[LikeMussolinni]

Total amateur guys. I barely gave this story work but eh have a read.

I also need a good last name for my character, "Ryan" isn't final also. Basically main character's name can be changed I'm still adding paragraphs.


Any tips/constructive criticisms are welcome

[M1011]

My favourite part was the bit where he peeked through the venetians

On a serious note though, this line needs major work - “Call me Ryan” said Ryan.

Quite interesting though, worth seeing where it goes. Ryan is just a stones through away from Reacher though, ring any bells?

[Dreamer1257]

I find common names boring so...
Ryan Albert, Ryan Monica, Ryan Hemington
but if you'd rather...
Ryan Walton, Ryan Webster, Ryan Aston, Ryan Robinson
Just some quick ideas off the top of my head. Hope they help

[LikeMussolinni]

(Original post by M1011)
My favourite part was the bit where he peeked through the venetians

On a serious note though, this line needs major work - “Call me Ryan” said Ryan.

Quite interesting though, worth seeing where it goes. Ryan is just a stones through away from Reacher though, ring any bells?

Sorry Reacher doesn't ring any bells

Haha Sorry lol im a total noob what would you have typed in? Instead of "Said Ryan" ?

[LikeMussolinni]

(Original post by Dreamer1257)
I find common names boring so...
Ryan Albert, Ryan Monica, Ryan Hemington
but if you'd rather...
Ryan Walton, Ryan Webster, Ryan Aston, Ryan Robinson
Just some quick ideas off the top of my head. Hope they help

Ryan is just a placeholder for the moment.

My friend might do some illustrations im going for a noir type story here with occult. A friend of mine said that my description sounds alot like the Dresden books. Never read them but eh I dont care if they're similar

[onda]

(Original post by LikeMussolinni)
Sorry Reacher doesn't ring any bells

Haha Sorry lol im a total noob what would you have typed in? Instead of "Said Ryan" ?

Other than 'said'

[M1011]

(Original post by LikeMussolinni)
Sorry Reacher doesn't ring any bells

Haha Sorry lol im a total noob what would you have typed in? Instead of "Said Ryan" ?

Lee Child writes the Jack Reacher series. Good books, you'll like them judging by your story.

Oh and I'm no author, but if the sentence is "Call my Ryan" you probably don't need to identify the speaker

[LikeMussolinni]

(Original post by M1011)
Lee Child writes the Jack Reacher series. Good books, you'll like them judging by your story.

Oh and I'm no author, but if the sentence is "Call my Ryan" you probably don't need to identify the speaker

hahaha true true ok I need to make loads of edits before I advance the story then.

I'll repost the story when I finish the third page

[LikeMussolinni]

Progress is slower than I had anticipated (Hugo Strange voice)