[fxyz]

Hey guys.. I just got a cat on Wednesday and I know its not been a very long time but I'm feeling really down and depressed about him.

He's not really been bonding with me much. He seems to prefer sleeping on his own away from everyone else during the day and only comes to me when its time to feed him. He plays a little bit.. he can go a little bit hyperactive for small bouts of time then goes back to being lethargic and sleeps.

But I have noticed every night he does crawl into my room onto my bed and sleeps with me. On the first night it was here he crawled into my lap to sleep but hasn't done so since. I find it puzzling because during the day whenever I try to hold him he jumps out of my lap and refuses to come to me. He lets us pet and stroke him.

If it helps, the kitten has been moved around a lot. We are his 4th home now. The previous home he lived in had only 2 people and he stayed with them for two weeks. We are a family of 7 people and we have neighbours and friends come around almost every day.

Thank you so much in advance for any advice.. I really need it because I'm actually considering rehoming it if doesn't start to bond better with me, not because I'm heartless though because rehoming him is the last thing I want to do to him I'd probably feel so guilty forever over it if I do. He's my first pet and I feel like I'm doing something wrong and he deserves better

EDIT: why the negs? I'm asking for advice - he's my first pet! I'm genuinely lost and concerned for him :\ Not everyone has grown up around pets or knows about animals as much as others

[ellewoodings]

Don't worry, he's just adapting to the new environment, he'll settle in soon you could try maybe when he is really tired moving him nearer to you so he sleeps there and try that a few times then maybe he will go there automatically to sleep


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[syrettd]

So a kitten that has already been moved from place to place so many times and you want to do it AGAIN?

It's not even been a week. And the kitten's had a stressful time of it, having to learn it's new surroundings every five minutes. Kittens need a lot of sleep when they're young. You should really introduce new people gradually so as not to frighten it with too many people and too much noise.

You say you feel like you're doing something wrong, but is it ever crying? Cats are fairly independent pets anyway, some cats never like sitting on their owners laps or coming when they are called. This is not a reason to rehome it yet again.

[Hearty_Beast]

Cats aren't really the most intimate of creatures.
They mostly just like to sleep, and only need humans for food (and play/petting when/if they feel like it.)

Maybe he's just taking time to get used to you - he's new, and has moved a lot so might not be a quick bonder. Also, if it's a big household, he may be intimidated. Though he's letting you pet him, and comes to you/your bed to sleep which is a good sign that he likes you. Perhaps he just doesn't like being held/forced, and prefers to choose where he sits.

Don't rehome him, that's unfair. He may have bonded to you, just not be a particularly strokey cat. Give it time, and don't force him.

Definitely don't let him out of the house til he's definitely bonded though, or he may run away.

[123maz]

Ive had a lot of cats but two left, Henry and Ginge, anyway if he has had 4 homes your kitten is bound to feel confused aas he has been moved around alot, but if he comes and sleeps on your bed, surely thats good and he feels attached to you?
Keep your kitten adn find more ways to play with him, string or just moving your hand fast so he can chase it lol, dont give up and keep me posted xx

[HotfireLegend]

It hasn't been long enough. Keep giving the kitten the space it needs and hug and stroke it when he comes near. As Hearty said, don't let it out for a while. As it slept on your bed on one of the first nights and afterward, that's good news. Mine were difficult to pick up at first, but that's because they don't really trust humans for a little while and end up running from them at first contact, lol. A few months later, I've been able to hug them upside-down like a baby and tickle their stomachs

In short, let it do its own thing, keep doing what it wants and don't let the kitten outside for a while.

[EffieFlowers]

You're his 4th home! Poor kitten, is it really a wonder that he's taking a longer time to bond? I don't want to sound harsh but i think it would be cruel to give up on a kitten just because he's not behaving quite as you expected. I don't really agree with that...

Firstly, cats are solitary creatures, most of them are happy being left on their own for the most of it, except to occasionally come for some fuss when he chooses, and for food and play etc.
Secondly, again, cat that has been moved around so much will undoubtedly take more time to settle in.
Thirdly, he comes to sleep with you in the night! That shows that he trusts you and knows he'll be safe with you.
And finally, he may just have a more quiet character and is happy having his peace and quiet.

