[such_a_lady]

The big fat ones are the worst

[jamboogy]

Erghh bed time soon. Hopefully it will have already left the room... or even the house. Safe to say that my boxers are going to potentially get **** in.

[suicidaloverbusiness]

(Original post by jamboogy)
I was dreaming away as usual this morning, just lying on my side, when I woke up to see a ****ing huge spider struttin' his stuff right next to my head.

Now, I absolutely despise spiders; they are grim and disgusting. Due to this fear and disgust for the creatures, I jumped out of bed and stared in its direction. I tried to make out the spider (I'm -3.0 in both eyes) but all I could see was a dark blur which I assumed was the spider. I can't kill spiders to save my life unless it's tiny.

The spider did not give a **** at all. He was just chilling, then walked off to god knows where. It's probably still in my room as I'm typing this out.

I've effectively been made the spider's bitch. Emasculated. I feel like a pussy. Completely emasculated by an organism hundreds of times smaller than I am. For all we know it could be bragging to his little friends, the little ****.

Now, I've come to the conclusion that the only way to retain some dignity is to **** its **** up. I'm going to find it, and I am going to kill it.

TSR - riddle me this. How does one go about drawing a spider out and consequently trap it for the killing that will ensue?

EDIT: Has anyone had any experience with using sugar water to draw a spider out of its hole?

You, my good sir, are an absolute legend!

Good day to you.

[jamboogy]

(Original post by suicidaloverbusiness)
You, my good sir, are an absolute legend!

Good day to you.

I wish that would result in the spontaneous combustion of all the spiders in the world .

[Little Hobbit]

Don't kill it! Spiders get rid of flies, and flies are the greater evil.

[JOSHIK1]

(Original post by jamboogy)
I was dreaming away as usual this morning, just lying on my side, when I woke up to see a ****ing huge spider struttin' his stuff right next to my head.

Now, I absolutely despise spiders; they are grim and disgusting. Due to this fear and disgust for the creatures, I jumped out of bed and stared in its direction. I tried to make out the spider (I'm -3.0 in both eyes) but all I could see was a dark blur which I assumed was the spider. I can't kill spiders to save my life unless it's tiny.

The spider did not give a **** at all. He was just chilling, then walked off to god knows where. It's probably still in my room as I'm typing this out.

I've effectively been made the spider's bitch. Emasculated. I feel like a pussy. Completely emasculated by an organism hundreds of times smaller than I am. For all we know it could be bragging to his little friends, the little ****.

Now, I've come to the conclusion that the only way to retain some dignity is to **** its **** up. I'm going to find it, and I am going to kill it.

TSR - riddle me this. How does one go about drawing a spider out and consequently trap it for the killing that will ensue?

EDIT: Has anyone had any experience with using sugar water to draw a spider out of its hole?

The best way to regain your position as the alpha being in your house? Tie the spider down and make him watch as you have sex with his spider wife.

Then he'll know not to mess with you!

[rock_climber86]

(Original post by jamboogy)
I was dreaming away as usual this morning, just lying on my side, when I woke up to see a ****ing huge spider struttin' his stuff right next to my head....

I've effectively been made the spider's bitch. Emasculated. I feel like a pussy.

You are a pussy! Man up, pick that **** up and throw it out the window...simples!

I wonder how people like the OP end up with GF's. Can't be too attractive for a woman if a guy can't even defend himself against a tiny spider

Spoiler:

Show

BOO!

[FelineCostumier]

Oh dear Lord of all that's holy, I thought I was conquering my irrational fear of the harmless UK arachnid family and then I read this thread. All of it. What's wrong with me!?

I pride myself on being scared of pretty much nothing but spiders *shudders*. They're just not right, creepy little critters.

I'm actually sitting here in bed now, feeling positively nauseous at the mere thought of Mr Hairy Eight Legs creeping up on me!

As for killing them, hell no! What if his or her spidey family comes after me? I have to do the cup and card manoeuvre (I live alone) but no glasses, you can see through glasses and that is not what that sort of situation requires.

I am so pathetic that a few years ago, I had a friend round to mine for dinner. I went to put our dinner dishes in the kitchen and there was what I can only describe as the mutant genetically modified version of British house spider come to make all my nightmares an enormous, chilling on my kitchen wall, reality.

Well, neither of us were brave enough to even set foot in the kitchen, let alone try to move the freak, so um, living in a block of flats the perfectly rational thing to do was to go knock on all the doors until we found someone to save these two, very sane, not at all irrational, damsels in distress. But no-one else was home So we foolishly thought we'd try to man up and deal with it ourselves, except in the time it took us to go round all the neighbours Mr Hairy Eight Legs had disappeared.

I didn't do the dishes that night and I never did see that spider again but he gave me several restless nights!

[suicidaloverbusiness]

(Original post by jamboogy)
I wish that would result in the spontaneous combustion of all the spiders in the world .

We can only dream. I have arachnophobia, which makes the thought that much more appealing.

[suicidaloverbusiness]

(Original post by rock_climber86)
You are a pussy! Man up, pick that **** up and throw it out the window...simples!

I wonder how people like the OP end up with GF's. Can't be too attractive for a woman if a guy can't even defend himself against a tiny spider

Spoiler:

Show

BOO!

Leave Jamboogy be! Arachnids are frightful creatures!

[NR09]

As a fellow arachnophobe (the last time one was on my person I freaked out, cried, and ran away demanding somebody else kill the ****er. Even mentioning the incident a few hours later brought me to tears.) I hope you have managed to kill the little ****.

[Vortexbubbles]

Think about it this way, he\she eats all the nasty annoying bugs. Make him a pet.

