[OkashiAddict]

Hello,
so I suppose I'm just going to pour out my entire situation here so that those who actually want to provide me with useful advice can understand before doing so...
I'd also really appreciate if you did read all of this since I don't want people to misunderstand.
Well, it's now officially the summer holidays, and I've been thinking about this for a while during the school term too... I'm in a group of friends, and we've been friends in this group for almost 3 years—there's 7 of us altogether. And well, we're really close though I'm a bit more apathetic but that's part of my personality anyway. I'm definitely the most different in many ways from them all, and I tend to not involve myself in any activities or day-outs they might have outside of school. They don't mind this though, and they still really like me and I like them too, this is not the problem.
The problem I suppose is that, whilst they're really clingy, girly, typical, and they talk about things which bore me to the core, I'm just not interested in hanging out with them anymore. I really don't want to. And they talk about boys and crushes, and actors and lord... I'm dead by the time they're done! I don't want to be friends with most of the girls at school anyway, I just feel at unease or generally bored and drained-out around them. (And I know there are some who'll be thinking 'she's lesbian' but no, I'm honestly not, I'm a proud asexual).
There are some boys in my class who I thoroughly enjoy being around... we talk about video games, physics, and I'm just at ease around them. I want to be their friend. I want to hang out with them...
So whilst contemplating this, I thought it would be perfect to start this the next academic year (I'll be in year 10)!
But I mean, this girls are really sensitive and we're in the same groups for literally everything and it'd be a tad awkward if I just 'left' so as to speak. And it'd be especially awkward if I were to approach these boys all of a sudden and say 'hey, I'm gonna be part of your group now and hang out with you always' or something, right? I don't know how to bring this kind of thing up with either party. I don't like socializing in general and I'm an introvert.
I'm telling you, these girls love each other so much and every year for every single one of our birthdays, we organize a day whereby we each give that person a gift and then for the next and the next—it's like a horrible tradition!
Girls are too concerned and things like that, I'm more boyish I suppose and I really don't know what to do.

Please don't be mean and try to be understanding. I'm not going to be horrible about it with them, I'll still be their friend or like a classmate or whatever, but they won't be my first resort (I'm sorry, I don't know how else to word this idea!)

Advice would be appreciated vastly.
Thank you, if you read it all.

- M

[BethaneyJ]

That's fine. People change and friendship groups change. You might need to go slow and do it gradually but there is nothing wrong with anything you've said

I don't think it's girls, but maybe girly girls. I am not a girly girl and much prefer to do the things you've listed as guy things. It's just a personal preference

[ShredMaster]

You're just gonna friendzone all of those guys and they won't want to hang out with you anymore

[megan.c]

You can't veto an entire gender for friendship just because of some negative experiences...

[Architecture-er]

(Original post by OkashiAddict)
Hello,
so I suppose I'm just going to pour out my entire situation here so that those who actually want to provide me with useful advice can understand before doing so...
I'd also really appreciate if you did read all of this since I don't want people to misunderstand.
Well, it's now officially the summer holidays, and I've been thinking about this for a while during the school term too... I'm in a group of friends, and we've been friends in this group for almost 3 years—there's 7 of us altogether. And well, we're really close though I'm a bit more apathetic but that's part of my personality anyway. I'm definitely the most different in many ways from them all, and I tend to not involve myself in any activities or day-outs they might have outside of school. They don't mind this though, and they still really like me and I like them too, this is not the problem.
The problem I suppose is that, whilst they're really clingy, girly, typical, and they talk about things which bore me to the core, I'm just not interested in hanging out with them anymore. I really don't want to. And they talk about boys and crushes, and actors and lord... I'm dead by the time they're done! I don't want to be friends with most of the girls at school anyway, I just feel at unease or generally bored and drained-out around them. (And I know there are some who'll be thinking 'she's lesbian' but no, I'm honestly not, I'm a proud asexual).
There are some boys in my class who I thoroughly enjoy being around... we talk about video games, physics, and I'm just at ease around them. I want to be their friend. I want to hang out with them...
So whilst contemplating this, I thought it would be perfect to start this the next academic year (I'll be in year 10)!
But I mean, this girls are really sensitive and we're in the same groups for literally everything and it'd be a tad awkward if I just 'left' so as to speak. And it'd be especially awkward if I were to approach these boys all of a sudden and say 'hey, I'm gonna be part of your group now and hang out with you always' or something, right? I don't know how to bring this kind of thing up with either party. I don't like socializing in general and I'm an introvert.
I'm telling you, these girls love each other so much and every year for every single one of our birthdays, we organize a day whereby we each give that person a gift and then for the next and the next—it's like a horrible tradition!
Girls are too concerned and things like that, I'm more boyish I suppose and I really don't know what to do.