Don't get rid of him just because he's not all friendly and outgoing

[rcummins1]

All cats do that tbh. Unlike dogs they don't actually form relationships with their owners, n will only pretend to like you when they want something.

[fxyz]

(Original post by EffieFlowers)
You're his 4th home! Poor kitten, is it really a wonder that he's taking a longer time to bond? I don't want to sound harsh but i think it would be cruel to give up on a kitten just because he's not behaving quite as you expected. I don't really agree with that...

Firstly, cats are solitary creatures, most of them are happy being left on their own for the most of it, except to occasionally come for some fuss when he chooses, and for food and play etc.
Secondly, again, cat that has been moved around so much will undoubtedly take more time to settle in.
Thirdly, he comes to sleep with you in the night! That shows that he trusts you and knows he'll be safe with you.
And finally, he may just have a more quiet character and is happy having his peace and quiet.

Don't get rid of him just because he's not all friendly and outgoing

(Original post by Hearty_Beast)
Cats aren't really the most intimate of creatures.
They mostly just like to sleep, and only need humans for food (and play/petting when/if they feel like it.)

Maybe he's just taking time to get used to you - he's new, and has moved a lot so might not be a quick bonder. Also, if it's a big household, he may be intimidated. Though he's letting you pet him, and comes to you/your bed to sleep which is a good sign that he likes you. Perhaps he just doesn't like being held/forced, and prefers to choose where he sits.

Don't rehome him, that's unfair. He may have bonded to you, just not be a particularly strokey cat. Give it time, and don't force him.

Definitely don't let him out of the house til he's definitely bonded though, or he may run away.

Maybe I sounded harsh and heartless in my post.. I don't want to rehome the poor thing at all I think if I did I would feel guilty for the rest of my life and I would get even more depressed.. but I feel like it deserves someone who cares for him more or may have mor experience.. But I'm not going to give up without trying or staying hopefully!

I know it must be very confusing for the poor kitten especially since we're a big family. I didn't actually know cats weren't sociable animals I thought they were the type to get straight into their owners laps.. thanks for telling me my friend was about to sell the kitten on gumtree so I took it in instead so she could come and see him often too. It was a very last minute decision and I didn't get the time to look into it..

[fxyz]

(Original post by 123maz)
Ive had a lot of cats but two left, Henry and Ginge, anyway if he has had 4 homes your kitten is bound to feel confused aas he has been moved around alot, but if he comes and sleeps on your bed, surely thats good and he feels attached to you?
Keep your kitten adn find more ways to play with him, string or just moving your hand fast so he can chase it lol, dont give up and keep me posted xx

Since before he moved in with me (he was my best friends kitten before) he loved playing with my knitted sweaters sleeve. I pretend its a monster and it goes manic trying to bite it! Thats the only time he plays with me though lol! x

[syrettd]

(Original post by fxyz)
Maybe I sounded harsh and heartless in my post.. I don't want to rehome the poor thing at all I think if I did I would feel guilty for the rest of my life and I would get even more depressed.. but I feel like it deserves someone who cares for him more or may have mor experience.. But I'm not going to give up without trying or staying hopefully!

I know it must be very confusing for the poor kitten especially since we're a big family. I didn't actually know cats weren't sociable animals I thought they were the type to get straight into their owners laps.. thanks for telling me my friend was about to sell the kitten on gumtree so I took it in instead so she could come and see him often too. It was a very last minute decision and I didn't get the time to look into it..

No offence, but I could tell you don't really know anything about cats. I would suggest looking up kitten/cat care online, and going to buy a book on it as soon as possible. Cats are not very sociable, but this does not mean they are not a wonderful pet to have.

[123maz]

awwh he sound really cute, have you got a picture btw- is he male or female?

