[TenOfThem]

(Original post by kka25)
I'm getting the impression that from your view, the OP should be 110% on his own; under the circumstances that he's having, and if I have a child like the OP, I'll do my very best as a parent to help my kid out.

My eldest lived at home until he was 25 and ready to go ... I am certainly not an advocate of kicking one's children out

Read my second post on this thread

My point was ... at 23 he is old enough to be self sufficient if that is what the situation demands

[bownessie]

(Original post by ghnm)


i cant finish the same degree as i said my dr has sent me an email saying that the university regulation doesnt give me a chance to repeat or do another computer science course which means i have to do it all over again if i want to get a degree.

Okay, you are talking about starting again. If you did OU you could transfer your credits from your first and second year and all you would need to do is your third year. If you want to do engineering or psychology you could even choose to do modules in them for your last year and then you wouldn't have to completely start again.

[kka25]

(Original post by TenOfThem)
My eldest lived at home until he was 25 and ready to go ... I am certainly not an advocate of kicking one's children out

Read my second post on this thread

My point was ... at 23 he is old enough to be self sufficient if that is what the situation demands

I don't know about your son; I'm presuming he's a healthy young man. The OP has his own set of difficulties; read back what he has listed down especially concerning his health. I think you're presuming a 23 year old very health young person with no disability whatsoever is more accurately portrayed.

[tarekmo]

(Original post by ghnm)
I have dont computer networks, to tell you the truth, i have regreted choosing it, if i go back to university i will go back for engineering or a psychology degree, about my A-level results, i cant remember them exactly but what i remember is that i have 2 Bs the rest is Cs and Ds, so i need to fix them if i want to go to a strong university.



as I said i have chosen a wrong course if i go back i want to do either Electrical Engineering or Mechanical Eng.

I DO REcomment For your Own Good The most Wanted enginerering jobs in the time being ..Chemical and Software engineering...And GOod luck with your A levels BRo

[jojbuy]

Lying is wrong and you should tell your familiy what the truth is. No matter what happened, you are an adult now, you should and you must can live on your own two feet. Should or shouldn't go back to university is another question. But ,keep in your mind, you are an adult and you can raise yourself and you can help yourself live a good life and finish your university. But go back or not go back depends your heart not your age.

[ghnm]

(Original post by bownessie)
Are you classified as an international student?

Yes because i have a middle eastern passport.

(Original post by Rotimi)
Dear ghnm,
I sympathise with you, kinda know how it feels to be afraid of giving family bad news. Bu it think you should explain how things are to them, you may be surprised at how great they are. I think you should go back to university, and if your a levels aren't that great, you can take a foundation programme at many universities, even the best have them, and since you're an international student you will be qualified for that. As for the age, don't worry, a guy on my foundation programme was 26 and he was focused and ended up with an offer from Warwick, you just need to focus and your life will head back on track. You should also let whichever schools you enrol to aware of your condition, I'm very sure they have suitable arrangements. Remember, no situation is worth taking your life for.

I guess i have decided to tell my parents now before i tell them i have to plan for all possiblities and plan how i will tell them, to tell you the truth taking your life becomes an idea when you have such a complicated situation and 3 health problem that i had operations for and all of the operations failed....

(Original post by Ellie_May :))
My opinion = I personally think that lying to your family about this is wrong. With them assuming you finished uni they will keep reminding you about it, hence why you feel you cant deal with anything anymore. It sounds a little like you are ashamed of yourself. It's getting you down, so personally I think it is only right to tell them.
It is to be expected that they may be angry with you because of your dad paying for you, but at the end of the day they are your parents. They have cared for you from the word 'go' and have never gave up on you. Hopefully they will understand you and talk through what to do next. Just be yourself and be honest and truthful with them. Even cry a little if you feel like it to show them how much it means to you!
23 is fine to go to university. Just make sure that its the right course for you this time and that whatever got you to fail last time doesnt happen again.
If you want to go to a strong university then i would advise retaking your A-levels, however i don't see the point in that as it will add more work and stress, and give you less time to go to uni. There is nothing wrong with going to a lower uni, all you need is a degree. Dont put more pressure on yourself than you already have right now.
Good luck x

thank you for your reply, i am 100% ashamed of myself regardless of my health problems i know i didnt put enough effort in the university, I want to go to unoversity but i am afraid i would fail again..... i dont kknow how i would solve this?? as for my parents i will tell them and be ready to leave home if they asked for it.

