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Emasculated by an arachnid.

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    Gaaaaaaah I know exactly how you feel OP, I freeze up and want to cry when I see one. My cat woke me up about 4am this morning so he could go downstairs (I have my door shut) and when I turned on the light there was a spider the size of a golf ball on the ceiling, directly above my bed. I didn't know what the hell to do, so I woke my dad up and asked him to get rid of it. And what did he go and do? BLOODY WELL DROPPED IT. I ran out of my room and haven't been in there since - I've been sleeping on the sofa for the remainder of this morning.

    Over the last few days I've had at least 8 spiders in my room - all getting bigger each time. Due to the size of last night's one I am now expecting a spider the size of a cricket ball to appear. Fml.
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    (Original post by jamboogy)
    I was dreaming away as usual this morning, just lying on my side, when I woke up to see a ****ing huge spider struttin' his stuff right next to my head.

    Now, I absolutely despise spiders; they are grim and disgusting. Due to this fear and disgust for the creatures, I jumped out of bed and stared in its direction. I tried to make out the spider (I'm -3.0 in both eyes) but all I could see was a dark blur which I assumed was the spider. I can't kill spiders to save my life unless it's tiny.

    The spider did not give a **** at all. He was just chilling, then walked off to god knows where. It's probably still in my room as I'm typing this out.

    I've effectively been made the spider's bitch. Emasculated. I feel like a pussy. Completely emasculated by an organism hundreds of times smaller than I am. For all we know it could be bragging to his little friends, the little ****.

    Now, I've come to the conclusion that the only way to retain some dignity is to **** its **** up. I'm going to find it, and I am going to kill it.

    TSR - riddle me this. How does one go about drawing a spider out and consequently trap it for the killing that will ensue?

    EDIT: Has anyone had any experience with using sugar water to draw a spider out of its hole?

    (Original post by Hugues*)
    I had an encounter with a spider in the bathroom the other day, I left it as it was like 10 meters away from my bedroom so I thought it would be fine, but within 20 seconds, it had made it's way from the bathroom to middle of the hallway, it was frickin' following me! I thought it was time to take action, so I grabbed this ornamental stick/log thing and tried to batter the **** out of it, but it got away - a chase ensued and it got itself into a tight spot where I managed to get it with the pointy end. There's my tragic story, thanks for listening.

    The conclusion, grab whatever is closest and go ape **** on it until it is in 5 pieces, if it's in the bed, take everything off the bed slowly until it is found, proceed to go Rambo on it's ass.
    Cowards and murderers.
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    (Original post by Converse Rocker)
    To be honest he's probably gone onto the arachnid version of TSR (The Spider Room) and typed out a similar thing.
    Is that on the World Wide Web?
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    (Original post by veracocha)
    Is that on the World Wide Web?
    :congrats:
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    (Original post by siani-chan)
    Gaaaaaaah I know exactly how you feel OP, I freeze up and want to cry when I see one. My cat woke me up about 4am this morning so he could go downstairs (I have my door shut) and when I turned on the light there was a spider the size of a golf ball on the ceiling, directly above my bed. I didn't know what the hell to do, so I woke my dad up and asked him to get rid of it. And what did he go and do? BLOODY WELL DROPPED IT. I ran out of my room and haven't been in there since - I've been sleeping on the sofa for the remainder of this morning.

    Over the last few days I've had at least 8 spiders in my room - all getting bigger each time. Due to the size of last night's one I am now expecting a spider the size of a cricket ball to appear. Fml.
    Failed spider assassination attempts are the worst. Sounds like the spiders enjoy the act of coitus in your bedroom - get your dad to have a rummage and see if he can flush any out.
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    (Original post by jamboogy)
    Failed spider assassination attempts are the worst. Sounds like the spiders enjoy the act of coitus in your bedroom - get your dad to have a rummage and see if he can flush any out.
    The mere thought of that makes me feel ill - let alone the mental image!

    My room's right next to the front porch, which is wooden, so they all live in there. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a nest there. :cry: And when it gets too warm they all decide to venture into my room. Fml.

