(Original post by Anonymous)
This is basically a rant to get something off my chest which I have trying very hard to avoid for a long time. I really don't know where to start. It is about a girl, who happens to be a close friend.
Just a bit of a background about myself. I am a female, and I think I might be bisexual. When I say 'I think', I never kissed a girl before. I have only dated men, but never been in a proper relationship.
Anyway, earlier in December, I realised that I started to fancy this girl, G. Living in the same university halls, we naturally became closer. When I first met her, she mentioned a few times that she would like to try to kiss a girl, but later refrained from this comment around February. Since February, she mentioned a few times that she was not interested in women, and wouldn't want to kiss a girl. I wonder what changed. Maybe she had a hunch I liked her.
Nonetheless, we are quite touchy with each other. We hug lots and spend a lot of time with each other. Sometimes, she would want me to wake her up in the morning, and when I do, I'd stay in her bed with her for an hour before getting up properly. Occasionally, she'd ask for kisses on her cheeks, or she'd kiss my cheeks. She calls me her best friend (seemed quite childish to me).
Anyway, recently, I decided that this intimacy between us was toying with my emotions, and that my 'obsession' over her was unhealthy. I finally admitted to myself that she doesn't reciprocate how I feel about her and that I should move on.
The next day, she wrote to me over Skype saying 'Good morning', to which I didn't reply. Mostly because I was in the middle of something and didn't want to be distracted and partly because I didn't feel like talking to her at that very moment. She called me on my phone, I didn't answer as well. An hour later, she wrote on Skype again. The conversation went something like this:
G: why aren't you replying? what did i do?
G: I said Good Morning, and I called you. You didn't answer.
I: I was working, sorry.
G: right. nice excuse for not giving me any attention.
I: I always give you attention, you just don't notice.
And she started a different conversation later to arrange something, but coincidently I was away and left my laptop on. So she came by the library where I was with a few other friends. She came to my ears and whispered, 'Is everything ok? What's wrong?'. I went, 'Absolutely nothing'. And she dragged me out of the room to have a conversation with me. I reiterated that nothing was wrong, but she didn't really believe me. While I stood up to get back to the library, she said 'You don't hug me anymore!', which I thought was a rather random comment.
Anyway, I guess the issue here is: how do I distant my emotions from her without making her feel like I'm mad at her? Every time I decide to stop how I feel about her, even before I acted on it, she'd be able to sense that something is wrong with me.