Dying (a poem)
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Dying (a poem)Our time’s worth its weight in gold. Passing time.
So aware of a counting chime
seeing us both grow old.
Calendar pages turn by. Bye. Goodbye.
You are more to me than your weight in gold
because you know every secret I hold.
We share every story vital to know
in the life of a child who’s old.
And you are old because I’m old.
When I’m gone will you long to be young once more?
Count the clock with me, as it creeps its ruse.
Patient dance round the clock, around my noose.
Any comments or suggestions would be spiffing!
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Re: Dying (a poem)It's ayt... Japanese Death poems are allot better TBH.
Whether one passes on or remains is all the same.
That you can take no one with you is the only difference.
Ah, how pleasant! Two awakenings and one sleep.
This dream of a fleeing world! The roseate hues of early dawn!
Tokugawa Ieyasu
1542-1616 -
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Re: Dying (a poem)I actually really like this poem. Apart from the last verse of the first stanza. You should also be more careful with rhythm in your second stanza I think. It doesn't ring as right as the other two. I have a little issue with these verses:
"because you know every secret I hold.
We share every story vital to know
in the life of a child who’s old." -
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Re: Dying (a poem)I've never really read any Japanese poetry. Anything particular you'd recommend? Thanks for commenting!(Original post by Komatic)
It's ayt... Japanese Death poems are allot better TBH.
Whether one passes on or remains is all the same.
That you can take no one with you is the only difference.
Ah, how pleasant! Two awakenings and one sleep.
This dream of a fleeing world! The roseate hues of early dawn!
Tokugawa Ieyasu
1542-1616
Thank you very much, I'll have another look at the parts you mentioned.(Original post by miniteen)
I actually really like this poem. Apart from the last verse of the first stanza. You should also be more careful with rhythm in your second stanza I think. It doesn't ring as right as the other two. I have a little issue with these verses:
"because you know every secret I hold.
We share every story vital to know
in the life of a child who’s old." -
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Re: Dying (a poem)To be honest, it's not your type of poetry. Your an atheist......(Original post by sammy-lou)
I've never really read any Japanese poetry. Anything particular you'd recommend?
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Re: Dying (a poem)(Original post by BethaneyJ)
That bit is my favourite.Thank you both! -
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Re: Dying (a poem)It mean's the most beautiful ones are the ones that are written about heaven & earth. The emo ones are written by people who don't have a believe in that. What is agnosticism anyways?(Original post by sammy-lou)
What exactly does that mean? :/
And I'm not an atheist; if we're going to be pedantic about it I'm agnostic. -
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Re: Dying (a poem)Well that's a matter of opinion, but fair enough! Agnosticism is when a person does not completely discount the possibility of a God, but would neither call themselves a believer. While I am more on the Atheist side of Agnostic than Theist, I do recognise that there may well be something 'more' out there.(Original post by Komatic)
It mean's the most beautiful ones are the ones that are written about heaven & earth. The emo ones are written by people who don't have a believe in that. What is agnosticism anyways? -
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Re: Dying (a poem)If you don't mind me asking...(Original post by sammy-lou)
Well that's a matter of opinion, but fair enough! Agnosticism is when a person does not completely discount the possibility of a God, but would neither call themselves a believer. While I am more on the Atheist side of Agnostic than Theist, I do recognise that there may well be something 'more' out there.
What is the core of that belief you recognize for there being something out there?
Regardless of how small it maybe... -
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Re: Dying (a poem)Don't mind you asking at all! It's really just the fact that I know I can't disprove it. It would be intolerant and futile of me to try to claim otherwise. There isn't a belief as such, just an acceptance.(Original post by Komatic)
If you don't mind me asking...
What is the core of that belief you recognize for there being something out there?
Regardless of how small it maybe...
