Hey guys, thanks again for your replies. By way of a little update:
I was away staying at a friend's from Wednesday of last week. My dad actually spoke to my ex's mum while I was away, and asked her to ask my ex to give me a call at the weekend once she had returned from her sister's - so that I could get some closure on the situation. My ex's mum (generally very reasonable) agreed to do this.
So, my ex called on Saturday and we spoke for about half an hour. I thanked her for calleing, and listened to what she had to say, as well as getting my message across in a much more calm and measured way. She said the reason she had asked for me not to contact her last week was because things had got too intense for her. She said that in terms of our relationship she was glad I had had my 'epiphany' and realised my feelings, and also glad that I had told her them. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to give me the answer I wanted, because she said that there was 'too much water under the bridge' and that she was too upset about some of the lows of our relationship. I told her I understood and respected this view. She said that she didn't want to be with anyone at the moment, she just wanted to be on her own, and that the seven or so weeks we had been apart had allowed this feeling to become clear. She has many good memories of our relationship, but she doesn't have belief any more in the idea that we are right for each other, and although I think we could fix things she doesn't want to try. She said we aren't getting back together and we aren't going to. Since she has this rule about not being friends with exes, we agreed not to be in contact, although I did say to her that I wouldn't be able to view it as a bad thing if our paths did cross - I would always want to be her friend if she wanted to. We said our goodbyes.
Obviously I'm really sad about this. At the same time I'm so pleased that and have so much respect for the fact she called me. I have never done the 'cut-them-out' thing with exes, and so I really don't know how to and I'm finding the whole process very difficult. I find at the moment that my love for and respect for my ex is driving me to respect her wishes, but at the same time I am thinking about her almost constantly. I am not sleeping well, and my dreams are filled with thoughts of her and trying to contact her. I know it is over and I shouldn't and won't be doing this, I just wish I could stop thinking about it.
To make matters worse I have come home to some bad and worrying news, something which is very similar to a big thing I helped my ex through a lot about three or four months into our relationship. At the time it was stressful but I think it brought us closer and of course the irony is that the one person who could best understand how I feel about this (admittedly separate) issue is the one person I can't talk to about it.
Anyway, I do to an extent have closure, I just could do with some help in terms of ways of helping the letting-go process along. I have written a lot of stuff down throughout this (the notepad I mentioned in an earlier post which I left at my ex's, and another notepad since while I was waiting to speak to her possibly for the final time and a bit since then), but most of that has been 'to' my ex and I feel like there's nothing to say to her anymore, because all I want for her now is for her to feel love and happiness and to get from life what she wants, and I've already written that.
So, how do you let go of someone (the person you wanted to spend your life with), when essentially you've been cut out by them (I think that way around makes it harder?)
Thanks everyone.