[Anonymous]

How common is it for FWBs to evolve into relationships? I am sleeping with a boy I really like, and that's all our relationship has ever been about - sex. However when he stays around afterwards I really like him as a person too and I think the feeling's mutual. What should I do to tell him I actually like him without explicitly saying it?

[mic599wil]

Should I call you a s**T or what I really don't know..
Listen first you chose what you really want ?? only SEX or the real affection, I think the guy who is your bf cant make you satisfied that is why you like the another guy sleeping with you in bed so you are really cheating with your bf, don't do it, SEX is not the only fact, the main fact is romance and real love and affection.

[HFerguson]

Oh look, another girl who's gotten into a FWB situation and went on to develop feelings..

if you think the feelings are mutual, then ask? derp.

[Studentus-anonymous]

(Original post by HFerguson)
Oh look, another girl who's gotten into a FWB situation and went on to develop feelings..

if you think the feelings are mutual, then ask? derp.

This but FYI giving it out for free (no strings) is no way to get a relationship. Sorry to say but prepare yourself to get shot down, he's getting what he wants from you, if he wanted a relationship he would have pursued it.

[Foo.mp3]

Very hard to do these things in reverse because:

1) We are creatures of convenience, if you offer us a convenient/flexible arrangement and then attempt to transform it into something more exclusive/rigid that won't go down well

2) Once you demonstrate that casual sex is a go we're unlikely to be able to think of you as a serious character/respect you as we would a girl who insisted on being dated properly from the outset

[Wilfred Little]

(Original post by HFerguson)
Oh look, another girl who's gotten into a FWB situation and went on to develop feelings..

if you think the feelings are mutual, then ask? derp.

There's nothing wrong with being promiscuous though.

[Hermza]

Is such an arrangement really possible.................

[Millie228]

Not this again. I'm just going to copy + paste from old thread

The most clear message I can give you is: it won't work out. This comes from someone who has been there (on both sides, wanting and not wanting commitment) and I've watched various friends in the same situation.
You can say "As long as they're two consenting adults...blablabla." but at the end of the day, you're messing with emotions. Not necessarily romantic or lovey dovey stuff, just emotions. My opinion is that it's one of those things that looks great on paper but is different in practice.
In theory, if everyone is honest then it can work. But how often are people actually honest about feelings and attraction though? Who has the heart to tell someone to their face, that you're interested enough to sleep with them but would rather die than be seen going out with them?

I can't speak for the guys but most of the girls I've known who've had a friend with benefits were a bit emotionally messed up and were attracted by the prospect of having a physical relationship that wouldn't affect them emotionally (quite often after a bad experience with a boyfriend) but usually made themselves feel worse because they felt worthless.

If you want a friend with benefits you have to accept that
- He/She probably doesn't find you attractive enough to be a boyfriend/girlfriend
- There's no exclusivity: they might tell you they slept with someone else. You must know that you won't be jealous: more easily said than done.
- One day there'll have to be closure and that's the most difficult part. When do you stop seeing each other? You don't break up like you break up with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Sometimes it might be because they've met someone they have feelings for and you (who wasn't good enough to be a boyfriend/girlfriend) are an obstacle.

And never settle for a "friend with benefits" offer if you want to be with the person but they're only offering you this - which seems to be your case. It's a path of emotional self-destruction. F-buddies is basically a situation where you don't communicate properly. The worst examples of this are girls who try to be "on the guys' team" and "easy-going", not suggesting commitment while in the meantime keeping their feelings hidden in a secret hope to ensnare him into feeling the same way they do. That will not happen. You have separated the sex from commitment, he had the chance to be your boyfriend yet chose not to, and the sexual relationship will remain sexual while his respect for you will keep decreasing.

I can finally add: girls can fall for a guy after sleeping with him. It does not work the other way around. If a man does not have feelings for you and does not want to be with you, you cannot make him want that by sleeping with him. If anything, he will want you less, or go tired once he's had what he wants. He will keep sleeping with you if he has no better options or available sex, as soon as he does - he will leave. Of course if he does not have better options (i.e. he is below your league), there is a chance he'll agree to a relationship. But the foundation of the relationship is all wrong. Being his FWB will have decreased your value as a woman in his eyes. Sounds harsh, but that's how it is. You've put yourself on a plate, why would he make an effort. You need to actually walk away and meet other men. This guy does not - and will not - love you.

[LinzyLoo]

(Original post by Wilfred Little)


There's nothing wrong with being promiscuous though.

I agree, but I think what he was getting at was that girls typically get themselves into FWB situations convincing themselves that they won't get attached, but usually do end up developing feelings for the guy because we supposedly can't separate emotions and sex.

FWB to relationship is possible though - it almost happened to me, but it was me (the girl) who ended it. The guy was keen. We'd been friends for about 5 years before we became FWB. After a few months he got attached and said he was falling for me, and wanted to make it a proper relationship. I liked him too and I thought it was going that direction anyway so I said "just see how it goes and let it happen" - but a few weeks later I decided that I didn't want a relationship and had to end it for his sake.

So my point is, sometimes guys get attached too. He may have developed feelings for you too. On the other hand, my friend has also been in this situation and the guy ran a mile when she suggested going out on a proper date. If you want to have that conversation, prepare to be disappointed coz it is likely that all he was interested in was the sex. Alternatively, you could wait for him to make a move, because most guys, if they like you, will. Maye you could test the water by suggesting you meet up to go to the cinema or bowling or something?

