[jameslad]

Inshallah she gets better

[WhisperOfLove]

(Original post by manchester1992)
So in the last week I feel like my life has been up turned upside down. Over 7 days my mum has gone from being completely fine and normal to being diagnosed with serious brain cancer. We are meeting with the consultant tomorrow to discuss any possible treatment options.

Honestly, this week has been so damned tough I cant stand the fact that she seems completely normal to talk to, and I feel like she has been given a death sentence. Its been so tough on my whole family, ive never seen my dad cry before, and i've found it so heart breaking.

Reading other posts and forums online, it seems quite common for people with brain tumours to mentally decline as time progresses. As terrible as this sounds, i can nearly come to terms with her passing, but the thought of her loosing function of her body and thoughts, after being such a strong woman makes me breakdown in tears.

While i know i need to concentrate on the positives, its just so damned hard

Im due to return to manchester for uni in September, and I have no idea what I am to do!

If anyone has been in a similar situation it would be good to hear from you

Thanks

Hey love,
I cannot tell you how sorry I am to hear about this. BE STRONG and keep praying! I swear, faith can literally turn your situation upside down!!
Spend as much time as you can with her and make her happy.. just pray and believe God for a miracle - I guarantee you, she will be healed! I will pray too.

[Liv1204]

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum being diagnosed. my mum was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer when I was in my second year of uni in 2010, she died last August, the month after I graduated, so I can relate to a lot of your worries and feelings, and especially to what you say about her being such a strong woman and losing parts of that.

I know it's also very difficult to even think about uni when there are so much bigger things going on in your life. The main things I would say are:

Talk to people about it. Tell your friends what's going on if you can - I hid everything from a lot of my friends for quite a long time, and it made things even more difficult at uni because I felt so alone and separate from everything, so I ended up moving home and not going to lectures anymore.

Talk to your uni as well as soon as you can -they are there to help you if they need it. They can do things like sort out concessions or extend deadlines if you're struggling. You might find that you don't need it, I found that I ended up focusing very hard on uni work as a way of coping with everything (or avoiding, I suppose) but I had the concession option there if needed and it takes some of the pressure off. If you have a personal tutor or similar at uni I would really recommend letting them know too; I used to just go and sit with our student advisor and just cry and it was so essential having someone there to understand.

Don't be afraid to talk to your parents if you need to. Sometimes with cancer I think everybody ends up trying to hide their feelings because they don't want to upset the other person, but you're all feeling similar things (even if people are coping in different ways) and everyone's thinking about it, so sometimes just saying it gets it out into the open more.

How are you doing at the moment? If you ever want to talk about it, feel free to message me, I'm always happy to listen. xx

[Freak Out]

I'm so sorry. I have no advice to give except I wish you all the utmost best.

[Origami Bullets]

(Original post by manchester1992)
Thanks again.

To be honest, the last few days have been such a whirlwind I haven't given uni any decent thought yet. Yeah, I hope they are understanding with the situation. Think its going to be a tough call to decide weather to return this year, or not Suppose all I can do is see how the coming months progress

Don't forget that they are likely to let you defer for a year, if that's what you decide is best, and then return the following year. Dropping out isn't necessary by any means.

It's probably a decision that is worth taking with your mum (who may be of the opinion that she doesn't want you to put your life on hold for her; I know my family would feel guilty if I did that for them), your mum's consultant (who will be able to give you an idea of the prognosis) and other family members who will be caring for her, if there are any. If there aren't any appropriate family members, then obviously you need to consider who will be looking after her going forward, if that's necessary.

[colef001]

I'm really sorry that you and your family are going through all this. I hope your Mum gets better soon.

[ken2]

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9100

[Raj K]

I hope she gets better..have faith in God and keep strong! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[*Corinna*]

(Original post by madders94)
I do have to agree with this; it's not just a bit insulting but it can also be quite upsetting. When you lose someone who lived with you, you would've seen every day or near enough every day, it's life changing. Losing a grandparent is awful and devastating, but it's not the same. My brother died, and one of my old friends got annoyed at me for being sad on his birthday, she actually said "My granddad died and that's worse, and you don't see me crying". She rarely saw this granddad, and she was a bit of an attention-seeker anyway, but it can be quite upsetting when someone says "I know how you feel", when they've not been through something of that severity, another friend said it and I knew she meant well because she's lovely, but inside it still made me feel upset.

OP, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum You all need to stick together as a family more than ever now, so the only people who can advise you on what to do about uni are your family themselves - talk to them and come to a conclusion you all agree on. I hope everything goes well for your family and that any treatment they offer is a success

What happened to your brother is really sad. I read your signature and it is really tragic that a little baby died so early. We actually share the same birthday.
However, you say that it's insulting to imply that a grandparent is the same as a parent. First of all, I don't think it is. People experience pain differently, you cannot know how close someone is with their grandparents. But most importantly, you go on to bring as an example your friend who compared her grandfather to your brother. In my opinion, however tragic the lose of a baby is, you never had the chance to live with him, get to know him, get used to having him in your life. Your friend had her grandfather for all her life.
Anyway, I generally disagree with attacking people and implying they actually insult you just for sharing their pain.