Please don't be mean and try to be understanding. I'm not going to be horrible about it with them, I'll still be their friend or like a classmate or whatever, but they won't be my first resort (I'm sorry, I don't know how else to word this idea!)

Advice would be appreciated vastly.
Thank you, if you read it all.

- M

I was in a similar situation, though it wasn't split by gender, I was hanging around with some pretty bitchy, "get fake ID's at 16" kinda people but wanted out. Best advice I can give would be to phase it out, maybe 1st week spend one lunchtime with these guys, get to know a couple of them quite well, and then just gradually spend more and more time with them. You could always slip in a small moan about the girls to a couple of the boys you've got to know the most, and then they'll probably make an effort to invite you along to things with them, to 'rescue' you.

Are there any boys in that group you already know? Sit next to any of them in class, etc? That's how I moved into my new friends circle, by basically being a +1 to a couple of guys I sat next to in spanish, and then started hanging out with them at lunch with the rest of the group

[Cake Faced Kid.]

What you mean is 'I don't want to be friends with THESE girls anymore.'

I've seen this happen a lot. Girl has silly, giggly friends, decides all girls are the same, tries to find male friends, friendzone occurs, everyone is unhappy.

Why not try and find some people that share your interests regardless of their gender?

[Architecture-er]

(Original post by megan.c)
You can't veto an entire gender for friendship just because of some negative experiences...

Poorly worded title, maybe, but that's not what the body of her post is about at all

[OkashiAddict]

(Original post by ShredMaster)
You're just gonna friendzone all of those guys and they won't want to hang out with you anymore

What do you mean by 'friendzone'?

[enchanted-fireflies]

Just try getting to know a couple of the guys and spend more time with them if they have similar interests as you have mentioned, it won't do you any harm to spend a some time away from the girls. You don't have to not be friends anymore.

It may just show that you were all spending too much time together but by breaking it up you will probably still be friends and be able to tolerate it a bit more?

[blondie :)]

I'm friends with mostly guys, I do get on with them much better than girls... like you said, girls can be really sensitive and I prefer the whole banter with boys and also I find them much better to talk to (more trustworthy, actually give you advice etc). Although my two best friends are girls.

I just spoke to them in my lessons, some were the boyfriends of my friends and then eventually joined our group, even if they broke up with my friend. Then they brought in their friends. By the end of year 11 anyway it seemed as though everyone was friends with everyone. Just speak to them on facebook, and then when you can back at school, if they're in your classes it's pretty much easier. Eventually just phase your current friends out. However, many girls are fine to talk to and maybe it's just you're in the wrong group more than anything - I used to be friends with girls that you describe and we just parted as we didn't have similar interests.

Friendzone is when you're friends with guys, who may like you, but you just see them as your friend when they want more e.g like saying they're 'like a brother to me' but they have romantic feeling towards you. If they're not ok with it, then they're not good friends. The boys in my group have had feelings for me and I've had feelings for them and we've just got over it and now we laugh about it more than anything or just don't bring it up.

[rcummins1]

Don't worry OP, i'll be your friend

[ShredMaster]

(Original post by OkashiAddict)
What do you mean by 'friendzone'?

Most of your guy friends will probably want more than friendship whereas you won't. Therefore, you will put them in a box and treat them as friends and never anything more than that, which is totally fine. However, they may want you as a girlfriend eventually. I'm not saying that will definitely happen, but if it does your friendship with these guys will end up being difficult.

[ken2]

You just a kid!

Without girls the world will fall apart.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9100

[Millie228]

I know what you feel since I too often think that people my age don't "match me" - I've always acted older than my age. Some may see me as very "serious". I do have a lot of humour and enjoy a night out, I just get easily fed up with people acting "silly".
It is not gender specific though - young guys are not more mature than young girls, to the contrary. I am sure you can find guys who you can get along with, but I am sure you also find girls.
Your problem is probably that it's difficult to know where to fit in. 99,9% of people are not asexual. Girls are interested in guys and they WILL always spend time talking about it - to bond, seek advice, share experiences. Guys are interested in girls and will always spend most of their time trying to get with them. They will also talk about girls a lot, although perhaps not when girls (you) are around. Most people have most friends of the same gender because 1) they share interests, mannerisms, experiences and 2) the romantic/sexual conflicts don't get in between. Most guys who have options, will usually choose their best male friend (believe me, I know girls who hang out with guys only and don't realize they're the third wheel...). Don't get me wrong, you can be friends with guys, but I don't want you to get in a clinch where you approach and try to get close to guys and things get awkward when they realize you're not interested in them.
So if you have no romantic/sexual yearnings whatsoever, and are neither gay nor straight, you will have fewer common points with most people.