[philistine]

lol

[Ras17]

[QUOTE=jamboogy;38763313]I was dreaming away as usual this morning, just lying on my side, when I woke up to see a ****ing huge spider struttin' his stuff right next to my head.

Now, I absolutely despise spiders; they are grim and disgusting. Due to this fear and disgust for the creatures, I jumped out of bed and stared in its direction. I tried to make out the spider (I'm -3.0 in both eyes) but all I could see was a dark blur which I assumed was the spider. I can't kill spiders to save my life unless it's tiny.

I read that as: "tried to make out with the spider".

[Ras17]

(Original post by jamboogy)
I was dreaming away as usual this morning, just lying on my side, when I woke up to see a ****ing huge spider struttin' his stuff right next to my head.

Now, I absolutely despise spiders; they are grim and disgusting. Due to this fear and disgust for the creatures, I jumped out of bed and stared in its direction. I tried to make out the spider (I'm -3.0 in both eyes) but all I could see was a dark blur which I assumed was the spider. I can't kill spiders to save my life unless it's tiny.

I read that as: "tried to make out with the spider".

[Silly_Lily]

There was a gigantic house spider in my bedroom last September. I've been sleeping in my sister's room since.

Let's be honest here though, there's no way you can escape them. I mean, they're like bears: they can run and sort-of swim (DO NOT GOOGLE WATER SPIDERS) and terrify humans. The only place you're likely not to get spiders is in somewhere like Greenland. Or in space.

Yeah, I'm not going to bed now.

[jamboogy]

(Original post by JOSHIK1)
The best way to regain your position as the alpha being in your house? Tie the spider down and make him watch as you have sex with his spider wife.

Then he'll know not to mess with you!

Haha that made me LOL. I'd rather not discover the rest of his family, mind you.

(Original post by rock_climber86)
You are a pussy! Man up, pick that **** up and throw it out the window...simples!

I wonder how people like the OP end up with GF's. Can't be too attractive for a woman if a guy can't even defend himself against a tiny spider

Spoiler:

Show

BOO!

I'm not even phased by your comment... not one bit. But thanks for your input mate! Go eat some Lucky Charms and touch the rainbow!

(Original post by FelineCostumier)
Oh dear Lord of all that's holy, I thought I was conquering my irrational fear of the harmless UK arachnid family and then I read this thread. All of it. What's wrong with me!?

I pride myself on being scared of pretty much nothing but spiders *shudders*. They're just not right, creepy little critters.

I'm actually sitting here in bed now, feeling positively nauseous at the mere thought of Mr Hairy Eight Legs creeping up on me!

As for killing them, hell no! What if his or her spidey family comes after me? I have to do the cup and card manoeuvre (I live alone) but no glasses, you can see through glasses and that is not what that sort of situation requires.

I am so pathetic that a few years ago, I had a friend round to mine for dinner. I went to put our dinner dishes in the kitchen and there was what I can only describe as the mutant genetically modified version of British house spider come to make all my nightmares an enormous, chilling on my kitchen wall, reality.

Well, neither of us were brave enough to even set foot in the kitchen, let alone try to move the freak, so um, living in a block of flats the perfectly rational thing to do was to go knock on all the doors until we found someone to save these two, very sane, not at all irrational, damsels in distress. But no-one else was home So we foolishly thought we'd try to man up and deal with it ourselves, except in the time it took us to go round all the neighbours Mr Hairy Eight Legs had disappeared.

I didn't do the dishes that night and I never did see that spider again but he gave me several restless nights!

*sigh* I share your dread. Haha I can just imagine you to going . I'd prefer a transparent glass cos then at least you know it's still there. With an opaque mug, you never know... the spider you trap could be hench and simply escape effortlessly, living to terrorise another day.

Sleeping last night was pretty bad; I had to create the uber force field with my duvet cover so it wasn't able to infiltrate the vicinity of my body. Oh yeah, and my brain kept on telling me it was nearby, but who knows? I've yet to find it and smash it's ****ing head in.

(Original post by suicidaloverbusiness)
We can only dream. I have arachnophobia, which makes the thought that much more appealing.

(Original post by NR09)
As a fellow arachnophobe (the last time one was on my person I freaked out, cried, and ran away demanding somebody else kill the ****er. Even mentioning the incident a few hours later brought me to tears.) I hope you have managed to kill the little ****.

The cure? Pretty sure there isn't one, unless you reside in a flat with massive spiders for a year. Yeah, that is not happening with me.

(Original post by Silly_Lily)
There was a gigantic house spider in my bedroom last September. I've been sleeping in my sister's room since.

Let's be honest here though, there's no way you can escape them. I mean, they're like bears: they can run and sort-of swim (DO NOT GOOGLE WATER SPIDERS) and terrify humans. The only place you're likely not to get spiders is in somewhere like Greenland. Or in space.

Yeah, I'm not going to bed now.

Urghh don't get me started on the jumping ones. First and only time I encountered one, I nearly had a seizure cos it was totally unexpected and terrifying. I bet there are space spiders... my mission to render them extinct.

[rock_climber86]

(Original post by jamboogy)
Haha that made me LOL. I'd rather not discover the rest of his family, mind you.



I'm not even phased by your comment... not one bit. But thanks for your input mate! Go eat some Lucky Charms and touch the rainbow!

it was meant to be a light hearted joke londoner to londoner but obviously you took it the wrong way . Take it easy mate

[lilabs]

Spider above my bed last night! Right next to my head.
I didnt sleep till the early morning. Every time I went to cup it it moved closer to my bed! Then I realized if I cupped it anyway how could I move it on the wall.
So anyway, I woke up and its now on th ceiling directly above my pillows! Creepy things.

[A.galloway]

Do you have home insurance? Yes. Burn your house to the ground that'll kill it. No. Just burn the house anyway.