[special1ne]

To raise is a child is said to be 'the hardest job in the world', but a seemingly wonderful thing to live for nonetheless. Obviously, there are personal reasons why a person or people would take on this huge task, which vary for everyone who does. There's no right or wrong about that. However, I think there are cases where people have children for selfish reasons. The main one being that the parent(s) can live through their children vicariously. (e.g. a former gymnast who forces their child into the sport from a young age).

It's one thing for parents to raise their children in their own way; that's the parents' right. It's quite another to bring a life into the world for your own gain. Some people want children to use as status symbols. Some couples have children for the sake of a relationship, "to prove their love for each other". Some people feel babies are a way to curry favour from their families and friends (and in some cases, the state). Nowadays, some people simply want children just to say they've got kids (that is to say, they feel having a child 'completes' them).

There are also those couples and individuals who want children so that they're not alone in the world. That wouldn't be so bad if they didn't see having a child as just a means to an end.
I'm aware the above only counts (if at all) for the minority of cases. Most people have good intentions when it comes to having children, and they do so when they're ready - financially, emotionally and mentally. What does everyone else think?

[chockypud]

I don't think parents ever intend to have babies for themselves, but along they way, they might bend the process of raising children to their own lifestyle, sometimes too much

[Darth Stewie]

Well i think your point about only having children when you are in a good position to do so is very sensible and reasonable.

However unfortunately our birth rates are too low so scratch reasonable, go get pregnant so we can use your child to fund our retirement.

[VaVe]

I think that quite a few people have kids because that's what they think they are supposed to do. I'm not suggesting that these people then make bad parents or that it's therefore somehow wrong of them to have children, I just think that it's becoming the default option. Society doesn't help this by not accepting the idea that anyone could ever possibly not want to have children "Oh just wait a few years then you'll change your mind" is the comment that springs to mind.

[Boo_x]

To tick off something on the bucket list...

[cid]

My parents had me and my younger brother because of faulty contraception, then had a 3rd boy and a girl because they decided they wanted a girl since they already had boys lol ...that's why my youngest brother is called Jamie, nothing wrong with the name, but the reason he is called Jamie gave me and my other brother years of wind up material growing up.

Personally i do not plan to have any children, i think a desire to carry on the bloodline, the family name etc etc is also a strong attraction for having kids, I'm lucky to have plenty of siblings, let them blow years of money and freedom just to raise some kids, I'll just get a dog.

[NB_ide]

(Original post by special1ne)
To raise is a child is said to be 'the hardest job in the world', but a seemingly wonderful thing to live for nonetheless. Obviously, there are personal reasons why a person or people would take on this huge task, which vary for everyone who does. There's no right or wrong about that. However, I think there are cases where people have children for selfish reasons. The main one being that the parent(s) can live through their children vicariously. (e.g. a former gymnast who forces their child into the sport from a young age).

It's one thing for parents to raise their children in their own way; that's the parents' right. It's quite another to bring a life into the world for your own gain. Some people want children to use as status symbols. Some couples have children for the sake of a relationship, "to prove their love for each other". Some people feel babies are a way to curry favour from their families and friends (and in some cases, the state). Nowadays, some people simply want children just to say they've got kids (that is to say, they feel having a child 'completes' them).

There are also those couples and individuals who want children so that they're not alone in the world. That wouldn't be so bad if they didn't see having a child as just a means to an end.
I'm aware the above only counts (if at all) for the minority of cases. Most people have good intentions when it comes to having children, and they do so when they're ready - financially, emotionally and mentally. What does everyone else think?

All reasons for having children are either:

A) Mindless
> It's the normal thing to do
> I want to have lots of sex and, oops, I got pregnant
> It was an accident and I don't want to get rid of it

B) Selfish
> I want to keep up with my friends
> I'm bored and my life is empty now, I need something to do
> I want people to look after me when I get old
> I want to use the child to attract state benefits
> I want to raise the little ****ers to make up for my own failures in life

There is honestly no conceivable selfless/generous reason to have children. The closest would be to indulge someone else's selfishness, such as giving some grandchildren to your parents.

[special1ne]

(Original post by VaVe)
I think that quite a few people have kids because that's what they think they are supposed to do. I'm not suggesting that these people then make bad parents or that it's therefore somehow wrong of them to have children, I just think that it's becoming the default option. Society doesn't help this by not accepting the idea that anyone could ever possibly not want to have children "Oh just wait a few years then you'll change your mind" is the comment that springs to mind.

Yeah, it's somewhat against the status quo not to have children (in some countries anyway). I'm of the opinion that when it comes to having children, a couple should ignore what wider society (or other people, including family and friends, sometimes) says is right. Unless they matter, people shouldn't be part of one's decision to have kids.

[special1ne]

(Original post by NB_ide)
All reasons for having children are either:

A) Mindless
> It's the normal thing to do
> I want to have lots of sex and, oops, I got pregnant
> It was an accident and I don't want to get rid of it

B) Selfish
> I want to keep up with my friends
> I'm bored and my life is empty now, I need something to do
> I want people to look after me when I get old
> I want to raise the little ****ers to make up for my own failures in life

There is honestly no conceivable selfless/generous reason to have children. The closest would be to indulge someone else's selfishness, such as giving some grandchildren to your parents.

This is what I mean to say, but in a forthright way. The selfless/generous reason most people give, I think, is "to share my love with another life, and give it the best head-start in the world I/we can". Which still means raising children is for its own sake, to be honest.