[fxyz]

(Original post by syrettd)
No offence, but I could tell you don't really know anything about cats. I would suggest looking up kitten/cat care online, and going to buy a book on it as soon as possible. Cats are not very sociable, but this does not mean they are not a wonderful pet to have.

Its okay I'm not offended at all, I openly accept that - he's my first pet. Honestly didn't want him to go on gumtree to god knows who cos I knew the fella from before I took him in and he was such a happy kitten there.

[jumpingjesusholycow]

A) The kitten is wary of adapting due to having been moved around a lot in such a short space of time at such an early age

B) Cats have different personalities. Some are intimate, some not so much. Whatever the case, any respectable cat owner should understand that not all cats are going to respond in the same way. They're not toys.

[fxyz]

(Original post by 123maz)
awwh he sound really cute, have you got a picture btw- is he male or female?

He's a male will post a picture as soon as I get it on the laptop

[syrettd]

(Original post by fxyz)
Its okay I'm not offended at all, I openly accept that - he's my first pet. Honestly didn't want him to go on gumtree to god knows who cos I knew the fella from before I took him in and he was such a happy kitten there.

Then definitely read up on the subject. Also, if you do this as soon as possible, and you find that cat owning isn't really something you want, this gives you a chance to get the cat a suitable new home as soon as possible. I wouldn't advise Gumtree as an advertising base for it, though, I would talk to your local vets about rehoming centres. My brother is looking for a cat and this is where he is asking.

If you read up on it, though, and decide you do want to keep your kitten, your research will help give your new cat a lovely home to stay in, whatever their personality . My cat never used to like being touched, but he showed his affection in other ways...usually by bringing us dead mice and birds as "presents". Cats are weird and wonderful!

[fxyz]

(Original post by syrettd)
Then definitely read up on the subject. Also, if you do this as soon as possible, and you find that cat owning isn't really something you want, this gives you a chance to get the cat a suitable new home as soon as possible. I wouldn't advise Gumtree as an advertising base for it, though, I would talk to your local vets about rehoming centres. My brother is looking for a cat and this is where he is asking.

If you read up on it, though, and decide you do want to keep your kitten, your research will help give your new cat a lovely home to stay in, whatever their personality . My cat never used to like being touched, but he showed his affection in other ways...usually by bringing us dead mice and birds as "presents". Cats are weird and wonderful!

Awwwwhhhh thats so cute! At the moment my kitten always sniffs and licks my hand, but I assume thats because he wants food and associated me with fish and turkey! Lol. How old is your cat?

[syrettd]

(Original post by fxyz)
Awwwwhhhh thats so cute! At the moment my kitten always sniffs and licks my hand, but I assume thats because he wants food and associated me with fish and turkey! Lol. How old is your cat?

And you say he hasn't bonded? I think that's sweet, licking your hand- even if it is just for food! My cat probably licked me about twice. He's dead now I don't really like to talk about it. But cats are great, especially when playing with shoe laces! I love doing that with my gran's cat, but I hate it when she sits on my lap- sharp claws!

[fxyz]

(Original post by syrettd)
And you say he hasn't bonded? I think that's sweet, licking your hand- even if it is just for food! My cat probably licked me about twice. He's dead now I don't really like to talk about it. But cats are great, especially when playing with shoe laces! I love doing that with my gran's cat, but I hate it when she sits on my lap- sharp claws!

My brother plays with Pillow the kitten with my measuring tapes.. he just walks around the house and Pillow jumps around after him.. but then just lies down like 'dpmo I'm not following you around for jack!' LOL. Just as I am typing this Pillow just ran out of my room with a pack of cat food in his mouth! I had hid it under my pillow cos I was bribing it into my lap and it must have smelt around and found it! He was in my room for 20 minutes looking for it!!

I think I'm falling in love with my kitten now! I'm glad I posted this lol

[Strawberrycayk]

He sounds very much like my aunt's cat Milo who is a few years old now (I think he's 4/5 years old) Seems pretty normal and understandable considering how often he's had to move, give it time. And don't be too disheartened if he doesn't adapt the way you want him to because some cats are just like that. Some like to be held, cuddled etc and some don't.