[madders94]

(Original post by *Corinna*)
What happened to your brother is really sad. I read your signature and it is really tragic that a little baby died so early. We actually share the same birthday.
However, you say that it's insulting to imply that a grandparent is the same as a parent. First of all, I don't think it is. People experience pain differently, you cannot know how close someone is with their grandparents. But most importantly, you go on to bring as an example your friend who compared her grandfather to your brother. In my opinion, however tragic the lose of a baby is, you never had the chance to live with him, get to know him, get used to having him in your life. Your friend had her grandfather for all her life.
Anyway, I generally disagree with attacking people and implying they actually insult you just for sharing their pain.

It was more the fact that she did it so insensitively; implying that I had no right to be upset about my brother when her granddad died when she was very young and she didn't cry about it. This same friend also refused to go to the funeral of our best friend's dad when we were fifteen, because she said that it'd be too sad and she didn't do funerals, despite our best friend specifically requesting us be there. She was known to be an attention-seeker in other areas too, but I also disagree with not knowing my brother or having the chance to get used to him so it's somehow less than losing a grandfather - I had nine months of the expectation of having a brother, of buying clothes and people getting excited. I then had 17 days of seeing him every day, our whole lives were enveloped by him and later, his death. I had very few good memories and I mourned the loss of what could have been a wonderful life; she had memories, and he was elderly and had the whole "he's in a better place", she was well-prepared for it. I've had to live with my parents, who were young and completely unprepared for the loss of a baby; her parents were well-prepared and had prepared her.

It's not just a case of who dies and how long you knew them; there's many other factors that affect how much you mourn someone. I don't care who misses who more; I don't think you can measure grief, but if someone suggests to me that losing an elderly grandparent is worse than losing a sibling, my first question is why the hell does it matter, and my second is that if they want it to become a competition, why pick the birthday of one of the deceased to argue about it?

[thunder_chunky]

Sorry to hear that. I hope she battles it and wins. It won't be easy but with the support of those that matter she might just make it through. I hope she and everyone else stays strong.

Good luck to her and to you all!

(Original post by RK)
Really sorry to hear the news. Must be really tough for you.

My auntie (who is very close to my immediate family as she doesn't have any family of her own) was diagnosed with breast cancer about a week ago which has already spread to her lungs. It's not looking good for the long term, but in situations like this we need to try our hardest to stay strong for the person who is ill.

I'd strongly recommend praying as you can never underestimate the power of prayer.
Also, be there for your Mum, whether in person or being in regular contact if you're away. It might be difficult for you, but could also be even more difficult for her. I don't know how your Mum is reacting to the news, but it's difficult for us as my auntie doesn't seem to be acknowledging the cancer. She seems to be going along with follow up appointments etc, but still not talking about it. This makes it tough to know how to speak to her about it.

I hope everything works out for you and your family

No offence but I don't think this is the time to overestimate the power of an invisible bearded man in the sky.

[warrior-1]

Hopefully she will get better.

Pray to god for her health.

[cl_steele]

I know what youre going through my uncle had brain cancer a few years ago but unfortunatly relapsed and passed away and my father had kidney cancer but thankfully survived.
I wish your mum all the best in over coming this horrific disease! Stay strong!

[pinkangelgirl]

(Original post by *Corinna*)
What happened to your brother is really sad. I read your signature and it is really tragic that a little baby died so early. We actually share the same birthday.
However, you say that it's insulting to imply that a grandparent is the same as a parent. First of all, I don't think it is. People experience pain differently, you cannot know how close someone is with their grandparents. But most importantly, you go on to bring as an example your friend who compared her grandfather to your brother. In my opinion, however tragic the lose of a baby is, you never had the chance to live with him, get to know him, get used to having him in your life. Your friend had her grandfather for all her life.
Anyway, I generally disagree with attacking people and implying they actually insult you just for sharing their pain.

Let me guess- you haven't lost a parent?

Yes people experience pain differently, but I am going to assume you will not know what it is like to have your whole life destroyed by the loss of someone who was more important to you than life itself.

