[Anonymous]

I am in desperate need of advice as i really cannot discuss this with my friends/family. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months but we saw each other for ages before, so really it seems like its been a while! i met someone last year and we occasionally spoke on the internet and that and soon got each other's numbers but i never thought anything of it to be honest until we started speaking loads about 6 weeks ago, at first it was only as friends and i saw him just as someone i really got along with and my boyfriend actually knows about him as we'd arranged to meet up as friends and i wanted to be honest with my boyfriend about it, we had a great day together and since then, i've realized i actually really like this other guy and he feels the same way and i've began to realize how much more i'm into this guy than my own boyfriend. Me & my boyfriend have been constantly up and down for ages and sometimes when we're together its great and i don't know how i could like someone else and then other times i'd rather not see him at all. Me & the other guy met up again recently and it was so much better this time and the chemistry between us is uncanny as we have so so much in common and we just get along so well. The main problem is, the 'other guy' lives about an hour and a half away from me so i cannot see him often, but if i get into my firm choice of university on results day, i won't be far from him and it could possibly work out. I haven't kissed this other guy or anything and thats what i personally class as cheating but i know some people would see this as AWFUL and i do feel awful and i know i'm being a complete bitch to my boyfriend here but i cannot help the feelings i have got for this other guy who i see as much better for me than my boyfriend. Do i throw the most of the time great but sometimes rubbish relationship i have with my boyfriend away for someone who lives ages away but is so right for me? Am I cheating on my boyfriend or has this just happened for a reason?! This other guy makes me feel special and worth something whereas my boyfriend doesn't and we have just lost whatever it was what brought us together in the first place. Please help my head is so messed up right now

[az08]

I would not say you are cheating per se, no.

What you really need to do though, before you make any sort of move with this new guy, is sit down with your boyfriend and talk to him. Tell him how you feel about your relationship, that's the least he deserves.

Please do not start anything more with this new guy before you sit down and talk to your boyfriend about the issues in your relationship and why you feel the spark is gone and are not sure if you definitely want to be together.

[fl4mers]

What you're doing is something that's called 'emotional cheating'. It's not actually physically cheating on your partner, but emotionally you're not 100% where you should be with your boyfriend, especially if you're supposed to be committed to a good relationship. It sounds to me like you're not really too happy about the way things are in your current relationship and this new guy seems like the way better option because of it. However, realistically speaking I don't think you know this guy that isn't your boyfriend well enough to be able to judge whether he'd actually be a better option. Especially since he lives so far away right now. At the moment it's all just a fantasy.

I would say if you value your boyfriend at all be honest with him. If you think there's a chance and you're willing to try to save the relationship, talk to him and try to figure out your problems. Try to find the reason why the spark has gone. If you really don't want to figure things out with him, then do him a favour and let him go. Yes, he'll be upset but at least he'll be able to find someone who really wants to be with him. Then you're also free to explore a relationship with this other guy if it comes to it and see if the grass is really greener on the other side or whether it was all just in your head. Just don't mislead your current bf by continuing to see him while trying to get things lined up with this other guy...that would just be mean

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I am in desperate need of advice as i really cannot discuss this with my friends/family. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months but we saw each other for ages before, so really it seems like its been a while! i met someone last year and we occasionally spoke on the internet and that and soon got each other's numbers but i never thought anything of it to be honest until we started speaking loads about 6 weeks ago, at first it was only as friends and i saw him just as someone i really got along with and my boyfriend actually knows about him as we'd arranged to meet up as friends and i wanted to be honest with my boyfriend about it, we had a great day together and since then, i've realized i actually really like this other guy and he feels the same way and i've began to realize how much more i'm into this guy than my own boyfriend. Me & my boyfriend have been constantly up and down for ages and sometimes when we're together its great and i don't know how i could like someone else and then other times i'd rather not see him at all. Me & the other guy met up again recently and it was so much better this time and the chemistry between us is uncanny as we have so so much in common and we just get along so well. The main problem is, the 'other guy' lives about an hour and a half away from me so i cannot see him often, but if i get into my firm choice of university on results day, i won't be far from him and it could possibly work out. I haven't kissed this other guy or anything and thats what i personally class as cheating but i know some people would see this as AWFUL and i do feel awful and i know i'm being a complete bitch to my boyfriend here but i cannot help the feelings i have got for this other guy who i see as much better for me than my boyfriend. Do i throw the most of the time great but sometimes rubbish relationship i have with my boyfriend away for someone who lives ages away but is so right for me? Am I cheating on my boyfriend or has this just happened for a reason?! This other guy makes me feel special and worth something whereas my boyfriend doesn't and we have just lost whatever it was what brought us together in the first place. Please help my head is so messed up right now

This could have been written by me! I did the exact same thing with a guy I met off the internet- told the boyfriend, he was fine with me meeting him.

But then I started liking this other guy- we never cheated or anything, but the feelings were there.

You havent been with your boyfriend for that long, but dont risk it.

[soxygirl]

I'm kind of old fashioned and would view it as emotionally cheating because it sounds to me like in your heart you'd rather be with someone else and that's not going to bode well for a long term relationship. That said, don't break up with your current bf for another guy. I think you need to sit down and examine why you sometimes don't want to spend time with your him, it's only been 3 months, things shouldn't be like that.
Don't hold on out of guilt over this other guy if you don't think things are going to work *you're not a bad person, you can't help how you feel*; but at the same time don't constantly compare your relationship with the other guy to that with your bf (especially if you guys have relationship issues, the grass isn't always greener on the other side) and don't be hurrying straight into a relationship with him if things do end.

I really do hope things work out for you!

[bloodtobleed]

Not physically cheating but get some self-control. I don't think you should be getting romantically involved with anyone else until you decide what you're doing with your current relationship.
Take the 'other guy' out of the equation and ask yourself whether you're happy with your current boyfriend. If you're not happy then move on.

[shezshez]

Calm down guys. She's not cheating, she has feelings for another guy, so what? If she acts upon it, that's cheating.
I read someone put 'she's not where she should be' Where should she be after 3 months of dating? It take different people different times to be in that 'right place' in a relationship, wherever the hell that is. She's explained the relationship isn't wonderful with her current bf.

OP, if you're happy with your boyfriend, then stay with him, if you think you'd be happier without him in your life break things off. You can be friends with this other guy just don't turn it into a physical relationship if you do stay with your current bf, if you'd rather try things with this guy at least have the common decency to break things off with your current bf.

We've all been in a situation where we're attracted to others in a relationship. It's how we act upon it that defines what sort of person we are.

Good luck OP.

[Rock Fan]

You clearly aren't in a happy relationship, think you either need to talk to your boyfriend and figure out what you both want or end it, because if you are that unhappy then you shouldn't be with him, judging by this I say you are looking for a way out.

[Foo.mp3]

(Original post by Anonymous)
IThis other guy makes me feel special and worth something whereas my boyfriend doesn't and we have just lost whatever it was what brought us together in the first place

Regardless of the other guy, you shouldn't stay with a boyfriend if you feel that way, it's not fair on either of you