are putting your nose in things in which it doesn't belong. My ex had a similar thing with his mum and he didn't broach it very well and instead she ate more and was always nasty to him and sarcastic every time she did.
    Pester power worked as a kid so I don't see why a nagging teenager won't. I'll try to get her to come with me on more walks and make them longer too.
    I've also managed to my nan to help me make some stir fry and rice (healthy option with no thick sauces variety) on Monday whilst mum is at work, so maybe we could have that Monday and I can do cooking more often, as you say. I've never been taught to cook anything other than an omelette and I don't even like those =/ Nor are they that healthy.
    But back on topic, I do need to learn to cook so perhaps I can learn and help her keep healthier and probably loose weight without being that obvious. I'm hopefully going to uni next Sept. but I will be living at home. Even so, when I move out I will need to eat properly and I doubt she is going to teach me any time soon.
    Very very rarely, she'll get out her music and put it on and dance for a few hours but I could try and convince her to do that more often.
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    (Original post by txo)
    It is a bit of a touchy subject but find a way to tell her so that it won't hurt her feelings much. Maybe just say something along "mum you know how I'm trying to get fit and healthy lately? I think you should join me so we get get healthier together, we can encourage eachother".

    Have a look on amazon for DVDs and read the reviews as it will give you a better idea of what is good. There are also games you can get for the wii to get her moving like Zumba Fitness. My aunt started taking Zumba classes about a year ago actually and she said it really works (obviously not straight away) and they cost around £5 per session. She can't lose weight if she doesn't exercise but when jogging she could go really slow or she could start this scheme: http://www.nhs.uk/LiveWell/c25k/Pages/couch-to-5k.aspx

    Ask her to see her doctor about what exercise she can do.

    Good luck!
    I was tempted to enter into one of those 'The biggest loser' just to nag her into joining. That or google family weight loss competitions, but I doubt they exist
    Zumba looks like a great option, especially for the Wii (forgot about the Wii version) so I might join us up for a session and nag her to keep going.
    I was tempted to plaster the house in NHS C25K programmes and times etc as I'm currently doing it. Have to just find a way to convince her...if there is a will, there has got to be a way.
    A while ago, I managed to line up a few good Bollywood dance/workout DVDs based on amazon reviews so I could get them and basically say 'you're aren't having fun unless you're doing this'. Might work.
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    (Original post by concubine)
    Sadly, very few people are motivated by anything but their own desire to get fitter.

    If they lack this desire and willpower, most people won't really make any change to their diet or the amount of exercise they get even if the people they supposedly love are worrying about them.
    That is what I am worried about Sometimes if she has a few drinks and starts having loads of crisps she says 'What have I got to live for?'. If she doesn't want to change then will doing all this help? I can't just not bother though. I'm going to try. I don't want to be an orphan just yet thanks mum.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That is what I am worried about Sometimes if she has a few drinks and starts having loads of crisps she says 'What have I got to live for?'. If she doesn't want to change then will doing all this help? I can't just not bother though. I'm going to try. I don't want to be an orphan just yet thanks mum.


    I dunno mayn. It's tough. One obvious thing to try is getting other people to express concern, but then that just leads to many people feeling pressured and ending up in an even worse state. It's really hard to suggest how best to approach things like this without knowing the person involved.

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