(Original post by amii12)
It makes me upset to hear that your family would treat you in such a way, but that is their principles so I won't dwell on that.
I believe if you enjoy studying and would like to earn a degree and build a career around that, that you should go for it.

But first and foremost its extremely important that you look back at your first attempt at Uni and why you failed, because you don't want that to happen again. Were you not getting the support you need? Did they know about your dyslexia? Were you not taking university seriously? Do you think you were maybe taking the wrong course/ at the wrong uni?

These are all important questions to consider when you go to Uni for a second time
Also you can get a student loan for university if your considered a "home" student in which case you do not have to rely on your family for the money and would allow you to tell them you've failed and move out to uni!!! So then it won't matter if you get kicked out.

The important thing is to do whats best for you, not for your parents, not for anyone else. University is just not for some people, but if you want/believe that you can do it, then go for it I say.

So long as you dedicate yourself you've got nothing to lose!

I know i should go back to university but i have wasted 4 years on nothing and my parents has paid for it all, so i think its their right to do whatever they want to do, about the questions, they are what i have been trying to answer since i stopped going to uni, i dont know about if i was getting the support i needed, but the university knew i had dyslexia, and i wasnt taking life seriously and i chose the wrong course.
I am an international student,so at the moment i cant go back alone.

[ghnm]

(Original post by bownessie)
Okay, you are talking about starting again. If you did OU you could transfer your credits from your first and second year and all you would need to do is your third year. If you want to do engineering or psychology you could even choose to do modules in them for your last year and then you wouldn't have to completely start again.

I will check the open university, and how i could enroll in it, ill contact them and explain my situation

(Original post by kka25)
I don't know about your son; I'm presuming he's a healthy young man. The OP has his own set of difficulties; read back what he has listed down especially concerning his health. I think you're presuming a 23 year old very health young person with no disability whatsoever is more accurately portrayed.

I guess its harder with health problems but the point of humiliation i reached, it either i kill myself or achieve success because i come from a very achieving family, my father has graduated from liverpool and built a very big international company, my brother has graduated from cambridge university, he did NANOtech. , so its really really hard to live in my situation, thats why suicide have crossed my mind alot. but success in life is worth another shot and this time i will do everything i can to achieve it.

(Original post by jojbuy)
Lying is wrong and you should tell your familiy what the truth is. No matter what happened, you are an adult now, you should and you must can live on your own two feet. Should or shouldn't go back to university is another question. But ,keep in your mind, you are an adult and you can raise yourself and you can help yourself live a good life and finish your university. But go back or not go back depends your heart not your age.

(Original post by TenOfThem)
My eldest lived at home until he was 25 and ready to go ... I am certainly not an advocate of kicking one's children out

Read my second post on this thread

My point was ... at 23 he is old enough to be self sufficient if that is what the situation demands

I agree i am old enough to live on my own and take responsibility but here in the middle east its much much harder to live alone, the pay is very low and the prices are very high but if things turned to getting kicked out, i will have to live alone and manage.

[jami74]

ghnm I think you should seek advice from people who know and understand your culture. Most people here will be giving their opinions from a western perspective based on what they would do or what they would expect their children/friends etc to do.

[kka25]

(Original post by jami74)
ghnm I think you should seek advice from people who know and understand your culture. Most people here will be giving their opinions from a western perspective based on what they would do or what they would expect their children/friends etc to do.

But you can always talk to us if you want to;

[ghnm]

(Original post by jami74)
ghnm I think you should seek advice from people who know and understand your culture. Most people here will be giving their opinions from a western perspective based on what they would do or what they would expect their children/friends etc to do.

yaa there are some differences but i want to hear opinions from the UK because i lived there for 4 years and if go back to uni i will go back there.