[Melting Sugar.]

I think it also depends how you became FWB and how long you'd known each other before that.

[I have a question]

Always one person gets feelings, truthfully it wont last but go ahead if you want to.

I don't understand why girls think sex = love. If any male truly loved a girl he wouldn't even think of a friends with benefits situation.

Spoiler:

Show

Been casually sleeping with a close friend. Been there, done that, got a t-shirt.

[Climbontoyourseahorse]

(Original post by Foo.mp3)
Very hard to do these things in reverse because:

1) We are creatures of convenience, if you offer us a convenient/flexible arrangement and then attempt to transform it into something more exclusive/rigid that won't go down well

2) Once you demonstrate that casual sex is a go we're unlikely to be able to think of you as a serious character/respect you as we would a girl who insisted on being dated properly from the outset

Who says a woman couldn't regard a man in the same way? A guy can be easy as they come and still be respected, yet a woman is massively judged on if or when she sleeps with a man.
It's like when some guys have one night stands and then dismiss the women they have them with as 'sluts' and 'not relationship material'.
Ever considered that a woman might lose respect for a man when on the first meeting he drunkenly breathes in her ear 'Coming back to mine?', or makes any other offer of sex?

[Millie228]

(Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
Who says a woman couldn't regard a man in the same way? A guy can be easy as they come and still be respected, yet a woman is massively judged on if or when she sleeps with a man.
It's like when some guys have one night stands and then dismiss the women they have them with as 'sluts' and 'not relationship material'.
Ever considered that a woman might lose respect for a man when on the first meeting he drunkenly breathes in her ear 'Coming back to mine?', or makes any other offer of sex?

Rarely. Men are expected to do the physical escalation, and women the emotional escalation. There are natural reasons why women are looked down upon for casual sex to a much larger extent than men are. If you need an explanation:
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/201...irst-date.html
Not all men think of women as sluts if they have sex with them on the first date / before commitment. Promiscuous men are more likely to not care.

[Climbontoyourseahorse]

I cannot take seriously a webpage (the one recommended above) that states:

"Men may get laid more often, or at least, have sex with a larger number of partners; but women get to sleep with men of higher quality, in other words, men that are "out of their league."

This website is dealing with heterosexual sex and relationships, right? Ok, well, when a guy has sex, a woman has sex too. Average all that sex out for men and for women and you'll find that men and women sleep with the same number of people...

Millie kind of has a point, but these 'gender roles' shouldn't be taken so seriously. Sometimes women think about having fun and satisfying their sexual needs more than they think about what some men are going to think. And... I think that's good, to be honest. Personally I would not deem a man who had such double standards worthy of my time.

[Millie228]

(Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)

Millie kind of has a point, but these 'gender roles' shouldn't be taken so seriously. Sometimes women think about having fun and satisfying their sexual needs more than they think about what some men are going to think. And... I think that's good, to be honest. Personally I would not deem a man who had such double standards worthy of my time.

The problem is, it's not just some men, it's a lot of men. Some think it openly, some subconsciously. Feminism and Sex and the City try to tell women that you can do as you please without consequences, but they are speaking from women's POV and therefore not giving a clear picture of reality. You can say you don't want a man who cares if you've been sleeping around, but your problem is - that's most of them. Very few men will be interested in marrying a woman who's known to have been around town.
The blog is for women who want relationships and advice about dating. If you're not one of them, that's cool, but you should know that it will make the pool of eligible men smaller and smaller.

[Miss O.C.D]

(Original post by Anonymous)
How common is it for FWBs to evolve into relationships? I am sleeping with a boy I really like, and that's all our relationship has ever been about - sex. However when he stays around afterwards I really like him as a person too and I think the feeling's mutual. What should I do to tell him I actually like him without explicitly saying it?

Done this, you really don't want to. If you want a real boyfriend, you're better off ditching this guy and starting fresh with someone new entirely. Okay in rare cases it may be possible to go backwards this way, but from experience.. I really wouldn't recommend trying. Get out before you get hurt.

[Foo.mp3]

(Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
Who says a woman couldn't regard a man in the same way?

Not I

(Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
A guy can be easy as they come and still be respected, yet a woman is massively judged on if or when she sleeps with a man

Indeed, but what do you want me to do about that?

(Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
Ever considered that a woman might lose respect for a man when on the first meeting he drunkenly breathes in her ear 'Coming back to mine?', or makes any other offer of sex?

Yes?

You assume rather a lot..

[Star_struck]

(Original post by Anonymous)
How common is it for FWBs to evolve into relationships? I am sleeping with a boy I really like, and that's all our relationship has ever been about - sex. However when he stays around afterwards I really like him as a person too and I think the feeling's mutual. What should I do to tell him I actually like him without explicitly saying it?

RUN THE OTHER WAY. Honestly, that is my gut instinct but i'll try to be helpful.

FWBs often evolves through the need for intimacy WITHOUT the commitment.

How did u guys become FWBs? How does he treat you? If you want to tell him that you like him you should be prepared to accept that he is not interested in a relationship with you - and you will have to spell it out for him. Subtle hints don't work really... you are better off just sitting him down one day and telling him. But be prepared. For sure though, it's better you tell him now rather than continuing to sleep with him in the hope he will realise what you want.