[*Corinna*]

(Original post by madders94)
It was more the fact that she did it so insensitively; implying that I had no right to be upset about my brother when her granddad died when she was very young and she didn't cry about it. This same friend also refused to go to the funeral of our best friend's dad when we were fifteen, because she said that it'd be too sad and she didn't do funerals, despite our best friend specifically requesting us be there. She was known to be an attention-seeker in other areas too, but I also disagree with not knowing my brother or having the chance to get used to him so it's somehow less than losing a grandfather - I had nine months of the expectation of having a brother, of buying clothes and people getting excited. I then had 17 days of seeing him every day, our whole lives were enveloped by him and later, his death. I had very few good memories and I mourned the loss of what could have been a wonderful life; she had memories, and he was elderly and had the whole "he's in a better place", she was well-prepared for it. I've had to live with my parents, who were young and completely unprepared for the loss of a baby; her parents were well-prepared and had prepared her.

It's not just a case of who dies and how long you knew them; there's many other factors that affect how much you mourn someone. I don't care who misses who more; I don't think you can measure grief, but if someone suggests to me that losing an elderly grandparent is worse than losing a sibling, my first question is why the hell does it matter, and my second is that if they want it to become a competition, why pick the birthday of one of the deceased to argue about it?

I cannot judge your friend's behaviour, only you know how insensitive she might have been.
My main objection is with accusing other posters who were just being sympathetic and understanding just because their lose wasn't "as bad".
In an unrelated note, I am actually surprised that you even remember your brother since you were three when he died. My sister was born when I was three and I have absolutely no memories of her being born (and even less the 9 months before she was born). I only remember (vaguely) my brothers birth and I was 7 at that point.

[Pixiefairy]

I'm so sorry to hear that , my mum suffered multiple strokes and a heart attack last year, leaving her severely paralysed, unable to move at all, with heavy brain damage and heart failure. So i can understand what it's like losing her mentally. I can't really describe what it feels like to be honest, everyday is a struggle. I'm her full time carer, i hope you gain strength to get through it, no one really knows what it's like until you experience it yourself.

[*Corinna*]

(Original post by pinkangelgirl)
Let me guess- you haven't lost a parent?

Yes people experience pain differently, but I am going to assume you will not know what it is like to have your whole life destroyed by the loss of someone who was more important to you than life itself.

No, I haven't. And I haven't lost a grandparent either (although I live with the fear of losing them as they are quite old).
I am sorry for your loss, no one objects to your pain, but I object to you attempting to minimize other people's pain because you consider yours worse. Even if yours is by objective measures worse (if there are objective measures to losing someone you love), someone's personal tragedy is their tragedy and there is no reason to attempt to make them feel bad about it not being as painful as it could have been.

[madders94]

(Original post by *Corinna*)
I cannot judge your friend's behaviour, only you know how insensitive she might have been.
My main objection is with accusing other posters who were just being sympathetic and understanding just because their lose wasn't "as bad".
In an unrelated note, I am actually surprised that you even remember your brother since you were three when he died. My sister was born when I was three and I have absolutely no memories of her being born (and even less the 9 months before she was born). I only remember (vaguely) my brothers birth and I was 7 at that point.

I never said the loss wasn't as bad, it's generally a different kind of loss unless they were raised by grandparents. Grandparents tend to not live in the same house, aren't seen every day, don't take a huge role in raising the child - parents are such an integral part of life and raising the children that the two types of loss are not the same, and to say "I know how you feel" rather than "I'm sorry to hear about that" etc is insensitive.
The memories are there because the whole experience was so different and traumatic; I can't remember things from when I was four/five (I don't remember seeing my other brother, who was born when I was 5, for the first time), but I have memories of my first brother and him in the hospital as well as the aftermath.

[pinkangelgirl]

(Original post by *Corinna*)
No, I haven't. And I haven't lost a grandparent either (although I live with the fear of losing them as they are quite old).
I am sorry for your loss, no one objects to your pain, but I object to you attempting to minimize other people's pain because you consider yours worse. Even if yours is by objective measures worse (if there are objective measures to losing someone you love), someone's personal tragedy is their tragedy and there is no reason to attempt to make them feel bad about it not being as painful as it could have been.

I have never attempted to make anyone feel bad for it not being as painful.

Im just saying they shouldn't say they know how we're feeling, when they know nothing.

Everyday I want to hurt myself and not see the point in my life without my Mum. A constant battle to try and live a normal life. Even now, 2 years on.

Im not saying that their pain isn't significant- of course it is, any loss is terrible- even the loss of a pet can be horrific! But I don't think its very sympathetic when people compare the loss of a grandparent (unless like I said previously, they were brought up by them) to the loss of a parent.

[OU Student]

Now is not the time or place for the above.

OP - really sorry to this. Have you contacted someone like MacMillan? As well as practical help, they should be able to talk to you and explain what's going to happen. Having sat in on a relatives' cancer appointment, (Granddad had throat and mouth cancer - he's been clear for almost 2 years now; but will have permanent damage to his throat) I've found they can get a little too technical the things they talk about.

Also, speak to your uni. I'm also sure they have someone you can talk to if that's what you need.

Stay strong and look after yourself.