[sarahthegemini]

Hi there, this is mainly a question aimed at girls but guys feel free to answer too!

I am generally quite an insecure person, but I manage to keep it under control most of the time. I do however, have moments where I just, can't basically. My insecurities stem mostly from my appearance but there are other issues too. It gets to the point where I get so upset/angry, cry and over-analyse harmless comments that my boyfriend has made and just feel crap about myself.

What I'm looking for is some better ways to combat those moments when they do arise? It's usually when I'm alone in my room that it happens, and when it does I just say there until I feel better again. Now obviously I need a better method of overcoming it because I don't want to feel like that! My partner goes out of his way to reassure me if he senses that I am feeling particularly insecure but sometimes it just doesn't help.

Anyone?

[im so academic]

(Original post by sarahthegemini)
Hi there, this is mainly a question aimed at girls but guys feel free to answer too!

I am generally quite an insecure person, but I manage to keep it under control most of the time. I do however, have moments where I just, can't basically. My insecurities stem mostly from my appearance but there are other issues too. It gets to the point where I get so upset/angry, cry and over-analyse harmless comments that my boyfriend has made and just feel crap about myself.

What I'm looking for is some better ways to combat those moments when they do arise? It's usually when I'm alone in my room that it happens, and when it does I just say there until I feel better again. Now obviously I need a better method of overcoming it because I don't want to feel like that! My partner goes out of his way to reassure me if he senses that I am feeling particularly insecure but sometimes it just doesn't help.

Anyone?

At least you have a boyfriend. One of the reasons why I'm insecure is that I know that due to my appearance, I'll never get a nice boyfriend that I like.

[veracocha]

Lock the door, and don't forget to shut the windows too!

[sarahthegemini]

(Original post by im so academic)
At least you have a boyfriend. One of the reasons why I'm insecure is that I know that due to my appearance, I'll never get a nice boyfriend that I like.

I feel lucky that I have him but that doesn't stop the insecurities sometimes ...

[sarahthegemini]

(Original post by veracocha)
Lock the door, and don't forget to shut the windows too!

[frankieboy]

Ok I'm a guy but - remember that even those who outwardly appear secure are probably insecure inside. The difference is not how secure you feel, but how much you show it.

I sometimes get the same feeling - why do I feel insecure when those around me obviously don't? The answer is - they do. But they cover it up and put a mask on, thereby fooling me into thinking that they are secure.

You feel insecure about your appearance. But obivously your boyfriend rates your appearance. Otherwise he wouldn't be with you, right?

I bet Kim Kardashian (whatever) has the odd moment when she looks in the mirror and feels insecure about something. Make someone as perfect looking as you like, they'll still find something.

Also - you could turn it around and use your insecurity as a tool for self improvement, without letting it get the better of you.

[`R92]

You aint alone sista

[sarahthegemini]

(Original post by frankieboy)
Ok I'm a guy but - remember that even those who outwardly appear secure are probably insecure inside. The difference is not how secure you feel, but how much you show it.

I sometimes get the same feeling - why do I feel insecure when those around me obviously don't? The answer is - they do. But they cover it up and put a mask on, thereby fooling me into thinking that they are secure.

You feel insecure about your appearance. But obivously your boyfriend rates your appearance. Otherwise he wouldn't be with you, right?

I bet Kim Kardashian (whatever) has the odd moment when she looks in the mirror and feels insecure about something. Make someone as perfect looking as you like, they'll still find something.

Also - you could turn it around and use your insecurity as a tool for self improvement, without letting it get the better of you.

Thank you for responding

I guess when others don't show that they're insecure, it sort of makes my own insecurity feelings build up because I feel like no-one else has the same issues and I'm alone, sort of.

The bit in bold is what I can't get my head around, I know logically he must like the way I look otherwise - as you said - he wouldn't have been with me for so long, but I just can't see it myself, and that's what the problem is really, I need to be able to look at myself and really be happy with what I see but I don't know how I can achieve that - I do all I can to make myself look as best I can, but I still feel so inferior when I'm stood next to other girls, and if I'm with my boyfriend at the time, I get thoughts in my head such as "I wonder if he fancies them" etc. Then I'll bottle it up inside and push it to the back of my mind, but when I'm on my own again, the thoughts come back. It's a vicious cycle

[Miss Trololol]

(Original post by sarahthegemini)
Thank you for responding

I guess when others don't show that they're insecure, it sort of makes my own insecurity feelings build up because I feel like no-one else has the same issues and I'm alone, sort of.

The bit in bold is what I can't get my head around, I know logically he must like the way I look otherwise - as you said - he wouldn't have been with me for so long, but I just can't see it myself, and that's what the problem is really, I need to be able to look at myself and really be happy with what I see but I don't know how I can achieve that - I do all I can to make myself look as best I can, but I still feel so inferior when I'm stood next to other girls, and if I'm with my boyfriend at the time, I get thoughts in my head such as "I wonder if he fancies them" etc. Then I'll bottle it up inside and push it to the back of my mind, but when I'm on my own again, the thoughts come back. It's a vicious cycle

Oh hun, that's not very good at all I can actually see where you're coming from because I went through the exact same problem. Have you tried telling your boyfriend about insecure you sometimes feel? Maybe if he knows, he can help ease some of your insecurities You shouldn't have to deal with fears like that on your own.

