[Anonymous]

This is basically a rant to get something off my chest which I have trying very hard to avoid for a long time. I really don't know where to start. It is about a girl, who happens to be a close friend.

Just a bit of a background about myself. I am a female, and I think I might be bisexual. When I say 'I think', I never kissed a girl before. I have only dated men, but never been in a proper relationship.

Anyway, earlier in December, I realised that I started to fancy this girl, G. Living in the same university halls, we naturally became closer. When I first met her, she mentioned a few times that she would like to try to kiss a girl, but later refrained from this comment around February. Since February, she mentioned a few times that she was not interested in women, and wouldn't want to kiss a girl. I wonder what changed. Maybe she had a hunch I liked her.

Nonetheless, we are quite touchy with each other. We hug lots and spend a lot of time with each other. Sometimes, she would want me to wake her up in the morning, and when I do, I'd stay in her bed with her for an hour before getting up properly. Occasionally, she'd ask for kisses on her cheeks, or she'd kiss my cheeks. She calls me her best friend (seemed quite childish to me).

Anyway, recently, I decided that this intimacy between us was toying with my emotions, and that my 'obsession' over her was unhealthy. I finally admitted to myself that she doesn't reciprocate how I feel about her and that I should move on.

The next day, she wrote to me over Skype saying 'Good morning', to which I didn't reply. Mostly because I was in the middle of something and didn't want to be distracted and partly because I didn't feel like talking to her at that very moment. She called me on my phone, I didn't answer as well. An hour later, she wrote on Skype again. The conversation went something like this:

G: why aren't you replying? what did i do?
I: ?!
G: I said Good Morning, and I called you. You didn't answer.
I: I was working, sorry.
G: right. nice excuse for not giving me any attention.
I: I always give you attention, you just don't notice.
G: silence...

And she started a different conversation later to arrange something, but coincidently I was away and left my laptop on. So she came by the library where I was with a few other friends. She came to my ears and whispered, 'Is everything ok? What's wrong?'. I went, 'Absolutely nothing'. And she dragged me out of the room to have a conversation with me. I reiterated that nothing was wrong, but she didn't really believe me. While I stood up to get back to the library, she said 'You don't hug me anymore!', which I thought was a rather random comment.

Anyway, I guess the issue here is: how do I distant my emotions from her without making her feel like I'm mad at her? Every time I decide to stop how I feel about her, even before I acted on it, she'd be able to sense that something is wrong with me.

Any comments/advise?

[ceris]

(Original post by Anonymous)
This is basically a rant to get something off my chest which I have trying very hard to avoid for a long time. I really don't know where to start. It is about a girl, who happens to be a close friend.

Just a bit of a background about myself. I am a female, and I think I might be bisexual. When I say 'I think', I never kissed a girl before. I have only dated men, but never been in a proper relationship.

Anyway, earlier in December, I realised that I started to fancy this girl, G. Living in the same university halls, we naturally became closer. When I first met her, she mentioned a few times that she would like to try to kiss a girl, but later refrained from this comment around February. Since February, she mentioned a few times that she was not interested in women, and wouldn't want to kiss a girl. I wonder what changed. Maybe she had a hunch I liked her.

Nonetheless, we are quite touchy with each other. We hug lots and spend a lot of time with each other. Sometimes, she would want me to wake her up in the morning, and when I do, I'd stay in her bed with her for an hour before getting up properly. Occasionally, she'd ask for kisses on her cheeks, or she'd kiss my cheeks. She calls me her best friend (seemed quite childish to me).

Anyway, recently, I decided that this intimacy between us was toying with my emotions, and that my 'obsession' over her was unhealthy. I finally admitted to myself that she doesn't reciprocate how I feel about her and that I should move on.

The next day, she wrote to me over Skype saying 'Good morning', to which I didn't reply. Mostly because I was in the middle of something and didn't want to be distracted and partly because I didn't feel like talking to her at that very moment. She called me on my phone, I didn't answer as well. An hour later, she wrote on Skype again. The conversation went something like this:

G: why aren't you replying? what did i do?
I: ?!
G: I said Good Morning, and I called you. You didn't answer.
I: I was working, sorry.
G: right. nice excuse for not giving me any attention.
I: I always give you attention, you just don't notice.
G: silence...

And she started a different conversation later to arrange something, but coincidently I was away and left my laptop on. So she came by the library where I was with a few other friends. She came to my ears and whispered, 'Is everything ok? What's wrong?'. I went, 'Absolutely nothing'. And she dragged me out of the room to have a conversation with me. I reiterated that nothing was wrong, but she didn't really believe me. While I stood up to get back to the library, she said 'You don't hug me anymore!', which I thought was a rather random comment.

Anyway, I guess the issue here is: how do I distant my emotions from her without making her feel like I'm mad at her? Every time I decide to stop how I feel about her, even before I acted on it, she'd be able to sense that something is wrong with me.

Any comments/advise?

Just fire some sausages into your bat cave!

