[Anonymous]

Basically I have a guy friend who I'm very close to and I've had feelings for him for a while now. Part of me wants to tell him how I feel so I can get a definitive answer to whether there could be an us or not because at the moment its driving me crazy.

Firstly, do people think its a good idea to tell a good friend you like them? or if not any tips on how you deal with it yourself? because at the moment its not going well for me!

Secondly for people who HAVE done it, how did it go? The one thing I'm worried will happen is that things will be really awkward between us if he doesn't feel the same..how did you deal with it/did you and your friend get past it etc?

Would be really helpful if people could offer some advice, thanks! :

[Anonymous]

I'm in this situation too!!!

I like him a lot, but would rather remain just friends then tell him and it becoming really awkward and possible losing him...

But at the same time, if there's a chance he likes me back... I'd like to know if we can be together...

[Cressida]

I'll be honest, though i think the best kind of relationshipbis one where your partner is your best friend personally for me it hasnt worked so easily. I am so close to my male friends, we share everything and there is never any pretense. However the two times that a close friend has asked me out or suggested to take things to a different level i have not gone with it because 1) we go through thick and thin and our love is too special to risk ruining 2) we openly discuss our relationships and they have helped me with my love life and vice versa so i find it a bit weird 3) once i become so close to a guy friend they are like brothers to me so i couldnt do sexual things to them.

However i do believe everyone is different and those are just personal reasons that have applied to me. My friend has recently got into a relatiobship with his bestie of 9 years and it is beautiful, perfect and a great relationship. So its different for evrryone.

I would suggest guaging the situation first with a drunk kiss and then letting that event and any consequent feelings ferment before making any bold steps.

I hope it works out, a boyfriend who is a best friend sounds amazing!

[itsjustsophie]

I asked my best friend out a few years ago. It was driving me mad how strongly I felt about him so I had to tell him. It didn't go great, he said no but told me that we could maybe have a relationship in a year or two, he just didn't feel ready. Unfortunately I have never had the confidence to ask him again. I still feel the same about him after all of these years but the feeling isn't as strong. I guess I've just settled with the fact that it is never going to happen.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Doc(1/cosC)]

As Lily marshal said in "how i met your mother".. "There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to know that it really is a mistake is to make that mistake and go, "Yup, that was a mistake". So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'll go about your whole life not knowing whether it was a mistake or not" ..

So, to put in simple words, if you believe you're going to regret not telling him then tell him ASAP!

[Anonymous]

I have a similar dilemma as well. There's a friend that I've known for around a year, I've had feelings for her for most of that year but I never told her as she was in a relationship. She's recently broken up with her boyfriend and I'm trying to come up with a way to ask her out once we're back at uni. I don't think I can be just friends with her anymore and I'm willing to sacrifice the friendship if she doesn't feel the same way to get some peace of mind, but how do I go about telling her? I imagine it would come quite as a shock to her because I've been disguising my feelings well.

[This Honest]

Had this situation last December. I liked her for ages but decided to tell no one. After a while I couldn't help it.
She didn't feel the same way at the time but we both agree that it won't be awkward, well it was. For like 2-3 weeks but that's only because we both let it to be. I'm sure it's usually shorter than that
Later in march, we got together but didn't last long

[Schmucks]

I think that the 'awkward' phase that can follow from a possible rejection comes from the person who has been rejected feeling stupid etc - So, essentially, I think you have cotnrol of the situation here. If you find out he doesn't feel the same, you can just hold your head up high knowing you tried, laugh off any slight embarrassment and just make light of it, keeping your friendship. It doesn't have to be awkward.

I'd go for it, personally. Take a risk and all that.

[teethingdragon]

Disastrous. I lost my best friend over it, however surprisingly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Just say something. You'll regret it otherwise.

[MagicNMedicine]

Personally I think you need to see some kind of 'signal' from the other person before you shoot your mouth off about your feelings. Sometimes somebody will be friends with you and get on with you very well and not have any attraction or feelings towards you.

All the stuff people say about "I couldn't because our friendship is too important" etc is a cover really for them not being attracted to you. If you are close friends with someone and are attracted to them then you're not going to say no to the chance of something more.

If you have got a flirtatious relationship, lots of verbal flirting and some physical touching even if its only light, then you're on the way. If you sit there playing with each others hands/hair or one resting their head on the others shoulder, then its probably a signal that you should verbalise your feelings.

If the friendship is purely about you talking to each other then you're probably going to get told they don't feel the same and will have to deal with the fall out.

I generally think you can trust your gut on the question "do they fancy me?". You can always tell, deep down, when somebody is interested in you, and wants to make excuses to spend more time with you, and just seems captivated in your company, it's different from how a purely platonic friend treats you.

Beware the thought that "well its driving me crazy so at least if I ask I will get told one way or the other". It can feel more brutal than you were prepared for, to be told no by somebody who you already have a close bond to, its much worse than being told no by somebody you don't really know.