[ghnm]

(Original post by kka25)


But you can always talk to us if you want to;

thats why i signed up to the forum

[kka25]

(Original post by ghnm)
thats why i signed up to the forum

[ghnm]

I thank you all alot for your support and opinions, as you can see i am in maybe the most time i need help in my life, so really from the bottom of my broken ashamed heart I thank you all, and i will tell you what i will do and what i decide to do

[jami74]

(Original post by kka25)


But you can always talk to us if you want to;

(Original post by ghnm)
thats why i signed up to the forum

Yes of course, I'm sorry I didn't mean you couldn't talk or ask questions here. I just meant that someone who has been in a similar position or who has a better understanding of your family dynamics might have suggestions that people here haven't thought of.

[ghnm]

(Original post by jami74)
Yes of course, I'm sorry I didn't mean you couldn't talk or ask questions here. I just meant that someone who has been in a similar position or who has a better understanding of your family dynamics might have suggestions that people here haven't thought of.

I totally understood the way you meant it , thanks.

[ghnm]

I have felt a bit relieved after writing on the forum, thank you.

I have decided to tell my parents, how do you think is the best possible way to tell such a baad news, i cant even imagine myself telling them this, do you think i should offer to leave the house? shal just tell them at home or take them out to caffe or smth ? should try to appear that i have failed but now i have it all planed ?

[kka25]

(Original post by ghnm)
I thank you all alot for your support and opinions, as you can see i am in maybe the most time i need help in my life, so really from the bottom of my broken ashamed heart I thank you all, and i will tell you what i will do and what i decide to do

Mate, you can do this; this is your first step in trying to improve yourself and the situation. I'm sure you're going to be a fine successful person very soon!

[Kittiara]

Dear OP,

I have been in the situation before where I was afraid that my family would see me as a failure, so I know that it is difficult. Especially if you have health problems on top of it. But nothing, and I mean nothing, is worth taking your life over. You can tackle this!

I second the suggestion of the Open University. I am an EU student currently studying with the OU in the UK and they are brilliant with people with health problems, and very encouraging and supportive. Also, it may indeed be the case that you can transfer credits - worth asking about - so you wouldn't have to start all over again, and you don't need A-levels to start with them! Plus OU degrees are well respected because they show determination and good personal management to achieve.

As for telling your parents - I think it is important to do so. Is it difficult? Yes! But it's obvious that you don't want to live a lie, and you shouldn't. Is there someone in your family who is really supportive of you and who might be understanding? Or a close friend? If so, I'd tell them first. They might be willing to help you tell the ones you fear a bad reaction from.

Last but not least, you should never measure your own worth against other people. Everyone has worth. You have worth. It doesn't matter what your father or your brother have achieved. You will achieve things, too. But don't try to live up to what they expect of you, try to achieve what you want to achieve is my advice.

By the way, when I went back to my studies I was older than you! I'd always regretted not having achieved a University degree, so I am finally going for it. For my own sake, not anyobody else's. So, you're definitely not too old.

Good luck!

[TenOfThem]

(Original post by ghnm)
I have felt a bit revealed after writing on the forum, thank you.

I have decided to tell my parents, how do you think is the best possible way to tell such a baad news, i cant even imagine myself telling them this, do you think i should offer to leave the house? shal just tell them at home or take them out to caffe or smth ? should try to appear that i have failed but now i have it all planed ?

Phew

I think telling them at home is best as they may feel restricted if you go out and then things could blow up when you get home

I think that you should present them with possible plans for the future and ask their advice


Do you have a religious leader that you could talk to first and ask to support you (apologies if this offends you)

[Kittiara]

(Original post by ghnm)
I have felt a bit revealed after writing on the forum, thank you.

I have decided to tell my parents, how do you think is the best possible way to tell such a baad news, i cant even imagine myself telling them this, do you think i should offer to leave the house? shal just tell them at home or take them out to caffe or smth ? should try to appear that i have failed but now i have it all planed ?

Well done! That is a good first decision!

I would tell them at home. That way, everyone will be more free to show their emotions.

I would just be very, very honest. Explain why it went wrong, explain about the impact of your health problems, explain how important their love and support is for you and how you value the opportunity they have given you, and how it felt when you thought you had let them down. Explain also what you want to do next. Just pour your heart out and ask their advice!

They may actually be more upset that you felt the need to lie to them than anything else, so be ready to apologize for that!

If they know how you truly feel, and you are willing to listen to their feelings, surely things will work out. They'll want you to succeed in life, and most importantly - they love you. You love them. Love can overcome a lot of things.