    My dad gets pissed off with me tbh, he won't bother. I've woken him up every night for the past week to dispatch a spider from my room. He told me I owe him a crate of beer.
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    (Original post by siani-chan)
    The mere thought of that makes me feel ill - let alone the mental image!

    My room's right next to the front porch, which is wooden, so they all live in there. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a nest there. :cry: And when it gets too warm they all decide to venture into my room. Fml.

    My dad gets pissed off with me tbh, he won't bother. I've woken him up every night for the past week to dispatch a spider from my room. He told me I owe him a crate of beer.
    Haha. Surely you could just try to keep the door to the front porch closed at all times? Ergh tbh they will always find an alternative route into the house.
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    (Original post by jamboogy)
    Haha. Surely you could just try to keep the door to the front porch closed at all times? Ergh tbh they will always find an alternative route into the house.
    It is always closed. The roof of the porch is where they live - right next to my room. and yes, they will, the buggers.
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    (Original post by veracocha)
    Is that on the World Wide Web?
    I laughed, this was a good spin off my original joke.


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    Not even close to my best, but I tried. I really did try.
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    Another spider just caused me to freak out.

    I've been sat in the corner of the living room by the socket because I was on the phone and my phone was low battery so on charge. There was a small spindly spider hanging in some cobwebs about 2 feet away, and while I was wary of it I wasn't too worried.

    Then, out of the corner of my eye, there appears this spider about 10 times it's size, moving EXTREMELY QUICKLY TOWARDS MY ARM. Cue me leaping up off the floor and running into the hallway. Why can't they **** off out of my house?!

    I want to go downstairs to rescue my phone charger but that thing will be there.
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    (Original post by siani-chan)
    Another spider just caused me to freak out.

    I've been sat in the corner of the living room by the socket because I was on the phone and my phone was low battery so on charge. There was a small spindly spider hanging in some cobwebs about 2 feet away, and while I was wary of it I wasn't too worried.

    Then, out of the corner of my eye, there appears this spider about 10 times it's size, moving EXTREMELY QUICKLY TOWARDS MY ARM. Cue me leaping up off the floor and running into the hallway. Why can't they **** off out of my house?!

    I want to go downstairs to rescue my phone charger but that thing will be there.
    Haha I love reading people's stories. You're definitely worse off than I am; I'll be confronted with a spider only a few times a year.

    Did you manage to rescue it in the end ? It probably ran off to its family when it saw you run away .
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    @siani chan. What if one of those 8 spiders had babies somewhere in your room? And eventually your room is swarming with big spiders!!!


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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    (Original post by jamboogy)
    Haha I love reading people's stories. You're definitely worse off than I am; I'll be confronted with a spider only a few times a year.

    Did you manage to rescue it in the end ? It probably ran off to its family when it saw you run away .
    I think they come indoors in the summer because it's cooler but this year we seem to have an abnormal number of them come in. Boohoo.

    No, I ran away, I actually slept in my car last night because there was a blighter in my room too. Not that my car hasn't had spiders before, but only the size of a money spider. I've had a couple hang in front of me from the sun visor, a couple run around on my steering wheel and a few across the windscreen. Blah. Why do they like me?!

    (Original post by rock_climber86)
    @siani chan. What if one of those 8 spiders had babies somewhere in your room? And eventually your room is swarming with big spiders!!!
    Ugh, don't even say that, you are horrible.
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    (Original post by siani-chan)

    Ugh, don't even say that, you are horrible.
    awww :hugs: I'm sorry :cry2:. I'm normally nice. I am just mean when sleep deprived
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    (Original post by siani-chan)
    I think they come indoors in the summer because it's cooler but this year we seem to have an abnormal number of them come in. Boohoo.