It is hard to deal with a situation of unspoken unrequited feelings with a friend, but its much more hurtful when you have to hear it out loud.

[Mustard-man]

Best friend situation: Asked whether she reckons we have something more than just friendship. She freezes and goes she doesn't know what I'm talking about (kind of cute). Then goes on about how it's better to be her best friend than her boyfriend, how friends last forever and all that crap. Three months later, I just kiss her straight up - done deal.

When I asked why circumstances changed, she goes she didn't know she liked me in that way before, wtf. Basically actions speak louder than words - for instance, you don't ask a girl can I kiss you, you need to initiate in an appropriate way and take action. What girls say and what they want in their inner self may not always be aligned. Emotions can change circumstances. It's about picking up the signs as girls are more natural at displaying these things.

[Anonymous]

bump

[Anonymous]

Thank you all for the insight..its a tricky one because sometimes I get signals that make me think he likes me too and other times I'm completely unsure. We were at a party the other night for example and he was very touchy feely- hugging me in photos, sitting close and not moving away if we were touching etc..

Because its been quite a long term thing I feel like I need to find out one way or another because then even if he doesn't like me I know for sure and can move on. Its just finding a way to instigate the conversation and try and keep it as normal as possible- we're both quite shy and neither of us has really done this before so that's where the trouble lies I think!

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you all for the insight..its a tricky one because sometimes I get signals that make me think he likes me too and other times I'm completely unsure. We were at a party the other night for example and he was very touchy feely- hugging me in photos, sitting close and not moving away if we were touching etc..

Because its been quite a long term thing I feel like I need to find out one way or another because then even if he doesn't like me I know for sure and can move on. Its just finding a way to instigate the conversation and try and keep it as normal as possible- we're both quite shy and neither of us has really done this before so that's where the trouble lies I think!

I've been wondering how to bring this up after a year of platonic friendship as well. Horribly lacking in good ideas so far

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been wondering how to bring this up after a year of platonic friendship as well. Horribly lacking in good ideas so far

It's a tough one, I'm thinking I might just have to be straight forward with it..I'm just really shy and having never done it before its really daunting!

[OU Student]

This happened to me last year. He explained that he didn't want an LDR. (He's done it before; I haven't)

[Alpharius]

Would you rather regret that things got awkward between the two of you because you told him, or because you never told him?

I would regret not telling him (or her in my case) more than telling him and the friendship ending. Therefore I would strongly suggest telling him.

(Original post by Anonymous)
It's a tough one, I'm thinking I might just have to be straight forward with it..I'm just really shy and having never done it before its really daunting!

Well, now you know what guy's go through when they are expected to "man up" and ask.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
It's a tough one, I'm thinking I might just have to be straight forward with it..I'm just really shy and having never done it before its really daunting!

I'm not shy but I still have no idea how to break it to her without coming across as too forward and how to explain myself in a concise manner.

[iAmBrOwNbEaR]

In my experience, I'd say don't mess with the friendzone. Happened to me quite a while back. I liked her, she liked me. We had a thing for about a month and a half. She said she still liked me but wanted to be close friends instead. I (admittedly being a dick) wasn't comfortable with that, so it's been awkward ever since. But then again, you wouldn't want to live your life full of regrets. Every happens for a reason I suppose :/


This was posted in 200 BC from The Student Room's iStone app.

[Anonymous]

Just been through this situation this year. Started having feelings for her a while back, but didn't really realise until quite recently. (Had a really bad experience year before so very cautious about these things lol).

Started to really play on my mind and affect me to the point where I was getting depressed. Wasn't good! Didn't help that I told no-one, not even my closest friend about this. Thought if I kept it quiet it could fade away over time as she was in a relationship at the time. But once that relationship ended the feelings came flooding back twice as hard. So decided to tell her. Although as predicted it didn't work out as I wanted, there was very little awkwardness from her, if any at all. We are still very close which I'm really glad about. Of course because we're close, I have to hide how gutted I really feel. Some days I feel pretty low and sad, but most days are fine, and it doesn't affect me as much anymore. Felt like a huge burden had been lifted off of me and I have no regrets at all. At least I now know either way. Yeah it sucks that she doesn't feel the same way, especially as I care about her a lot, but some things aren't meant to be and you slowly will learn to accept that. But our friendship is as strong as ever which is the main thing!

Although this story might make you think everything will still be cool either way, you have to be very very careful. It's not something I took lightly at all. You really have to consider how she will react and what she is like as a person. It did help that before telling her, I did confess all to her best mate and did talk about what the consequences would be. (We're also pretty close! pretty lucky!) Maybe you don't have that opportunity to tell someone else who knows ur friend well as I did.

At the end of the day, it is what you really want. I didn't want to have any regrets in the future, that I said nothing and chickened out. But I also tried to prepare myself that the friendship could be damaged beyond repair. It is a risk, its up to you to decide if its worth taking...


Sorry if its a bit incoherent!