Or, if you don't want to talk to your boyfriend, how about you write up a list of all the things you like about yourself/accomplished that you can look back on whenever you feel unsure about yourself. It might help puts things in perspective for you I'm sorry I don't have any other advice for you.

[im so academic]

(Original post by sarahthegemini)
I feel lucky that I have him but that doesn't stop the insecurities sometimes ...

You're hardly in my position though. Quit complaining, at least you can feel loved.

[tikkitak]

Generally I just shut myself in my room and have a good cry. That tends to help a bit.
If its about my appearance, I tend to cry then force myself to look in a mirror and think of things I like about myself.
If its about things people have said, I cry and then go find someone to talk about it to, so they can tell me how much of an idiot I'm being!

[sarahthegemini]

(Original post by Miss Trololol)
Oh hun, that's not very good at all I can actually see where you're coming from because I went through the exact same problem. Have you tried telling your boyfriend about insecure you sometimes feel? Maybe if he knows, he can help ease some of your insecurities You shouldn't have to deal with fears like that on your own.

Thank you
He knows yeah, he knows how insecure and panicky/paranoid I get sometimes
and he reassures me as best as he can when he can sense that I'm feeling particularly bad, but because the thoughts in my head are so deep rooted (?) his sweet words don't always make me feel better. I mean, he is always telling me he loves me and things like that, and day to day that makes me feel great, but when I get into those moments, even that doesn't always help

EDIT: Just saw the bit you added, and making a list sounds like a good idea. I remember once my best friend was in the same boat and she asked me to list all the things that basically made her great lol, so I might do that - if I hear other people saying nice things, it might drum it into my head a bit

[sarahthegemini]

(Original post by im so academic)
You're hardly in my position though. Quit complaining, at least you can feel loved.

I never claimed to be in your position

[ConstantlyStressed]

(Original post by im so academic)
You're hardly in my position though. Quit complaining, at least you can feel loved.

For God's sake, stop feeling so sorry for yourself and gain some confidence! Honestly, there's nothing a guy finds sexier than confidence in a girl; not to the point of arrogance, obviously, but enough so that she's happy and content and comfortable in her skin.
And no offence, but the OP is seeking advice and support, not someone who consistently compares their problems with hers.

[sarahthegemini]

(Original post by tikkitak)
Generally I just shut myself in my room and have a good cry. That tends to help a bit.
If its about my appearance, I tend to cry then force myself to look in a mirror and think of things I like about myself.
If its about things people have said, I cry and then go find someone to talk about it to, so they can tell me how much of an idiot I'm being!

See that's what I do, but because sometimes it takes quite a while for me to feel okay again, I want another combating method, but unfortunately the thing with me is, I don't feel comfortable talking about my feelings and I find it so difficult to open up I could try the mirror thing though

[im so academic]

(Original post by sarahthegemini)
I never claimed to be in your position

No, but you're hardly as insecure as you think.

[im so academic]

(Original post by ConstantlyStressed)
For God's sake, stop feeling so sorry for yourself and gain some confidence! Honestly, there's nothing a guy finds sexier than confidence in a girl; not to the point of arrogance, obviously, but enough so that she's happy and content and comfortable in her skin.
And no offence, but the OP is seeking advice and support, not someone who consistently compares their problems with hers.

Let's be honest, an attractive confident girl will get the guys compared with an ugly confident girl.

In a way, through my comments, I'm showing her that actually life could be far more difficult for her. She may be insecure, but at least she has a boyfriend.

[sarahthegemini]

(Original post by im so academic)
No, but you're hardly as insecure as you think.

What?

Having a boyfriend doesn't magically turn you into a super confident person, which I think is what you're assuming. Just because I have a partner doesn't mean I don't feel insecure (obviously, else I wouldn't have made this thread!)

[im so academic]

(Original post by sarahthegemini)
What?

Having a boyfriend doesn't magically turn you into a super confident person, which I think is what you're assuming. Just because I have a partner doesn't mean I don't feel insecure.

Of course having a partner doesn't make you super confident. But at least you have (or at least should have) someone there who comforts you and gives you physical affection when you are feeling slightly down on yourself.

When I'm down on myself, I have no one I can turn to. I have to just get over it. It would be nice to have someone there that I can feel myself with for a change.

[sarahthegemini]

(Original post by im so academic)
Of course having a partner doesn't make you super confident. But at least you have (or at least should have) someone there who comforts you and gives you physical affection when you are feeling slightly down on yourself.

When I'm down on myself, I have no one I can turn to. I have to just get over it. It would be nice to have someone there that I can feel myself with for a change.

But what I have tried to express with this thread is that, as much as my bf reassures me, my issues are deeper and sometimes he can't help by giving me affection and saying affectionate things. Hence why I'm looking for other people's methods of coping or "getting over it"