The Student Room Group

Need to vent my feelings

I don't know what to do. So i started typing.

Quite frankly I’m not a great person. I know exactly what I am; overly aggressive, indivertibly cynical and brainlessly rash. Yet by knowing all of this it makes it more of a struggle to change myself and be the metaphorical “bigger man.” Scuffles happen which could and should have been easily avoided by simply turning around and walking away but no, I always end up locked in a heated conflict over absolutely nothing. But I wish I was different, so much right now because if I were I wouldn’t have lost you.

You don’t know how damned sorry I am. I’m sat here writing, no waffling and babbling to nobody in particular but to a bunch of strangers on an internet forum. I would love to send this to you but I don’t have the guts or balls to because I’m scared of your reaction. Maybe one day you’ll see this, I don’t know. I haven’t heard from you now for three days and you know what? I miss you already. I know you hate me but I could never hate you no matter what you did. Other girls don’t even make me look now because all that’s in my head is you. I sent you that long winded apology text, I know you read it. I don’t blame you for disregarding it or ignoring it.

Since I met you you’ve been my one constant. I felt for you in that way since day one. I know you never felt that way about me back then and you definetly don’t know. But we saw each other every day and you know what? Those were truly happy times that I will look back on all my life. When things were bad you were there for me, when you felt bad I did my best to be there for you. I’m going to be honest; there were times when you frustrated me, when I started to whine to my mates about you. But you know what? When I saw you again the next day all those frustrations were immediately banished simply with your presence.

My mates said you were playing me on strings like a puppet. I know you were not. Even if you were, do you know what? I enjoyed being played; I enjoyed being your entertainment, the vaudevillian on your stage. Now I can’t even be that. I hate myself at this moment, because all this sorrow was self-caused. I don’t know what on earth to do. I tried to ask your best friend to get you to talk to me, you won’t. I don’t expect you to after what I had done. Maybe you will find it within you to forgive me one day.

I don’t know what else to say really. I hate who I am and I promise I will try my best to change, for myself but also for you. You’ve been so good to me and look how I’ve repaid you. You and your entire family now despise me and you know what? I don’t blame any of you because it is genuinely all my fault, every single one of it. But please know I am so so so sorry for what I did, I know apologies don’t cut it but that’s all I can do for me. I promise I’ll do all I can to make it up to you. In the short time I’ve known you I’ve grown so close and it would kill me if I were to permanently lose you. I just hope, pray and even beg that you can forgive me.
Reply 1
Also, is there anyone who I can talk to out there? :/
Send it her. Thats so heartfelt and touching, surely it can go some way to help easing the pain/re-building the bridges again?

I'm not going through such an easy time at the moment, and can relate a little to what youve posted. It all seems better though once youve communicated your feelings and tried to convince her that what she's presuming is wrong.
Reply 3
Actions speak louder than words my friend.
Reply 4
I know that, but theres absolutely nothing I can think of which I can do to rectify the situation.
Mate, I can't offer much advice seeing as how I don't really know what happened between you too, but it seems that you are genuinely sorry for what you have done. It's clear to see that you regret what happened and you would change it if you could. All I can say for now is to send that to her if you haven't already and wish you the best of luck.
It is difficult to have an opinion but if you did something like cheat or - from things you've said in your post - hit her then I'm sorry but those sort of things are unforgivable. Would you like to tell us what happened so we can give more honest, informed feedback?


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Quick Reply

Latest