    No, I ran away, I actually slept in my car last night because there was a blighter in my room too. Not that my car hasn't had spiders before, but only the size of a money spider. I've had a couple hang in front of me from the sun visor, a couple run around on my steering wheel and a few across the windscreen. Blah. Why do they like me?!
    Peak times, although the car was a bit extreme aha. Yeesh it's like the same with me and mosquitoes - for some odd reason they seem to prefer my blood over others'. It's so annoying. I woke up once when I was on holiday to have a mosquito chilling in my ear canal :lolwut:.
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    You can't let this go any further! Trust me, I let a spider walk all over me one day, just like this. A few weeks later I came home from a hard days work to find it wearing my houscoat, smoking my cigars, and in bed with my wife. now my wife has moved her stuf into his web and the kids are asking where she is. You need to take a bat to that suckers knees, pronto. Don't try to lore it into the open like girly-man when what you need to do it tear your room apart and have a showdown. here are your options:

    A) Hire a proffesional hitman.

    B) Take a shoe to his ass.

    C) Live your life in fear.


    . . . God's speed.
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    (Original post by jamboogy)
    Peak times, although the car was a bit extreme aha. Yeesh it's like the same with me and mosquitoes - for some odd reason they seem to prefer my blood over others'. It's so annoying. I woke up once when I was on holiday to have a mosquito chilling in my ear canal :lolwut:.
    Ew, mosquitoes are horrible - but they seem to love me too. ewww that's awful, that must have been horrible >.< Last year also on holiday, I woke up with a ridiculously swollen eyelid. Went to the local pharmacy where unfortunately the pharmacist didn't speak a lot of english, but all I got from it was 'spider bite'. I nearly died, I ran around in a panic and started crying and freaking out. Luckily a local who could speak English walked in and explained it was a mosquito bite instead, slightly less terrifying. :p: What is their purpose in life, seriously!

    (Original post by rock_climber86)
    awww :hugs: I'm sorry :cry2:. I'm normally nice. I am just mean when sleep deprived
    Haha, I forgive you, I am the same. :p:
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    (Original post by Terence_A.)
    You can't let this go any further! Trust me, I let a spider walk all over me one day, just like this. A few weeks later I came home from a hard days work to find it wearing my houscoat, smoking my cigars, and in bed with my wife. now my wife has moved her stuf into his web and the kids are asking where she is. You need to take a bat to that suckers knees, pronto. Don't try to lore it into the open like girly-man when what you need to do it tear your room apart and have a showdown. here are your options:

    A) Hire a proffesional hitman.

    B) Take a shoe to his ass.

    C) Live your life in fear.


    . . . God's speed.
    Arghhh not the Cubans man! Your spider sounds like a bit of a Casanova haha. I chose option C a loooong time ago as I sleep in fear wondering if he's gonna pop up and terrorise my life.

    (Original post by siani-chan)
    Ew, mosquitoes are horrible - but they seem to love me too. ewww that's awful, that must have been horrible >.< Last year also on holiday, I woke up with a ridiculously swollen eyelid. Went to the local pharmacy where unfortunately the pharmacist didn't speak a lot of english, but all I got from it was 'spider bite'. I nearly died, I ran around in a panic and started crying and freaking out. Luckily a local who could speak English walked in and explained it was a mosquito bite instead, slightly less terrifying. :p: What is their purpose in life, seriously!
    Haha I love how you calmed down once you found out it was only a mosquito bite. Poor spiders, they have such a bad reputation, the ****ers. Have you seen the removal of a botfly from someone's eyelid? Now that's something you definitely don't wanna get.
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    You caught it yet?
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    (Original post by jamboogy)
    Arghhh not the Cubans man! Your spider sounds like a bit of a Casanova haha. I chose option C a loooong time ago as I sleep in fear wondering if he's gonna pop up and terrorise my life.



    Haha I love how you calmed down once you found out it was only a mosquito bite. Poor spiders, they have such a bad reputation, the ****ers. Have you seen the removal of a botfly from someone's eyelid? Now that's something you definitely don't wanna get.
    I still wasn't very happy about having a swollen eyelid for 3 days (lucky the only people who knew me were my family and the people who own the restaurant up the road) so I could avoid the general public completely unnoticed. :p: But yeah, spiders near my eyes - no thanks. :p:

    I made the mistake of googling a botfly (not the removal from an eyelid though) and now I feel sick. Lovely.

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