Try to make friends with most people, force yourself to be outgoing and sweet. Follow your natural interests, and take up some new hobbies/join clubs. And remember that friendships are give and take. They don't always have to be full-on: I have some friends I go out with, some I only talk to at school, some I see rarely and some I only talk to online/phone. You may realize you have a couple of common points with someone, even though it isn't a full match. But even though you prefer a friendship which is, say, 20% or 50% or 70% contact, you may need to compromise. You can't always pick and choose when to see someone or what kind of friendship you'll have. People change, and over time you may wish you had worked a little to have someone stay in your life.

[Dippy Dip]

(Original post by OkashiAddict)
Hello,
so I suppose I'm just going to pour out my entire situation here so that those who actually want to provide me with useful advice can understand before doing so...
I'd also really appreciate if you did read all of this since I don't want people to misunderstand.
Well, it's now officially the summer holidays, and I've been thinking about this for a while during the school term too... I'm in a group of friends, and we've been friends in this group for almost 3 years—there's 7 of us altogether. And well, we're really close though I'm a bit more apathetic but that's part of my personality anyway. I'm definitely the most different in many ways from them all, and I tend to not involve myself in any activities or day-outs they might have outside of school. They don't mind this though, and they still really like me and I like them too, this is not the problem.
The problem I suppose is that, whilst they're really clingy, girly, typical, and they talk about things which bore me to the core, I'm just not interested in hanging out with them anymore. I really don't want to. And they talk about boys and crushes, and actors and lord... I'm dead by the time they're done! I don't want to be friends with most of the girls at school anyway, I just feel at unease or generally bored and drained-out around them. (And I know there are some who'll be thinking 'she's lesbian' but no, I'm honestly not, I'm a proud asexual).
There are some boys in my class who I thoroughly enjoy being around... we talk about video games, physics, and I'm just at ease around them. I want to be their friend. I want to hang out with them...
So whilst contemplating this, I thought it would be perfect to start this the next academic year (I'll be in year 10)!
But I mean, this girls are really sensitive and we're in the same groups for literally everything and it'd be a tad awkward if I just 'left' so as to speak. And it'd be especially awkward if I were to approach these boys all of a sudden and say 'hey, I'm gonna be part of your group now and hang out with you always' or something, right? I don't know how to bring this kind of thing up with either party. I don't like socializing in general and I'm an introvert.
I'm telling you, these girls love each other so much and every year for every single one of our birthdays, we organize a day whereby we each give that person a gift and then for the next and the next—it's like a horrible tradition!
Girls are too concerned and things like that, I'm more boyish I suppose and I really don't know what to do.

Please don't be mean and try to be understanding. I'm not going to be horrible about it with them, I'll still be their friend or like a classmate or whatever, but they won't be my first resort (I'm sorry, I don't know how else to word this idea!)

Advice would be appreciated vastly.
Thank you, if you read it all.

- M

From experience OP, gender barriers and the idea that guys are attracted to all their female friends exist only as long as you let them. One of my best friends throughout school and sixth form has been a girl, and there's never been an issue with her being the only girl in our group of friends. If you want to go and make friends with some guys you can, and you should.

[Aisha~~]

Age: 14. Mind: Blown.

You seem about 5 years too young for the way you think.

[Bulbasaur]

(Original post by Aisha~~)
Age: 14. Mind: Blown.

You seem about 5 years too young for the way you think.

That's what I was thinking. Thought OP was about 17 until that..

[..lauren]

Just from reading the OP, I feel like I can genuinely relate to you on this issue. I also dont like talking about 'girly', pathetic, teenage things but I think that it is wrong to believe that ALL GIRLS are like this. YOU are a girl, remember. However, as I am part of a mixed (boy/girl) friend group this isn't much of a problem for me: I have friends with whom I can discuss physics, music, film, anything really.

Obviously you cannot relate to your friends. As an asexual female with an interest in things that can be stereotyped as 'male', I advise you to make new friends, but but not to go out looking for exclusively male friends. And remember that you might find yourself in a position where males make you feel uncomfortable: although they tend not to do this in front of girls, they talk about crushes too, and regularly discuss sex and porn explicitly, far more so than girls do.

[Ice Constricter]

You mean you don't want to be friends with 'those' girls anymore. The title is really misleading.