I personally don't want to have kids, even if I'm in a proper state to do so. Maybe, as they say, people change, especially with age, and at 30 or 40 one will suddenly stumble upon a selfless and generous reason to have kids. Or the reasons might still be either selfish, but they'll be older, so it'll be alright; a tautology

I don't leave out the possibility that I'm approaching the job of having children a tad too rationally. For the sake of discussing this topic, I've put aside the emotional element, and I realize it could compose a major reason itself to have kids.

[khaiser turian]

Surely the main reason for having children is to carry on the human race, the basic instinct of all living things

[Claudette]

I had children because I wanted to share the experiences I had as a child with my children and to give them other experiences. Yes its blooming hard work but its the best achievement in my life.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

[brunettej]

To have little ones to love and care for. I think basically we have these feelings to carry on the human race.

[special1ne]

Having children is a basic human instinct, of course. But we choose whether or not to act on most, if not all, instincts. I'm asking why anyone would choose to act on that particular instinct, knowing the difficulties that come with it. Maybe it's the inherent joy babies are born with that some parents want to experience. It still sounds selfish.

[Meteorshower]

(Original post by khaiser turian)
Surely the main reason for having children is to carry on the human race, the basic instinct of all living things

I think you'll have difficulty finding anyone who would give that as one of their reasons for having a kid

I think everyone that wants a kid probably wants it for at least a few selfish reasons. People tend to feel more fulfilled in life when they have personal investments, gives them a sense of purpose. Same reason people like having fulfilling jobs rather than easy ones. Doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing though.

[NB_ide]

(Original post by Claudette)
I had children because I wanted to share the experiences I had as a child with my children and to give them other experiences. Yes its blooming hard work but its the best achievement in my life.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5830

That doesn't make sense. Your children previously didn't even exist in any way and so wouldn't have cared at all. What you're talking about is why you're raising and caring for your children, not why you had them in the first place. This is often confused and reasons for looking after children well are commonly given for creating children in the first place. It doesn't work.

[NB_ide]

The older I get, and the more I personally age, the less willing I am to create any more minds to "suffer" similarly. They're perfectly content in oblivion right now and to tear them from that peace and put them into this cold world is the height of cruelty.

I notice it more than many people because a lot of my hobbies and pursuits during my youth until now (late 20's) were those that challenged the limits of my physical and/or mental capabilities. When you often go to that point, you become very aware of how you're decaying basically as soon as puberty ends. Watching your brain and body just rot with you trapped inside is no fun at all, and it must get really terrible in 10 or 20 more years. I don't think the transient and usually unnoticed/unappreciated joys of childhood and youth are worth the 60 years of trudging misery that follow.

[Spaz Man]

The bond between a mother and her child is an incredible phenomenon which can only be directly experienced to be truly appreciated.

[zeropoint]

(Original post by NB_ide)
All reasons for having children are either:

A) Mindless
> It's the normal thing to do
> I want to have lots of sex and, oops, I got pregnant
> It was an accident and I don't want to get rid of it

B) Selfish
> I want to keep up with my friends
> I'm bored and my life is empty now, I need something to do
> I want people to look after me when I get old
> I want to use the child to attract state benefits
> I want to raise the little ****ers to make up for my own failures in life

There is honestly no conceivable selfless/generous reason to have children. The closest would be to indulge someone else's selfishness, such as giving some grandchildren to your parents.

I think this is very true, I'd also add the selfish reason of wanting to show by demonstration that you can do a better job than your parents did.

Providing you raise the child well, does it matter what reason you had for spawning it?

[NB_ide]

(Original post by zeropoint)
I think this is very true, I'd also add the selfish reason of wanting to show by demonstration that you can do a better job than your parents did.

Providing you raise the child well, does it matter what reason you had for spawning it?

Well once it's done, it's done, so I guess not. All reasons are pretty ****. I'd respect any of the reasons, though I think they're absolutely not good enough, if people "admit" them rather than claiming they did some massive favour for their children by generating them out of nothing.

[special1ne]

(Original post by NB_ide)
Well once it's done, it's done, so I guess not. All reasons are pretty ****. I'd respect any of the reasons, though I think they're absolutely not good enough, if people "admit" them rather than claiming they did some massive favour for their children by generating them out of nothing.

You're right, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter, once childbirth happens. People ask each other to explain their actions for a whole manner of things, but not why to have children. Or at least not as often as one would think.
Maybe people go through life never questioning themselves why they want to bring another life into the world because, deep down, there will always be a selfish element. And as it's been said before, that's not the worst thing in the world. It would be nice if:

1) People admitted it, and stopped pretending they're doing other people a favour by 'sharing their love'. Love is a hard enough thing to share with another human being. Bringing a baby into the mix rarely helps. So, what NB_ide said.

2) It was no longer said that to experience the truly great phenomenon of childbirth, one must experience it. (Experience it for whose sake, exactly? Experience it for what? And what about 5 or 10 years down the line, when you've got another mouth to feed, who ALWAYS needs love, care, a full belly and a roof over their head (just like your partner, you may say), but can't provide for themselves? Mess up here, and you'll be done for, as it were)

It might be the case that no one's really that bothered with reasons. Child bearing isn't like buying a house. As I've said before, the task can't be approached on a purely rational basis. Emotions do come in, which can't always be accounted for, or measured.

Personally, I think that if a couple does want to have kids, however selfish the act - who cares really? They certainly don't, by dint of taking the plunge - then they'd better be ready, and know that from day one that any selfish impulses that may have gone into making that child need to disappear, sharpish.
That's in a perfect world though. I won't hold my breath.