every opinion is needed to help.

Mate, you can do this; this is your first step in trying to improve yourself and the situation. I'm sure you're going to be a fine successful person very soon!

Dear OP,

I have been in the situation before where I was afraid that my family would see me as a failure, so I know that it is difficult. Especially if you have health problems on top of it. But nothing, and I mean nothing, is worth taking your life over. You can tackle this!


I second the suggestion of the Open University. I am an EU student currently studying with the OU in the UK and they are brilliant with people with health problems, and very encouraging and supportive. Also, it may indeed be the case that you can transfer credits - worth asking about - so you wouldn't have to start all over again, and you don't need A-levels to start with them! Plus OU degrees are well respected because they show determination and good personal management to achieve.

As for telling your parents - I think it is important to do so. Is it difficult? Yes! But it's obvious that you don't want to live a lie, and you shouldn't. Is there someone in your family who is really supportive of you and who might be understanding? Or a close friend? If so, I'd tell them first. They might be willing to help you tell the ones you fear a bad reaction from.

Last but not least, you should never measure your own worth against other people. Everyone has worth. You have worth. It doesn't matter what your father or your brother have achieved. You will achieve things, too. But don't try to live up to what they expect of you, try to achieve what you want to achieve is my advice.

By the way, when I went back to my studies I was older than you! I'd always regretted not having achieved a University degree, so I am finally going for it. For my own sake, not anyobody else's. So, you're definitely not too old.

Good luck!

Phew

I think telling them at home is best as they may feel restricted if you go out and then things could blow up when you get home

I think that you should present them with possible plans for the future and ask their advice


Do you have a religious leader that you could talk to first and ask to support you (apologies if this offends you)

Well done! That is a good first decision!

I would tell them at home. That way, everyone will be more free to show their emotions.

I would just be very, very honest. Explain why it went wrong, explain about the impact of your health problems, explain how important their love and support is for you and how you value the opportunity they have given you, and how it felt when you thought you had let them down. Explain also what you want to do next. Just pour your heart out and ask their advice!

They may actually be more upset that you felt the need to lie to them than anything else, so be ready to apologize for that!

If they know how you truly feel, and you are willing to listen to their feelings, surely things will work out. They'll want you to succeed in life, and most importantly - they love you. You love them. Love can overcome a lot of things.

That depends, do you want to study what you're studying? If you enjoy it, and see a possible outcome at the end (i.e., an actual career/job from the degree/enjoy studying what you're studying) then by all means, go for it! However, on the opposite end of the spectrum, if you don't enjoy it, and are only studying just for the pure sake of studying, then I think you should do something that you want to actually do.

I think it speaks well of you that your main concern is your father's wellbeing. Is he in poor health? Even so, I hope he will appreciate your being honest and open with him rather than living a lie.

My family is a bit like that as well, by the way - being compared to everyone - which can be tough, but like you say, you have your life and I am certain you will succeed.

And I was 37 when I went I started with the Open University last year! I had always regretted not going for a degree and I wanted to see if I could do it. I am glad that I did, because even though it wasn't easy getting back into studying, I have done well. Just waiting for my final score now, but I am positive I have passed my first year. It's a great feeling .