[Fleeting]

This thread will probably get deleted and I understand why if it does, I'll try and watch what I say.

I've haven't felt happy for a few years, I haven't been sleeping properly or eating well and generally lacked the will to do anything etc... just generally slipping into a dark place. I went to my doctor a couple months ago, she made me fill out a questionnaire and just took a blood test (what for I don't know), and I haven't heard from my GP since. I must admit I kind of tried to downplay what I was feeling, I find it difficult to voice my true self to anyone.

I am having malicious thoughts and intentions and they are getting harder to manage and control. I've got a counsellor but I just feel uncomfortable discussing what I'm thinking and feeling with him. Plus friends and family are not an option and again it's difficult for me to say what's on my mind and my emotions. I don't/can't want to speak to anyone that knows me.

Right now it's only rational thought that is keeping me going but soon enough I know my emotion/s will overwhelm it.

Who can I talk to before I end up doing something I may regret?

[Nooshkabob]

Well you could always try going to a different counsellor if it's this one in particular you aren't comfortable with? Or go back to your GP? It's really important that other people are aware of what you're going through, or it'll be really hard for them to help you... I've been there myself and found it so hard to speak out that I didn't get the help I needed and i regret it now. I found keeping a diary really helpful... It's like talking to someone except no-one else is going to read it, and it can help you to sort out whatever's happening in your head. Or you could try writing down your thoughts in a letter in giving it to someone if you find it too had to speak to someone? There are also websites where you can chat to people anonymously which might help, because you don't have to be face to face, or people you can talk to on the phone?
It's really good that you're able to recognise these thoughts and are still able to control them for now, hang on in there! Really hope things get better

[Fleeting]

(Original post by Nooshkabob)
Well you could always try going to a different counsellor if it's this one in particular you aren't comfortable with? Or go back to your GP? It's really important that other people are aware of what you're going through, or it'll be really hard for them to help you... I've been there myself and found it so hard to speak out that I didn't get the help I needed and i regret it now. I found keeping a diary really helpful... It's like talking to someone except no-one else is going to read it, and it can help you to sort out whatever's happening in your head. Or you could try writing down your thoughts in a letter in giving it to someone if you find it too had to speak to someone? There are also websites where you can chat to people anonymously which might help, because you don't have to be face to face, or people you can talk to on the phone?
It's really good that you're able to recognise these thoughts and are still able to control them for now, hang on in there! Really hope things get better

Thanks for replying. I literally can't voice my thoughts, I don't know why. Even on trivial matters... So I won't bother with counselling at all because it won't help. I think I will go back to my GP as soon as, and this time be a bit more clear and truthful. Great minds think alike? I've been keeping a daily diary for almost 4 years, it keeps me going. I found a charity, the samaritans (sp), through TSR. I'll email them now.

Thanks again

[Sazzle4]

If you have difficulty verbalising your thoughts and feelings perhaps you could try writing them down and taking that with you to see your GP or a new counsellor? Then you could either use it to refer to as you speak or even just give that to your doctor? That way you can take your time working out how to express yourself and it might open up the channels of communication with your doctor.

[Nooshkabob]

(Original post by Fleeting)
Thanks for replying. I literally can't voice my thoughts, I don't know why. Even on trivial matters... So I won't bother with counselling at all because it won't help. I think I will go back to my GP as soon as, and this time be a bit more clear and truthful. Great minds think alike? I've been keeping a daily diary for almost 4 years, it keeps me going. I found a charity, the samaritans (sp), through TSR. I'll email them now.

Thanks again

No problem hope it works!

[RowingGoose]

Is there a reason why you can't voice your thoughts and feelings? Are you afraid of being criticised or ridiculed, or there trust issues? It took me a while to fully open up to my counsellor - how long have you been going? Maybe you could share your writings in your diary with your counsellor?

When I was feeling like you are, I just tried to remember that feelings are temporary but ending your life is forever. I know it's a bit of a guilt trip but that's what kept me going. What would you like to achieve or do in life? Go travelling? Skydiving? Learning an instrument? Try and focus on those things because you can get past this!!

Best wishes x

[Fleeting]

(Original post by Sazzle4)
If you have difficulty verbalising your thoughts and feelings perhaps you could try writing them down and taking that with you to see your GP or a new counsellor? Then you could either use it to refer to as you speak or even just give that to your doctor? That way you can take your time working out how to express yourself and it might open up the channels of communication with your doctor.

Never thought about this, I'll certainly give it a try. Thank you.

[Kazbian]

(Original post by Fleeting)
I literally can't voice my thoughts, I don't know why.

I can relate to this. Not so much now, but years a go I really struggled with voicing my thoughts/feelings. My counsellor would ask me a question and I'd just sit there in silence, because I just couldn't bring myself to answer the questions. It gets easier to do though.

Sazzle4 has excellent advice.

[Fleeting]

(Original post by RowingGoose)
Is there a reason why you can't voice your thoughts and feelings? Are you afraid of being criticised or ridiculed, or there trust issues? It took me a while to fully open up to my counsellor - how long have you been going? Maybe you could share your writings in your diary with your counsellor?

When I was feeling like you are, I just tried to remember that feelings are temporary but ending your life is forever. I know it's a bit of a guilt trip but that's what kept me going. What would you like to achieve or do in life? Go travelling? Skydiving? Learning an instrument? Try and focus on those things because you can get past this!!

Best wishes x

I've been seeing my counsellor for over a year, and I honestly don't know the reason why I am unable to... Perhaps it is trust issues, I hate the feeling of being "exposed" and I tend to believe that my thoughts and opinions are mine, and mine alone... I really don't have a reason, I don't know... But I will consider showing him but even then

Hmm, but it feels like it's getting worse, like I'm progressively being engulfed. But yeah, I will try and focus on the positive - there must be a way out.

(Original post by Kazbian)
I can relate to this. Not so much now, but years a go I really struggled with voicing my thoughts/feelings. My counsellor would ask me a question and I'd just sit there in silence, because I just couldn't bring myself to answer the questions. It gets easier to do though.

Sazzle4 has excellent advice.

I really hope it does get easier... and yeah I will take up Sazzle 4's advice.


Thanks guys.

[Sazzle4]

(Original post by Fleeting)
Never thought about this, I'll certainly give it a try. Thank you.

You're welcome, I hope it helps.