[A Cat]

whatever can be created can stop being created.

lol... if you disagree then you can tell me why.

[The Bishman]

Seems your friend also has an obsession.

[jamboogy]

Of course it's difficult, but unfortunately the only real way you can do it without acting like a **** is to just step up and put on a front. Eventually your feelings should subside. Don't avoid her or her messages, just act normally or it might strain your friendship. It's tough, I know.

To be fair, your friend hasn't openly admitted to not liking you back, I'm just saying. If you really think she doesn't like you back, then I say you shouldn't mention anything to her cos more often than not things do get a bit awkward afterwards if you say to someone that you fancy them.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by The Bishman)
Seems your friend also has an obsession.

What do you mean?

Is it possible to be clingy to a close friend without having any feelings towards him/her?

[The Bishman]

(Original post by Anonymous)
What do you mean?

Is it possible to be clingy to a close friend without having any feelings towards him/her?

Just seemed weird as her reaction is a bit over the top considering you didn't reply a few times to her messages.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by jamboogy)
Of course it's difficult, but unfortunately the only real way you can do it without acting like a **** is to just step up and put on a front. Eventually your feelings should subside. Don't avoid her or her messages, just act normally or it might strain your friendship. It's tough, I know.

It is tough. I tried that course, but my feelings towards her still hasn't changed. I don't know what to do about it. I just hate being so wound up on someone who only sees me as a close friend.

[QUOTE=jamboogy;38774705To be fair, your friend hasn't openly admitted to not liking you back, I'm just saying. If you really think she doesn't like you back, then I say you shouldn't mention anything to her cos more often than not things do get a bit awkward afterwards if you say to someone that you fancy them.[/QUOTE]

Sometimes I think she feels the same, but is unable to admit it. But then again, it could be wishful thinking on my part. I mean, she always seems to be really excited to see me, especially after I have been away for a while. She always wants me to hug her, and when we do hug, it is not just a 2 second hug, it seem to last for a minute or two. For me, it feels quite intense. Our hugs are so frequent that even other people finds it strange. A friend commented before, 'how come you two need to hug every other minute?'.

When I spend more time with another girl at university, who's also a good friend of mine, she'd get jealous, saying that I am always nice to this other girl and not her. It all sounded bizarre to me because she spends all her time with her other group of friends. I don't think I need to justify myself for spending time with other people.

On the other hand, she is seeing someone else at the moment, just for casual sex. She tells me she likes him a lot. She tells me quite a bit of details about their relationship, which really makes me jealous.

Sigh.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by The Bishman)
Just seemed weird as her reaction is a bit over the top considering you didn't reply a few times to her messages.

mmm... I thought that at the time as well that it was strange how she reacted.

[jamboogy]

(Original post by Anonymous)
It is tough. I tried that course, but my feelings towards her still hasn't changed. I don't know what to do about it. I just hate being so wound up on someone who only sees me as a close friend.



Sometimes I think she feels the same, but is unable to admit it. But then again, it could be wishful thinking on my part. I mean, she always seems to be really excited to see me, especially after I have been away for a while. She always wants me to hug her, and when we do hug, it is not just a 2 second hug, it seem to last for a minute or two. For me, it feels quite intense. Our hugs are so frequent that even other people finds it strange. A friend commented before, 'how come you two need to hug every other minute?'.

When I spend more time with another girl at university, who's also a good friend of mine, she'd get jealous, saying that I am always nice to this other girl and not her. It all sounded bizarre to me because she spends all her time with her other group of friends. I don't think I need to justify myself for spending time with other people.

On the other hand, she is seeing someone else at the moment, just for casual sex. She tells me she likes him a lot. She tells me quite a bit of details about their relationship, which really makes me jealous.

Sigh.

You just gotta put on a brave face unfortunately, unless you wanna tell her how you feel and potentially risk it for a chocolate biscuit.

Trust, when you fancy someone, wishful thinking is always involved, that is the harsh reality.

I can't really give you any more advice, sorry.

[lilabs]

(Original post by Anonymous)
This is basically a rant to get something off my chest which I have trying very hard to avoid for a long time. I really don't know where to start. It is about a girl, who happens to be a close friend.

Just a bit of a background about myself. I am a female, and I think I might be bisexual. When I say 'I think', I never kissed a girl before. I have only dated men, but never been in a proper relationship.

Anyway, earlier in December, I realised that I started to fancy this girl, G. Living in the same university halls, we naturally became closer. When I first met her, she mentioned a few times that she would like to try to kiss a girl, but later refrained from this comment around February. Since February, she mentioned a few times that she was not interested in women, and wouldn't want to kiss a girl. I wonder what changed. Maybe she had a hunch I liked her.

Nonetheless, we are quite touchy with each other. We hug lots and spend a lot of time with each other. Sometimes, she would want me to wake her up in the morning, and when I do, I'd stay in her bed with her for an hour before getting up properly. Occasionally, she'd ask for kisses on her cheeks, or she'd kiss my cheeks. She calls me her best friend (seemed quite childish to me).

Anyway, recently, I decided that this intimacy between us was toying with my emotions, and that my 'obsession' over her was unhealthy. I finally admitted to myself that she doesn't reciprocate how I feel about her and that I should move on.

The next day, she wrote to me over Skype saying 'Good morning', to which I didn't reply. Mostly because I was in the middle of something and didn't want to be distracted and partly because I didn't feel like talking to her at that very moment. She called me on my phone, I didn't answer as well. An hour later, she wrote on Skype again. The conversation went something like this:

G: why aren't you replying? what did i do?
I: ?!
G: I said Good Morning, and I called you. You didn't answer.
I: I was working, sorry.
G: right. nice excuse for not giving me any attention.
I: I always give you attention, you just don't notice.
G: silence...

And she started a different conversation later to arrange something, but coincidently I was away and left my laptop on. So she came by the library where I was with a few other friends. She came to my ears and whispered, 'Is everything ok? What's wrong?'. I went, 'Absolutely nothing'. And she dragged me out of the room to have a conversation with me. I reiterated that nothing was wrong, but she didn't really believe me. While I stood up to get back to the library, she said 'You don't hug me anymore!', which I thought was a rather random comment.

Anyway, I guess the issue here is: how do I distant my emotions from her without making her feel like I'm mad at her? Every time I decide to stop how I feel about her, even before I acted on it, she'd be able to sense that something is wrong with me.

Any comments/advise?

She's seeing your attention as a best friend kind of thing. You know what it's like when your closest friend has another even closer friend than you and your jealous? kinda like that I think.
Maybe you should really try to tell her how you feel about her, and why you feel you need to distance yourself.
Then she'll have the opportunity to say OH YES, KISS ME! or to say oh right, that's ok and she'll give you the space you need to do whatever you need to do.
Or maybe if you told her how you felt, and say she didn't feel the same back, but she wanted to still be close to you, you could try that. You need some resolution, then maybe you could still be friends like you are.

[lilabs]

(Original post by Anonymous)
On the other hand, she is seeing someone else at the moment, just for casual sex. She tells me she likes him a lot. She tells me quite a bit of details about their relationship, which really makes me jealous.

Sigh.

I really know this feeling!

[Lilahx]

Ewwwwwww.

[lilabs]

(Original post by Lilahx)
Ewwwwwww.

I know, your awful aren't you!

[Kukukichu]

Put it this way... She seems to think you're ignoring her and not being as you once were with her. Eventually your friendship might fizzle out because of this. If you told her how you feel, that you understand that she's not interested and thats why you're acting this way, at least you're giving her the chance of making her understand, Who knows, it might work out for the best. if not, then your friendship might end, but the way your'e going about it it might end any way.

[Bellissima]

(Original post by Anonymous)
It is tough. I tried that course, but my feelings towards her still hasn't changed. I don't know what to do about it. I just hate being so wound up on someone who only sees me as a close friend.



Sometimes I think she feels the same, but is unable to admit it. But then again, it could be wishful thinking on my part. I mean, she always seems to be really excited to see me, especially after I have been away for a while. She always wants me to hug her, and when we do hug, it is not just a 2 second hug, it seem to last for a minute or two. For me, it feels quite intense. Our hugs are so frequent that even other people finds it strange. A friend commented before, 'how come you two need to hug every other minute?'.

When I spend more time with another girl at university, who's also a good friend of mine, she'd get jealous, saying that I am always nice to this other girl and not her. It all sounded bizarre to me because she spends all her time with her other group of friends. I don't think I need to justify myself for spending time with other people.

On the other hand, she is seeing someone else at the moment, just for casual sex. She tells me she likes him a lot. She tells me quite a bit of details about their relationship, which really makes me jealous.

Sigh.

i have a friend who i hug A LOT and am very tactile with... i definitely DO NOT fancy her and i assume she doesn't fancy me... some girl relationships are just like that if you are close... it doesn't mean anything sexual. i can be attracted to girls but i would not be attracted to her the thought of kissing her or anything is just really distasteful... even though she is a very pretty girl. i don't think she fancies you i think she just loves you as a very close friend and you are not being a very good friend treating her the way you are (being distant etc.) just because she is not gay... though i completely understand why you are and don't blame you because you need to try and move on. it's a tough situation OP. i would say to tell her how you feel but that may ruin your friendship a bit. i have to say however harsh it sounds i do think most of this is just wishful thinking on your part.

[Lilahx]

(Original post by lilabs)
I know, your awful aren't you!

sorry, you must have mistook me for a lesbian...
you'll be defending those who sleep with animals next

[lilabs]

(Original post by Lilahx)
sorry, you must have mistook me for a lesbian...
you'll be defending those who sleep with animals next

It's not the nicest thing ever to post 'ewwww' on such a sensitive thread.
I defend people who are doing nothing wrong. if you don't like lesbians or bisexuals or the like, then maybe you shouldn't have come on a thread entitled 'girl like girl...'